I’m a lesbian mum…AMA

[Yellowdog1]

Lesbian mum to 3 young children

AMA

last time I seen one of these it seemed to derail into a trans debate which really isn’t my bag nor relevant to me so I won’t be answering any questions on that

Do you feel your pathway has been harder compared to other lesbian couples where one of the lesbians has a penis and can provide their own sperm rather than use a sperm bank? Or do you feel the two situations are on a level?

I’d say having fertility treatment is a harder pathway than a couple who can conceive naturally, no matter their sexual orientation yes.

How do you approach things like Fathers Day where children often make cards etc in school. Does this raise questions from your eldest?

So far our older children have just made a card for a special family member on their says. Sometimes it’ll be me or maybe a grandparent. It has raised questions by the older children but not in a way that it’s a huge secret revealed

Bump

My lesbian mum mate has a daughter who has just turned 13. She’s becoming very angry that her mums deprived her of a dad and of knowing her identity from that side of the family. My friend had not envisioned this at all and it’s breaking her heart. Is this something you’ve considered?

Yes I’ve considered that and prior to having treatment you have to complete counselling which explores where potential issues. Suppose it’s something we will just deal with as it comes up. I feel reassured slightly that my children have each other who are in the same boat as them so they have a full genetic link to each other. Hope your friends daughter and friend are ok

Also a lesbian mum here. I note someone asked about cost etc. For full disclosure I think the OP got VERY lucky.

We ended up spending in region of 50k to get a our twins despite being in mid 30s and healthy. Similarly, our friends spent 35k to get their one son.

Miscarriages and failed ivf rounds can still happen to lesbian couples. The process can be incredibly hard emotionally and financially with many needing multiple rounds etc. I wish someone had warned me before we had started so I could have braced myself for the ride.

Yes you’re right. We were very lucky ours worked first time