"Rage wanking" as remote rape

[bd67th]

The context is this rather disturbing photo where a man has loaded a photo of a woman onto his phone and ejaculated onto said phone with the caption "This is your true purpose." The "crime" of the woman in question appears to be supporting the campaign to repeal the eighth amendment.

At first, I thought "ew, I wouldn't want to work at the phone shop when he takes that in for repair". Then I felt really quite disturbed, so I had a think about why.

I'm reading his defacement of her image with his semen as an attempt to degrade her. He can't degrade her in person through rape, so he defaces her photo with his semen and shows her (by publishing the photos) that he has done it. I think this could be called "rage wanking", because he didn't do it for sexual pleasure, he did it to degrade her, and it's on a continuum of "penis as weapon" male violence against women with rape at the severest end and "choke on my dick" at the least-severe end.

AIBU with my analysis? And AIBU in thinking this man would try to rape the woman if he had access to her? My gut feeling is that he would try it.

What is wrong with men? Honestly. I am finding it so hard to respect them. They're so utterly ruled by their dicks.

YANBU.

the point of his action was not to derive sexual pleasure, it was an attempt to degrade and control the woman in question. It is absolutely on the same spectrum as rape.

He is hideous but he is an internet troll. As with most internet trolls you cannot compare what they do online to what they would do when confronted with the object of their hate/lust/whatever.

There is no such thing as remote rape, don’t overuse the word.

I wonder how many men really think like this

They have all manner of websites set up for hate wanking women as well as those fleshlight thingummys.
"Women have very little idea how much men hate them." GG
Adult men often talk about the weird grudges they carry against girls from middle school who didn't even know they were alive.

I honestly think it's so wrong to generalise about men or anyone.

Anyway this reminds a lot about those voodoo dolls people stick pins in. A modern version.

Oh fuck this is Vonny!

What a sad, sad loser....

But YANBU in your analysis IMO.

Another example of a pathetic insecure man filled with shame and rage and insecurity projecting that onto a woman...

Honestly though he’s probably not going to meet vonny who is in Scotland? I think? But really? There is someone who thinks the only risk to be assessed is whether he might do this or something like this to vonny? Would you think this man safe to be around all the other women who are not vonny just cos he probably won’t get to vonny?

wallisfrizz: There is no such thing as remote rape, don’t overuse the word.

You're correct. I am struggling to find words to express his intent and actions because technology is moving so fast and so people can apply technology to degrade someone faster than my understanding of language can keep up.

thebewilderness: They have all manner of websites set up for hate wanking women

Is this related to revenge porn?

as well as those fleshlight thingummys.

I'd always read non-realistic fleshlights (like the clear ones) as just a sex toy, never thought they were a problem. The disembodied vulvas though, they creep me out, and I'd always just assumed that it was similar to me not liking the look of realistic dildos, but maybe there's more to it.

terfulike: Anyway this reminds a lot about those voodoo dolls people stick pins in. A modern version.

But with an added sexual dimension and a crapton of misogyny. Did cunning folk send the poppets to the victim though? The way he published the images in such a way that she was sure to see them is another way in which this differs from private acts like pins in poppets.

The public shaming aspect makes me also think of: burning in effigy, scold's bridles, shrew's fiddles, stocks. Again, mostly used to silence women.

Following on from that, is part of the reason men don't come in for that sort of shaming behavior (on top of misogyny ensuring that lots of people think women should be ashamed for lots of things) that people don't think it's possible to shame them into decent behavior, so why bother trying? Or is it more that it's not acceptable to threaten men in that way?

It's not that you can't use sex to shame a man, though it has to be in the "you don't get any" direction rather than the "you may at some point have had sex, or even just had female body parts, which makes you a slut, so feel shame" way that gets aimed at women. But it happens far, far less often and is generally considered to be bad form in a way that sexually shaming women isn't.

offred: Would you think this man safe to be around all the other women who are not vonny just cos he probably won’t get to vonny?

This too. Which is, now I think about it, another reason why it feels "rapey": if he'll wank on his own phone and take a photo of his jizzed phone with Vonny's pic and call Vonny a whore (previous tweet in the thread), that's red flag behaviour. Also, how many rules of patriarchy can you spot in his screencaps in that twitter thread?

I would say that this particular man may as well have written NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND, WOMEN AVOID on his own forehead in indelible ink.

I agree with you OP and too am struggling for the words.

This is sexual activity intended to intimidate, not pleasure. It needs its own definition - language and law hasn't yet caught up so I don't know what to call it.

I would say that this particular man may as well have written NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND, WOMEN AVOID on his own forehead in indelible ink.

Quite.

This is so very disturbing.

Weird that he begs her to leave him alone. Do you think he really sees himself as the victim?

Re sex and shame....

Men often use sex to shame women but I have noticed that broadly men very frequently hold deep deep shame about sex and their own sexuality.

Far more often than women.

I think women tend to suffer from some level of disconnection re their own bodies and sexuality but only quite rarely actually feel shame about their sexuality.

Which is weird really given all the effort men put into sexually shaming women All. The. Time.

I suspect it may come from, at least in part, cognitive dissonance because the way men treat women re sex and sexuality is objectively appalling. On some level I think they know this inside and this is why the men who are most misogynistic and most homophobic are the ones who have the most shame....

I'd always read non-realistic fleshlights (like the clear ones) as just a sex toy, never thought they were a problem.

Sorry, I meant the kind that connects to the phone or tablet so they can watch the face of the woman they hate white they wank.
There is a website where you put the persons face of your choice on the woman being abused in porn scenes.

Dear lord, I hope no pics of my face have been used that way. I'll never know? The thought of that just gave me a chill down my spine.

Typeractive Weird that he begs her to leave him alone. Do you think he really sees himself as the victim?

I think that some people don't understand that if you post or comment online, anyone with an account can reply, by design. Also, fourth rule of misogyny applies here: she had an opinion and therefore he's a victim of her having her own ideas.

This kind of thing is partly why many women don't have their pictures as profile pictures on twitter. I've seen this done to another woman too. Which is why it's a bit rich when you talk about political issues pertaining to women and you get called a faceless anonymous coward.

it's one step away from doing it in person - this happened to me after a nasty argument about my sex life (before we met). he stood next to me and wanked over my face after telling me he thought I was a slut...

I don't think I have ever felt so defiled in my life. if I knew someone was doing this remotely - I am sure I would feel the same.

That memory is one of the worst I have of a long and not very nice marriage. it felt worse than everything else somehow.

@thebewilderness Do you mean the iPad mounts for fleshlights, so you can watch porn and not need to hold the tablet and fleshlight separately? I had mentally filed those as "laziness aids", but yes I can see how they could be used to facilitate a "remote rape".

We really need terminology and analysis for this. I can see why PPs consider "remote rape" an inappropriate term, but I can't at the moment think of a better one, other than "rage wank", which isn't very formal and doesn't IMO adequately express the levels of anger, frustration, and desire to dominate the target. I really do feel that this is red flag behaviour and this guy would rape, or masturbate on, Vonny if he could.

This is also making me think harder about the power dynamic in pornography: even if the porn is consensual and shows safe enjoyable sex acts, once the pics/footage are published, the actors have no control over what it's used for after that, including as a PP said being misused to put someone else's face on the actors' bodies .

rememberthetime

Yes, truly terrible. I'm so sorry you went through that.