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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to let DD buy this?

200 replies

Redpurplegreenblue · 30/09/2023 22:52

Our autistic DD wants to buy one of these 2 Christmas Jellycat’s when they come back in stock. She would be using her own money, although it’s a lot of money so she really wouldn’t have much left. DH has already said she can without even asking me but I’m more unsure about it because 1. It’s a lot of money and 2. DD has said she wants one to cuddle/sleep with but the 2 Jellycat’s she wants don’t look like they will be very comfortable to cuddle/sleep with 3. They are very big (the Christmas tree is 55cm x 15cm. And the wreath is 44cm x 37cm) and I just think they will be too big for her to sleep with comfortably and to cuddle comfortably 4. The wreath is likely to be an awkward shape to cuddle/sleep with.

DD expects them to be comfortable/cuddly to cuddle and sleep with every night. It’s a lot of money and I would hate for her to be disappointed if it comes and she can’t sleep/cuddle with it every night like she’s expecting.

Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t buy either of them? DD only wants one but would I be unreasonable to say that she can’t get either of these Jellycat’s?

DD (autistic) is 11. She would be using birthday money to buy it. I’ve already tried to explain to her that I don’t think the tree or wreath will be very comfortable to cuddle or sleep with every night but DD insists that they will be fine to cuddle and sleep with every night.

To refuse to let DD buy this?
To refuse to let DD buy this?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
TomatoSandwiches · 30/09/2023 23:18

It's her money let her have one.

hellohelp · 30/09/2023 23:19

And this is the Christmas section if you want to browse

https://www.temptationgifts.com/gifts-by-brand/jellycat/winter-friends?productlistt_limit=96

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/09/2023 23:19

Why wouldn’t they be comfortable to sleep with? Surely they’ll just be made with stuffing and a soft fabric like most other jellycats? The wreath looks fairly flat and so would probably be more comfortable to be cuddled up against than a big bulky teddy bear shape!

weirdoboelady · 30/09/2023 23:19

Yes, I feel for DD and sort of think she should be allowed to spend her money as she likes. BUT.....

then I landed on the Selfridges page and saw last year's tree (which in a way I think is cuter, but that's irrelevant......

Reduced. To. TEN. POUNDS!!!!! https://www.selfridges.com/GB/en/cat/jellycat-amuseable-christmas-tree-soft-toy-92cm_R03944243/

Which made me take a sharp breath and think how upset I would be... and to think they are just one season wonders, although I do believe DD would love her tree for longer than this.

The heart wants what it wants, of course, but I would at least draw her attention to the ones on Vinted, maybe saying 'what a pity it is that this poor neglected little tree doesn't have anyone to buy it presents and decorations'....

The size doesn't bother me, especially as others think all Jellycats are likely to be soft - she might end up using it as (part of, or a substitute for) a weighted blanket.

Sometimeswinning · 30/09/2023 23:23

Unless she has bills to pay then why should she worry? My dd spends stupid money on named skincare. But it’s her money and it makes her happy. Not my business really. (Unless it’s anything illegal or dangerous in case someone points this out)

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 30/09/2023 23:23

I would err on letting her get one, mainly based on:

  1. i deeply remember as a child spending my saved birthday money on something i really wanted (a box set of The Babysitters’ club and an ornamental box as i recall) and my mum’s lamentations of how it was a waste of money and she shouldn’t have let me took all the joy out of something i was hugely looking forward to.

also

  1. things my children have cheerfully cuddled to sleep include: hardback books, a favourite stone, a beach ball, a charity shop teddy that at 3ft high was taller than them, an (unopened) packet of spaghetti, and enough cuddly toys to literally push the child out of the bed. Comfort doesn’t appear to be a factor in how acceptable these things are.
ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 30/09/2023 23:24

Her money I’d let her get the one she wants, I’d just manage expectations on how cuddly it may or may not be. Maybe say it’s something she can bring out every year for her room at Christmas. My DDs have festive soft toys that are packed away every year. I agree the cost is a lot, but again it’s her money. I wasn’t happy with my 9yo DD spending over £80 in build a bear, but she’d saved up and it was her money and what she wanted so I sucked it up.

Original poster
Redpurplegreenblue · 30/09/2023 23:26

DD hasn’t really explained why she’s picked these 2 in particular, no.

About the wreath. The main thing with that was that DD wants the jellycat to sleep with but I don’t think it would be very comfortable or possible to sleep with because of its shape? I’m also not sure how comfortable the tree would be to sleep with because of its size?

I agree it’s her money but I do think it’s a lot. DH actually told her she could get one though without asking me first.

DD really won’t consider any other Jellycat’s besides these 2, I’ve tried.

she can’t look in store either as I’ve never seen these 2 Jellycat’s in any store near us and DD normally just orders Jellycat’s online when she gets one.

OP posts:
ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 30/09/2023 23:27

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 30/09/2023 23:23

I would err on letting her get one, mainly based on:

  1. i deeply remember as a child spending my saved birthday money on something i really wanted (a box set of The Babysitters’ club and an ornamental box as i recall) and my mum’s lamentations of how it was a waste of money and she shouldn’t have let me took all the joy out of something i was hugely looking forward to.

also

  1. things my children have cheerfully cuddled to sleep include: hardback books, a favourite stone, a beach ball, a charity shop teddy that at 3ft high was taller than them, an (unopened) packet of spaghetti, and enough cuddly toys to literally push the child out of the bed. Comfort doesn’t appear to be a factor in how acceptable these things are.

Love this, and so true, I came across a photo of 2 of my DDs cuddling tins of carrots the other day haha. One also has a pet rock, she’s 11 and still cuddles it.

nettie434 · 30/09/2023 23:28

I would be inclined to let your daughter choose one to buy. It's not the same analogy but there is a Japanese robotic seal that is designed for older people, especially people with dementia. They are expensive and of course there are plenty of toy seals that can be bought for a fraction of the price. Until I got a chance to hold the real robotic seal, I would never have realised why they weren't the same as a toy and why they might be better.

Comfort isn't just cuddly. Otherwise why would we have weighted blankets? I'm rather impressed that your daughter has such a clear idea of what she wants and that she can pay for them herself.

MrsToothyBitch · 30/09/2023 23:28

That's a lot on a cuddly toy! However it is her money and feeling that you have freedom of choice is an important part of growing up. Making an expensive mistake now could save £££ in the long run if you think she'd take the lesson on board - and the tree could become a piece of Christmas decor if it's not suitable for snuggles.

Just be really careful how you tread- my mum is the queen of negging/verbally attacking other peoples choices and purchases etc that SHE doesn't like and ruining those things for others. It has long cast a shadow over our relationship.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2023 23:31

That's a lot of money for a cuddly

Are they on Amazon so get it and if not cuddly send it back ?

MsRosley · 30/09/2023 23:32

Am I the only one wondering why this crap costs so much?

Elgarelegie · 30/09/2023 23:32

The tree is only 15x55cm so not huge by any means, I expect it would be quite huggable for an 11 year old. But whether it’s worth £70? I suppose as it’s her money, that’s up to her to decide. Show her how to look up the returns policy, in case it doesn’t live up to expectations.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2023 23:33

This ? A bit smaller and can return

Jellycat Amuseable Blue Spruce Christmas Tree Collectable Plush Decoration amzn.eu/d/bfKCmU8

BrawnWild · 30/09/2023 23:33

Kids want all sorts of crap. You dont have to condone it to accept that she is becoming a person with autonomy.

If she buys it, she night regret it. If you stop her, she will resent you dictating, spoiling and undermining her birthday money spending. The money isnt iurs so it doesnt matter how its spent. There are loads of times as an adult that you will know best, pick you battles.

Dh has already said it's fine.

Even if its unsuitable now, she will probably keep it forever, so your choice really isnt whether she gets it, but how she will be reminded every year what your reaction was to her buying it.

Booklover40 · 30/09/2023 23:38

You’re overthinking it IMO. It’s her money and I would allow my dd (same age) to spend it however she wanted. If she was disappointed that’s a lesson learned! Would you rather she bought loads of little bits of tat she’s not bothered about or something that YOU think is worthwhile? She’s 11 fgs!

Also they look pretty squishy to me, especially the tree.

Talipesmum · 30/09/2023 23:38

I’ve never seen or felt a jellycat toy that wasn’t very cuddly. It feels like a pretty reliable bet. And it’s her birthday money. Fair enough if she was asking you to buy it for her (though I’d probably still get it as a main present if she wanted it more than anything else) but it’s her money. If she’s been warned it might not be great, and it’s v expensive, and she goes ahead anyway and ends up not liking it v much, then it’s a decent lesson in online shopping obsessions, using her own money. And I think there’s a strong chance it’ll be great to cuddle. I think it’s not reasonable to veto on this basis - you don’t know any more than she does, and they always reliably make these toys really nice and squishy.

There was a similar post a while ago from someone whose daughter wanted a birthday cake jellycat I think.

UndercoverCop · 30/09/2023 23:44

They have a good returns policy, if you order it in your name it arrives and she's disappointed she could return and refund it as an unwanted gift. They fully refund as long as it's in new condition. Would she be ok with that?

easilydistracted1 · 30/09/2023 23:48

To me it looks very comfortable and snuggly.

Also she is 11 and it's her money now. If she loves it great. If she realises it was a waste of money it's some important learning

Original poster
Redpurplegreenblue · 30/09/2023 23:50

I’m thinking to try and steer her towards getting the tree as the shape of the wreath will likely mean DD will find it uncomfortable to sleep with? What do you think?

I think I will tell DD to look at other Jellycat’s in meantime but if she still wants these 2 in a few weeks when they are in stock then she can get one?

OP posts:
Blossomandbee · 30/09/2023 23:52

If it's not the actual brand she wants then could she be tempted by other Christmas soft toys that will be everywhere soon, places like Aldi sometimes sell stuff like this at a fraction of the price. Or there's squishmallows which are soft to sleep on.

I understand your concern due to the price, but if her heart is set on one of these then I wouldn't stop her. It's her money and she should get what she wants. Jellycat holds it's value so I'm sure she could sell it on for not too much loss if it doesn't work out.

FlopsSake · 30/09/2023 23:55

bloody hell, how much?! Christ alive thats day light robbery

FloweryName · 30/09/2023 23:56

If she ends up disappointed with her purchase then she will have learned a lesson about the value of money and thinking things though carefully when they cost a lot of money, even if you really really want them.

If she ends up disappointed because she wasn’t allowed to make her purchase at all then all she’s learned is that her mum doesn’t care about her feelings or trust her to make choices with her own money.

WandaWonder · 01/10/2023 00:00

Why do you need to be controlling over this?