This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Name changed for this

I am middle aged and have been married to DH for 25 years. I have known his family for about 30 years.
When I was young and first married I tried so hard with his family (my DP both died when I was in my 20s) and they were fairly mean to me. Laughing behind my back, dismissing my views, undermining me etc. I was very different to them - degree educated and in a professional role (which they never ever asked about) and they were very much no ambition. Im
not saying that’s wrong but whilst I tried to appreciate their views and lifestyle they did not give me the same courtesy. They weren’t very nice to my DH either at times as he was ambitious and achieved a lot on his own (no support or encouragement from them).
Anyway fast forward a good few years and mil is elderly and widowed, much nicer to me, in fact goes out of her way to ask about me and is positive about me and the way our dc have been brought up. The things I cannot forgive her and I have a real dislike of her. Even when I hear her on the phone I shudder inside and have to grit my teeth to ask about how she is. I see her the minimum amount possible.
i have 3 ds myself and i know being a mil is hard and I’ve probably made mistakes and will
make mistakes with my sons partners but I just cannot move on from my feelings about how mil treated me.
i know I need to try harder but does anyone have any tips on how to do this, it’s becoming a real issue and I know I am being unreasonable but just can’t change how I feel!

Inspired by some other threads (NC alert) I’ve decided the time is ripe for an overhaul/glow up. My plan is to make significant changes over a period of time and do a new one each month whilst keeping the old changes- nothing revolutionary but needed and I hope to get long term benefits/results.

at the moment my diet is pretty crap-which will be my next focus - the first was a new hairdo (which is a change and growing on me!), then multi vitamins, then 2L of water each day then a form of exercise each week.

In the short term before as I’m making bigger adjustments I’m hoping to get some advice on what are the likely to be the most significant gains to look like me but better.
I don’t like the feel of acrylics and currently don’t wear any make up.

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

To be clear, we had cats all through my childhood and early adulthood and they were always free to come and go as they pleased.

I've just seen yet another post on the local FB page of a cat being run over. Now we don't live in a massively built up area or have particularly fast or busy roads, but every day there is at least one post about cats that are either missing or have been run over.

DCat is the love of DH's life and doesn't leave the garden. She's naturally lazy, we have 8ft high walls and we've actively discouraged her going out. She wears a tracker in case she does make a bid for freedom but she doesn't really seem bothered (she was a stray from the RSPCA and had clearly been a much loved house cat that had managed to get out and get lost, so I think that maybe plays a part in her being such a homebody) She's therefore easy to manage and hasn't required a catio or additional fencing, although I absolutely would do that now if she was more determined.

I'm certain my previous cats have decimated the local wildlife and shat in my neighbours gardens and I'm a bit WTF that I ever thought that was ok. Personally the risks now feel too great to allow my cat to free roam so any future models I have will also be confined to barracks.

Ive just cleaned up cat shit from my front garden and it got me thinking, why do people still allow it and will you continue to do so when you have new cats?

Just saw a video where Prince William was talking about scones, and he pronounced it properly-scone to rhyme with gone! Debate over. Your Royal Highness, all is forgiven. I won’t even ask why you were faffing around talking about scones….

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

Is wearing jeans (paired with wedges / espadrilles), nice bag and white blouse / shirt / top acceptable?

Talent person / recruiter sent me an email with this bullet point: “Our office dress code is business casual. Please wear what feels most comfortable and confident”

I’m going to Paris in person and besides the obvious nerves about interviewing for a new job in general, I’m very conscious that I’m going to be in Paris with a lot of French people (my boss, thankfully, is not French) so feeling like I need to be on-point in what I wear for the couple of hours I’m there meeting my manager, the team I’ll manage and a couple of other very senior people.

Please keep in mind (a) it’s summer, (b) it’s projected to be 24 degrees and humid and (c) start-up.

My question is focused on dark (not black / grey) JEANS to this interview, obviously jazzed up with some height (I'm 5ft 2 inches), jewellery and a nice white blouse / top.

Thank you!!

Long story short DS got a tablet for Christmas. His behaviour changed over night he became nasty smashing things lashing out. Completely different child! Half term last week he covered the garden in fence paint and the kitchen and also himself whilst I went to the toilet. When I came back and seen what he had done I lost it with him I threw his tablet and it smashed. Since then it’s been peaceful and his behaviour is getting much better.

The only issue is DH parents got him the tablet for Christmas and DS went and told them. They said to ds I need to apologise and replace it but we won’t be doing that. Should I just give them the money? DH also thinks it’s disrespectful but also agrees we’re not replacing it.

wwyd?

I’m not that familiar with all the abbreviations on here, so apologies.
DD and family live 4 hrs from me. We have a volatile relationship, but during good times, which are usually short lived, I have made the journey twice, staying at hotels overnight.
DS is getting married next year, lives just over an hour from me, 3 from DD, and has told both of us to sort ourselves out as he obviously wants his family there, and on friendly terms. No probs. I have since made the effort to go down to see her and we had a lovely lunch and afternoon out shopping.
However,
I have reached the point in my life where I do struggle to drive longer than 1.5 hrs after a busy day, not an issue if I’m fully rested, but I’ve noticed my concentration levels drop if I’m tired.
We are trying to arrange a meet up as I haven’t actually met my grandchildren, aged almost 4 and 15 mths, yet. I suggested Wisley as it’s about 1.5 hrs for me, altho a bit further for them, and it’s a great family day out. Her replies told me she hadn’t read the website and hadn’t a clue about it. Apparently I’m saying no to all her suggestions, there has been 1, and I said no as it’s over 2 hrs from me. I’ve suggested she maybe reads the website and info on Wisley before texting me, as I had checked it out before suggesting it, but she won’t.
I’m genuinely concerned that nothing is going to be sorted out. We tried therapy and as soon as our therapist asked her pertinent questions, she burst into tears, and was completely unable to handle that she needs help.
When we had our day out down at hers a couple of months back she apologised for her behaviour and I thought maybe she meant it, but….
So, AIBU to suggest we meet there and if she won’t, I back away as she’s really upsetting me and frankly we all have enough on our plates to not have family adding to our woes?

It was my daughter’s birthday this week, and I got her a scratch card just for a bit of fun.

She ended up winning £100 from a £5 card.

I mentioned it to a friend, but she felt quite strongly that she’d never let her child do anything like that, as she sees it as gambling.

It felt a bit over the top to me, to me it was just a harmless bit of fun for a special occasion....

Is she being over top?

Hi I am currently 14+4 with my 4th baby. I have had 3 previous sections, my last section didn’t heal and it ended in an incisional hernia that was large and took 8 hours to repair. I have a piece of mesh from my scar to just under my breast, it measures 20cmx30cm so it’s big. I had my first consultant appointment this week and I’m pretty terrified. She has never seen this sort of pregnancy or birth before and after discussing me with many of her colleagues none of them have seen or heard of anything like me before. They believe I won’t be able to carry baby to full term as my mesh isnt flexible and the pressure from baby growing is going to hurt. They said I will likely be admitted into hospital before full term as the pain is going to become unbearable. They used the words bail out early, which means baby will spend time in nicu but right now they are trying to figure out a plan to get baby out. They said they can’t cut through the mesh as it’s like concrete and likely fused to one or more of my organs and the risk of organ damage is high. The one suggestion they have right now is to cut me vertically from chest down as far as they can and bring baby out through the top. I will obviously be asleep during the birth which is one thing that is terrifying to me not seeing my baby and knowing they are ok is breaking my heart. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy, I am a single mum and met someone and did the deed once in over a year. I know protection is a thing and I went to my gp as soon as I found out to make sure it was even possible to carry a baby with such extensive surgical mesh but then I had an early scan and had 2 more scans since then and every time I see bub I just fall more in love so I feel like even if they said I couldn’t continue with the pregnancy I wouldn’t be able to terminate. My consultant tried to be really reassuring she even said she has called an oncologist in as he is a brilliant surgeon so they are doing everything they can to keep us both safe but I’m just looking to see if anyone has ever been through anything like this. Or even what a section under a general is like bonding wise? I’m just lost I guess as I’m scared for me and baby and I just want us to be ok.

In a small charity shop with DC3, a man with what appears to be learning /speach difficulties appears agitated and starts repeatedly telling the x2 men he is with (assume his carers) to F Off. The other men do not seem to be doing anything to calm the situation or stop him swearing. A member of staff walks past and appologies to me for his language, I ask if the manager is about and if he can be asked to leave the shop. Another shopper hears this and is absolutely horrified that I have asked if he can leave, her view is that we should just ignore him as he doesn't know what he is saying (I'm not convinced about that). The shop lady did say she was not going to ask him to leave and they did leave quite quickly after that, although not straight away. Generally interested to hear your thoughts!

Two things have made me think about this.

One was the recent thread on Venezuela Fury, Tyson's daughter. Her situation appears slightly different as apparently she did receive tuition online but it made me look into the wider situation.

I know there has been improvement, and that many Roma & travellers families don't do this. But it shouldn't be allowed in the first place. Yes, some who do may homeschool their kids properly, but how many?

There needs to be more regulation of homeschooling.

Why do Roma & traveller kids often slip through the net? Is it sometimes linked to families moving around so children move from one LA to another?

There' nothing wrong with kids preferring to pursue technical options than academic, or living the travelling lifestyle. But school would give them a chance to choose.

Recently we were informed of exterior work to be done to our home (LA property). Nothing inside the house at all. No access needed to complete any of the external work other than access to the garden which is via a side gate not through the property.

We were instructed that for the duration of the work (no specific timeframe just ‘might be a few weeks’ ) that we would be placed in alternative accommodation that was miles away from where we are now and would cause significant issues for us with school as we have two children one with severe SEN. We also didn’t want to leave the house as it would be overwhelming for him to be away from familiarity for no real reason as it’s external work??

So we refused and set out in writing why. We were told no we have to vacate on a certain day. The only reason given when we pushed was ‘it will be noisy’. I said I’m fine to put up with some noise especially as it will only be between 8 am and-6pm. Again they said we need to vacate on the day and provide keys so they have access ??? They dont need access to inside.

The day has come and gone and we have stayed. My housing officer called on day 2 and said we need to allow access to the house while the work is ongoing. I said no as theres no need the work is external. They have said we need to allow access if needed to the team working. I told them again no the said they may need access to facilities! I said in that case they need to get portaloos if that’s the issue.

I then had an email giving another date to vacate for the work and a different address for temporary accommodation? Again I’ve said no. Can they actually force this or is it unreasonable as it’s not interior work ???

It hasn’t even been that noisy at all??

The saga continues

I need some help to navigate this situation. My FIL died a year ago and ever since my MIL moved in with us on the basis that she is scared to spend time alone, she has never been alone. We were happy to support her for a couple of months but that soon turned into a year. While here, we supported her, included her in every event, outing, everything. But nothing seemed to be enough, she'll find a way to create a drama over nothing: I didn't pay enough attention to her, my SIL didn't ask about her health every day while she had a cold. Every drama meant hours of crying. I know this could be the way she copes with grief. But she refuses any suggestions of any doctors, medication and proceeds to ruin every event to get the attention. My husband has always been her emotional support, even as a child during a toxic, abusive marriage with my now deceased FIL. Now, she leans on him for even more emotional support to a point where things got a bit weird. She'd call him 'daddy' by accident as she used to call her husband :). If we go out together she'll link arms with him, hold his hand :) :) and I am behind with my child. :)

My husband takes her side, she is vulnerable, she's grieving, she's old, I need to understand. I don't moan about her (not to him anyway) she moans about me to him.

My DH and I have a loving, great relationship. We've been together forever, he's a fantastic man, dad and because of that she can't say "no" to his mum. I know he wants to support her, totally understandable.

She now left for a while but she told me before leaving that she'd like to start a process to move permanently with us. (she leaves in another country). I know she has had some conversations with my husband behind my back. He hasn't said anything but glimpses of things he did say make me think this is not a new idea.
How the hell do I tell my husband without having a massive argument that this is not possible. I am happy for her to visit for a month or two every few months but moving in permanently is way too much. I need space to breath, I need my privacy with my husband, my child, my life. Any kind ideas how to not create a massive argument but nip this in the bud now?

Please be kind, it hasn't been easy

This is genuinely mortifying to post but here goes.

I’ve put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years since marriage and having kids. DH and I eat pretty normally at home, we have family meals together, don't live on takeaways etc, and from the outside people probably wonder how I've managed to put on as much as I have.

The problem is that I’ve developed some really bad habits over the years. If I'm out running errands, driving home from work, doing the food shop etc, I'll often stop and get food. McDonald's, Greggs, KFC, chocolate from the petrol station, coffee and cake, whatever takes my fancy really. Usually I'll eat it in the car before I get home and throw the evidence away.

I also order takeaways when I'm home alone and get rid of the packaging before he's come back. It's become a bit of a habit if I'm honest.

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, DH has never been controlling about food and has never made nasty comments about my weight. If anything he's always come across as supportive.

Anyway, the other day he borrowed my car and found loads of wrappers and receipts that I'd forgotten to clear out. He asked me about it when I got home and I ended up admitting that this has been going on for ages.

He wasn't angry exactly, but he seemed really upset. He said it wasn't even about the food, it was the fact I'd been hiding it and acting as though I had no idea why I was putting weight on.

I got defensive and said that what I eat is my business.

His argument is that I've basically been lying by omission for years and that he feels a bit stupid because whenever I'd complain putting on weight I'd conveniently leave out the daily snacks, drive-thrus and secret takeaways.

I feel completely embarrassed and wish I'd never been as honest with him as I was

AIBU to think he's making too much of this, or would you also be bothered if your partner had been secretly eating like this for years?

I’m not new to solo travel, but I am new to solo summer travel.

I have a few beach visits planned and don’t really know what to do with my stuff if I go to the beach? Do I just leave my bag on the beach and hope it doesn’t get knicked, or do I accept that I just won’t be going in the sea unless I book into a beach club?

Hi
I am very concerned about my 3 year old diet and her refusal to try new food . This is what she eats normally This is what my 3 year old eats Multiple vegetables (including stronger flavors like rocket, beetroot, seaweed, broccoli)

• Several fruits banana apples strawberries and pears big oranges
• Different protein sources (chicken, fish cakes, lentils, quorn meatballs , yogurt, nut yogurt)
• Mixed dishes and sauces (lentil ragù, satay sauce, lasagna) (crunchy with olive oil crackers, soup, hummus, yogurt, toast, celery and fennel , fortified granola with almonds

doesn't eat eggs , cheese or beans and still gag if she eats food that don’t agree with her

Name changed for obvious reasons but I’ve been around for a long while.

I suppose I’m just looking for an anonymous handhold/solidarity as no one in real life I can talk to.
After a couple years of not dating at all and just having a great little life with my dd I met someone nice at a work conference, lives close to me. Handsome, funny, patient etc.
Huge tummy flips when I see him, great chemistry etc.
Anyway, he said something in conversation about an ex partner that kind of pricked up my ears, so I did a Clare’s Law request. Police called me within 24 hours and did the disclosure the next day (today).
It was so so upsetting, the poor woman all this stuff happened to. And there are incidents reported over 2/3 years so not something isolated (not that it would make it better).
He has no convictions because charges were dropped before it went to court on every occasion.

I had an abusive relationship years ago, and have rebuilt my life and confidence. I didn’t even want a serious partner, and never want to marry or for anyone to meet my dd (he hasn’t thank god)

I feel so dizzy and sick, and sad and disgusted at myself that these men are attracted to me, and me to them.

He has been perfection over the past few months, a perfect gent, kind and funny etc etc so I really would have had no idea if my spider senses didn’t start tingling a few days ago.

He’s working away today thankfully so I have space to process without texting or calls from him. I just feel frightened and confused.

sorry for the ramble

My partner of 16 years totally and entirely blindsided me with 'I don't love you anymore and I'm not happy' October last year.

I could tell for a couple of months he was a bit unsettled but every time it came up it was more his dissatisfaction about his weight, feeling a bit lost in life (we are mid-late 30s, no kids). Also missing having friends close as all his long term best friends live in different countries across Europe.

in terms of our relationship it was as good as always, jokes, closeness, quality time as well as independent time like we have found have good balance in the last 5+ years. Our sex life definitely struggled in the last 3 years because busy with work, different schedules and a bit of a mismatch that I need some emotional closeness and intimacy lead up to get in the mood but we were still at it a couple of times a month.

now the biggest thing - we bought our first home together early 2025. It had been something we were both saving for, we were excited, we had many conversations about that choice and it was always a 100% yes from his side. Until summer 2025 he was still the same towards me; when he's half asleep or a bit drunk he'd always tell me how much he loves and me and saying he doesn't know what he would do without me and hopes I never leave him.

We celebrated our anniversary a couple of weeks before the bombshell. After our anniversary I had noticed he had stopped telling me he loves me e.g. when I was off on a trip or before bed or randomly as we do. I asked him about it one day feeling very emotional and then he told me he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, sees me more as a companion and he 'doesn't want this anymore'.

That is really tough to hear out of the blue in the sense that nothing had changed in terms of our lives, behaviours, actions, nothing.

The problem is he can't tell me what changed, he cannot articulate what 'this' is that he doesn't want anymore. He cannot articulate what would make him happy, he did confirm he's also unhappy with his appearance and so on.

We spent many hours talking, he did say he didn't want to just end it and we do deserve to try and rekindle the love we had for so long. He also did a lot of self reflection, considers he has been people pleasing and saying yes for so long he's just kind of snapped and if he's not happy with himself, how can he be happy in a relationship.

It is 8 months later, what I observe are days in him where he acts mostly like his old self and I see absent mindedly he still reaches for me or reacts/talks//jokes like we always used to. Then there's the days he's shut off, distant and barely looks at me. Twice we've spoken about the situation we face, he tells me he's trying but it is really hard.

We spent a good 100k buying and settling into our home. It was kind of a forever home choice. Everything we've built up so far and the decisions made for our life has been for US. Joint decisions, never one person forcing their way.

To sell and move it would cost a fortune, I am mad about the fact that he committed to us and this house purchase and six months later does this to me. I also fully believe that he's maybe imagining something that's not realistic for whatever it is that he wants.

I love him deeply and I cannot imagine a life without him, especially because we've had it so good all this time. After 8 months though I am growing more resentful that he's wasted our money (we earn almost equally, me a bit more), crushing also my dreams for the future and he's not done much (anything?) to address the things he said he wants to work out for himself.

He can be quite stubborn in the sense that if he decides on something, it is quite set in stone and half the time it feels to me that because he's decided he doesn't want this anymore he will not even entertain the idea of focusing on the good and what a long term committed relationship feels like, and that love is an action, not just an emotion.

We do make effort to connect, we go on 'date nights', we are still intimate (both initiate), live our life together.

But fuck, where do we go from here? What do I do? Am I delusional for hoping we will reconcile? Is this a pre-mid life crisis for a man? is it normal in a 16 year relationship to just dust your hands and call it a day without upholding the commitment you have made to the relationship, the other person and the life you have built, and to try and overcome the difficult period?

I am so sad, so lost and I have nobody in my life to talk to about this because our friendship groups are so intertwined and all my individual friends know the partner after such a long time too. He has a friend in the US I have never met that he's apparently confided in about our situation.

Does anybody else dislike Pride?

We have one in our town for the second year running, and it's just really off.

Now before I get the "don't be homophobic comments" I am very much live and let live.

It's just that it can be very adult in the middle of the day.

Okay I'll go first....
Those Norwegian socks
Purdy and Fig (caught me on one of those bloody automatic subscriptions too so I paid twice!)
The singing cactus toy! (Although I still think its funny 😂)