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I want to keep my ex from being on our babies birth certificate (please read)

(9 Posts)
Danity856 Tue 29-Dec-15 14:29:20

My ex has made it clear he doesn't want to be part of our baby's life. he wanted her aborted, didn't attend any scans etc. and after her birth said that he didn't want to be on the birth certificate.

Since I left my ex (a week before finding out I was pregnant) he has been bitterly, verbally abusive and obsessive with me. During my pregnancy he would be outside my house at the door so that I couldn't leave (even when I was 7 months pregnant) he would be sending me love messages, countless voicemails, calling me from different numbers and texting me from computer messaging sites with creepy messages at early hours in the morning. If he wasn't sending creepy messages he was sending me abusive ones. I only ever responded to him twice after this: firstly to tell him about my scan and the second time to tell him the baby's gender. He ignored both of these and continued with messaging me that he wanted to do sexual things with me and then continued verbally abusing me after realising I was ignoring him again.

After my baby was born I messaged him and I asked him if he wanted to come and see the baby. he came over looked at her and poked her. He asked nothing about her and then started to flirt with me. I didn't respond to flirting and I instead started talking about the baby - he then began shouting at me (whilst week old baby was on my lap!) I asked him to leave. Since this he has called me and told me that he will have "a lot more control" if he gets on the birth certificate.. I don't know what he meant but it felt like some kind of threat, As he never even asks about her. Since he said this to me he sent a letter through my door that seemed as though it was written with legal help, it sounded nothing like him and said things about "arranging times to visit baby" and "financial help for me" I'm really confused.

I am now worried that my ex is trying to regain control of me using our baby whom he has expressed no interest in. If he applies to Court and they can see that he has been abusive and expressed no interest, will they refuse his application?

Since he said this to me I have saved his text messages, one of them being about not wanting to be on the certificate in the first place and a few abusive messages but thats all I have now. I used to delete the messages as they were so horrible and hurtful. Now he has sent me this letter will they take it into consideration? It's not even his writing. I feel a bit scared of him. I've also found out some of the ways in which he can control me. Most of my family live abroad and i have always travelled. If he takes control he can stop me moving to my family or even making a passport for baby.

Penfold007 Tue 29-Dec-15 14:41:20

You need to report his harassment and abusive messages to the police. If you haven't already registered the birth then do so as soon as possible and leave the father's part blank.

If he wants to go on the certificate then he can go to court and he will probably get his way but with that comes paying child support.

He does have a right to a relationship with his daughter (unless he is violent) and he has a legal obligation to financially support her. Most of all you need urgent legal advice.

peteneras Tue 29-Dec-15 16:33:38

Have you read this?

cestlavielife Wed 30-Dec-15 21:06:30

You need to start reporting his harassment and abuse get police or solicitor to witness the messages etc as your say so and no evidence means very little.
Ypu also need to speak to a lawyer get proper legal advice.

Marilynsbigsister Thu 31-Dec-15 20:27:27

Report his harassment to the police immediately. The police are able to download your laptop, tablet or PC and get off the deleted messages. This will build up a picture of appalling abuse over and throughout your pregnancy, this should be more than sufficient for the court to see that he is a grade a nut job. Without you taking these steps, it will be the word of an over protective mother denying a child a relationship with his son. You have the evidence to proove he is unhinged, for your child's safety you have an obligation to keep him at arms length.

lostinmiddlemarch Thu 31-Dec-15 21:28:33

If you think you would like to move back home, I would do it sooner rather than later. I don't know much about it but I would seriously doubt that what he is done so far would be considered justification for denying him access to your baby.

caroldecker Thu 31-Dec-15 21:39:47

He will need to pay financial support whether or not he is on the birth certificte/has legal PR

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 31-Dec-15 21:39:59

This mental harrassment has been made illegal this week - worth knowing.
I also second telling the police.
He has to be at the registration to be on the certificate or as said apply to court.
Are you working? Can you change address/phone numbers/delete accounts? (FB you can block or change your name)

balletgirlmum Thu 31-Dec-15 21:42:56

There was an almost identical post not so long ago. Uncannily similar.

If you are not married he would have to be present when you register the birth to be on the certificate anyway.

But he could apply to the court for parental responsibiloty I think.

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