I'm in a same sex marriage

[LavenderHills]

I know that's not particularly unusual these days, but just in case you'd always wanted to ask... Go ahead!

Two men or two women ?

Two women!

Do you have children? If not do you plan on having?

Have you ever been in a relationship with a man?

Did you upgrade from a civil partnership, or wait until marriage was introduced? My lesbian friends are quite divided on civil partnership as being essentially an expression of homophobia vs the patriarchal historical baggage of marriage etc. Of other lesbian couples you know, what percentage are married, civilly-partnered, or plain cohabitees?

Did any of your friends or family struggle to accept the fact that you were getting married?

Do you have children? If not do you plan on having?
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Have you ever been in a relationship with a man?*

Yes, we have a toddler. Not sure about having any more, though.

I had relationships with men (well, boys!) in high school an university, but once I fell in love with my first girlfriend, I realised what I'd been missing and never went back

Did you upgrade from a civil partnership, or wait until marriage was introduced? My lesbian friends are quite divided on civil partnership as being essentially an expression of homophobia vs the patriarchal historical baggage of marriage etc. Of other lesbian couples you know, what percentage are married, civilly-partnered, or plain cohabitees?

We waited until marriage was legal, and then got married. We hated the idea of a civil partnership; it felt like an inferior marriage substitute that we were supposed to accept because we weren't "good enough" to get married.

Most lesbian couples I know are either married or living together with no intention of marriage or civil partnership.

That said, my attitude may be age-related. We are mid thirties and a product of our time. We have more or less grown up expecting to be equal. I feel like older LGBT people may have a more complex view of the differences between marriage/civil partnership.

Did any of your friends or family struggle to accept the fact that you were getting married?

Our friends and family could not have been more excited that we were getting married! Everyone came to our wedding and was very happy to do so.

In my less charitable moments, I sometimes suspect that there are some people who are keen to go to same sex weddings to prove how "progressive" they are. Luckily, I don't have this suspicion about any of our close friends or family!

How did you meet and how long ago? I'm 35 and despairing of meeting anyone as it seems all lesbians around my age are coupled up.

I saw a photo of a beautiful wedding which took place on a village green near us, looked very fun and informal, but the best bit was a big sign up at the entrance to the wedding “enclosure” (arches of flowers with hay bales to sit on) where the service was taking place, telling people where to sit. It said “Bride and Bride, don’t pick a side!” I thought that was the loveliest thing ever.

No questions sorry, just wanted to say that.

How did you decide who would carry the baby?

How did you meet and how long ago? I'm 35 and despairing of meeting anyone as it seems all lesbians around my age are coupled up.

Oh @Blackbirdblue30 that's rough and I know the feeling! We actually met at uni and knew each other for ten years before finally getting together in our late twenties. But I remember toward the end of that period feeling like I'd never meet someone! I know it's a total slog, but I've previously had relationships with women I met through online dating, and my best friend just got married after meeting her wife on Tinder! Hang in there

How did you decide who would carry the baby?

It was fairly easy for us to decide, as I felt strongly about wanting to experience pregnancy and birth, while DW was not keen at all. She would have done it if we didn't have another option, but was very happy not to!

Did you have an anonymous donor or is the biological father around? P.s what's your favourite lesbian centric book / film??! I keep trying to remember one I read as a kid (not the one that's always quoted) and driving me batty! It was a romance of some sort (helpful, I know).

"Desert Hearts" film.

I'm pleased for you but have nothing to ask unless it is whether or not to have conservatory or how do you grout the bathroom :-).

I imagine your problems are the same as any hetero couple.

Congrats on your marriage and may you live long and be happy!

That’s more than a bit disingenuous, Rebecca. A straight couple don’t have to deal with the fact that straight marriage has only recently been legalised, that a significant number of people nonetheless disapprove of straight marriage, that many churches will not marry straight people, that some people do not think straight people should be able to adopt or access assisted conception.