Text to husband

Oh this would make me sick knowing they’re in a hotel together given what she’s saying to him. I don’t know your DH, so I’ll take your word that he’s trustworthy! He’s not shitting it down though, at all

@Eowyn78 but how can you fight for it when the husband is the problem? He could shut this down. If he loved his wife he wouldn't entertain this for a second.

Nope. I speak from experience. Heartbreaking, soul-destroying experience. If you care about your marriage, fight for it. That means distancing yourself from anyone who may get in the way.

If you trust him, seems you won’t be snooping in the first place,
my ex used to do stuff like this , I just didn’t see the mountain of red flags .
once he came home and said he had had a coffee with a woman he was working with ,
I said I wasn’t comfortable with that.
he actually seemed to enjoy my discomfort.
so wish I hadn’t listened to him explain things away for years .
first I would ask “oh can I use your phone mines dead etc etc “
his reaction will be telling.
snoop, and keep snooping ,be on this it sounds very worrying tbh
sorry for you it’s horrible .

@Eowyn78 please tell me that was sarcasm!

You don't need to worry. So your fella has swagger! Well done you! Now trust him that he can handle it. Anything less would be insulting to him and you.

So he's flattered. It just means he isn't arrogant enough to think he deserves the compliments. His coquette will grow bored and turn her attentions to another soon enough.

Does he know when he is on the receiving end of sexual harassment in the work place? How would he deal with it at work if a complaint was made?

Keep him the hell away from that whore. Work on strengthening your relationship with him, so his eyes don't wander. Be sexy and romantic with your husband. Go on a holiday together. Protect your marriage at all costs!

How about texting her and asking for her husband's number. Tell her you want to start sending him texts so he's not left out.

I would be careful. My exH used to receive texts like this from someone who was unhappy in her marriage. It's crossing the line. He needs to be firm. My exH is now with the woman who texted him.

Your husband needs to deal with this stuff - tell the sender to stop, that it's inappropriate and stop telling you as it's upsetting you.

You may trust him but it's coming across as if he is enjoying the attention.

No, not really, but I AM a very forthright person, and I wouldn’t passively wring my hands about something like this.
What I would truly do is as follows: ask my husband how he means to shut this down, because I won’t stand for it. I would further say he needs to have stronger boundaries, and I’d offer to help him come up with stock replies to flirtatious crap like this.

this is, actually, sexual harassment, and if she were a man, she’d likely have been reported already.

my comment seems to have offended quite a few! 😂
don’t worry - I wasn’t serious.

I do sometimes get absolutely fed up with people who seem terrified to have a conversation with their husband.

being passive isn’t the answer here.

I'd be worried, tbh. She's out of line .... but he's encouraging/allowing her to do it.

Some might think he's not shutting her down right, but honestly he probably doesn't see it as an issue as cheating might not be a thought in his head. He's not hiding anything or being shady from the sound of it. Him asking for his wife to meet her is likely his way of showing her there's nothing to worry about. Personally I've never cheated on my wife of 13 years, nor have I ever hid anything from her (except for how much i pay for warhammer miniatures, she knows i have a problem) and maybe he's just the same way. If you trust your husband, then trust him.

I wouldn't like this. It's borderline but these things can absolutely lead somewhere.

I think he needs to have better boundaries or explain why he doesn't

Sorry, but this is completely inappropriate and your husband is in no way discouraging it. And the disclosure that this woman was having marital problems and not anymore (suddenly and perhaps conveniently) absolutely reeks. He may not be having an affair yet but he is certainly thinking about it. The other stuff with the ex colleague is also bizarre. How convenient that he wrote her off as a lunatic and all of this unwanted attention seems to be directed at him. I'd be furious.

I had a situation like this. I was very understanding - oh they're obviously just work friends, I'm being too needy etc.

A month later I find out they're sleeping together. I'm sure sure sure this isn't the case here, but stand your ground and get the answers you want so that you don't look back and think that you wish you had said/ done more.

OP won't be returning as she has another thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4764999-texts-to-husband?reply=124745663

Sorry to say I think he's playing you. Both this time and with the emails from the last "weirdo".

Gaslighting 101.

OP you are completely deluded or choosing to put all the blame on the other women. It's obvious to everyone here that your DH is courting this behaviour. He is actively involved in the flirting. Stop worrying about what these women are doing and what you would want to say to them and focus on communicating with your dh about his inappropriate behaviour with these women.

You need to tell him that you are not comfortable with how she talks with him, and you need to tell him to stop being blasé about it. His smiling and laughing about it sends the message that he's okay with what's going on and may be open to reciprocating. Put your foot down, and tell him that if she continues, he should report her to HR for harassment.

Put your foot down. Tell him he is married to you and you're not putting up with this flirting. Don't worry if you feel like a bossy old cow. Set the boundaries now while its all trivial.

pp who wrote "Love, laugh and sing" > I don't know about the love bit, but if you laugh and sing at the same time you're probably going to choke to death. OP I think you need to ask your partner some direct questions, rather than speculating. You may have a problem, but without confronting it it won't be fixed. It's scary to confront issues, but maybe it's worse to ignore them.

OP HAS UPDATED IN HER THREAD WITH THE SAME TITLE IN RELATIONSHIPS.