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AIBU?

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Comments on how I spend my own money?!

150 replies

spanieltrainer · 19/01/2024 10:24

This is my first post. I take my MIL shopping on a weekly basis, as she doesn't drive and can't carry a full week's shop on the bus. I have been on a seriously tight budget since September, but now everything has calmed down and I am mostly financially stable again. We went to the supermarket yesterday, and I always buy cheaper alternatives due to previously being on a budget. Anyway, I bought some brand name items and a few treats we don't usually have, and every time I put something in the trolley that wasn't a budget item, my MIL commented. "Ooh olives and meats? Fancy"
"Kelloggs brand coco pops? That's a luxury"
"You're buying steak?
At the till was the best one...."omg don't faint its double what you usually spend"
Not only is this totally embarrassing, but I feel its not her business what I do. So my question is, AIBU to tell her to shut her cakehole and concentrate on what's in her own trolley? She is very easily offended, so it will be a massive thing if I say something.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 19/01/2024 10:28

Sounds like you're the one easily offended.

MarIeyG · 19/01/2024 10:30

I mean I don't see anything wrong with what she's said, if my MIL said those things I know she would be joking but I know her personality really well and love her dearly. So I think relationships make the difference here. If I didn't have a good relationship with mine and there was other history I'd probably think shut the fuck up.

Silverbirchtwo · 19/01/2024 10:30

Take her shopping and then go yourself another time.

WandaWonder · 19/01/2024 10:36

Ok she said it and?

ManateeFair · 19/01/2024 10:37

Hmmm, I don't think this sounds particularly rude or judgemental, though? She's your MIL, she shops with you every week, she knows what you usually buy and she's noticed a difference. It doesn't sound like she's being critical, more like a sort of 'You must be in the money this week, haha' kind of thing. I'd probably just say 'Yeah, things aren't as tight as they were last year so we can have a little treat now and again'. This would be totally fine and normal with me and my MIL.

However, obviously it depends a bit on her tone of voice and the general dynamic of your relationship - it's impossible to gauge that from seeing it written down. It doesn't look like a big deal to me, on the face of it, but of course context can make a difference!

spanieltrainer · 19/01/2024 10:39

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 19/01/2024 10:28

Sounds like you're the one easily offended.

Far from it, I just think why comment on what someone buys at shopping? I don't even notice what's in her trolley! I genuinely don't understand remarks on the stuff I've bought.

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 19/01/2024 10:40

My late in-laws were like this
It is annoying and really not welcome

Overtheatlantic · 19/01/2024 10:41

A one off comment fine but she kept at it. I would say something like “Are you feeling alright today Mil? You seem a bit off.” And then let her ponder what you might mean. Redirect her thoughts.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/01/2024 10:41

I'd just start commenting on everything she buys, in a very over exaggerated manner, until she gets the point. Alternatively stop taking her with you. She sounds very judgemental, and I don't think you're being oversensitive at all.

HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth · 19/01/2024 10:42

Silverbirchtwo · 19/01/2024 10:30

Take her shopping and then go yourself another time.

This definitely. Sounds like reverse snobbery , the race to the bottom. I suspect it also comes out in other ways too. Don’t give it energy.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/01/2024 10:42

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 19/01/2024 10:28

Sounds like you're the one easily offended.

Are you actually her MIL?
Sounds like it.

Sirzy · 19/01/2024 10:42

Did you previously comment a lot about trying to reduce what you were spending?

Snowydaysfaraway · 19/01/2024 10:43

Let dh take her shopping..

SweetBirdsong · 19/01/2024 10:44

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee

It's not a matter of being easily offended. Someone commenting on so called luxury stuff you are buying is no big deal. But when it's EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. you go shopping, it becomes tedious and boring and fucking irritating.

As pps have said @spanieltrainer Take her shopping, and then go for yourself another time.

Harrietsaunt · 19/01/2024 10:45

You sound a bit over sensitive tbh.

Why can’t she order her shopping online? Or DH take her?

GabriellaMontez · 19/01/2024 10:46

She's a cheeky bitch.

Obviously feels able to speak freely to you. Do the same to her.

If she doesn't like it she can get an uber.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/01/2024 10:46

Harrietsaunt · 19/01/2024 10:45

You sound a bit over sensitive tbh.

Why can’t she order her shopping online? Or DH take her?

No, she doesn't.
She takes MIL shopping and MIL repays her by making critical comments.

Wanna17 · 19/01/2024 10:47

I totally understand, my mum is the same! She was telling me yesterday to buy cheap choc digestives when I wanted McVites and said I was mad for paying for the brand name!! 😂
I try and avoid going shopping with her or just ignore her and occasionally tell her to mind her own business 😂

LittleGreenDragons · 19/01/2024 10:49

Maybe she's trying to make conversation unless you normally shop in total silence together, which would be more weird.

Jf20 · 19/01/2024 10:50

You clearly are very easily offended, so you’re both quite similar in this I suspect, lots of people are, just commenting on their shopping would have them all bothered like you. Just tell her you’re really a very sensitive and easily offended person, and that it is so extreme you don’t like your shopping being commented on.

Jf20 · 19/01/2024 10:50

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/01/2024 10:46

No, she doesn't.
She takes MIL shopping and MIL repays her by making critical comments.

Exactly what was critical in the list of comments the op made, they would be classed as observations.

SouthLondonMum22 · 19/01/2024 10:51

Is she just trying to make conversation? Filling any awkward silence?

Can your DH take her instead? Can she not order her shopping online?

ShyMaryEllen · 19/01/2024 10:51

It would annoy me too, FWIW. It's judgy and intrusive. Probably not worth falling out with your MIL over though.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/01/2024 10:52

Jf20 · 19/01/2024 10:50

You clearly are very easily offended, so you’re both quite similar in this I suspect, lots of people are, just commenting on their shopping would have them all bothered like you. Just tell her you’re really a very sensitive and easily offended person, and that it is so extreme you don’t like your shopping being commented on.

You think it's fine for her to take her MIL shopping, and in return be criticised?

Jf20 · 19/01/2024 10:52

GabriellaMontez · 19/01/2024 10:46

She's a cheeky bitch.

Obviously feels able to speak freely to you. Do the same to her.

If she doesn't like it she can get an uber.

A cheeky bitch as she said meat and olives were fancy, branded cocopo-s a luxury and don’t faint it’s double what’s normal? How do you get through life if you think that mskes someone a cheeky bitch and has you come over so extreme you hurl abuse?