Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your real advice about deciding to have a third child

417 replies

ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 10/08/2021 13:50

We're at the point of deciding whether to ttc or not. I have a soon to be 4yo and an 18mo, same sex, in a three bed house with no desire to move house. Not rich (at all) but wouldn't consider us to be poor either. Both in stable jobs or as much as we know, but I did have health problems at the end of second pregnancy which meant I was off sick for the final few months (makes me nervous it was frowned upon), I needed c sections with both pregnancies. I'd love another baby but need to be sensible which is really tough! Had an early mc with unplanned preg back in Feb Sad

Can you share your experiences please. Good and bad?

OP posts:
Getawaywithit · 10/08/2021 13:58

I love having three but…

  • in a 3 bed house they will have to share
  • you might need a bigger car
  • the primary years go on forever
  • childcare costs go on forever
  • three lots of extra curricula activities, lots of evening running around
  • they sometimes gang up 2 against 1
  • they sometimes gang up 3 against me
  • trying to keep everyone happy at weekends is hard, sometimes someone misses out
  • your third child won’t be supported by the benefit system should you fall on hard times
Oversize · 10/08/2021 14:05

Honestly - don't.
All the usual caveats about loving DC3 every bit as much as the others...wouldn't be without them etc but if I had the decision to make again I'd say don't.

If you want a child of the opposite sex you have a high chance of not getting that.
If you do have one of the opposite sex that could bring issues of its own.
Also:
Expense
Hassle
Extending the time before you get your own life back

Lapsidasicle · 10/08/2021 14:09

I have two and wouldn’t have 3 because...

I already spend all my spare time doing laundry, my youngest generates the most
Would need a new car
The environmental impact - it’s increasingly seen as selfish to have more than 2 (controversial I know)
Lots of holidays would not be viable/ too expensive
Longer spent on paying expensive childcare means less savings for older age
Can’t afford to pay for another child to go to university and learn to drive
Would leave my children with even less input from me (but I work FT)

It’s a ‘no’ from me!

HermioneKipper · 10/08/2021 14:15

I really really wouldn’t. We had an unplanned third in the form of twins and it’s so so hard. Twins bring their own stresses of course but I find having three children very tiring and stressful. Love them and obviously couldn’t choose one to give back (tempting as this can sometimes be!) but so many things are harder.

You’re outnumbered
Holidays aren’t set up for 2 adults/3 children
Family days out never have a family ticket for this number
You’ll need a new car
You won’t have enough attention for all three
Imagine the cost of sending three to uni 😱

HermioneKipper · 10/08/2021 14:16

Oh and another one - no one will want to look after 3! I think grandparents may have been more willing to take 2 of them for a night. No hope in hell for 3

curiouscatgotkilled · 10/08/2021 14:18

I have three, it goes without saying that I adore my third child.
The pros are that you will be calmer and more confident with the third and the baby stages are easier.
Other than that, everything else is harder! space, time, money, attention. I feel like someone is always missing out. As much as I love my third and they are a truly joyful and perfect little person, I do often think about how much better our life would be if I had finished at two, in so many ways.

It seems so harsh to say it though.

Devondonkey · 10/08/2021 14:24

Teetering on same decision... I just sort of feel that three might be overkill, and have two that I absolutely adore (I know I would love number 3!) and that's wonderful. Just somehow get this very strong feeling that I would be chancing our luck (also DH doesn't particularly want another one).

RhodaDendron · 10/08/2021 14:24

I think the ideal number of children is 2.5!? I love having three, all same sex, don’t mind that at all. They are a lovely little gang. All the cons listed by PP above apply though, so I think there’s no easy answer, you just have to be determined to make it work.

timeisnotaline · 10/08/2021 14:29

I’m having my third next year. Totally cool with them sharing rooms, my boys already do. We already have the bigger car as we knew we wanted more dc. It will be busy, some holidays will cost more but we usually Airbnb or similar to have our own kitchen and space so not a big deal, some exhausting years of course, childcare fees for longer and three lots of school fees but I’m sure it will be worth it. The grandparents will definitely have all 3 at once sometimes.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 10/08/2021 14:29

I have 3 and i love it. Awful for one year but now they’re all 5 and over, honestly life is so easy!! They are same sex and play in a great little gang all the time. Summer holidays are just full of laughter and games. Everything just seems a bit more ‘party’ than life with two.
Because children outnumber adults its much more child heavy in our house, which is what we wanted.
Money could be an issue, we are in a very fortunate position - but if you do feel you would struggle, and there’s no chance that your financial position will improve as you/your DH go up the career ladder then
you should have a careful plan
in place

LaikO · 10/08/2021 14:30

Just following as we also have 2 but will (all going well) be stopping at 4 or 5, so it'll be good to know how to prepare.

Iusedtobesoooomuchfun · 10/08/2021 14:33

I have 3.

Its loud. Its tiring. I just spent £150 on school shoes. 2 share a room. They bicker because 3 is an odd number. They eat lots. So much washing.

But all I can do is try and enjoy it!Wink

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 10/08/2021 14:36

I had wanted more but stopped at 2. I didn't think I had enough energy for another! They're now grown up and I have no regrets.

Iusedtobesoooomuchfun · 10/08/2021 14:39

Oh and Grandparents have them around twice a year. But that was the same when we had 2 anyway!

User135792468 · 10/08/2021 14:40

Three is hard work. I love them to bits but not sure I’d pick having 3 again. The financial side is immense, big house, big car, holidays, paying for university for 3, 3 learning to drive / cars, 3 house deposits. I’m split in 3 now but when we have grandchildren and I’m needed to help, then I’m going to be even more exhausted.

54321nought · 10/08/2021 14:41

For environmental reasons, stick at 2

kaleidoscopeheartless · 10/08/2021 14:43

My third wasn't planned and because my youngest is a girl and my older two are boys it brought a different dynamic. Definitely rules over the boys lol. It is a lot harder having 3 than 2, always need to be over prepared in a morning otherwise it all goes to pot.

Gumboots29 · 10/08/2021 14:43

I have two and really wanted three. I now have a surprise third coming and I’m a lot more panicked about it than I thought I would be.

The reality of the expense is just kicking in (new car, car seat, possibly a new pram due to a smaller age gap than the other two, and that’s just for a newborn) as is the reality of how long the preschool years will go on for.

Aggy35 · 10/08/2021 14:44

With everything that's going on in the world and environmental reasons stick with 2

Mreggsworth · 10/08/2021 14:47

In light of recent news about the impact of global warning and the potential of what the future could hold I would advise to consider the environmental impact of a 3rd child - not saying that should be the deciding factor, but definitely something to consider in your pro's and con's decision making process.

Booboosweet · 10/08/2021 14:48

I think the hardest thing about three must be the expense. I just had to buy new clothes and shoes for my daughter and it was the guts of 250 euro. Multiplied by three is such a big expense.

Original poster
ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 10/08/2021 14:49

Wow I didn't expect so many responses to say don't do it 😔 I guess I was hoping to be convinced it would be alright. They're all genuine issues though that I can understand that.

I get that sharing a room could be an issue, I shared with my siblings. I already have a 7 seater, albeit I'm not sure if I can put my eldests seat in the back as they're those wierd folding ones (zafira) DH has a 5 door. Money I find hard to predict as it can all change so quickly.

I think this thread backfired on me 😂

OP posts:
whistlers · 10/08/2021 14:53

@LaikO

Just following as we also have 2 but will (all going well) be stopping at 4 or 5, so it'll be good to know how to prepare.
5?!
cadburyegg · 10/08/2021 14:54

We were in a very similar position to you, finances, age gap between kids, the works.

We decided not to in the end mainly because of finances, we had stretched ourselves to buy the 3bed house which was perfect for 4 of us. But we knew that eventually we’d want all of our kids to have their own rooms when they became teenagers, and didn’t think we’d be able to afford to move again. Plus we’d both have needed new cars, nursery/childcare costs, and the fact we were very lucky that my mum helped us a bit with childcare too, but she’s not getting any younger. When we just had DS1 we had lots of offers of babysitting, with 2 less so, and with 3 I think grandparents would have outright refused!

I’ll be honest, I would have loved to have a girl - we have 2 boys - but I accept that we had what we were meant to have.

As it happens our marriage broke down last year and I’m glad every day that we didn’t have a third because single parenting two kids is hard enough!

SafeMove · 10/08/2021 14:54

I was a lone parent with one and it was fine. Then unfortunately I was a lone parent with 3 (after trying really hard to make sure that didn't happen, he broke my jaw) and it was so much harder. I think two would have been more manageable. There is always one left out and being ganged up on with 3 too. And as there is a 4 year age gap between them all, days out are a nightmare as there is always one who finds it not to their taste.

However, I have loved getting to know 3 new humans who have turned out to be proper interesting people. They are all soooo different and that has been a fascinating experiment for me haha!

Swipe left for the next trending thread