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I've been at my job for 3 years and recently raised to my manager that I do more than is in my JD and would like my salary to be reviewed. They agreed and also said they would like to change some aspects of my JD. I was then informed that because my JD and salary are changing I will need to re-interview for my job and it will be externally advertised too.

I have a job interview for another job of much higher pay for similar work, I'm in the mindset now of fuck my current job and put all my time outside of work towards preparing for this other interview.

Any advice or thoughts on this??

I'm so annoyed and humiliated that I'll possibly lose my current job to a better candidate

51

I didn’t know which category to put this in! Would especially love to hear opinions from seasoned campers and vanners.
we need to release money for our sons house deposit. We don’t have it all so would remortgage for some of it.
we have a VW campervan which we could sell
basically the financial difference between keeping or selling the van would be around £400 over 4 and a half years.
just writing it out here it seems like a no brainer!
but we do love our weekends in the van. Anyone switched to a tent from a van and kept their relationship intact? We tend to just do weekends.

63

I’m in my 20’s, mum is in her 60’s.

I’ve asked her if she wants to go on a girls trip at the end of the year. 4 nights in a city in Europe (we’ve not chosen yet).

Would you do this? I don’t know if It seems a little odd to do or if it’s totally normal.

176

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

260

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

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My MIL very much wants to be the involved grandma who is asked to babysit our children (6 and 2) and DH is very keen for his mum to feel included and important as a grandmother, so we ask her to babysit. The problem is that whenever we actually do ask her, she doesn’t really do what we ask. It’s never anything catastrophic, but it’s consistently frustrating. She’ll keep our eldest up far too late because she doesn’t want to properly enforce bedtime, so we then get back an overtired, emotional child. She’ll let our toddler skip naps or completely ignore routines because she thinks “one day won’t hurt,” when of course it absolutely does when we’re then left dealing with the fallout. She also has a habit of giving treats, screen time, or freedoms we’ve specifically said no to, and generally treats our parenting preferences more like optional suggestions than actual instructions.

So instead of childcare genuinely helping us, it often creates more stress afterwards. Before anyone says “well, let DH deal with the aftermath then,” yes, he often does. But that doesn’t magically solve the issue. I’m still in the same house listening to overtired children screaming, struggling, and melting down, and I’m hardly going to sit there with my feet up while my kids are miserable just to prove a point. Their difficult evening still affects the whole household, regardless of whose “turn” it is to manage it.

The key point is that we are not remotely short on childcare. My side of the family help and actually respect our routines and boundaries (DH agrees that this is the case), and if needed we also have paid childcare options who, unsurprisingly, do exactly what we ask. So this isn’t about necessity at all. It’s much more that DH feels guilty because his mum clearly wants to feel needed, involved, and chosen, and he worries that not asking her more often will hurt her feelings. On Sunday we went out because apparently MIL was sad that she hadn’t been asked to babysit in a while, whereas my mum had been a lot recently. To me it felt almost like she hadn’t had her turn to play with the toys and is in a mood about it - they’re actual living humans!

Childcare isn’t a charitable role you hand out to preserve a grown adult’s sense of importance. She absolutely loves the children, and I’m not trying to cut her out or stop her seeing them, but I am increasingly struggling with the idea that we should knowingly make our own lives harder, and our children’s evenings harder, just to protect her feelings. Seeing them with us present apparently isn’t the same thing to her. AIBU to think that “wanting to feel included” isn’t enough reason to keep using someone for babysitting when they repeatedly ignore how you want your children cared for? And how do others navigate this without it becoming huge family drama, especially when your husband seems more focused on not upsetting his mother than on whether the childcare is actually helpful?

126

A friend thinks that it’s a ripoff but it seems like a pretty good deal to me and I’m curious to know what it would cost in your area?

12 inch pizza with two toppings. Fish and chips for one(Two pieces of fish) A portion of chips, a portion of onion rings and a 2 litre bottle of Coke?

TIA

12

Im a single mum in my 30s and want to find a fwb but where do you meet them? When I was younger I would meet them online but the vast majority of the men just wanted to sleep with me and never contact me again, im looking for a regular fwb rather than ONS. I have read about Fab swingers and feeld but I’m really not into anything kinky in the slightest so dont like the idea of them. I was thinking tinder but I don’t want to put it on my profile incase people I know in real life see me on there (I wouldn’t want them to know) where have others found theirs?

37
Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread
AIBU?

I always wonder. And reading a recent thread prompted me to ask the question. Why do people do it by choice? People complain about the house prices (rightly), ulez, nursery fees, cost of everything being more expensive, commutes, tubes etc.

if you’re not absolutely tied to London for work or health or I guess family. Why do you choose to live there when there are so many cheaper easier lifestyle options in the country?

676

Today I recieved a text message from a debt company on behalf of Ionos Cloud - a website domain company. Not a company ive heard of. I contacted the debt collector and they asked me to confirm my address...my current one ive had for 4 years wasnt correct nor was the one I was at 2 years before that correct. Because of this they were unable to shed any more light on the situation and said to contact Ionos. Well....they were fun 🫠 seeing as you can only really get help if you have account details. Managed to get through and he said I cant help without your login. I said i can provide email...well my email (which ive had for 18 years) showed no account. So what do I do? And how can I sort this mess out ?! The guy on the phone was so unhelpful.

16

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DS13 has stolen £20. I know this because I counted out the cash for a holiday yesterday. I checked it twice and DH checked it. He then put it in the cupboard. We have gone to get it out today and £20 is missing.
I know he has had a few £1 here and there that he has found around the house and have often turned a blind eye. He gets £4 a week spending money and I have told him several times I will up it if he does chores but he wont.
DH says we should ground him for a week and take his phone. I think taking his phone when he is travelling to and from school will cause us more hassle than him but think he should have it taken when he gets in from school and returned in the mornings. Is this fair? To be honest I feel bad because he has always taken bits here and there which we knew, but did nothing about.

25

Just that really. Currently on day 6 of an ear infection. Started as an outer ear infection, I was given antibacterial ear drops 2 days after the pain started (as I’ve had that feeling before which goes away so wanted to wait before seeing GP).

I was using them as instructed for 2 days along with alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen. No relief whatsoever, and yesterday my ear popped and some muck came out of it so I went back to my GP. My eardrum has ruptured and I’ve got a middle ear infection so am on some oral antibiotics and prescription strength pain killers.

Here is where, in my opinion the assholery behaviour starts.

Ive worked all through this, done all the school pick ups and drop offs, done my share of the housework etc without complaining but this morning (day 6 of infection, day 2 of stronger meds) my temperature spiked to 39 degrees Celsius, I’m shivering and can’t get warm, the pain is something else, I can barely lift my head off the pillow without wanting to be sick.

I didn’t really sleep last night either due to the pain so I called in sick to work today and I have another appt with the GP tomorrow (on their advice) as I really should be starting to feel better now, even if just a little bit when in reality I’m feeling worse. The whole side of my face hurts that side and I can’t open my mouth properly to chew food without my ear hurting even more.

He has had to do the school runs, dinner and dishes today, and is highly likely to need to do them tomorrow unless a miracle happens overnight. He’s been stomping around the house, moaning that he’s having to work as well as do “all your stuff” how im lazy and it’s “just an ear infection” and that im wasting resources with all these appointments and medications.

AIBU to think he’s being an asshole about me being ill or should I get a grip as it’s “just an ear infection”?

44

Wes Streeting will reportedly resign as Health Secretary and trigger a leadership contest against Keir Starmer and it could be as soon as tomorrow.

Allies of Mr Streeting said he was “going to go for it” after he met the Prime Minister in Downing Street for just 16 minutes this morning.

A spokesman for the Health Secretary said he would not discuss his brief meeting with Sir Keir over fears it would overshadow the King’s Speech, which will take place later today at 11.40.

AIBU to assume that Streeting is in the final stages of preparing a coup for the Labour leadership and will very likely make his move tomorrow?

71

Just to update you all who were so lovely last night - I was even worse overnight so called 111, they said to wait to GP appt this morning.

At the appointment GP did my vitals, checked my ear (which is now fully closed shut) and advised me to go straight to A&E to get IV antibiotics.

Still waiting as need to be assessed by ENT but they are taking great care of me. Decent pain relief, have fed me and going very regular obs. They’ve also done swabs to see what infection we are dealing with.

People moan about the NHS but honestly, I cannot fault the treatment I’ve had, even if it is taking a bit longer to be properly admitted than I thought.

2

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

494

A friend is getting married in NYC later this year. The dress code is black tie. The venue has not been disclosed and will not be disclosed until the day of the event to avoid media attention as they are within the celebrity sphere (I know them through family and am very much not from this world)
Any advice on something suitably glamorous given there may be a few A listers present and I don’t want to look out of place? I’m 5’7, size 8-10. Budget not really an issue

91

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

472

Feeling brave and hope fellow mumsnetters may be able to give some thoughts about my house listing on Rightmove. It went on end of Feb, right before the Iran war started and since then had about 18 viewings but only 1 offer that fell through within two weeks. We are now at week 12 and feeling a bit stuck...

Photos were taken on a sunny day in Feb, but I've asked if we can update for some sunny May photos.

Anything else that stands out that I could update / tidy / clean / remove? I know you will all say the issue is price, and we could drop it some, but I thought it was a pretty decent price to start with.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/172706036#/?channel=RES_BUY

Check out this 5 bedroom detached house for sale on Rightmove
5 bedroom detached house for sale in Chart Lane, Reigate, RH2 for £1,320,000. Marketed by Hound and Porter, Reigate
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/172706036#/?channel=RES_BUY
92

Unless in extreme cases (ie SEN, extreme mental health or other complex needs) or parent is qualified teacher, I fundamentally disagree with home ed.

It's insular and doesn't prepare kids for the real world.

I've seen first hand some shocking examples that I can't go into for confidentiality reasons but common thread was parents arrogantly assumed they had same skills as teachers with masters degrees. Reality was kids were really behind, had no proper structure or routine.

It's worrying that so many people see home ed as a viable lifestyle choice. I know school system not perfect at all but isolating children at home or in small home ed group echo chambers isn't healthy.

226

DS passport expires 4/3/2027, and we arrive home from our hol on 4/9/2026. It will be exactly 6 months left to expiry on our departure from EU.
Would you get a new passport or risk it?

16

We've had a new mattress, so decided to clear everything off our ottoman. Our bed & Ottoman very rarely looks this tidy. Does this look dated?

177

To feel really upset that I only received one birthday card from my friend and no presents?

Last week was my ‘big birthday’. I went to the south coast on holiday for a few days and came back on Sat.

ds1 & 2 are both adults. They messaged me on my birthday, but I’ve not seen or heard from them since then. I know they are very busy, I’ve messaged them and they haven’t replied.

AIBU to feel really hurt?

3

I’m not talking about abuse, toxic dynamics, safety issues or situations where the friendship had clearly broken down.

I mean situations where the friend had done nothing obviously wrong, you liked them, valued the friendship, things seemed broadly fine… yet you still abruptly stopped replying, drifted away completely or effectively ghosted them.

I find it such a strange and painful thing to experience and I know quite a few people it’s happened to.

After enough time passes, I imagine reaching back out probably starts to feel awkward or loaded, which maybe makes the silence continue even longer.

But if you’ve done this, why? What was going on for you at the time? How do you feel about it now? Do you ever think about reconnecting or apologising?

I’m genuinely trying to understand rather than attacking anyone.

58