To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

We went to the local Indian restaurant one Christmas day, I loved it! My family not so much. I do not know why everyone makes a fuss of having a turkey, it's the worst meat as far as I'm concerned.

What you've offered is fine, OP, it sounds relaxed and welcoming. I agree in that set up, a buffet makes perfect sense and it works for you.

It's up to your ds and his gf what they do - nothing more you can add.

I think it sounds as if it might be your DS who is overly anxious about her posh requirements OP; it isn't necessarily her.

I think I'd say it will be a buffet as now they have partners it is hard to sit comfortably at the other, but that you would love to see her on the day if she wants to join. Make what you would make for yourself (or feel happy supplying) then leave it up to them. Be friendly if she comes. If they are late 20's this could be a serious relationship and she needs to be welcomed, but to know you as you are. You can't set yourself up for a lifetime of overhauling your furnishings to meet her own situation.

None of what I have suggested (buffet, warm welcome) is anything you need to be ashamed of.

If her posh family are all for a traditional roast dinner then they/she should bloody well eat with them then! You haven’t been unwelcoming at all, just made it clear you won’t be changing plans. Yanbu.

Sounds like you've raised a real peach there, OP. Good luck to you and to his future female partners/skivvies.

My dss are 26 and 29. No way would they treat me so disrespectfully. In fact they'd do the food if I asked. Ds1 more so. Ds1 was here recently with his gf. They cooked for us. She's from a richer family. But she's lovely and warm hearted.
He needs to tell you his plans. That's so rude.
And they eat what you provide. He knows your set up.
Or suggest he cooks or takes you all out.

It is annoying as we don’t know what we’re doing and can’t make any plans because we’ve invited him and don’t know if he’ll come or not, so if I suggest would he like to come for a roast tomorrow I have to keep tomorrow free and I’m then obliged to cook it because I invited him when really if he wasn’t coming we’d probably have eaten out or had something else

This is where you need to draw the line and stop with the open invitations. He is late 20's not 18! He is basically saying he will turn up if he doesn't have a better offer and can be bothered. I said he sounds like prat upthread with the posh nonsense, now I definitely think he is one. Why on earth are you allowing him to dictate like this? Stop with these sorts of invitations. He needs to grow up!

Have you never called him out on this?? I wuoldn't be so rude to my mum, if she invited me it would be a yes or a no. And even if I was doing something that she found rude without me realising, she'd pull me up on it, and I'd apologise and not do it again!

Tell son if he doesnt like it he can do one and they can both go elsewhere!! If he thinks his family are not good enough he can also do one

I love a buffet so would really enjoy this. MIL always does a great boxing day buffet, some people sit on the lounge, others on a dining chair next to the table. Because it's a buffet we don't all.eat at once and can just pick/graze over a couple of hours
No one has a tray in front of the TV 🙄

Didn't OP say her son was in his late twenties? So perfectly old enough to host Christmas for everyone else, at his place or his parents. I'd suggest to him that it might be nice if he takes his turn this year, buying the food, doing all the prep, all the cooking, and serving up. That way his girlfriends expectations can be met and you get a break for once. Tempting to also tell him that you don't know if or when you and DH will turn up.

From now on, I'd also set a time limit for a definite yes or no from him for future events, and stick to it. Anything less than a definite yes should be treated as a no, and food bought and prepared accordingly. He's way too old to be this thoughtless and rude.

He might just be smitten and trying to impress. I bet the gf doesn't mind the buffet one bit and would be mortified to think he was making her out to be precious.

Yes, he was rude to OP, but we are not all perfect all the time, and being desperate to impress is never a great look - though natural enough when you have fallen for someone.

I'd give him a bit of slack - though he does sound a bit naughty with the dropping by thing OP.

What's this nonsense. The girlfriends the one who's setting the tone. Why do people always have to pander to the younger person in a disagreement rather than expecting that they should be fitting in with everyone else?

Could you not just buy a bigger house ready for Christmas and then you can do them a roast? You don’t want to alienate your son and his girlfriend and they end up going no contact with you
@5littleducksallinarow

The girlfriends the one who's setting the tone.

I reckon it is DS falling over himself to impress.

Also, look into hiring a butler for the day!

Your son is being a brat. He is an adult, and if he wants to impress his girlfriend, he can do it himself. Asking his mother to cook a full roast to please her, when your last effort was wasted, is beyond selfish of him.

Sound like in general he is not very considerate of you and takes you for granted. Do not change your plans to accommodate him and his girlfriend yet again. It's your holiday, too, even if he doesn't seem to see it that way.

From ops further posts this is definitely all on the son.

Amazing how once again so many women are ready to tear another to shreds over the version told by op from the son and how quick op is to believe it’s the gf when the son shows zero care or consideration to his parents gf or no gf.

But as always women / dils are the fault never the men / sons.

Id not attend a buffet sofa Christmas dinner but I wouldn’t ask someone to change their dinner for me. Seems the gf in this case likely hasn’t asked anything either more the son’s embarrassment of it.

Though regardless of your son in this instance op what’s the plans for the future? I’m thinking ahead to grandchildren here, you’d id assume like to be able to invite your adult child, partner and grandchild over for a proper meal sometimes no? Including a possible Christmas maybe, So it is worth thinking ahead to how you could make your dining situation work but not this year.

Honestly for one day a year can the table not be pulled out into the room or get cheap extendable one. Cold food on the sofa sounds so depressing

It is annoying as we don’t know what we’re doing and can’t make any plans because we’ve invited him and don’t know if he’ll come or not, so if I suggest would he like to come for a roast tomorrow I have to keep tomorrow free and I’m then obliged to cook it because I invited him when really if he wasn’t coming we’d probably have eaten out or had something else.

Well them more fool you.

I’ve got a similar issue so I’m going to buy a table like this in case I need a bigger one. Just a thought but it would look fine with a table cloth and folding chairs for the extra people.

www.gazeboshop.co.uk/product/gazebo-accessories/tables/folding-tables/?attribute_pa_table-size=5ft-table-1-5m&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping-b2b-gazebos&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23341881107&gbraid=0AAAAAC7N3DUy3hdxtu4_hk4IWyoM0RiyY&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsvXBhCqARIsAHKgGNbVgI1yjV7Xazp0a4pDN8a5HcnMJvxg21JjQabRAkx9aw9CoKyRBiAaAhuUEALw_wcB

He sounds like a very rude young man.
Why do you tolerate it?
I would not be changing Christmas and I wouldn't want a girlfriend of less than a year there anyway.

Tell him to go to hers for Christmas.🙄
Such thankless rudeness.

Absolutely this…. And your son is a cheeky sod !!!! X