I recently had a birthday and my best friend texted me and asked if I saw the post my husband made, so I checked it out and he used an absolutely mortifying picture of me sleeping with no makeup.

I felt hurt and confused and I just really couldn't understand why he would do that. I called him but he didn't pick up (at work) so I sent him a text with all of my feelings laid out. I told him he made me feel like I was a joke to him on a day he was supposed to be celebrating me.

When he got home he immediately became defensive. He said his brother does it to his wife. She is a very different person from me so I'm not sure why that matters. Also it might help that she is an actual 10/10 and probably doesn't have the same insecurities as me.

I asked him to delete the post and he did, but he was irritated. The next day he told me I take everything so seriously and he wishes I had a sense of humor. He recently traveled with his family (who he does not get along with) for a wedding and she he didn't want me to "take it the wrong way" but he felt very jealous of how his brother could joke with his wife.

To me my boundaries are my boundaries and I don't know what that has to do with his brother and his wife. I told him my boundaries are my own and my birthday isn't about his hurt feelings.

I have a colleague who is new to our function, although not new to the company, and from fairly early on I had the sense that something was quite off in her attitude towards me.

I hope people know what I mean. Nothing you can formally put your finger on, but a pattern of small things. Meetings I am left out of, emails that don't get forwarded, deliverables I am only brought into at the last possible moment. We are at the same level.

Every individual micro incident is absolutely in nothing to see here territory. Taken together (been six month) they paint quite a clear picture.

I thought I'd make a very intentional effort to build bridges. I looked at her public social media to see whether there was anything we might have in common, I don't know, something very innocent, a first step. Dogs, travel, hobbies, sport, whatever. Her own feed is very mainstream, mostly food, travel, family events and fashion, occasionally some local news reposted.

However, I discovered that her partner, whom she publicly tags as being in a relationship with, has a very specific prejudice against people of my birth nationality.

To anonymise this, imagine I'm Argentinian (I'm not), with apologies to any Argentinians reading. More than 50% of his posts are things (mostly reposts, with some crazy conspiracy-theory shit) along the lines of "deport all Argentinians back to Brazil if Argentina is so bad for them ", reposting crimes no matter how minor committed anywhere in the world by Argentinians, "lock Milei, lock Milei" protests, stats on Argentinian corruption, or claims that Argentinians are all Nazi descendants and shouldn't be allowed into the UK. I am actually surprised some of what he reposts is not automatically flagged by algorithms as hate speech.

Neither he nor she appears to have any connection whatsoever to Argentina that I can work out, or even to anywhere in South America, which somehow makes the fixation even stranger.

I OBVIOUSLY know his views aren't automatically hers, and I certainly don't want to hold someone responsible in my head for everything their partner posts. There were views my partners held that I didn't, and vice versa. Still.

AIBU to wonder whether I found the reason?

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

Currently planning a surprise 30th birthday for my partner and catering it ourselves. It’s a family party so a mix of ages and some children there! Probably about 60-70 people coming.

I’ve never really done a buffet before but my current plan is this:

Ham sandwiches (1x platter)
Cheese sandwiches (1x platter)
Egg mayo sandwiches (1/2 platter)
Tuna sandwiches (1/2 platter)

Cherry Tomatoes (500g bag)
Celery
Carrots (1kg bag cut into sticks)
Cucumber (2 whole cucumbers)
Pepper (1 pack of 3 peppers)
All served with various dips

Mini sausage rolls (50)
Cocktail sausages (50)
Vegetable spring rolls (24)
quorn cocktail sausages (1 pack, only one vegetarian that I know of!)

Cheese & onion crisps
Sweet chilli crisps
Salted crisps
Tortilla chips
Onion ring crisps
(All one big share bag per flavour)

Chicken bites (72 pack)
Cheese pizza (x2)

Breadsticks (2 packs)
Coleslaw (1 pack)

Strawberries (2 packs)
Grapes (2 packs)
Watermelon (1)

Fairy cakes (24)
Mini flapjack (20)
Mini brownies (20)
Mini rolls (20)

Also doing some gluten free sandwiches and some gluten free cakes (only one person is wheat intolerant not coeliac so no cross contamination concerns)

Obviously a proper birthday cake as well!

Does this sound like a good spread of food? Too much or not enough?

Trying to stick to a budget where possible as the room hire was expensive!

Thanks in advance for advice!

I’m on my first day back at work after 10 days annual leave.

I was walking down the road this morning when I rolled my ankle and fell, I have horrific grazes on my knee and elbow, and my ankle is swelling up hugely and is painful even at rest.

AIBU to turn up, explain what’s happened and go home? When I’m cleaned up I could probably work but I’m in so much pain at the moment I feel sick, I have two fresh grazes that are about to bleed through my clothes and I don’t know whether the adrenaline carried me to the bus or if I can walk.

I’m trying to declutter well in advance of downsizing. It’s a nightmare. I don’t want to just bin things that anyone else could make use of, and some of the things are expensive so it just feels wasteful.

We have a charity shop drive through (amazing) but I work full time in another town and can only go occasionally. Then they often won’t take a particular item - such as pictures - because they already have loads.

Vinted, eBay etc are so much work and can be hit and miss with people messing you about. I really cannot face a car boot. Even listing on Facebook for free is admin.

and what about things like old travel books? Can they just go in recycling? Card or paper? What about cosmetics and make up thats unused? You end up driving stuff round in the boot for months without getting rid of it.

A good friend confessed she just bins stuff but I cannot do that in good conscience. I can understand why it’s tempting though after spending all afternoon sorting and not evicting very much.

My husband and I had a fight last night which turned into a long talking session about our marital issues, our insecurities, and what we feel we are missing in a partner.

To his credit he really did listen and try to understand my pov, but what hurt is he kept comparing me to his brother's wife. Every example of what he wanted somehow went back to his brother and SIL. She is funny, she can take a joke, she doesn't worry about little things, she doesnt nag his brother (lmao they have a housekeeper) She is sweet, and thoughtful, and doesn't whine (again she has a housekeeper/cook, no mortgage, a nanny)

This was all prompted by recently traveling with them for a family wedding, but I find it extremely strange because we are almost no contact with them (and I didn't attend the wedding for that reason). This woman does not like us. She calls me trash and says we aren't allowed in her house. She will not speak to my husband directly, and doesn't want our children to play with her daughter. He and his brother speak maybe once or twice a year.

I finally snapped and offered to call her and tell her he wants her. He was mortified and said i was being ridiculous. I said no, we should tell her and let her decide. Then I asked what he thought he had to offer her. She married the taller better looking brother. She has expensive taste and is used to all of the fancy dinners and lavish trips his brother can provide, but hey maybe she feels like slumming it.

I told him he is right. Any man would want her. She is gorgeous, so lets call her up and ask if she would ever want him. He actually teared up and said I was being extremely cruel and what I said was unforgivable. He said he was just using her as an example and I'm a terrible person.

I'm tired of coddling his feelings. I'm tired of being compared to some fantasy dream girl

I’m a 28-years old, and I feel really guilty even writing this because I absolutely adore my mum. She means the world to me, and I know this probably makes me sound awful, but I’m becoming increasingly embarrassed by the way she presents herself.

My mum is 66, and I completely understand that looking glamorous or putting loads of effort into your appearance might not be a priority at her age. I’m not expecting her to dress up or look a certain way — I just wish she would make a little bit of effort to look clean and put together.

For example, she’ll go out without brushing her hair, so it can genuinely look like a bird’s nest. She rarely gets it cut, and I’ve even shown her how much neater it looks when I put it up in a simple claw clip for her, but she refuses.

Her personal hygiene also isn’t great. She rarely showers unless she’s going somewhere like a restaurant for dinner. Her dental hygiene is another concern; she’s been a heavy smoker since her twenties and unfortunately has very few teeth left now.

She’ll also wear the same clothes day after day, and regardless of the weather, she seems determined to wear the same pair of Skechers sandals. What makes it more frustrating is that she isn’t struggling financially. She has money, but would rather spend it on scratch cards or random things for her flat than on clothes, hair appointments, etc.

The difficult part is that I genuinely don’t know how to approach the subject. I know she would take it extremely personally if I told her that I was embarrassed by the way she looks or that I thought she needed to take better care of herself. I would never want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like I don’t accept her as she is.

I think part of why I find it particularly difficult is because I’m the complete opposite. I take a lot of pride in my appearance and genuinely enjoy looking after myself, and my sisters are the same. We all make an effort with our hair, clothes, hygiene, etc., so I suppose the contrast feels even more noticeable to me.

I’m also getting to the point where I feel embarrassed about my boyfriend meeting her, and I feel absolutely horrible admitting that. It’s not because I’m ashamed of her as a person — I love her more than anything. I just find it difficult seeing someone I love seemingly not care about themselves at all, she will complain that she looks a ‘mess’ but never does anything to improve it.

I know this probably sounds horrible, and I’m not trying to judge her or say that she needs to look a certain way. I think I just needed somewhere to have a rant and get it off my chest, because I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is. Sorry this is a long one😢

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

Is there an expectation that people's toilets should have an air freshener in? Like a spray air freshener?

We always have air freshener in both our toilets in case friends or family get caught short when visiting us or even to freshen the bathroom after having a wee if necessary, so I hate it if I go to a friend/family members house and they have none.

I get some people may be affected by asthma but surely if you had asthma you wouldn't use it?

We have a glade air freshener at work that sprays into the space where the wash handbasins are for example.

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

Hope I'm not tempting fate with that thread title
This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations .

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5577375-bargain-referrals-thread

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please (I think that's the term, let me know if I got that wrong).

If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag me and let me know here (or DM me).

You are all wonderful and I’m now going back to my mince pie and stollen (never too early!).

Hello mums. I feel like I’m going mad. Me and my husband have been trying to conceive out their child for over a year now but I’m beginning to find this very hard. My husband is a 54 year old and he is. Well, let’s just say things aren’t working out so well in the bedroom department.

Since i was a teenager i have been fatally attracted to Nicky Wire of the Manic Street Precahers. You’re going to think I’m mad and so does my best friend but in a moment of intimacy I called my husband Nicky. This is troubling since his name sounds nothing like Nicky and now he knows something is up. He thought initially that I was having an affair with a man named Nicky (which I would never do.) But then he found the picture of Nicky Wire in my wallet which has been there since 2005. It’s well thumbed.

He suggested that we play I Killed the Zeitgeist while making love which I was all for since I am desperate for a third child. Problem is my husband is now performing so much better in the bedroom and I don’t know if it’s because of me or Nicky Wire’s vocals. I think I’m losing it.

I’ve been seeing a man for a few months now, we haven’t made it “official” but I feel like it may as well be. He stays at mine, or me at his, multiple times a week. Majority of my spare time when I don’t have DS is with him.

I had two biopsies yesterday under general anaesthetic. One was just a needle aspiration and the other one was in an intimate area and was actual open surgery.

I am recovering at home alone. Have been in pain but nothing too bad, except two waves of excruciating pain.

He came over to see me for just under a couple of hours yesterday, before going to meet his friend at the pub who has just broken up with his long term partner and was needing some support.

He hasn’t mentioned coming again today, but is planning to go to the pub with another close friends, who works away for long periods of time and isn’t back often.

I know it’s not his responsibility to take care of me (I don’t need taking care of) but am I expecting too much?
He has said he’d like to stay over after work (10pm) on Sunday.

I feel a bit miffed/let down that I’m on my own while he’s at the pub.

In my previous relationships there was a theme of me being bottom priority, especially during serious situations so I am aware I can be sensitive to thing like this. I haven’t said anything to him, but I think he can sense I’m being a big off.

Hi all, so I've posted before about my marriage being in trouble. My husband has now told me he wants to leave me. He needs to do things and wants to be on his own, maybe travel to China or South America. Ive been processing this the best part of 6 weeks. Doing okay most of the time. However, we also have 2 kids. 13 and 11. He now wants us to sell our home and move into town and live together. Im actually okay with this idea (about moving to town) but the living together while living separate lives is not sitting well with me. In a few years the kids will have gone to college etc so what happens then? He then floated the idea of buying 2 houses close to each other. Sounds great but this will cost the best part of 900k and our house is not worth near that. We have no mortgage currently. He seems to be loosing his grip on reality in that he thinks life will be great and money will come but im stressing about paying for everything. Kids are expensive, running a house is expensive. He also talks about us getting back together in a few years when we've had time apart. We can then rent the 2nd home. I think hes losing his grip on reality and am not sure whats going on. We are both early 40s. Anyone have any thoughts? Mid life crisis? There is definitely noone else involved but he has struck up a friendship with some people in their 20s who are in his gym and I am convinced this is playing a part. He spends a lot of time texting one of the 24yr old girls. She has a partner but i am starting to think she give him attention that he feels i dont. As his permanently stressed out wife.

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

I have DH and a three and four year old. They’re close in age but can be challenging, particularly at bed time. My DH gets annoyed that they just won’t go to bed on time alone. I try the whole bedtime story/ cuddle thing first, which admittedly is not working either. He suffers chronic back pain, and it must be awful. However I don’t agree with the way he speaks to the children. He says things like ‘these bloody kids’ in front of them. I feel on pins in case they make too much noise or a mess as this starts him off. I’ve never been physically intimidated by him, but I don’t like the way we end of parenting because of his short fuse.
Am I unreasonable to expect him never to get angry? (especially with the pain he can be in.)
We both work full time, but I’m more flexible and sort the girls’ school drops offs, getting ready, and meet all their needs.
Just wondering how others’ manage with partners in pain?
my DH doesn’t have good communication skills, and when I try and agree how we will approach bedtime that night, he says ‘I don’t know.’
Thank you

I am looking for a nice middle range watch. I wear Timex watches all the time or a vintage Rolex. Looking for something stylish and classical. Ideally with a big face.

Any suggestions?

Hello, I'm looking for some inspiration for a new autumn jacket/coat. Requirements are:

• Has to be fairly all-purpose, including travel to work, going out to pub etc, but also school run
• Has to be practical. I walk 2-3 miles a day on average. But I also want some style.
• Has to go with both black work trousers and jeans, ie not be black or blue
• Has to suit size 10, 5'4", small of nork
• Patterns and designs considered
• If it somehow conveyed "I used to be an indie kid in the 90s but now I need to look like a grown up" that would be amazing
• Budget up to £100

I haven't bought a new coat for years so I'm out of touch with what's available and I need some ideas. All suggestions for styles and/or brands to look at would be very welcome. Thank you!

MIL passed away this year after 6 months of palliative care, half of which was in her own home. As we live close by a lot of responsibility fell to me as DH in denial/busy and the rest of the family live in a different part of the country. AIBU to still feel upset that DH and his siblings mentioned all other family members in their eulogies but neither my SIL or I were mentioned? Not looking for thanks but a recognition that we are part of the family that we've allegedly been part of for decades. I'm especially hurt because I also asked 3 times if everyone had been included in the family photo board on display at the wake when again neither of us was on there.
It seemed trivial and petty to raise it at the time with everything that everyone was dealing with. However now MIL house needs clearing and my resentment is building over this as I'm expected once again to step forward. So AIBU to raise it now or is it time to grow up and move on?

As an 80s child I am so excited about this.. I have just ordered this year's advent calendar. Brambly hedge!

I have 3 children who are 19, 16 and 14. I take the youngest and middle child to school and pick them up each day which is a 45 minutes drive each way, as well as work full time Monday to Friday, finishing late to make up for the time I spend on the school run. My husband also works full time Monday to Friday. Weekdays are very busy for all of us but things are easier now the kids are older. Some weekends we drop the kids to places as there isn’t much public transport here but we have time for our hobbies and going out.

My sister has 3 children aged 20, (at university), 6 and 3. She gave up her job when she had her last child but now wants to return to her career which will require weekend work. The younger two will go to a childminder (oldest will go before and after school) on weekdays but she has asked me to have the children at weekends. I’ve said I will have them for either a Saturday or Sunday every other week or for a whole weekend once a month but I can’t have them every weekend. She is saying she won’t be able to go back to work if I don’t have them as she doesn’t have anyone else. I’ve suggested she looks for a different job or her partner changes his job or hours but she says that’s not possible.

By Friday I really need the weekend to relax. I’m in perimenopause and having lots of symptoms and don’t want to have to work all week and then have young children to look after every weekend. My husband and children don’t want them here every weekend either so we have offered what we can.

Am I being unreasonable to just need weekends to relax and do things for ourselves. Are there any childcare options for couples like my sister and partner who both work weekends?

Although some of the skirts and dresses I’ve bought in recent years have pockets, I have plenty of older clothes that don’t, that I would like to be able to wear without worrying about where I’m going to put things, especially at work when I only have my rucksack and I’m just popping to the toilet or to another office. I’m not surgically attached to my phone but do sometimes need to take it with me, or have other small bits (tampons, tissues, lip balm etc etc) that I need.

Is there a solution that does not involve me learning to add pockets? Much as I’d like to learn to sew at some point, I simply don’t have the time, inclination or equipment, and some fabrics (e.g. leather or satin) are going to be tricky for skilled people, so no matter how simple it is, it’s not an option for me!

The only thing I can think of other than a bumbag is one of those money belt things you used to get for airport travel - think my dad had one in the 80s! Does a stylish version of this exist? Or something better?

Venting more than looking for an answer.

Am AuDHD and in the throes of peri and its all screwed my brain. Tried all combinations of hrt and several antidepressants but they didn't touch the extreme anxiety, rumination, over thinking and over feeling. Feel extra crap tonight as was leaving a concert DD performed at and this man stepped in front of me and knew my name. I hadn't a clue and he said he was a friend of an ex from 30 years ago. It was 7 wasted years with someone i now know cheated and I was a stop gap till someone marryable came along. I went straight to deer in headlight mode tonight and hardly knew what to say. There were 2 couples, I looked round and the partners were looking at me and giggling which made it worse. It felt like being jeered and pointed at in a school yard as he was so proud of himself to recognise me. I just muttered and we left.

I know I've nothing to be ashamed of but feel so crap being reminded of all that and they having a chat and a laugh about it. Its not only this, feel like this a lot since peri. I just wish there was a pill to pop to not care and not notice and just say fuck you all. Sadly no amount of therapy, patches and pills have helped get me there.

I'm looking for a pair of simple black shoes for winter. Basically I want a ballet flat or court style shoe with a 3 to 5 cm heel. Doesn't have to be leather, but must be water resistant so not suede or material, round-ish toe and no strap. Prefer the heel to be reasonably substantial so no kitten heels.

TIA