Welcome to the 12th thread, we still have 50 days till the daily unboxing officially starts, although I very much doubt any of our calendars will remain untouched until then 😂
Still time for lots more friendly chat, tips and discount codes - to cut down on links as a poster requested, here's link to some very comprehensive run-downs of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
When enjoying those breakdowns please remember that some are OOS already - Harrod's Fragrance, Harrod's Beauty and Selfridges Beauty to name a few.

It used to be so simple in 2000s, with lots of shell tops. I sort of have to wear a smart jacket - it’s very cold with aircon. Vests or camis are not appropriate if I need to take the jacket off. A sleeveless blouse or short sleeve jumper would be ideal. V neck, bow blouse with V neck, square or not too high round neck, I am not keen on collars or patterns or overly warm colours, my pallette is cool neutral, with blue and burgundy as accents. I literally cannot find anything at reasonable prices. Not keen on Vinted for this.

We've been together 15+ years, married with kids last 5, I thought we covered all the topics when it comes to values and principles - especially related to the way we raise our children but turns out he was full of it - to put it bluntly.
Essentially, with meeting new kids/parents through nursery/school - I now realise he is very much leaning toward being,well, racist 😔
You would think - how did I not notice this before....well the thing is he was always respectful to friends or colleagues regardless the ethnicity - but now when we discuss behaviour that our child picks up from the nursery from another child - he attributes/explains behaviours with 'well ofcourse this happened considering he is x'.
Then slowly such vocabulary moved into every day conversations about e.g. neighbours - he'd say derogatory things about particular nation based on behaviour of a single person that affects us.
I am just so blindsided and can't stop thinking about how this will shape our children.
How could I have been so blind...or could he had just pretended all this time, and why??
Or can people change their views about something so basic so dramatically?
Recently he started making mean comments about LGBTQ community too - I mean we have friends that he loves or I thought so...
I am also thinking his mum's recent visit may have encouraged him to speak up - clearly these are the values he was brought up with.
I am also ashamed... I am looking at my DS atm sleeping - he is such a warm friendly loving and a smart boy and he is being exposed to comments like this. He loves all his little friends. He was talking proudly about friends he'd like to invite to his bday and his grandma actually asked him what colour is a certain child...she also described a 4 yo girl in the playground as fat.
I am sorry if this is a jumble of topics here - a husband showing true colours years later, a toxic mil, a clash in values, challenge with co-parenting, protecting a child from instilling wrong values...
So is it that I was blind all this time (YANBU) and I just never got to know him - or people actually can just change their core values so drastically (YABU).

IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

I honestly dont even know why I’m posting. I just feel like I cant do this anymore.

He’s 13, turned 13 three weeks ago. I know he’s a child and I know how bad this sounds but I hate him. I hate saying that about my own child but I am at the end of my tether and nobody seems to listen when I say how bad things have got.

His dad died when he was 7 and I’ve brought him up on my own since then. I know he’s had a lot to deal with but I cant keep excusing everything because of that. I dont know what else I’m supposed to do.

This morning school sent him home because he was sick. He’s been sick again since he’s been home but he went to sleep for a bit and seems fine now. He asked if he could go out tonight and I said no because he’s been ill and I dont want him going out and then being sick again somewhere. That was it. Apparently I’m picking on him because he’s been ill, I’m always ruining everything and I never let him do anything. He started shouting at me and calling me names. I said I wasnt arguing about it and he got even worse.

He’s shoved past me to get out of the room and shouted that he hopes I die. Just screamed it at me. I honestly dont even know what to say to that anymore. I told him to get away from me and he carried on shouting. Now he’s in his room and I’m downstairs trying to calm down and he’s probably forgotten all about it already.

This is what its like here all the time. I can ask him to do something completely normal and it turns into a massive argument. He calls me a stupid bitch, pathetic, thick, says nobody respects me and that I’m a shit mum. If I get upset he says I’m being dramatic. If I shout back then apparently I’m the one with the problem. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me and sometimes I honestly think he does it on purpose.

I know I let him get away with things. I tell him the xbox is going off and he argues for ages, swearing and following me around the house, and sometimes I just give up and let him carry on because I havent got the energy for another row. Same with his phone. I’ve taken it off him because of things I’ve found on there and then ended up giving it back because I just cant cope with hours of shouting. I know people will say I’m making a rod for my own back and maybe I am but I’m so tired. I cant spend every evening fighting with a 13 year old.

The stuff he says online worries me as well. I’ve seen messages where he’s making really nasty comments about girls at school, mocking their looks and saying things about women being good for one thing. He’s watching these men online who talk about women like they’re worthless and repeating what they say. When I challenge him he tells me I know nothing and girls are just as bad. He doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it. I’ve tried putting restrictions on his phone but he gets round them and then I’m back to another argument.

I have tried asking for help and I honestly feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. He seems to have no limit to how nasty he can be when he’s angry. He’ll say the most horrible thing imaginable and then carry on as if nothing happened. I dont know how I’m supposed to keep dealing with this on my own.

I’ve even thought about ringing social services and saying I dont want him anymore. I havent done it but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Just saying I cant have him here, I cant do this anymore, someone else needs to take over because I’m done. Then I feel disgusting for even thinking it because he’s my child and he’s only 13. But I genuinely dont know how much longer I can keep living like this. I dont want to abandon him but I also dont know how to help him when nobody seems willing to help us.

I hate what our relationship has become. I dread him coming home sometimes. When he’s out I feel relieved and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. I dont even want to speak to him after what he’s just said to me. I know people will say I’m the adult and I shouldnt feel like this but I’m a person as well and I can only take so much.

I know I’m not perfect and I shout and lose my temper. Sometimes I give in because I just want peace. I’m not proud of it. I just feel like I’ve reached the point where I dont know what to do next.

Do you agree?

Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

Genuinely shocked by this headline on MSN.com today (UK site).

The title is

"Muslim convert explains why UK is 'best' as she boasts 'everything is free'"

No one seems to blink an eye at this blatant Islamophobia anymore.

Substitute Muslim for any other minority and people would be shocked for example:

• "Jewish convert explains why UK is 'best' as she boasts 'everything is free'"
• "Black person explains why UK is 'best' as she boasts 'everything is free'"
• "Christian convert explains why UK is 'best' as she boasts 'everything is free'"

Muslim convert explains why UK is 'best' as she boasts 'everything is free'

Has anyone heard of this? My dh is having surgery soon and I just need to know the answer to something truthfully once and for all. As awful as it sounds I thought I could use this opportunity in the days after his operation to find out whether he actually has done something that he always said he wouldn't. I have no evidence just a couple of random bits of info which may or may not be connected. Its not that serious an operation but involves a general anaesthetic.

Has anyone else noticed this? I normally have major resting bitch face and have been told by various people I have a very serious and dont talk to me look.
Despite my attempts to ease my face and give off im friendly vibes most people dont come near me. ( I have honestly thought about a she's friendly badge to put on lol)

Over the past week things have changed. People now ask me questions and even try and have small talk ( today at bus stop) Just a general friendly vibe I get from people all over.

I have made one change
Can anyone guess what?

Please can someone advise? My hair has become steadily more tangled and matted to the extent that after I washed it tonight, I can't get my fingers through it at all. I'm just pulling loads out trying to brush it and now I'm panicking a bit.

I suspected it might be a hard water build up so bought some clarifying shampoo and did a cider vinegar rinse, then used my usual redken shampoo and conditioner. I also bought a filter head for the shower. If anything, it's even worse and even more matted.

The water company where I live has recently advised that the water will be even harder due to the minerals at source. My hair is fine, highlighted and dry anyway and has become wavy and frizzy as I've got older, although it appears straight when dry. It won't hold waves or curls, its too fine and flyaway.

Please, has anyone had this and found a solution? I've got some much broken hair from trying to brush it out and the texture is horrible. My hairdresser is no help, unfortunately.

My other half has got a rotten cold and is right in the thick of the blocked-nose stage.!

I fell down a right rabbit hole reading up on it and found a study [ doi.org/10.1183/09031936.03.00047903 ] saying that nasal blockage can mess with breathing during sleep (causing things like apnoea and drops in oxygen). I know that study was about completely blocked noses, but my anxiety has kicked into overdrive worrying about his breathing tonight!!
To make matters worse, he asked me to pop to the shops for some decongestants earlier. It was just before closing and I could have made it if I'd sprinted out, but I messed about and missed it. Now I'm sitting here feeling like a terrible partner, terrified that his oxygen is going to drop or he'll stop breathing in his sleep!! 😥

He’s definitely going to be mouth-breathing tonight.. but his nose isn't 100% sealed shut.
I read somewhere that your nose has little built-in sensors that basically act like a reminder switch for your brain to keep breathing properly. Since he'll be breathing through his mouth, I’m stressing: does even a tiny trickle of air or a little breeze in the room keep those sensors happy even if he'll be breathing through his mouth so his brain doesn't 'forget' what it's doing?

At the airport. Passengers wearing thick coats. I’m sweating with a thin hoodie on.

Then young woman (mid 20s) in front of me in security wore boots up to the shin and we had to take our shoes off.

Thank goodness for Skechers slip ins

Anything else that baffles you about passengers at airports

I took the plastic wrap off a head of broccoli this evening and as I started to cut it up, I noticed a white fly in front of my face. I saw another one and I put the broccoli under the kitchen tap to rinse it off. Suddenly more and more tiny white flies started coming out! I couldn't see any on the broccoli but they just kept appearing!

The broccoli is outside now in a tin but I'm still thinking about it. I'm not usually a wimp about food and I've picked out a boiled slug before, discreetly hid it and carried on eating. But this is making me uncomfortable for some reason. There were so many and they just kept coming out.

So what should I do? Can I still cook and eat the broccoli (and tell my kids it's safe to eat)?

YANBU: Stop being sensitive, of course it'll be fine to eat.

YABU: Put it straight into the outside bin.

We aren’t getting on at the minute. Petrified he will try to take baby away from me if we do split. I would want to move back to my hometown with baby which is 1.5 hour drive away. We currently live in his hometown.

Does anyone know what rights he has straight away? We are in the UK and he is on the birth certificate etc. Can he make me stay local with baby? I’d be wary to leave baby with him overnight, he’s never looked after baby alone for more than a few hours. It’s more than likely his mum that would do the childcare from his side.

Can’t believe I am even posting this. Ugh.

I haven’t spoken to anyone IRL about this as I feel so stupid.

I am nearly 50 and have been single for a few years bar a couple of short lived relationships.

A couple of years ago I became friendly with a man at work - we are in separate departments (huge company) but the hot desking arrangements meant we sat by each other a couple of days a week and got along well and bonded over mutual hobbies.

I knew he had a young child and a partner; over time he started to bemoan some stuff about his relationship and he also listened to me complaining about dates etc.

In the summer, he told me he had separated from his partner but they remained living together. We met at a hotel and slept together. This has happened a few more times; he told me he didn’t care about the age gap and that once he’d sorted a new place to live he could see himself pursuing a relationship with me.

Earlier this week, he told me he’d decided to get back with his partner and he couldn’t see me any more. I told him he’d strung me along and that I felt really hurt. He turned nasty on messages and has blocked me now. He said things about it working for both of us and that I got to sleep with someone much younger who I’d never be with in ‘normal circumstances’ and that he had ‘fun with someone experienced’ so it was just a ‘summer fling’.

He is sitting elsewhere in the office now so I don’t have to see him, but I am stuck between feeling humiliated and that I have been so stupid to ever get involved with him. I also feel very sorry for his partner who is unaware.

I am not sure what I’m looking for by posting this, maybe some tough love. I know I’ve been an idiot.

Hi all. We are viewing a house this weekend that, if all looks good, we will most likely make an offer on. It's perfect for us.

However I've just done a quick search on Zoopla and the house last sold in December 2025. This has rang alarm bells for me, as the current owners have lived there less than a year before selling again. It was put on the market end of August so actually 8 months after they bought it.

Would this make you nervous? I will be asking the EA why this is the case, but wanted your opinions on whether I should proceed with caution? Thanks!

Hello,

I was looking for advice on what brands etc to buy for my daughter's upcoming school ski trip. We aren't a family who have a lot of money and weve made sacrifices for her to go on the trip so any suggestions that are budget friendly but she won't feel like the odd one out put that do the job and keep her warm would be much appreciated. I feel overwhelmed and out of my comfort zone with it all. TIA
Here is the list I've been sent:
Ski Jacket – wear on the journey x1
Sallopettes (ski trouses) x1
Thermal top x 3-5
Thermal bottoms x 3-5
Tshirts for skiing x 5
Ski Socks x 5
Ski Goggles x1
Ski Gloves x1
Quarter zips/fleeces/jumpers for under ski jack x3
Neck warmers

I’ve seen loads of people on mumsnet complaining about people eating on the cinema, while watching the film.

In my opinion it’s always been completely normal and acceptable to buy food to eat with the movie. Usually popcorn, sweets, some cinemas even sell hotdogs and nachos and serve a beer.

Aibu to think it’s very normal and fine to eat while watching the movie and that most people do it?

My ILs live 4-5h away, up north.

Dh usually wfh everyday except Tuesday, and i wfh on Tuesdays only. Yesterday morning he spontaneously announced he was wfh and going into the office on Wednesday instead, so I decamped all my stuff onto the dining table to let him use the home office corner, and did the drop offs as I usually do on Tuesday. But we got to have lunch together in the local caff which was nice, a rare child free moment together.

This morning I phoned my MIL because I wanted to tell her about something to do with DS, and also check that DH had told her about our Christmas plans. She says "oh he mentioned briefly, but I'll be seeing him later anyway". "What, seeing Ben? Today?" Yes, she says she's just getting on the tube on her way to lunch with him, didn't he mention it? Er, no he didn't... She says she's only in London for lunch. Because she barely gets any time alone with him.

What has thrown me is a) why wouldn't he mention that is mum is doing a lovely but eccentric 9h round trip just to have lunch with him, why keep that a secret and b) we are visiting the ILs for half term soon, so surely lots of opportunities for chats?

I texted dh "why didn't you tell me you were seeing your mum for lunch today" and he replied he didn't want to mention it in front of the kids because they'd be sad not to see Granny themselves. But we had loads of child free time yesterday, and he didn't think to mention it, he just made small talk about diesel and the weather and the Holborn by election. No "oh by the way im seeing my mum tomorrow". If he had, id have replied "ah that's so nice of her, don't forget to mention Christmas".

I feel like they both think that I keep him a prisoner or something? He goes out to see his mates of an evening sometimes, and he has lunch with various people, I never stop him from any of that or even ask questions about who he sees, there was no need to keep it a secret.

I now don't want to go up north for half term, I wish he'd just go alone with the kids if I'm so in the way. But the kids would miss me, DS is only 2.

I'm a bit upset, please talk me out of this, mumsnet

I feel that I’m not BU here obviously but it’s a tricky situation.
2yr old likes spending overnights with her grandparents and due to distance it’s for 2 nights at a time only once every other month or so. Since the start the grandparents have refused to say goodbye to her because it makes them upset, instead they drop her off and sneak out as soon as she’s distracted.

Toddler finds this very upsetting as she doesn’t get closure and know where they’ve gone, queue lots of looking around asking where they are and we do explain to her that they had to go home but it just doesn’t click in her brain as they just disappeared that they’ve gone home. It takes another 2 days for her to get over this and clearly makes her anxious.

I have told them that they need to say goodbye even if it makes them uncomfortable to see her sad as it’s unfair for her to go through all the searching and anxiety.

I simply got a ‘no she’s too young to understand’ and ‘we don’t see her often enough for her to understand that we’ll see her soon’.

Grandparents are now asking about new dates to have them and that they wanted to take her to see Santa and I have said that we could all come down as a compromise as then as a family well say bye to grandparents house and town etc to offer closure. The response I got was essentially ‘no, never mind what we wanted to do is fully booked’.

Side note I did check and it’s still available for booking but I think I’ve really put them about the whole saying bye and if not we all need to come down. We have another baby and would have been staying in a hotel with no expectation of us being with them or interrupting grandparents time with 2yr.

So, am I being unreasonable and if so, what is a more reasonable option if they will not say goodbye to the toddler.

I genuinely think this policy (at our GP surgery and I assume widespread) is deeply harmful to patients.

I was given an appointment today with the paramedic - no idea why not a GP - to talk about worsening symptoms (painful, bloated belly, difficulty urinating, sickness, reflux, dizziness). I mentioned that the symptoms are making it hard to know what to take for migraine (chronic sufferer). She snapped ‘that’s a separate appointment.’

The thing is, it’s not really is it? The symptoms I’m having are clearly hormonally driven (worse/unbearable around ovulation) but she didn’t ask about that or really anything about me as a person.

And how do you decide which symptoms are connected to the issue you’ve booked in and which aren’t? Aren’t they going to miss really obvious things if they refuse to understand what is going on with the patient as an actual person, as opposed to a single symptom or problem?

I have written on here before and been given some advice, but now things are swelling/flaring up more I thought it might be a good time to show this, as there were some who thought it was Blephitis, but it’s not and the optician said that too.

I am not sure why I get the swelling, I also think some things are part and parcel of age and hormones, the rest stress as been going through various things. And seems to be dermatitis/eczema.

Any similar experiences and advice very welcome

This is really affecting me now and my confidence etc.
I know in part the general appearance of my eyes will never be the same as years back, aging etc. Life is different now etc. But I do wonder if this will ever go and go back to how it was before.

This is both sides left and right

And I feel like a wimp. Why am i so weak. Why cant i cope with what others cope with. I am busy but i know others are super busy too.
I have 3 kids and my husband does work long days. Often 8am-8pm ish sometimes bit esrluer sometimes later.
I work 27 hours a week in a primary school as an SEN classroom assistant.
I work 10 hours a week for my second job. Which i Love but can be alot.
We have 0 family support and live in. Rural area. Kids cant go out and play really as big main road and not much else.
I have early mornings every morning.
Kids hobbies are another thing organising their time and sxheduals and making sure they hace what they need abs are in the right place at right time is all on me. Three dofferent schools with dofferent scheduals. Again all on me. Planning etc for wverything all on me.
I just feel like if i ever have free time its used to do online food shop. Or plan things. Batch cook. Clean etc.
I kyst feel so so tired. I drea. About a day of doing nothing. My brain feels worn out. I cant think straight. I get sick all the time and i look a mess!
What is wrong with me and how can i get my fire back

Hey,
Where are you buying your safe toys for babies/toddlers in the UK?
With all of the recalls of toys this year's, I'm struggling to know where to buy things that are safe for children. I don't like Amazon as they seem to be a lot of Chinese knock offs under multiple different names and although they are they are non-toxic I worry that this might not be true. I won't but from places like temu or shein etc.
I regularly buy bits from charity shops etc.
Thanks in advance