I'll start.

...when the sight of an attractive man is like eyeing many piquant varieties of a delicious meal. 😉

mumsnetters please help!

DH and I have 12k worth of credit cards debt between us - this is a mixture of doing up our house and then shoving a holiday on cards because we needed a break after the renovations, by this point DS hadn’t been away for 3 years either. So it’s not overspending- I know where it came from.

I now want to clear this debt very fast!! Within 3 to 4 months, we have the income to clear it down at a rate of 3200 a month. With all other bills paid.

this would mean 4 extremely TIGHT months. No coffee out, no takeaways….. nothing.

i have budgeted 600 pounds a month for food and household consumables such as laundry liquids etc. DH doesn’t believe this is possible!! We are two adults and one very hungry boy.

who is BU! Me or him 👍

I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

A friend is getting married in NYC later this year. The dress code is black tie. The venue has not been disclosed and will not be disclosed until the day of the event to avoid media attention as they are within the celebrity sphere (I know them through family and am very much not from this world)
Any advice on something suitably glamorous given there may be a few A listers present and I don’t want to look out of place? I’m 5’7, size 8-10. Budget not really an issue

my hair is very brittle and doesn’t swish. It’s arm pit length but I have layers at the front which seem to continually break off and never grow. I blow dry my hair using heat protector and then straighten every 2-3 days. I struggle to leave it longer. I don’t tie my hair up.
it practically doesn’t move and looks dull and full of broken split ends. When the light shines on it, it is full of broken strands.
I use a box dye every 3-4 weeks and have just decieed just to put it in the roots.

please help. Any advice? I’m sure people will say stop dying it but I do not like my greys!! What can I do?

I know, it's unethical and the vast majority of Mumsnet would never consider something do cheap and mass produced. Me, on the other hand, needs something cheap and cheerful to decorate my new place. I'm hoping there are a few of you who can tell me you've bought rugs/curtains/throws that were great value for money. Or anything else home related.

I didn’t know which category to put this in! Would especially love to hear opinions from seasoned campers and vanners.
we need to release money for our sons house deposit. We don’t have it all so would remortgage for some of it.
we have a VW campervan which we could sell
basically the financial difference between keeping or selling the van would be around £400 over 4 and a half years.
just writing it out here it seems like a no brainer!
but we do love our weekends in the van. Anyone switched to a tent from a van and kept their relationship intact? We tend to just do weekends.

The en suite sink has been very slow draining and sometimes water has been sitting in sink until following day..I’ve tried vinegar and baking soda twice a few days ago, drain snake nothing unblocked it.
So this evening about 7pm dh decided to put sink unblocker into sink but he had to remove stagnant water that had been sitting there first then he poured the unblocker into sink and its still sitting there it hasn’t moved.
I’m really stressed about toxic gas so I’ve come downstairs to try and sleep on settee not happening! dh is mad thinks I’m overreacting as I left the en suite light on for the vent and opened the bedroom window a bit.. I was scared fumes would get into our bedroom ..so I’m worried the chemical will still be sitting in sink in morning what do I do obviously we can’t get it out

Just looking to see if anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation.

I fell pregnant with my son at 18. Me and his dad weren’t together long and had ended things before I found out I was pregnant. My son has my surname, not his dad’s.

Fast forward 7 years and I’m due to get married in a few months to my fiancé. We’ve since had a child together who has his surname, and I’ll be changing mine when we marry.

My son’s dad sees him every other weekend and everything is perfectly amicable, but outside of those visits he doesn’t really check in. We don’t hear from him in between, and he’s not involved in the general day-to-day things like school, clubs, appointments etc.

What’s brought this up is that my son recently asked me about surnames and said he’ll be the only one in the house with a different name?

I’m now wondering whether I should look at changing his surname so we all match as a family. My fiancé has been in his life since he was one, so he won’t remember life without him there.

Part of me worries how his biological dad would react, but then equally my son doesn’t have his surname anyway. I did think about double barrelling, but honestly both surnames together are a bit of a mouthful. I also think it’s a huge deal changing a child’s name but that could just be my anxiety!

Would it be unreasonable to consider it?

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

I’ve started looking for a wedding dress - not booked yet but very, very low key next year - 2nd marriage for us both and likely a family meal and night in a hotel for us.

I’m 45, 5ft6, hourglass size 14, grey hair and olive skin/brown eyes. Suit bodycon (appreciate not in fashion rn!), midi or maxi length and like structured, modern looks. Ideally sleeves or shoulders covered, though could add a caplet or similar if sleeveless.

I found this Roland Mouret which is a bargain, and assume I would need to size up to a 16?

Or if anyone has other dresses/designers to suggest -
My budget is around 1k (my dream would be this 5k Vivienne Westwood or this). The only other I have liked online is this (bit ott)

Kate’s skin looking remarkably radiant & taut, Just botox (?) Asking for a friend…

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

A friend thinks that it’s a ripoff but it seems like a pretty good deal to me and I’m curious to know what it would cost in your area?

12 inch pizza with two toppings. Fish and chips for one(Two pieces of fish) A portion of chips, a portion of onion rings and a 2 litre bottle of Coke?

TIA

A bit of a whinge really and wondering if it is the same for other people. I find sandals so bloody hard to find.

Criteria
Leather
Comfortable
Look stylish - not orthopaedic or for the very elderly
Absolutely no velcro
Can't have a solid strap across the toes, as I have skinny feet and they are always too wide
Ankle or heel strap needed
No wedge heels
No high heels
Not completely flat either
No toe posts
No studs, sequins or anything sparkly

Realise that is a lot of criteria, but it must be possible!

Not stylish AT ALL but I have finally found a housecoat after months of searching. I have a white cat with longish fur and a black cat so everything I wear in the house is instantly a cat fur magnet and I have spent a fortune on sticky rollers and invariably go out looking like a furry mess....lovely.
I had given up hope of ever finding one. I remember my grandmother wearing one round the house. She was incredibly stylish and well dressed and would never have exposed her nice clothes to children, animals or housework but would take it off if she was going out or expecting visitors.
I think they are due for a comeback 😀

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09RPX62RS/ref=syn_sd_offsite_mobileweb_50?ie=UTF8&psc=1&aref=z12Im60v0s&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zZF9vZmZzaXRlX21vYmlsZXdlYg&tag=dradisplay0bb-21&th=1

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

Just to update you all who were so lovely last night - I was even worse overnight so called 111, they said to wait to GP appt this morning.

At the appointment GP did my vitals, checked my ear (which is now fully closed shut) and advised me to go straight to A&E to get IV antibiotics.

Still waiting as need to be assessed by ENT but they are taking great care of me. Decent pain relief, have fed me and going very regular obs. They’ve also done swabs to see what infection we are dealing with.

People moan about the NHS but honestly, I cannot fault the treatment I’ve had, even if it is taking a bit longer to be properly admitted than I thought.

I am pregnant with my second child, have a 21 month toddler at home. My parents live 15 minutes away & I asked my mum if they would have my toddler when I’m giving birth.
Last week she called me and said that I should push for a c section so I can plan childcare and as I’m no good at giving birth (I had a difficult labour with a major haemorrhage however no current plans with the consultant to have a c section). I explained even with a c section I don’t think it’s as easy as having a set date as emergencies can come in closer to the time etc & I could go into labour naturally beforehand anyway.
She said regardless I should prepare to be giving birth on my own (as that’s what she had to do, although this was because her parents were in another country) and that she will have my toddler on the weekend if I give birth then, however unwilling during the week / in the night to have him. I said I wasn’t comfortable ideally being on my own & that my dh also wanted to be there for the birth. To which she said that’s tough and whatever ends up happening I’ll have to deal with & I need to relax. We also don’t have any other family around, my dh parents are not here anymore so hence my desperation I guess to confirm childcare while I’m in labour.

My mum does work full time, however has A/L days (which I know as I offered to pay her for having him if I give birth in the week if she didn’t have A/L left) & my dad works evenings / nights so is at home for majority of the day time, I appreciate if he was woken up to have my toddler, he’d be very tired however I feel like I’m not asking them to do this so I can go on a night out or holiday but to literally birth my second child where my first is not allowed to be with me.
My parents don’t provide any childcare for my toddler, I understand they don’t want to have him on the weekends / evenings & I have never asked them to & he goes to nursery for childcare when I’m working. This might contribute to them not feeling comfortable in having him, however she’s expressed they don’t want to have him on their own in their free time.

In general I don’t ask them for anything, which I know I’m not entitled to anything from them however maybe now as a parent I personally cannot comprehend the reluctance to provide support with my toddler while I’m in labour as I know I would not be that way with my children. I’ve heard people struggle for labour childcare when their parents/ family are ill or live far away etc but not when we live in the same town.

A difference of opinion I guess between us but just hurts when it’s on the receiving end from your own mum.

I have a 12 year DS from my first marriage and two 7 year old girls with my current DP.

DS sees dad eow but he has recently moved a bit further away and DS doesn't want to go for the whole weekend as he likes to see his friends etc so he is going two Saturday nights a month. His dad used to bring him to football once a week for me but when his new gf got pregnant and he told me he was moving I said that we would have to look at CSA payments as I knew moving further away he wouldn't be around to help out as much as he did (once a week to football as my DP works shifts and the football was at my DD bedtime). So we had an agreement that I wouldn't take full CSA if he did one football training a week (I did the other football training night).

Anway when I went to CSA it turns out he had been underpaying by £200 a month for the last 9 years...he told me that he wouldn't be doing football anymore for DS if I dared take the full CSA anyway I did so he is now being very very difficult about everything.

DS has summer exams starting and he is in grammar school so it is very full on- we got into an argument last night about his studying and he said how he would much rather live with his dad and his new gf and their baby as its nicer in their house. We both calmed down and we spoke and he said I don't do anything fun with him when he goes to his dads his dad does, he also said I shout and nag too much. I do shout a lot our house is very full on and the DD are a handful. I am a bit hurt that DS is thinking like this as I do everything for him and his sisters. Even when he is with his dad his dad won't give him any money for things so I have to send DS money if he wants something (because he pays CSA). His dad goes on numerous holiays a year with his GF we do one family holiday a year myself and my DP never go away just the two of us because we can't afford to. The children always come first. Obviously I can't say this to DS but I am just a bit disheartened that dad who does so little is seen as being the best. I asked DS would he prefer to live with his Dad full time and he said maybe eventually. How can I handle this? I do tell DS off about his school work and for these tests I am being hard on his to study as he has failed his last set of tests because he didn't study at all so I gave him the chance to be independent it didn't work so back to my rules about school.

As per title, I know it's not doable, but we have been offered an 11wo pup, which is completely perfect for us. BUT we are going abroad for 2 weeks soon, and altho my 20yo DS will be at home, I know that it wouldn't be fair to the pup to settle it in then bugger off for 2 weeks 😪
We also have a Maltese dog, who'd be at home with my son.

Pls tell me I'm right so I can stop trying to overthink it to come up with ways around it 😭

I left my marriage 2.5 years ago. Although my ex H was a high earner he was awful with money and we were always in debt. We had joint loans and I (very stupidly) ran up credit card and credit account debts before the divorce and in the immediate post separation.

Money was always a worry when we were together but I decided when we were divorced I was going to sort myself out.

I’ve had to change jobs to wfh due to my disabled daughter and we are now in a much better position.

Today, 2.5 years post separation I can finally say I am debt free!! I have paid off 20,000 pounds in that time and also bought my ex out of the house, begun a small savings pot and tripled my pension pot.

For the first time in many, many years I am debt free and it’s going to stay that way!!! I cannot describe the feeling.

I took redundancy from a very corporate job a few years ago. Very respectable job title with a big company.

I decided to have a go at home dog boarding. So I look after dogs in my home for people who don’t like kennels. I also do a bit of doggie day care. It’s all just in my house.

It obviously doesn’t carry the same respect that my corporate job did! You don’t need any qualifications.

If you had to guess, what would you think I earn a month?

Time for another thread. Spring and Summer releases are trickling out to tempt us AND the advent calendar waitlists are appearing...hope you are all feeling suitably Christmassy. 😂

Thanks everyone who continues to contribute to the chatter and welcome to any newbies who want to join in.

I bought a tiramisu from a supermarket yesterday. It was maybe 10 cm squared.

DH doesn’t usually buy desserts, he prefers to make them fresh. So I buy for myself and offer him some and sometimes he says yes. I think of them as mine though I’m usually happy to share. We don’t have a dessert every night.

I ate about 20% of it yesterday - it was delicious but it’s pretty rich and few spoonfuls are enough. I cut another 20% today after dinner for myself. I reminded DH we had tiramisu if he wanted some.

Baby was crying so I rushed through the tiramisu and went to settle them. I came back to find the rest of the tiramisu had gone! DH said I had eaten “half” (!) (Tbf he probably didn’t know I had some yesterday) so he had the other “half”. I’d been thinking I was going to save some for tomorrow. I’ve just looked at the box and it says it is 4 portions.

Is it fair to think of the desserts as mine? (DH is very generous with his baking but he’d definitely comment if I scoffed down most of his biscuits or whatever.)

Was it fair for DH to eat the rest of what I thought was my dessert?

Would it have been fair for me to have three portions (one yesterday, one today, one tomorrow) while DH has just one?

Semi-lighthearted. I’ll provide a bit more context later.