AIBU to want fewer last-minute family trips at the weekend?

I feel really sorry for your kids and I feel sorry for you not realising how unreasonable this and unfair on them. I would have told my husband to grow up a long ago and if he’d carried on sulking I’d have left him long before now

DP and I have been away most weekends this summer, sometimes very spur of the moment, but no DC are involved and we don't live together so he does all his own packing and laundry, I literally have to pack a few things for myself and go, and I have that down to a fine art, less than 15 min.

It's great, but even so I'm glad we now have a few weeks with no plans, and there's no way on earth I'd be cancelling any commitment I'd made, with anyone, to go on a last minute trip. That's beyond to pale IMO.

Besides which sulking because you say no about anything is emotional abuse.

I’d hate this. Normal weekends at home doing stuff with the kids are a pleasure. Him tantrumming because he’s not getting his way would not make me want to spend more time with him.

Talk, but dig your heels in.

Does he not have friends or siblings he could go away with? Or would they all be booked up in advance so you get the 'treat' of having to run around last minute?

It's also really rude to withdraw from parties last minute unless the kids are unwell. His manners aren't good and he isn't helping his children socially with this.

Every weekend sounds like hell and it will mean normality is getting neglected- local walks, dames of football, board games, as you say birthdays. Great maybe once a month but awful every week!

Stuff doesn't crease if you roll it rather than fold.

YANBU at all

This sounds an awful way to live and ultimately very damaging to the kids.

You and they have a right to be able to feel certainty about the immediate future - to be able to look forward to events on the weekend like, in their case, birthday parties. Not to feel that Dad might pull the rug at the last minute.

Awful behaviour from him.

And you have the right to relax in your own home if you want to on a weekend.

Gosh this used to be my husband too! It was hard work for me shopping, packing before we left then washing everything on our return! I stopped doing it and said I’d stay at home. He didn’t like preparing and only liked packing for himself! He actually recently looked at holidays. He told me it would be cheaper to go self catering. I said good, we can eat out for lunch and dinner because I am not cooking at all on holiday. He looked annoyed and said he’d keep looking!

There is nothing wrong with staying at home whilst he goes off on his travels. Let him know in advance the weekends that you want to go too, if at all.

Let him have a tantrum and sulk. Warn him now that you and the kids are having down time this weekend and if he even makes a move to moan he can fuck off by himself. LET HIM have his big feelings on not getting his own way.

This shit should have been nipped in the bud ages ago.

Kids need downtime at the weekend! They need time to play with their toys, in the garden, tag along on errands, whatever. In the summer maybe this would be more reasonable (especially if you have a regular holiday home you go to, so it’s still familiar). During the school year, no way.

to make things easier when you do go away have a weekend bag with everything in that you need - when you get home wash and put straight back in the case, make a list for last minute things you may need to grab.

Like a hospital bag? I would not want to live in a ‘stand-by’ state like this. And surely everything would crease if packed ages in advance?

If he wants to go let him go. Let him get ready and pack everything. Give him a cheery wave and relax at home. His wants don’t trump your needs.

You are married to a selfish bastard who only cares about his own wants. He clearly has no care for what is important to you or your children. That dues not make any of you lucky.

I sympathise OP as my DH is similar in some ways. He makes a big deal of the weekends and always wants us to have proper plans/go out for the day, and loves to go away overnight.

I am more low-key and disorganised, so while I do enjoy getting out at the weekend I also don't want to go on and on about it from about Tuesday, and miss parties and hobbies etc because DH wants a 'day out' so we need to leave early. I'd rather just see how we feel on the day, what the weather's like etc.

I'm glad that he's proactive in wanting to do things but equally sometimes I just want a casual weekend doing normal things.

Doesn't he realise that it's not a holiday for you it's just extra work?

When do you actually get some down time for yourself?

This is so unbelievably selfish of him. Your lives are completely secondary to his wishes. Who does he think he is, threatening you with stroppy moods if you don’t do what he says?

[Read that as though I were talking about wanting you three to stay at home all the time and see how little difference it makes that in fact you’re going away. Because it’s the same disrespect and throwing around of weight]

I can’t believe you don’t have a say in your own life!
Let the grumpy sod go on his own or how about he takes the kids and does all the packing, washing etc. himself and gives you a weekend on your own.

The kids must be exhausted.

Have you sat him down and explained all this to him, because obs I don't know him, but some people really don't seem to understand stuff you'd think would be obvious, and that doesn't make them stupid-I worked with an Oxbridge man like that. He'd go round to family and offer to take them out for fancy meals on random nights, not understanding the kids had homework or brownies, or the parents had been working all day and needed to clean, and tell us workers how he was always trying to be nice to his family! You need to explain why you can't just go, all you've said about parties etc, and maybe agree a number of weekends that will be ok.
If you have already been very clear about it, that's a problem. Ask how he'd feel if no one turned up at your kids' parties, because the other parents decided it didn't matter.

Nope. I suffered this in my childhood as my parents always wanted to go to the Caravan for the weekend. I missed out on loads of stuff with Brownies and with my friends. I'd go back in on a Monday feeling left out.

You need to agree between you specific weekends that you all agree to go away (maybe 6 a year would be reasonable). It sounds really stressful for you all.

Where is it you go away to?

That sounds awful, I’d tell him he’s a pathetic rude sod for canceling on people and cancelling parties on his dc and maybe he hated parties but his dc hate missing them and you won’t be going away for a month while you get some weekend time and he remembers everyone else matters too.

This sounds mad.

Weekends away cannot be a unilateral decision. It sounds really controlling and weird to be instructed to get ready and go away when you knew nothing about it, were not consulted and don't want to go.

The kids need downtime at weekends. They need time at home with their toys and time for hobbies, play dates and parties. They need to have mundane 'every day' stuff like trips to the park and the library. They don't need endless novelty, treats and trips.

I would absolutely draw the line at pulling out of events you have committed to and said you will attend. That sort of behaviour is so rude and disrespectful. Your dc will very quickly stop being invited to things when people notice you renege on agreements last minute on a whim.

You have a dh problem. Your dh has an attitude problem. And possibly deeper issues. Home should be somewhere you want to spend time. He needs to invest in creating a life an home he is happy to spend time enjoying, not trying to get away from.

Some of the happiest weekends for us as a family when ours were those sort of ages were - scooters to the park, feed the ducks, pick blackberries, playing in the garden, jigsaws and games at home, making big train track set ups or marble run configurations, snuggling up to watch tv together. He needs to value those kind of days.

You definitely shouldn’t be cancelling plans at the last minute- not fair on the dc or the hosts. Have some weekends blocked out for ‘away’ weekends and to make things easier when you do go away have a weekend bag with everything in that you need - when you get home wash and put straight back in the case, make a list for last minute things you may need to grab.

Your husband is being a selfish arsehole