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AIBU?

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Inappropriate Touching

57 replies

amicrazy2 · 25/10/2022 09:09

A bit of background DH has a group of work colleagues both female and male that he is close with at work, not so much outside work other than the odd social occasion. A female friend on the last few occasions has been a bit more flirty than usual and slightly handsy. Haven't let it bother me as DH doesn't have contact with said person out with the above situations, doesn't text/Snapchat her either and most importantly he moves away from her when she's doing this. I know at work they have to work together mostly in a group but sometimes alone but as I trust DH haven't given this any thought.

The problem is now that the latest social event things have escalated and she was inappropriately touching DH on a few occasions to the point he uncomfortable left. Another close colleague witnessed the nights events and confirmed DH hadn't done anything wrong. (she text him along the lines of X was inappropriate but you done the right thing moving away). Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed that he didn't verbally tell her to stop or pull her up on her actions? Should I just be happy that he removed himself from the situation and told me about it straight away.

Going forward I don't know how to stop being so angry. I hate knowing he still has to work with her and that she will be present at social events. I can't expect him to cut complete contact with her or stop going out to socialise just because she will be there but it irks me deeply knowing despite her disrespect towards our marriage he will still be friendly with her.

Any advice please?

OP posts:
fdgdfgdfgdfg · 25/10/2022 10:12

Men trying to report this sort of thing tend to get a very raw deal. He'll, at best be told it's nothing and be laughed at, or at worst reporting it will likely put suspicion in peoples minds that somethings going on between them, he won't believed and it'll add fuel to the fire if she then makes a complaint about it.

He's doing what he can to make it obvious he's not interested, although it's probably worth him saying "Will you get your grubby mitts off me" in a loud-ish voice when she does it around other people. May embarress her enough to back off.

bigblueyonder · 25/10/2022 10:06

I work in a male environment and can also sympathise a bit with them after many chats about this. If they create a huge fuss it could blow up in their faces and they get accused (falsely) of all things they haven't done. They know they will be the ones investigated if anything is said.

So I think probably the best thing for DH to do us raise it with HR, who will contact her line manager and let them deal with it. If he deals with it directly with her then it can create new problems. Essentially turn the situation around and do what a female would do...

Crackof · 25/10/2022 09:44

Touching his arm or shoulder? Or his face or back or bum? Is it the frequency that's inappropriate?
Just trying to get a sense of it.

He definitely needs to find a diplomatic way of stopping this in its tracks. I can appreciate the awkwardness, having been on the receiving end.

amicrazy2 · 25/10/2022 09:38

EsmeSusanOgg · 25/10/2022 09:34

You tell him you are uncomfortable that she keeps escalating. You ask him to send an email to HR/ management about her sexual harrasment.

I have definitely made my feelings clear but don't want to keep going on about it as I appreciate how he is always honest with me and don't want him feeling he can't tell me in future as it'll bother me this much.

Unfortunately emailing for harassment wouldn't be an option (I had jokingly said this the other day) as it would have a knock on effect at work for everything else, it's already a difficult place to work. I agree through that as a man you should feel able to do this too!

OP posts:
amicrazy2 · 25/10/2022 09:36

Thank you. I'll have a read just now.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 25/10/2022 09:34

You tell him you are uncomfortable that she keeps escalating. You ask him to send an email to HR/ management about her sexual harrasment.

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