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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rude In-laws

50 replies

Greengirl360 · 20/08/2023 21:28

I’ve always felt MIL is rude and selfish. For instance DH had a birthday party in May, we have a DS who was only 2 months old at the time. MIL agreed to help look after him (along with my mum and dad and me all taking turns) at our house (only 2 min drive from the party venue) before he was even born. However, when it came to the week before she completely refused saying she wanted to socialise with her friends. She thought denied agreeing to help.

I have moved passed this, along with many other incidents. However today after a family event which we all attended DH, DS and I were having lunch with MIL, FIL and BIL.

DH and I left a couple or minutes before everyone else and nipped to the supermarket to change DS’s nappy as we weren’t sure if the place we were going for lunch would have baby changing facilities. We were less than 10 minutes behind them. However, when we arrived they had already ordered food and drinks.

I think this is quite rude as we had agreed to go for a meal together. As it wasn’t the fanciest place in the world, they proceeded to serve our food a good 10 minutes later than in-laws, so we ate separately, although not the cafe’s fault at all. I feel that this soured the mood of the meal.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?
The lunch wasn’t booked for a certain time so it was impossible for us to be late.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 20/08/2023 21:30

If they don’t have baby changing facilities you just do it in the car or the loo. I can’t see why you had to go to another place to do it.

WhateverMate · 20/08/2023 21:34

YANBU, it wouldn't have killed them to order drinks and wait a few minutes.

Original poster
Greengirl360 · 20/08/2023 21:34

@DustyLee123 yip we definitely could’ve done that but not really the point as we were literally 5-6 minutes behind them regardless of where we changed baby.

OP posts:
Problesolving · 20/08/2023 21:34

You do seem to be making this complicated. I don’t understand why it would take 5 adults to look after a baby.

You say you left before IL to go to the restaurant - where you leaving from the same place? Why didn’t you change the baby before you got into the car or just at the restaurant?

Original poster
Greengirl360 · 20/08/2023 21:52

@Problesolving yes we were all leaving from the same place but we were in a different car. We were watching BIL play sport in a field so literally no place to change baby.

I needed to change him. However regardless of where I decided to change him I was definitely no more than a few minutes later than if I hadn’t changed him at all and yet they had already ordered.

If you are referring to the 5 adults looking after him during the party. It was to ensure that no one person was away from the party for any length of time and that everyone could attend the majority of it.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 20/08/2023 21:54

Change baby in the field then !

PrimalOwl10 · 20/08/2023 21:55

You sound over the top it doesn't take 5 adults to look after a baby and you could have changed the baby in the car. You just don't like mil.

m00rfarm · 20/08/2023 21:57

You couldn’t change the baby in the car? It honestly sounds like you were trying to make a drama for some reason.

ConcernedCatmother · 20/08/2023 21:58

Yanbu, her loss though as she’ll probably see her son and grandson less overtime. Hopefully your husband is on the same page as you, that’s the main thing.

Thisismeyeah · 20/08/2023 22:15

I dont really understand the trip to the supermarket thats a bit strange But fine if you feel happier doing that. Surley you would have been longer than 5 or 6 minutes. If they got there and ordered drinks and food in 5 minutes and you were only 5 minutes behind surley the food would only be 5 minutes apart. If it was 5 minutes surley they would have just waited? Is it possible you were a lot longer than you realised?

Bandyarsia · 20/08/2023 22:25

Absolutely ridiculous, change the child on the back seat of the car. Why all the drama?

Createausername1970 · 20/08/2023 22:31

Regardless of the reasons why you were later than them (which seem perfectly reasonable to me) it does seem a bit rude for one half of the party to have ordered without waiting for the other half to turn up. I wouldn't have been very happy.

Vault687 · 20/08/2023 22:36

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/08/2023 22:39

Yabu I wouldn't wait for ppl with kids and I'm the one with the baby as they can take ages!
I always always say dont wait for me to order when I'm held up with baby which is usually

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/08/2023 22:39

However regardless of where I decided to change him I was definitely no more than a few minutes later than if I hadn’t changed him at all and yet they had already ordered. Did they know you were only go to be a few minutes? And if they did, did they think that ordering for them would get things moving and your order would be so soon after it'd arrive at the same time?

I think you're being hypercritical because it's not your family.

Original poster
Greengirl360 · 20/08/2023 22:40

@Createausername1970 thank you. It’s the first time I’ve posted here and that was a kind response.

OP posts:
Vault687 · 20/08/2023 22:49

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FrangipaniBlue · 20/08/2023 22:53

People are SPECTACULARLY missing the point!!!!

5 adults were not looking after a baby TOGETHER, they were taking it in turns so that everyone could go to the party.

It is IRRELEVANT where OP changed the baby, who the fuck orders food without waiting for the rest of the group to arrive??

Flopsythebunny · 20/08/2023 23:04

You are looking for reasons to be annoyed with them

thaisweetchill · 20/08/2023 23:05

I'd never go for a meal and order ahead of a missing party! Even if you were 20/30 minutes late I would wait. She sounds very rude.

UsingChangeofName · 20/08/2023 23:08

Potentially, the place they had booked at said they needed to crack on with ordering though, as Sundays can be busy and they might have had another booking in afterwards.

I realise this is about whether you would start if some of your party were late, rather than the completely bizarre decision to drive off to a supermarket to change a baby, and generally, most of us wouldn't, but I can see a situation where there was pressure on time (maybe they were all later than expected ? Or could only have the table until X time) where it did make sense for the rest of the family to order. I mean, it was always going to be longer than 5 mins to drive to (even a nearby) supermarket....find somewhere to park on one of their busiest times.....get baby out of car.....across car park..... across supermarket to changing room...... change...... back across supermarket and carpark......strap baby safely into car....drive to eating place is never going to happen in 5 - 6 mins.

OhcantthInkofaname · 20/08/2023 23:10

It must be mn pile on day for you. The pile on folks having a go at you for changing your child diaper when your question was about your IL being rude. Regardless you had to change the child. And yes it was rude for them to go ahead and order when they knew you were only going to be a couple of minutes.

Mexicansky · 20/08/2023 23:18

Yes they were rude!!
I can understand them ordering a drink but not food
I would have waited for you to arrive before ordering food

HMW1906 · 20/08/2023 23:21

Whilst I agree that they should’ve waited for you before ordering, I don’t really see why you needed to detour to a supermarket to change the baby. Just put the changing mat under them in the pram or the passenger seat or parcel shelf of the car and change them there, it’s not like its a freezing winter day, such an unnecessary faff to go to a supermarket and get everyone out of the car just to change the baby. Maybe they didn’t wait because they thought it was all unnecessary too 🤷‍♀️.

Rudolphthefrog · 20/08/2023 23:24

Assuming you and DH organised his party, I think you’re totally unreasonable to organise an event that requires your guests to keep disappearing off to babysit your baby in a different location. Either book a babysitter, or book a party you can bring the baby to. Or accept some of your guests might not want to join in the rota to babysit your baby.

I’d also be unimpressed to be sitting waiting for ten minutes wondering where you were because your baby needs some kind of dedicated changing facility so you drove to a supermarket - I have changed babies in fields, in cars, in toilets… it’s not hard.

In short, your in laws might be difficult but these aren’t great illustrations of it.