To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

What a sad situation for the 2 kids having a Mum and Dad that don't give a shit about them. Then when they go off the rails it will be "awww not sure why that happened we done our best". Yeah right. Poor kids.

My post was deleted again 😂 I'm going to assume the poster who actually wrote down the thing about Cinderella doesn't like it pointing out how ridiculous it sounded.
There is no point arguing with these people @PickledFrog as you are probably aware, far more is expected of you as a stepmother than the kids actual parents. Silly you for not playing along.

If you have no doubt, you're reading a great deal into this. The OP has said that when the DSC are asked, the large majority of the time they say no. There's nothing at all to indicate that they even give a shit.

It will pay in dividends as they grow up.

Will it?

Well then, he's completely in the wrong. He is trying to avoid childcare. What he should be doing- since he has chosen to have 4 DC with age gaps- should be to come wtih you to soft play or the zoo in the morning on weekends, then come back, make lunch or whatever, and spend the second half of the day with his teen DC. I dont know any 14-year-olds who want to go to soft play on weekends with toddlers. They want to lie in and laze about.

I say this as someone who has spent a lot of weekends away from my teens. But they were with their biological dad who didn't work while I was away.

Obviously the answer unfortunately for you is that youve married a man who cant be bothered to care for his own children and also doesn't want to pay maintenance. Do you have them every weekend? He can work on the weekends they aren't with you but he clearly can't be bothered to spend time with his own children at the weekend, or even make them some lunch and put it in the fridge for them. I'm not sure what the answer is apart from to make sure you are friendly to the kids, check they are OK but every time he guilt trips you, tell him that he is responsible for his own children, even the ones he can't be bothered to see ( which I presume also include his two toddlers that he presumably doesn't see because he's choosing to work 7 days a week)

You’re both as bad as each other. No he shouldn’t be going to work but how can you just leave the kids to their own devices. The one that’s 12 I bet would have liked to have gone to the zoo. Poor kids.

Did he want the kids (all of them) or was he indifferent and persuaded by the women to become a father? He doesn't sound invested at all.

He's a grown man. I don't know why we have to blame the scheming women. Especially not the OP.

What are you even on about? Its not the new children thats the problem. You've brought something up that is completely irrelevant. Do you think the dad wouldn't be working if he didn't have more children or the op would be more inclined to spend more time with them if she was childless? And she has tried to include them, read the thread!

I have had step mothers... trust me as a teen the LAST thing I wanted was a day out with step mother and a much younger sibling. Maybe between 5-8 it was ok (although my father was always there too) but not at bloody 14.

Step kids are no different to normal kids. My 15 year old has zero urge to come to the soft play or park or chain restaurant with his younger siblings either. He would rather be at home playing PS5 with his mates.

Does he work 7 days a week?

OP you are correct. Either he thinks they dont need care in which case it doesn't matter if you are or are not around or he does think it and then shouldn't be going to work.

However the point I think is being missed here is the attitude he has and whether you want to address that. Is it reasonable to leave young teens for the whole day? Is it something you want for your teens? What is his view on your relationship with the DSC and how is that playing into expectations of what you will do with them? There's a lot more here than the YANBU for not including them in soft play activities

As someone in a blended family I think this is fine. And incidentally it's my two that are older and sometimes left on their own, and dp has the younger two. My two would rather scratch their eyes out than go to soft play or whatever with the little ones. DP would get them lunch if he was in, but they are perfectly capable of getting themselves something if he didn't. If your DH is that worried about them being fed he can make them a packed lunch before he leaves for work.

There’s no ‘but’ after ‘he shouldn’t be going to work’. His kids, his responsibility.

That said, why exactly shouldn’t she be okay doing that? The actual parents of these children have no issue with it. The mother doesn’t, anyways, the father says he doesn’t then sulks about it afterwards.

Omg you keep reminding everyone that their mum leaves them home alone to go out at night etc...neglect. Why aren't you both going for full custody. How is that ok ? This proves you both dont give a shiny shit about either of them 😶 happy to slag her for doing it though. but happy to not have to pay any child maintenance by having them half the time and not looking after them properly either. Your house must be a barrel of laughs. You look after your children...he looks after his children...house sharing it seems to be just.

God no! I'm not blaming the women. I'm blaming him for deciding to produce kids he didn't want.

Those children are not your responsibility, you are not the nanny.
He should be caring for them while they are with you.
He chooses to go off and work so he doesn't have to deal with it.

OP - their mother leaves her children to be cared for by thier father. If he chooses to leave them with you during his time - that has nothing to do with her or what she does with her time - none of your business.

PErsonally I would not want to be the person infront of the judge when something bad has happened and you and your pathetic DP argue about who was looking after the 12 yr old.

You re point scoring gunst your DP, drip feeding to hustify your actions and you almost gloat in your actions and feel justified. This whole thread make me nauseous - 2 adults behaving like petty toddlers - grow the hell up both of you.

A court would laugh you out if you suggested leaving a 14yo and 12yo alone at night or the day is neglect.

happy to slag her for doing it though.

OP hasn't slagged her off, she's just stating the reality.

Funny how even the actual parents leaving their kids is OP's fault now.

It's not even that you leave them home alone cuz that's understandable to do sometimes...it's the lack of a caring role by yourself as a stepmum and how you don't see how you have responsibility to them in any shape....