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DH ex ill - whether to contact?

4 replies

CaseStudyResearch · 02/11/2018 12:24

Bit of background: DH and I have been together for 9 years - about a year before we met, he split with his ex and they were together (on-off) for about 2-3 years. It ended fairly amicably due to relocation, and she used to keep in touch with him for the first year we were together, until one day she just deleted him from social media.

DH hasn’t spoken to her for around 7 years or so. Recently, she has been in the news for a high profile event and we’ve discovered she’s been really ill. It’s obviously shaken DH - both that it was someone close to him but also it’s made him face his own mortality.

He’s been in two minds about whether to get in touch to say congratulations on recent success in the event and sorry to hear you’ve been ill, or if she would care/be upset by it. He definitely doesn’t want to offend or upset her, or have it seem that he’s only doing it for his benefit - so just doesn’t know whether to just leave it. Any advice would be very helpful.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 02/11/2018 12:26

Leave it. She clearly doesn't want to keep in touch with a guy she dated on and off a decade ago.

Teakind · 02/11/2018 13:08

If they ended amicably I don’t see the problem with contacting her. I’d reach out to one of my ex’s in this situation (and my DH would understand).

Rebecca36 · 02/11/2018 13:11

Yes I would. She doesn't have to respond but it would be a nice, friendly thing to do and their relationship was such a long time ago I doubt she'll think anything is meant other than what he says.

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CaseStudyResearch · 02/11/2018 15:54

That was my thinking Rebecca - they were good friends before and have both since moved on. He was genuinely upset to hear and really does wish her well.

I’ve not given him my thoughts on it, just said to give it the weekend to think over and what his motivations are for getting in touch. I asked him how he’d feel if she didn’t respond and he just said that he feels it’s the right thing to do.

Thanks for your thoughts on it.

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