Need some witty put-downs...

[VelociraptorRex]

SIL and BIL are coming to visit MIL today, and because it's too much effort for them to drive the 30 minutes more than twice a year (or host any of us at theirs), we are expected to be there too. MIL is lovely and has had some serious health issues lately, BIL is a bit soft but very nice, and their kids (in their 20s) are also lovely. The issue is SIL. I am absolutely dreading seeing her.

She's rude, selfish, ignorant and I just cannot get on with her, although I have always tried to be polite because that's the right thing to do. But even her kids and her husband apologise for her behaviour. The biggest problem is that she will spend the whole visit banging on about when are we having more kids (DS is nearly 3). We don't know if we want any more or if we can have any more, but she will not shut up no matter whether she is asked to or not, and if we walk away she follows us.

So, wise MNers, how can I tell her to fuck off leave the subject alone without being overtly rude??

“So when are you having your third?”

“No let’s talk about when you’re having your next child”

Be overtly rude. People like her need a humiliating slap down.

Ha she's 60 so not sure she'll be having many more!

I've tried, she doesn't seem to care, and I don't want to upset MIL (although having spoken to her, MIL 100% agrees she's beyond rude)

Oh god, please no witty put downs. Honestly some mumsnetters love these but they are totally cringe and make the ‘witty’ person look like an ass, without exception.

There’s nothing wrong with being blunt/rude in this situation.

Why are you so interested in our sex life ?
It’s a very personal question to ask isn’t it, like saying are you having sex? Can you have more children - is that why you stopped at 2 did your sex life dry up or the swimmers stopped swimming?

I know witty put downs can be awful, but if I'm totally blunt with her a) she'll just brush it off and pretend I never said anything and b) I'll look like a total bitch. At least if it's amusing she might change the subject!

"If there was anything you need to know, you would know it"

Or

"That's really none of your business". And change the subject. Or just stare at her.

Any awkwardness is being caused by her, not you, remember.

@ivykaty44 that's probably not a bad idea, not sure I really want to draw attention to our sex life in front of MIL though (she's an old lady bless her, don't want to shock her )

I wouldn't bother with witty put downs either. I just wouldn't go.

'Oh, I don't know. We're enjoying anal too much at the moment'

Hmmm a death stare might work, good shout.

@iklboo that just made me laugh, I wish I had the balls to say that

You're turning this into a big deal. Just say 'haven't thought about it' and repeat if necessary.

I don't know why females find it so hard to get on in families. I don't understand the power struggle.

I like the anal suggestion.

Can your DH respond on your behalf.

Or play bingo with it - count up how many times she raises it and laugh about it on the way home.

I tend to assume they mean well and turn thw topic back to them. Something like: "Awww you are keen to have another baby in the family. When do you think you'll become a Granny?"

Velo

I’m sure your MIL won’t mind, she’ll probably giggle at your reply - many mature ladies are not worried about it being mentioned and your own dc is to young to understand

@headinhands it's not a power struggle, it's just rude, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone that, especially when I'd been told multiple times to change the subject.

@ivykaty44 true, maybe I should get her to intervene instead, that could be entertaining!

The other thing you could do is shout

Bingo!

We wondered how many minutes it would be until you mentioned your nirnal questions, you’ve done all three with 12 minutes.33 seconds

Well done...

Then immediately start talking to MIL about the food

We've decided DH will bear the next child, we're just waiting for medical science to catch up.

love the bingo idea, MIL will probably join in (and SIL's children!)

When are you having your next child?

When you stop asking.

or

Next week.

or

2026.

I would just ask her why does she want to know.
Be persistent and keep pushing her to give you an answer, why is it important for you to know SIL. Why do you ask the same question every time. Go on SIL, just tell me why you need to know

The Bingo idea is great too.

"That's a very personal question"

"That's between me and DH"

"Why do you always ask"

In this situation you harness your very best inner Pauline Fowler (she of Eastenders Matriarchal Old Bag Fame)

Lean forward, head tilt , slightly quirk mouthed smile and say sweetly

Can I ask you something ? even better if you can clutch her forearm.

When she says " Oh yes of course" ..

You do the stoney faced bulldog chewing a wasp look :

What the HELL'S it got to do with YOU ?

Then give her a scraping shot off yer shoe look and walk off .

Ask her to repeat the question. After a second’s silence, the rudeness of it will be clear.