Yes, I have posted about this a couple of times previously. I'm feeling really shit at the moment so I'd appreciate neutral amd supportive comments rather than critical ones. Thanks.
In a nutshell, I'm in a social/hobby group of a dozen or so people. Mostly coupled up. I started seeing someone within the group and one of the 20yrs+ married women started flirting with my boyfriend. It became so OTT that it was embarrassing - other people noticed and were commenting. I stopped engaging with her other than when essential. I didn't ignore her if she spoke to me but I started avoiding being in that situation.
I spoke with my boyfriend about it. People had also commented to him about it. He didn't want to upset her by saying anything directly, even something as simple and non confrontational as, "Don't do that," and decided to just avoid her as I was/not seek out her company. He told me that he didn't know why she was doing it (but felt it was more to do with me than him as, when we'd first met, she told she was jealous of me). He said he found it weird and uncomfortable.
Anyway, it came to a bit of a head at the end of July when she asked me directly what the matter was. So I told her. I was cross about being the one who had to say something because it was nothing to do with me per se and I shouldn't have been the one who had to deal with it. She apologised to me and to him and no more was said. He didn't reply to her apology but it was definitely worded in such as way that it was intended to elicit reassurance on his part. He didn't give it.
We didn't meet up for the hobby over the summer so didn't see her again until a few weeks ago.
The first time, she ignored me, the second time she was friendly. I decided that, for the sake of the group, and so as not to be 'immature' as was suggested by some on here, that I would be amicable for everyone's sake.
However, she seemed to take this as a green light that everything was now OK, 6 weeks had passed and now it's business as usual. She hasn't been as bad and I wouldn't really describe her behaviour as flirting anymore bit she is still very tactile with him and he is now, seemingly, OK with it. I am not. I just feel I've been trampled over.
I feel betrayed by her as a friend. I feel betrayed that he has seemingly put it all behind him and he now seeks put her company for chats again. I'm sure others won't see a problem with that.
But it untenable for me. He and I had a long chat a couple of weeks ago and I said that I was strongly considering leaving the hobby over it because it was just unpleasant for me all the time - I feel disrespected and unvalued. He also told me in this conversation that he knew I would likely walk away from the relationship if I did. He was right.
The next time we were all together, and knowing this, he spent much of the evening chatting with her.
Afterwards, I told him that I would be leaving the hobby. He hasn't said anything about it either way. I have no idea what his thoughts are on it.
It's pretty much sounded the death knell for our relationship. I can't bear to be in the same room as either of them now.
He claims to have no interest in her and, by all accounts, he was in love with me for a while before we got together. He says he can't believe his luck. He tells me, and shows me, that he loves me. We spend all weekend together, we go out, he never behaves in a way that gives cause for concern other than this. He's overhauled my garden, cooks and does housework when he's here, treats me perfectly in every other respect. Talks about a future together and his actions, otherwise, seem to support this. But I just feel he doesn't respect me and has allowed the situation to continue despite knowing what the outcome will be.
I can't leave properly for another 3 weeks because we have a commitment to fulfill and I've agreed to do it. I'd be landing an awful lot of people in the shit if I pulled out now. But it's making me feel dreadful.
He says he has no interest in her but doesn't like to upset people and sees me leaving as choice rather than something he has caused/allowed to happen.
But I feel heartbroken and utterly bereft that I just don't seem to matter. I feel he has chosen being friendly with someone he claims to not even like all that much over an entire life with me.