My friend shocked me the way she rejected this guy

[Lifeisntbad]

Have Ncd and changed some details but this is basically it. A small group of us are on a weekend away. After a few perfectly respectful approaches from men all of whom took the hint and departed when the conversation dried up, my friend who has admittedly had a somewhat difficult time from men in the past but nothing out of the ordinary really genuinely shocked me. We had had a few drinks but weren't drunk.

I'm not sure he was even trying his luck, seemed to be in the hotel for work reasons and just started chatting. After a while my frIend turned to him and said "you're not exactly attractive and you have zero chance with any of us so save yourself the embarrassment and just leave us alone." My other friend and I were stunned and the guy just looked utterly crushed and went away without saying another word. The thing is he was actually fairly attractive and quite a good conversationalist.
Even if he wasn't that's hardly justification. I don't know what to say if we run into him today. I'm really shocked at what my friend said and us 2 others went silently to bed after. I'll speak to her about it today but I've never seen this side to her before. I really felt so sorry for him he looked so upset and shocked.

Seems a little mean but I can completely understand the sentiment. If men have been repeatedly and unwantedly (not sure that's a word!) approaching your group all evening, I can totally understand why she might be fed up of this. He just had bad timing and caught the brunt of her annoyance. I don't think you should apologise for her as others have suggested, she's an adult and if she thinks her behaviour was inappropriate then she can apologise for herself.

I remember a MN meet up a few years ago. It was summer, so we were sitting outside the pub; fairly early on in the evening so not that many of us there. All women, at that point (ISTR a couple of MNers later showed up with their DHs, but that was no problem).
So of course a random man wandered over - Ladies may I join you?
I said, no, we are waiting for more friends to come, that's why we've bagged the big table.'
'Well can I sit with you till your friends come?'
At this point I stood up and said, 'No. You're not welcome, we don't know you, get lost.' I think I probably did my best Scary Face, too, and he did go away. But no other MNer thought I was being awful or rude or anything (or, if they did, they didn't say so.)

I'm with SGB. Sounds like she was fed up of men thinking it was okay to insert themselves into your conversation and not getting the hint until the conversation 'dried up' so thought she would spare everyone having another awkward and unwanted interruption being dragged out. I find you ignoring your friend and silently going off to bed far ruder.

And yeah, I agree with the pps who say he was totally trying his luck because he felt he was owed the attention of a group of women. I seriously doubt you invited him over to join you. I get why she was annoyed. I personally wouldn't have said he was unattractive but I'd definitely have said we're not interested, please leave us alone if it had been happening all night.

And I'm sure I've read this thread before too.

Tbh it can get very annoying having men intrude and chat you up a lot. I do think what she said was cruel, but to me she sounds fed up of men thinking they have the right to impose. Hmm

It was unkind, & I might have told her that I thought it was ott, but on the whole I agree with Reanimated & Angel.

If a group of women are out together, why do some men think that they must be wanting a man to go & chat them up & that it's OK just to do this?

He might not have been interested in your friend at all. Even if he was, why is coming over and starting a chat such a problem?! How are you supposed to meet someone if you're not allowed to speak to people? Why couldn't she just say "we are talking about something a bit personal, sorry"?

It's not like the same guy kept walking over, it was the first time he had done so.

She sounds like a bitch.

I reckon she thought that he was after op and other friend and she was jealous of this because he didn't fancy her instead.

I remember a few months ago I was on a hen party, our hen parties take a weird vibe where it's really just a normal night out however my Mum was out with us (who is happily married to my dad).

A man just wouldn't leave her alone and despite her best protests he just wouldn't go away. Me and my sister asked him to just leave her alone, our friends asked too and he just kept coming back. In the end I told him to fuck off and can't he tell by the wedding ring my Mum isn't at all interested in you. He shortly disappeared.

Mentioning his looks was awful but I think sometimes with men you need to be that strong, they don't take subtle hints like us women seem to.

Yes justinelibertine, a woman can't possibly just be fed up with being hassled by men, she must be jealous

Blimey!!

If he wasn't making himself unwelcome and his conversation was passing the time that was REALLY unnecessary.

Is she the least attractive of the three of you. I used to hate when a man approached me and my friends and it was THEM he was interested in because it meant you'd lost your friends' company for the night and you got a side order of reminder how unnatractive you were

Being sisterly it used to make me annoyed with the men for ruining the dynamic

so do single women regularly feel entitled enough to insert themselves in a group of men who are out in a group of an evening?

Why is a group of girls out together seen as an open invitation?

What she said was a bit uncalled for, maybe she had given him a polite amount of time, but Im guessing a man coming into a group doesnt just sit and listen and join in the conversation - from my experience they start to dominate it and want a group of women hanging on their word. Perhaps she had tried subtly? Perhaps she was just bloody sick of it and it was the straw that broke the camels back.

Just read the pp, I wasn't jealous in these situations, i was annoyed that a man had approached us and changed an all girls together vibe in to a situation where I felt graded, and put last. Like losing a competition I didn't enter. I wasn't jealous of my friends, I was annoyed with men for changing the vibe. But now being older, i don't think every adult who strikes up a convo is on the pull. That was a 20s thing I think. Now I just think people are chatting. Mostly.

It totally fucks me off that a group of women having a fun night out, get constantly approached by men. Just fuck off and let us have fun.

I think it's easy enough to tell someone to clear off without commenting on their looks, that's just common decency surely.

To be frank I have heard men say much nastier things about their appearance to women, and not to women who have deliberately wandered over to a group of men with the ( probable,very likely) intention of picking one of them up, but to women innocently having a drink,sitting in a bar, a coffee shop,a park bench....

no, it wasn't a particularly pleasant thing to say, but rest assured, he will have justified it to himself, and to his colleagues if any of them witnessed it, by calling you " a bunch of lezzers", as rejected men are wont to do.

Men need to stop try and inserting themselves in groups of women all the time.

If you see this poor man I would just apologise on behalf of your group as I can’t see your friend doing it.

I can understand her irritation at being pestered like this but that wasn’t necessary at all. Also speak to your friend as that was plain nasty.

This thread is very familiar ...

And I have said to men very sharply - Just leave us alone, and been thanked by friends. A group of women having fun is not an open invitation to any man about to come and dominate our conversation. Just fuck off.

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brasty clearly you missed the memo that women only go out in groups to have their existence/attractiveness validated by random men

It's one thing to ask someone to leave you alone, but that was humiliating and unnecessary.