My friend shocked me the way she rejected this guy

[Lifeisntbad]

Have Ncd and changed some details but this is basically it. A small group of us are on a weekend away. After a few perfectly respectful approaches from men all of whom took the hint and departed when the conversation dried up, my friend who has admittedly had a somewhat difficult time from men in the past but nothing out of the ordinary really genuinely shocked me. We had had a few drinks but weren't drunk.

I'm not sure he was even trying his luck, seemed to be in the hotel for work reasons and just started chatting. After a while my frIend turned to him and said "you're not exactly attractive and you have zero chance with any of us so save yourself the embarrassment and just leave us alone." My other friend and I were stunned and the guy just looked utterly crushed and went away without saying another word. The thing is he was actually fairly attractive and quite a good conversationalist.
Even if he wasn't that's hardly justification. I don't know what to say if we run into him today. I'm really shocked at what my friend said and us 2 others went silently to bed after. I'll speak to her about it today but I've never seen this side to her before. I really felt so sorry for him he looked so upset and shocked.

Shocker. A man doesn't see the problem.

I genuinely wish you could exist in the world as a woman for a few days. Genuinely. Can you not try even for a second to actually listen to what women are saying? Would you like to be viewed as an object and have random people try to have sex with you constantly? Would you not be pissed off after the fourth attempt in one evening?

Seriously, why can't you listen?!

It would obviously be better overall if men didn't approach women like this but people got to know each other in a natural way in a safe environment. The thing is, and I accept I may well be behind the times, every single relationship I've had (I'm straight) has been initiated by the man. Obviously I've had my fair share of approaches from entitled idiots as well, plus some from men who did accept my rejection gracefully and respectfully. Inasmuch as I have "suffered" inappropriate advances or those who took umbrage at my rejection I suppose it is only right to acknowledge that there were times when I did want a specific man to approach me. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. I personally would not want to be expected to make the first move. I think there was a dating website where men could only view profiles of women who had seen the man's profile first. So in theory women were only contacted my men theyd given the nod to first.
Anyway I cannot prove the intentions of the man my frIend was rude to, and she was rude as I don't think she should have brought his attractiveness into it. He may have been a total lech who pesters women regularly in which case she did us all a favour. He may simply have been trying to make conversation in which case I'd feel a bit for him.

So you haven't even spoken to her? So clearly haven't apologised? Some friend!

@Lifeisntbad did you actually speak to your friend about it?

I did speak to her. I don't want to say what she said but we agreed to disagree. She did acknowledge he didn't say or do anything appropriate.

I remember my mum telling me I wouldn't meet the love of my life on a night out. I went on to meet my husband and father of my child in a club. I'm so glad he spoke to me. He's wonderful. We are not all the same, men or women.

I think there was a dating website where men could only view profiles of women who had seen the man's profile first. So in theory women were only contacted my men theyd given the nod to first.

You might be thinking of Bumble. It's pretty good - there's initial matching like Tinder (swipe left/right) and then the woman has to send the first message. You wouldn't like it though because you have to send the first message.

Trills wrote
You wouldn't like it though because you have to send the first message
What I wrote was I did not like the idea of making a public approach to a man. I didn't say I wouldn't do so online. Even if I wouldn't, I believe I'm entitled to have preferences as is anyone. I found the working of this a bit unpleasant to be honest.

You are absolutely entitled to your preference. I was noting that how it works probably would not be to your taste, given what you've written here.

Ok I understand now. Thanks.