To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

Agree with PP, he's old enough to understand that you're a person and deserve better than to be treated like that.

I’ve just realised I added teenage, I don’t know where I got that from!

It’s very kind of you to welcome her. He just needs to fill her how Christmas rolls in your house and she can make a decision if she wants to come.

I wouldn’t want to eat potato salad and coleslaw on Christmas Day so she may choose not to.

From the sound of his attitude probably.

I’m guessing from the attitude the son has been displaying! I was also assuming he was in his late teens with his first serious girlfriend based on the opening post!

Late 20s and doesn't know the basics of things like being reliable and turning up on time.

I pity his girlfriend, she would be better off single. Sorry that you have a son as awful as him.

Start by being firmer with your son. When you issue an invitation he needs to give a firm answer at least the day before (or 2 or 3 days if that suits you better). If he doesn't turn up at the time he has agreed start ringing him. Every 15 minutes. Alternatively, simply stop making space for him in your planning and if he turns up unexpectedly he can make himself a sandwich.

For Christmas, tell him he and his girlfriend are very welcome. You will be serving x, y and z at ? o'clock. If he turns up later it will look less impressive. If he lets you know he is going to be delayed you might be able to eat a little later. If he wants a traditional roast he can get himself an invitation to the gf's - bet her 'posh' family will not be pleased by his lack of manners..

But it isn’t if that’s what you like? Stilton/ charcuterie and good crackers and all the salad bits and interesting chutney etc would do me fine. Maybe some posh soup in a slow cooker. Christmas cake and biscuits and nice chocolate. Lovely.

It is annoying as we don’t know what we’re doing and can’t make any plans because we’ve invited him and don’t know if he’ll come or not, so if I suggest would he like to come for a roast tomorrow I have to keep tomorrow free and I’m then obliged to cook it because I invited him when really if he wasn’t coming we’d probably have eaten out or had something else.

Of course you can make other plans - go out, or just have a snacky lunch. If he can't commit, then there is no obligation for you to. You offered, and he didn't accept. If I offered my grown up ds Sunday dinner and he wasn't able to commit, then there wouldn't be a Sunday dinner there if he did rock up. Nor would he expect one, in fairness.

Beck to your original question, you aren't "saying no" are you ?
You have said "Yes, she can. This is what we are doing and she'd be very welcome". It is your ds that is being odd about this.
Whatever any of us feel about not having a roast on Christmas Day, is irrelevant. I'm partial to a roast myself, and would not be tempted away from that at home, to go for a cold buffet elsewhere, BUT there is no way in a million years I'd expect anyone hosting to change their plans for me.

Who do they both think they are? Is she the queen?

Jesus, no way would I be bending over backwards for this pair of ungrateful brats. They take what they're given and they bloody well better do it graciously.

Yes it might not be traditional but it works for you, and you've been open about that. Who the heck is she to make demands? I wouldn't have dared behaved so badly when I met my partner!

@5littleducksallinarow
I'd say;-
"Tell you what Son, you go book yourselves a table at a fancy restaurant and get used to paying out for her refined palate as she and you don't think anything else is good enough"
Then leave him to it.

You cado what I do. Havel a n mdf cut out for your table extending it temporararily. If ni habmnyman in family would not cost much. You obly have one extra coming. Problem solved. To me sitting around a table,either for a roastt or buffet is part of xmas magic. I would hate a pate on knees buffet. There!!I have said it. Gone against the consensus.
Of course you cand do what you want ,but it seems unimaganituve abd dare I say itt,boribg

If she’s that bothered and so “posh” then she can take you all out for Christmas Day lunch.

Do these people really walk amongst us?!

Could you do a roast Buffet? Of course if you don’t like a roast that’s fine I reckon your son would quite like one himself 😂

Why doesn’t DS go to his girlfriends instead? Doesn’t need to be a big drama/ you needing
to change plans.

Slightly off topic, but doesn’t everyone expect a roast as their Christmas dinner, posh or not? I don’t know what being posh has to do with. Go through a council estate on Christmas Day and you will smell roast as you walk down, everyone is having one!

I’m sorry but your son sounds quite rude! What will he do if they eventually get married, have kids etc - never come to visit you or have a meal at your home? What is he expecting? For you to come into some money and move to a mansion?

You don’t need to be posh to have a roast dinner . While I understand everyone thinking your son is entitled I also think it’s lovely he wants to bring her home . Personally I would find a way to extend the table and do a good dinner . You never know if this will be the mum to your grandchildren and it’s Christmas after all , one time making it actually special wouldn’t kill you .

A cold meat buffet eaten on the sofa? I don't think it's posh or snobby to find that underwhelming on Christmas Day. Or a Sunday. He clearly just wants to make a good impression. A shame you don't wish to support him in this. Remember this in the future when you're wondering why they spend all their time with her family.

I think it's quite nice that he wants to invite her. And I also completely understand why he would want it to be a proper Christmas dinner as I would definitely not want a cold buffet on Christmas day. Would you be up for it if he would commit to doing the vegetable prep?

Eh? Doesn’t she want to be with her own family for Christmas? Definitely don’t change what you’re doing.

They have no room for a bigger table!
A buffet sounds great.

Welcome her in.
If she turns her nose up at the offer she is welcome to come later or earlier for a drink and then go home.

Your son needs to see the wider picture.
X

Naughty? He’s a man of 27 fgs.

A cold meats buffet for Christmas sounds great to you? Really?

Yes, you are right.

I was sort of trying not to be rude and it sounded less agressive!