Texts to husband

[PEEDOFFFACE]

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

He should respect you're uncomfortable and don't trust that woman. It's not hard for him to shut it down and shut her off for you. She doesn't mean anything. He can quite easily end that "friendship" by telling her the things she says and the way she acts is disrespectful and he will just remain professional at work only, if needing to cross paths. He really does not need to entertain her behaviour and allow it to keep happening just because "she's like that with everyone" also he doesn't need a close woman friend. He has you.

I agree with Annastacia. There is also loads of good advice on your other thread, @PEEDOFFFACE

I agree.

I would never like and feel very jealous if a colleague was like that my DH.

*I would never like it

I have clear boundaries where is MY territory:)

Honestly, if she was a man doing this to a woman at work, what would that be called? Flip it that way as she sounds creepy.

Imagine if a man pestered you like that at work, smelling you, telling you the clothes you wear look good on you, and they want to hug you all the time? Yeah to me that is someone who is just a tad unhinged.

I posted in your other thread. You have a DH problem as this has happened with two different women, in two different jobs. This is NOT normal.

I posted in your other thread also, you have a husband problem. He is where you need to be focusing your ire. He’s being a completely disrespectful lech.

I have also posted in your other thread.

I don't trust your husband.

She wants to ORGANISE his BIRTHDAY!? I loathe women like this, she has no boundaries and no respect for your marriage - and clearly no self awareness or professionalism, this is not how you behave in the workplace either. Of course flirting happens but she is going too far.

I replied to your other thread that I think you should meet her and if she doesn’t back off after that then you need to make your husband see he has to shut this down.

your husband needs to shut this down or he is complicit

If he’s not already had an affair he soon will if he doesn’t shut this down now. I have been in the same position- totally trusted my husband, never thought he would have the time for an affair, we had a great relationship, great sex life, he would tell me about women flirting with him, said that we should meet up with one and her family, would have works dos which involved nights out and stays in hotels.
Turns out he was shagging 2 women at work, the ones he told me flirted and who we should meet up with her family to make it seems it was all very harmless and they were just ‘friendly’ women. Shagging the other in her car after work or going to her house at lunch. Don’t be so naive with the ‘hasn’t time for an affair’ - people MAKE time.
People who have no interest in flirting will also shut down texts and interactions like this swiftly, not encourage it. Because it will start with flirting banter, then risky messages, then they’re getting it on after a few drinks. Please don’t stand for it or presume he has the same morals as you when he clearly doesn’t.

Please stop worrying about snooping. You’re worrying about the wrong things instead of the potential for an affair. You’re married and to be honest you shouldn’t be hiding anything from each other anyway because that means that something is wrong in your marriage that you need to fix or just end it. Now if they’re not already having an affair and are becoming bold enough to try to get their spouses to meet each other so they can calm down any possible rumors of their cheating but you’re thinking that he’s not having an affair but he is. It’s called an emotional affair and sometimes it’s worse than the physical because a person puts all of their emotions into a virtual or emotional relationship with someone else that means that they’re taking away all of that emotional energy from their spouse causing the spouse to chase them around for energy that’s not being directed towards the person you made vows to. So if your husband can participate in an emotional affair then it’s for sure that he’s going to have a physical affair too. Cheaters always make time to cheat. I know you’ve heard of cheaters having quickies. All they need is 2 minutes.

So update. I spoke to him and felt better etc as mentioned previously. I admitted I shouldn't have looked at his phone and then asked him not to tell other people at his work.

However He's come back from work and he's told three people in his team that I read all their messages. I know I shouldn't have but I feel betrayed he told them? I don't know why they needed to know? They all said that the woman is like that with everyone. Weirdly he hasn't told her I read her messages. I'm really pissed off that he told people then I asked not to and it's double standards if you're going to tell work colleagues then why not her? He said it would make it awkward. I feel like he's rubbed my shame in my face( reading of the messages) and then they've all said it's fine that she's like that. But then I shouldn't have read them.. argh I need an outside perspective

What do you see in this loser? You evidently can’t trust him at all. Like you’ve been told numerous times this is a husband problem not a woman at work problem. He’s able but unwilling to act appropriately or respectfully either at work and at home.

I wouldn’t give him the time of day, he’s well on his way to an emotional affair if not there already. And now he’s breaking his word and humiliating you for no good reason?

He disgusting.

@PEEDOFFFACE no, no, no! He’s doing a lovely DARVO job now. Deny the involvement, (her) Accuse you of wrongdoing (reading his messages) and thereby Reversing Victim and Offender. This is crap, he shouldn’t have told anyone your private business and who gives one about whether it’s awkward or not with her? Her messages should be the thing making it awkward for him
at work, it should be making him shudder, and he should tell her in no uncertain terms that she’s unprofessional and overstepped the mark to say the very least. He’s minimising and hiding his wrongdoing and trumpeting what he sees as yours, despite you having every right to find out what the hell is going on between them both in the absence of transparency and honesty from him. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. He has firm for this and should know that because of what happened before you’re bound to feel like this and need action and reassurance, not bleating poor him and bad mouthing you at work. I now think there’s a bit more to this, sadly, as his reactions don’t make sense at all unless he needs to deflect and cover stuff up. Which he clearly does. Don’t question your anger about this, he’s obviously done a number on you and made you doubt your own feelings. You’re right to be angry about all of it, absolutely.

OP given what has happened, I might be inclined to find out who her husband is and message him to say it’s a bit weird that his wife is so flirty with everyone and you find it disrespectful, especially towards him and you feel he has a right to know.

If it’s completely innocent she will be too busy dealing with her own marriage to continue this behaviour.
Yes she may have a gripe with your DH over it, but that’s her problem for not being respectful of her own marriage and other peoples.

If your DH raises issue with it just say he clearly doesn’t feel she’s doing wrong so you thought you’d see what her husband thinks of it. He can’t have a go at you for saying something if he’s willingly gone and told his colleagues that you’ve been looking on his phone.
Worst case scenario there is something actually
going on between the two of them, but this will get it all out in the open (I hope that isn’t the case but it would be better to know in the long run)

OP he is gaslighting you doing that xx what thewookiemustgo says xx

Oh no - that is not good. He didn’t respect your wishes; he’s not being your partner at all, is he?

wtf is he playing at, telling people at work?

is he on your team or not?

If I were you, I’d have to lay down some agreements with him - and let him know this is his last chance. He’s looking worse by the minute.

I’m so sorry OP - that’s a huge trust breaker. If he were a decent man, he’d be doing everything in his power to make you comfortable again, including level with this woman.

It's funny you should say about the victim bit. Before I found out he told people from work he kept saying that he's the victim. That he hasn't done anything wrong. I'm currently not talking to him( childish I know) I've told him I don't want to hear about his work, he's always telling me about all their relationships and the gossip and I'm not interested and if she texts him again I don't want to know as I don't care anymore. And I definitely don't want to meet any of them ( before he wanted to bring them round but now he's told them I've read his messages I don't want them round judging) his work seem very much like they are one big family, hence I feel why he thinks he can slagg me off to them. Which is funny because I am his actual family?? He doesn't have any friends really except for work people. And I feel like a clingy bitch but he barely ever replies if I message him so I just won't bother. When I'm sick he doesn't mention it or says hes sick too ( apparently that's showing empathy😐) . What a waste of my life