To not have the school home visit?

[Discoballsfordays]

Youngest DC starts reception in September, he's already attending the school nursery. There is a stay and play session upcoming to meet the teacher and you are invited to book a slot for the (optional) home visit whilst there.

I'm choosing not to have one, primarily because my eldest with ASD and ADHD (who goes to a different school) gets disregulated when unknown people are in the house. The duration of the time spent would be dominated by me having to manage him.

DH thinks it might look "dodgy" refusing it, as though we have something to hide - we don't.

WIBU not to? Has anybody else opted out and did it raise any eyebrows?

Why doesn't your DH look after the eldest and take him out somewhere?

Having said that, wouldn't the home visit be during school hours anyway?

Can't you just book it for when your oldest is at school (these visits are nearly always done during school hours anyway)? If not, then I'm sure if you explain they will be very understanding of the situation.

No one will care if you don't have the optional visit. The teacher will be pleased to have one less to do.

Explain why you’d rather not
Don’t just say “nah, don’t want you over”

Does eldest go to the same school?

Why can’t your dh take out eldest son?

Explain the situation to the school, you may get invited. Instead. I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to speak to DCs new teacher one on one though.

It literally says in the post 🤦‍♀️

Are you never going to have visitors to your home for fear of upsetting DS ? Our DS (now 26) is AuADHD .. at a specialist school and their advice was to ‘be normal’ . If you adapt your life to his - in order to keep the peace .. he will never adapt to the real world. He cannot go through life entirely having normal family life and things like teacher visits - avoided for his comfort. It’s painful in the short term, but well worth it in the long term. Our son is now working in a social environment, 20 hours a week and has been with his employers for 7 years .. don’t wrap in cotton wool is my advice . Of course you have to adapt to make him feel secure but he also needs to know there is a real world out there which you can gently guide him into..

So your younger boy will never get to have friends over?

Just say no, honestly the teachers wont care. They will be happy with one less pointless home vist.

Isn’t this a chance for your child to meet their new teacher? Should they miss out?

The home visit is handy to meet the teacher on a 1-1 basis and talk about important things in private (such as the needs of his brother so school are aware)

Generally they are during the school day though so can you not book it for when he is not there? For your youngests sake I would try to make it happen.

Honestly, they are bullshit & extra work
just say no !

Was just going to say this. I was a school welfare officer for a while and often went on these visits with teachers to make up the numbers (visited in pairs). We never thought anyone was dodgy, we just thought, Phew. Especially when the child was already at the school nursery.

Having carried out home visits I would say try to accommodate one. It is an opportunity for you to discuss any concerns, disclose any and enables both you and your child to build a relationship with the staff. I remember one reluctant child being surprised that I been to visit him and it certainly helped him to settle.
I also wrote letters to them all and that also helped them to feel included and more importantly safe.

It’s fine. It’s optional. But I think it’s also fine to say what you’ve said here. Because you have other children in the house with SEN and can’t do both at the same time, can you book to meet the teacher at school while Dh is home with other dc?

Why are they visiting? Is this a thing?

Meet the child, give the parents a chance to talk. Yes it's been a thing for at least 15 years, probably longer.

don’t think it’s a thing in Scotland, mine never had it and quick text of friends confirms not just me out in the cold 😅

Did you really text round your friends because of something you read on mumsnet?? 😂

I did, because I was ready to rage at our shitehole of a school leaving out yet another thing everyone else does but on this occasion they’ve been normal

still hate them though 😂

It’s not really about whether it looks bad, and more about whether youngest should miss out because of eldests additional needs. You’re going to face this a lot.

2 parents, 2 kids, divide and conquer.

Wouldn’t he be at school?

Eldest will presumably be at school so won’t know. Even if he does know, youngest is allowed to have a life which includes having people over.