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My friend shocked me the way she rejected this guy

(311 Posts)
Lifeisntbad Sun 15-Oct-17 09:41:37

Have Ncd and changed some details but this is basically it. A small group of us are on a weekend away. After a few perfectly respectful approaches from men all of whom took the hint and departed when the conversation dried up, my friend who has admittedly had a somewhat difficult time from men in the past but nothing out of the ordinary really genuinely shocked me. We had had a few drinks but weren't drunk.

I'm not sure he was even trying his luck, seemed to be in the hotel for work reasons and just started chatting. After a while my frIend turned to him and said "you're not exactly attractive and you have zero chance with any of us so save yourself the embarrassment and just leave us alone." My other friend and I were stunned and the guy just looked utterly crushed and went away without saying another word. The thing is he was actually fairly attractive and quite a good conversationalist.
Even if he wasn't that's hardly justification. I don't know what to say if we run into him today. I'm really shocked at what my friend said and us 2 others went silently to bed after. I'll speak to her about it today but I've never seen this side to her before. I really felt so sorry for him he looked so upset and shocked.

AdalindSchade Sun 15-Oct-17 09:43:12

Wow! That was unnecessary

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere Sun 15-Oct-17 09:43:59

She was probably pissed off at being approached.

Carolinacarolina Sun 15-Oct-17 09:46:05

Seems so harsh there Were many other things she could have said to get him to leave you all to your own conversation.
If I saw him I think I would apologise on your friends behalf things like that stick with you and erode your self confidence.

theaveragewife Sun 15-Oct-17 09:46:54

I would probably have asked my friend what he said to warrant that answer? I would also accept it if she said she'd just had enough of men trying to talk to her, because she doesn't have to entertain someone who has come up to her to talk, maybe she was fed up of the entitlement of men expecting kindness from her in response to unwarranted social interactions?

Ruddygreattiger2016 Sun 15-Oct-17 09:48:55

Maybe she was really enjoying spending time with her girlfriends and simply got fed up of men trying to interfere with that. There are many times I wish I had been that blunt but never had the guts.

Ellisandra Sun 15-Oct-17 09:51:10

"after a few perfectly acceptable approaches"

I would say a few means at least 3, or your say a couple.

So this is the 4th man to come and interrupt a group of women trying to have a weekend away.

By this point, I'd be ready to say fuck off. I wouldn't. And I think it was horrible of her to say he wasn't attractive. But a fairly short "we're just trying to have some time alone together" alongside a feeling of being pissed off is perfectly acceptable.

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 15-Oct-17 09:52:52

I absolutely believe women should feel free to tell men to stop bothering them at any time and as clearly and strongly as they wish to.

However the way your friend put it was really nasty. Cruel. This guy may have been an arse but equally he may have been a nice person and that level of personal criticism was unacceptable. I would have been shocked too.

If the man had been grossly lecherous and continually pestering then, ok. But not some random reasonable bloke being pleasant. In that case, a firm, "sorry, we are having a private conversation here" would have sufficed.

Trills Sun 15-Oct-17 09:53:44

It sounds like she's had trouble from men not taking "no thanks" for an answer before, so she decided to go for something stronger.

Men don't go around wearing signs that tell us "I'll go away if you say no thanks" vs "I'll ignore what you say and start leaning in and touching you" vs "I'll call you a frigid bitch".

theaveragewife Sun 15-Oct-17 09:55:45

And then her mates ignored her and went to bed hmm

Trills Sun 15-Oct-17 09:57:36

Tip for men:
If you have a problem with women "overreacting" when you "just wanted to talk", your problem is not women.
Your problem is the men who have made the women feel that politely saying "no thanks" will not work and could be unsafe.

Hellywelly10 Sun 15-Oct-17 09:58:27

She was probably pissed off with being approached several times. She had a few drinks and he got the brunt of it.

loobylou10 Sun 15-Oct-17 10:01:00

Wow no need to be so cruel. I would have a big problem with that.

userxx Sun 15-Oct-17 10:02:50

She sounds vile. I would be so embarrassed.

Cleavergreene Sun 15-Oct-17 10:03:47

Despite the apologists here, her comment was totally uncalled for. His only problem was he didn't have a suitable one line quip in response, something like "it wasn't you I was after, I never go after the wing man". Then get up, say "have a lovely evening ladies" and leave.

magoria Sun 15-Oct-17 10:05:04

Have you posted this before? It seems very familiar almost identical wording.

StevesFlappyCap Sun 15-Oct-17 10:06:00


theaveragewife Sun 15-Oct-17 10:06:31

her comment was totally uncalled for. His only problem was he didn't have a suitable one line quip in response

How do you know what she said wasn't in response to an offensive comment? I remember a guy once telling me I looked like his favourite porn star, no one else heard.

Nancy91 Sun 15-Oct-17 10:06:40

That's really rude, if she hates people talking to her so much then maybe she should stay at home.

PoorYorick Sun 15-Oct-17 10:08:39

That's horrible. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. "I don't mean to be rude, but we're having a group weekend here and we'd like it to be just us" is fine.

Does she realise how crushing that must be? The poor guy.

ReanimatedSGB Sun 15-Oct-17 10:11:25

Maybe that dick will learn to leave women alone. I'm never polite to random men who come and interrupt a conversation I am having with female friends - it's always 'This is a private conversation, move along' as an opener, and then I get a lot ruder if they don't take off immediately.

Trills Sun 15-Oct-17 10:11:29

Are you sure you are her friend?

If my friend said something that I thought was inappropriately rude to a stranger, I'd ask her what was wrong or if she was OK. I wouldn't stop talking to her for the rest of the evening.

Because I like my friends, and I think that they are generally reasonable people, so if they do something I consider unreasonable or out of character I talk to them about it.

diddl Sun 15-Oct-17 10:12:47

How did all this come about?

If you were all talking & he wasn't "trying his luck"-how did he come to get talking to you?

ConstanceSpry Sun 15-Oct-17 10:13:20

Unnecessarily cruel. I'd have had words with her at the time and apologised on her behalf to the man. What a total cow.

If you are fed up with people harassing you be assertive, not rude. There is no excuse for this rudeness.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 15-Oct-17 10:13:26

I am sure I have read this exact same response before...

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