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AIBU?

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Original poster

Drink & visiting

388 replies

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 19:32

So I have 2 x dgc, I try to visit monthly as they live over 100 miles away & I stay overnight in a hotel close by so I dont have to cause to much of an upheaval to a busy household.. when I do visit. I am never offered a drink,or any food, even if I have just arrived from a lot drive & not been to the hotel 1st. I appreciate it is a busy home, however I dont feel my relationship with my dil is one where I can either help my self or ask. She will happily feed the family & not offer me anything at all. Ive taken food in the past lasagne/ curry etc. This is just left on the side & ignored. Advice would b really appreciated in this case.

OP posts:
LemonPuppyPorkChop · 06/11/2026 22:16

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:15

It is odd i agree I promise u this is true, I find it very strange, but I dont want to risk causing a scene. . I would miss my grandsons to much.

Why would making yourself a cup of tea cause a scene?

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:15

It is odd i agree I promise u this is true, I find it very strange, but I dont want to risk causing a scene. . I would miss my grandsons to much.

OP posts:
JackJarvisEsq · 06/11/2026 22:14

I’d be more annoyed at my own child rather than the DIL. Why is it her fault?

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:13

He doesn't say anything. They just carry on with life... I find it incredibly rude but not sure how to address it. Ive said what about putting the kettle on etc no reposnse.

OP posts:
Harry12345 · 06/11/2026 22:13

You need to ask your son directly for a drink and say will I stay for dinner, it’s rude of both if them

GarlicNothing · 06/11/2026 22:12

Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:10

My son is there. These visits r planned innadbanve I always message the day before to make sure it will still be OK for my visit..

Thank you.

Then why the heck isn't HE making your cups of tea, offering snacks and laying a dinner place for you? This is very odd.

Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:11

My son is there, there is never any offer of food from.any of them. I fond it all strange when they travel to us. There's always fresh flowing food / drinks. Etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shesastar76 · 06/11/2026 22:10

My son is there. These visits r planned innadbanve I always message the day before to make sure it will still be OK for my visit..

OP posts:
DecafCoffeeIsPointless · 06/11/2026 22:05

BudgetBuster · 06/11/2026 19:48

Does your son not know how the kettle works? Why can't you ask him...

Or say to him, come on Jimmy stick the kettle on.

Do they actually have a meal in front of you without offering you a plate?

You need to speak to you son. I'm assuming you brought him up with more manners than this.

Lindy2 · 06/11/2026 22:05

Where is your son? Why is he not making you, his mother, welcome after having driven 100 miles to visit? I assume you have been invited rather than just turning up.

There must be more to this than your opening post.

Wildfairy · 06/11/2026 21:59

Is your son not there, is that it? Did they split up?

if not, then why are you blaming her, do you think posssibky that’s something to do with how she treats you?

GarlicNothing · 06/11/2026 21:54

I'm dying to know whether your monthly visits were agreed as a regular thing, @Shesastar76, or if you simply decided to do them. Also whether you discuss the date each time, to ensure everyone's on board and what activities you'll be able do with your grandchildren.

As others have said, too, it's notable that your OP doesn't mention your son. Is he working away from home, or does he turn up at some point during your ungraciously hosted visit?

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/11/2026 21:48

Eh? Have you tried asking them what the issue is/whether you can have a cup of tea, etc? Seems very odd, and rude to me, is your son usually like this?

Askandyforcompo · 06/11/2026 21:47

My mum used to do this to me. She and her husband would eat their dinner and I would be offered nothing. I'd go to the pub to buy dinner and that was thrown back in my face. She was absolutely horrible.

40notouttoday · 06/11/2026 21:44

She doesn't offer you a drink? I've got three kids and a very stressful FT job, if my DM pops in (who lives 5 mins walk away) I might take ten mins while I'm herding the kids/sorting some washing but if she's not helped herself to a brew I'd get the kettle on. If my MIL who lives 100 miles away comes to visit, obviously much less frequently, it'd be the first thing I did - usually while she takes her grand kids - the fact she's not feeding you makes me feel like theres a back story here. At least I hope there is!
Where's your son have you asked him why he can't sort his mother a sandwich out!?

outerspacepotato · 06/11/2026 20:35

Bring your own stuff.

Sit down at the table and eat some MickeyDees and your water bottle or whatever you've brought and ask them where you can put the survival food you've brought for yourself. If they say something, say well you never offer me even some water or food, so I brought my own. Even better if you can find some MREs and a canteen. You're in hostile territory.

Don't be shy about being rude AF, they sure aren't.

searchforthesun · 06/11/2026 20:34

Does you son make you a cup of tea? Just say ‘mind if I put the kettle on, it’s been a long drive, do either of you want anything?’

OneHazelBird · 06/11/2026 20:32

Why not ask your son for a drink?

If you know this, then why not get some food before you go there?

persisted · 06/11/2026 20:31

I would just plough on, they aren’t considering you so I wouldn’t consider them.

Gosh I’m gasping, that took forever. Who’s putting the kettle on? Etc etc.

Relentless cheery chivvying until something happened, or just do it. They aren’t going to say no are they?

whippersnapper55 · 06/11/2026 20:31

Why doesn't your son make you a cup of tea or offer you food? Have you asked him?

Coconutter24 · 06/11/2026 20:28

Where is your son during the visits?

blythet · 06/11/2026 20:27

It’s not unreasonable to expect some food or a drink/cup of tea. However it is unreasonable to put this all on your DIL - does your son offer you may food or drink or is he incapable?

Velumental · 06/11/2026 20:24

How often did you visit pre kids? Did they invite you? How was your relationship pre kids?

Agatha1989 · 06/11/2026 20:16

I would simply say I’m going to make a cup of tea, does anyone else want one? I would also start taking my own food and make it clear how rude she’s being by not offering you food when serving it to everyone else.

Truetoself · 06/11/2026 20:01

So rude. What does your son say?