My husband and I have been together for 10 years, he is 34 I'm 32, we have 4 children ( 5, 3, 2 and 6 months).
Lately our life has been upside down. My parents are both ill, my dad has Alzheimers, my mum has cancer. Our eldest has autism and so much more. For DHs work we need to live in London, for the price of a 5 bed up north I'm in a 3 bed terrace with barely enough room to swing a cat, our youngest wasn't planned.
In the spring I noticed something was off with my husband, he seemed detached, I thought maybe it's the new baby? Maybe it's my parents being ill? Who knows. He always went for drinks on a Thursday after work for as long as I've known him, finish work at 5 couple of drinks and home no later than 8. It slowly started changing, 8.30/9/9.30 there's been a few times where it's been as late as 2am usually no later than 10.30 though. He used to want to have sex as soon as he got in from drinks, but that changed too. I spoke to him about it but he said he was tired. At this point I'm thinking fair enough.
Then he started going in on Mondays - he could work from home and there is no flexitime on Mondays so it's a long day 8-5:30 so I didn't think it made sense but the baby was distracting he said.
Then it was one of these Mondays where he message at 4 (so before he could actually finish) and said "tube delays will be late". I looked on the TfL app - only the central line was delayed, he doesn't use it for work ever!!
Now I'm suspicious but say nothing.
A few weeks later he tells me he forgot to tap out at the station could I log in and pay the fare. It showed me when I logged in the stations he is starting and finishing his journey at.
Tuesday and Wednesday are fine, tapping out at Green Park where he works - all good.
But on Mondays he's been tapping out and back in at Russel Square - for those that know London, you'll know this isn't near Green Park where he works. On Thursday he's been tapping in the evening at either Russel Square or Holborn. I'll assume he's walked there or something?
Suddenly I remember he works with a girl who lives around there, I remember as I once said "I don't know any one who lives properly central" he told me a girl he worked with lives between Farringdon and Chancery Lane .... which is near Russell Square and Holborn !!
I asked him about it and he told me he was working from a WeWork space around there on Monday and Thursday evenings as he found the baby distracting but didn't want to be in office? I didn't believe it for a second, bur said whatever. He must have realised I was suspicious and started sending me the confirmation of his booking for the WeWork space. I let it go as really I don't have any more evidence... this was 2/3 months ago.
Fast forward to a month ago, I ask to borrow his bank card, he tells me it's in the front of his work bag, I take out the card and I find a condom in there too!! While we do use them ... why in his work bag? I ask he claims must have been there for a while. Makes me feel a bit crazy for thinking.
Just to be nosey I guess, I try to find the girl who lived around the other area on Instagram. Didn't take long she's barely 23, stupidly beautiful which made me feel inferior!! Accounts on public, I'll be honest I made a fake account to watch her stories, I didn't want her to see me watching and alert DH. Every Monday she posts a story, of DH across from her at the WeWork place, with some stupid caption. When I ask if he works alone on Mondays he says yes?!
Then the last couple of Thursday evenings she has posted on her story something like a picture of two glasses of wine and a caption like "yes wine and dine me honey" never see the guy she is with, but in one you could see his hand, and I swear it was my DHs (the rings and the watch strap) he has quite an obvious ring as it has sand from our honeymoon in it using resin, so I know it off the top of my head.
I told him all this last week and he said yeah she comes for work drinks with us too and thought I was psychotic for checking her instagram. He let me read the messages between them on the phone and all seemed innocent. Went back as far as 2021, on WhatsApp, IMessage and Instagram. He said he's never messaged her on Facebook.
There was nothing untoward just work things occasional meme.
On Thursday before he went to work I checked the front pocket of his bag there were two condoms (swear there was one the last time when I was looking for his card). Looked again when he got home and there was only one!!
Now today he said he was going for lunch with work friends. I asked where he told me whatever. I checked her story again, and from looking at the decor of where she was and where he said they were doing it was the same place, it's also obvious in her post it's a table for 2!!
When he got back I checked the front of his bag again (as he took his work bag to lunch but fair enough he takes it practically everywhere like Dora the bloody explorer) and there were now 0 condoms ?!!!!!
I don't think I can tell him I've been snooping in his bag without knowing for sure I'm right.
But he's having an affair isn't he? Im not unreasonable to think that right? What the heck do I? Feel like a detective trying to figure it all out !!!