My DH died in April. He had bowel cancer and was only 46 years old and not ready to die. I made the mistake today of picking up the photo album I made full of photos of him and I am having a really tough morning, my heart is absolutely broken. The only thing that gets me through the days is talking aloud to him and hoping that he is somewhere 'else' and can hear me or see me, but then I have moments where I think I am kidding myself and I am just a sad, grieving woman talking to thin air. I don't know what to believe, I hover between the two. But today I absolutely cannot and do not want to believe that there is nothing after death, I can't cope with the thought that he exists nowhere at all anywhere. He was so strong and had so much personality, it makes no sense. Does anybody have any personal experiences or know of any true stories that have led them to believe there is 'something' after we die? I would find it really comforting to hear from people that believe and have a reason why they believe. To those who believe we are just dust after death, you may be right, but today I can't hear that, and I don't need to be told that as I already know that is possible - which is why I haven't posted this in AIBU as I know the first 30 replies would be people rushing to tell me I'm deluding myself by hoping there is something more than darkness after we die. If anybody has anything to share that would bring some comfort today I am very ready to listen x

I promised DD that she could get her ears pierced after primary school. Her new school doesn’t allow earrings. I’ve been told that studs need to be left in for eight weeks…so basically she can’t have them done until she leaves secondary school…or sits in isolation room for a fortnight after a summer holiday (another child and parent were told this). Transparent earrings or plasters over them aren’t allowed either. It’s a school that seems to pride itself on going further on petty dogma than other schools in the borough, but not going as far where more important stuff (clamping down on bullying, standard of teaching) is concerned.

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone).

Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday.

Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up.

Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing.

Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back.

Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls.

Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps?

WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

Ds just finished school, A-level results disappointing to say the least. He managed to get himself a really good apprenticeship place which he's now lost because he missed a required grade by 2 marks. (Paper has been sent for review, but not holding out much hope that the grade will change). The plan now is for him to find himself another apprenticeship place, though it will have to be at a lower level.

But after DS was rude to me yesterday, I've decided that now is the time for me to step back and stop doing so much for him. I found him the original apprenticeship, because he was told to look but didn't bother. I helped him with the psychometric testing, the video interviews. Put loads of effort into trying to get him to revise when school told us he was probably going to fail. The moment he was left to his own devices he watched videos on you tube and insisted that was enough revision. You get the idea. He's failed his driving test 3 times, only goes out to practise if I tell him we are going.

All of this makes DH very stressed. His way of dealing with this is to tell me a list of things DS needs to be doing. I've realised that I've been babying DS in order to calm DH's anxiety and I just can't do it any more. It hasn't worked, I've put my own life on hold for months, and I'm exhausted.

Ds has spent the day in his room allegedly applying for an apprenticeship. I have said, if you want help, you know where I am and left it at that. DH is in a foul mood, foul tempered, stress farting, saying every 10 minutes 'what is DS doing? We need to look at what he's doing. He can't just be left to do it. Why is it taking so long? What has he been doing all day? He's got to write his answers in a word doc and run them through chat gpt.'Etc etc. he hasn't actually gone to Ds and said let me help, he's just dumped his stress on me but I have not budged. I know DH wants me to take over and just write the application. It is obviously driving him up that wall that I have said it is up to DS now.

Aibu?

Welcome to Thread 4! 🥳

And here we are again! 😂 A huge thank you to everyone who's been sharing spoilers, links, bargains, discount codes and enabling each other over the first three threads. ❤️

As agreed, we're taking it in turns to start each new thread null this year. If this thread starts getting close to the reply limit, please post to let everyone know you're happy to start the next one so we can avoid duplicate threads.

🎅 A few festive housekeeping notes;
🎁 This thread contains spoilers.
🎄 Please be kind and respectful to one another.
💸 No judging anyone for their purchasing choices (or how many calendars they buy... we're all enablers here! 😂).
🎀 Feel free to share spoilers, offers, discount codes, GWPs, delivery updates and stock alerts.

🎁 Available Now

Liberty – £285 (Beauty Drop members receive £25 off). Full contents revealed and available to order.
https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/beauty-advent-calendar

P. Louise – £250. Available to pre-order with payment instalments available.
https://plouise.co.uk/collections/wonderful-world-of-p-louise-advent-calendar/products/what-glows-around-2026-advent-calendar

John Lewis – Available on pre-sale via the app for MyJL members.
https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/

Harrods Beauty Advent Calendar – Now on pre-sale.
https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284475

Harrods 12 Days of Hair & Body – Now on pre-sale.
https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-12-days-of-hair-and-body-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284465

Harrods Fragrance Advent Calendar – Pre-sale currently sold out. Expected back in-store during September (date TBC).
https://beauty-detective.com/harrods-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Vogue Festive Calendar – Available to pre-order. https://shop.vogue.co.uk/products/vogue-festive-calendar-2026

Fortnum & Mason Beauty Advent Calendar – Available to pre-order.
https://www.fortnumandmason.com/fortnums-beauty-advent-calendar-2026

Anthropologie 24 Day Beauty Advent Calendar – Available to pre-order.
https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/24-days-of-beauty-advent-calendar5

The Fragrance Shop - Available for pre-order
Women's Advent Calendar https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76306
Men's Advent Calendar https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76307

⏳ Coming Soon / Waitlists

Cult Beauty
https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/c/advent-calendar/

Harvey Nichols
Beauty:
https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-75896-258491/
Fragrance:
https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-12-days-of-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026-75906-258490/

John Lewis Fragrance
https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Space NK
https://www.spacenk.com/uk/gifts/beauty-advent-calendars/beauty-advent-calendar-MUK200063764.html

Elle
https://beauty-detective.com/elle-advent-calendar-2026/

Fortnum & Mason
Spoilers:
https://beauty-detective.com/fortnum-mason-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Waitlist: https://www.fortnumandmason.com/beauty-advent-calender-sign-up-2026

Boots (including the new fragrance calendar) https://www.boots.com/christmas/advent-calendars/advent-calendar-waiting-list

Sephora UK
Spoilers:
https://beauty-detective.com/sephora-uk-advent-calendar-2026/
Waitlist: https://www.sephora.co.uk/c/beauty-advent-calendar-waitlist

Selfridges (Beauty & Fragrance)
https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Fragrance https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

LookFantastic Beauty
https://www.lookfantastic.com/c/waitlist/advent/?srsltid=AfmBOoovzs9M5Kt8-RM_31Q3_-JOa6N51uGggpe0hglvZbxC5Of7AFTH

LookFantastic Fragrance
https://beauty-detective.com/lookfantastic-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Glossybox
https://beauty-detective.com/glossybox-advent-calendar-2026/

OK! Beauty Box
https://beauty-detective.com/ok-beauty-box-advent-calendar-2026/

Fenwick – Loyalty members null 20 August | General release null 25 August
https://fenwick.co.uk/blogs/daily-muse/fragrance-beauty-25-day-advent-calendar

Next spoilers
https://beauty-detective.com/next-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/

Debenhams – waiting list
https://www.debenhams.com/pages/beauty-advent-calendar

💄 More Calendars & Spoilers

Rather than making the opening post a mile long, here's a brilliant roundup of lots more advent calendars and the latest spoilers, including Charlotte Tilbury, Jo Malone, Elemis, Lancôme, Tatcha, NEOM, Neal's Yard Remedies, Holland & Barrett, YesStyle and many more as they're announced.

👉 https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/ 👈

🎅 Happy advent season everyone! 🎁

Here's hoping for lots more spoilers, bargains, discount codes, and maybe a little self-control (although that's already gone for some 😄)

Don't know what topic you'd put this under but picture this scenario - one bathroom in the house, husband is in the shower, you're suddenly desperate for the toilet - what do you do?

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

Not sure where best to put this but given it's about clothes I figure here is as good a place as any!
I need some help on how to remove sparkle/ sheen glitter from clothes.

Bought a lovely super fine sheen-y/ sparkly type skirt from the charity shop, somehow didn't notice it in the washing pile last week and now everything is caked (and I mean caked) in the skirt.

My underwear and T-shirts looks like a member of the Cullen family have rubbed their faces on them. (In the sun it's very impressive I have to say)

My super important business meeting clothes (the ones I wear only for the less business casual customer meetings and thus don't hold a massive collection of) are giving New Look/ Dorothy Perkins business casual Christmas party vibes circa the naughties. All I need is to dig out my platforms heels and I'll be able to go effortlessly from day to jäger bombs at the slick of a lipstick and putting a quiff in.

I have tried to rewash and fear I may have made it worse. Is there anything I can do to rescue this or, as I fear, am I going to have to accept that the black skirt I wear for funerals is forever going to say 'I am so sorry for your loss, now let's disco'😭

Has anyone tried to order more than 1 size from H&M recently? I want a pair of trousers, but the measurements make me either 12 or 14. I tried to add both to the bag, but after giving me a message about the environmental cost of returns, it keeps chucking out the other pair! Wtf?

Hi, my DD is 21, she will be 22 in January. She has just graduated from university, and got married last month. I’ll be honest I wasn’t thrilled about her getting married at 21, she’d been with her boyfriend since secondary school.
However today she has announced she is pregnant. She told me it wasn’t planned, but they are keeping the baby. She still lives at home with me but has committed to finding somewhere else to live, I’ve told her there is no hurry.
Im going to be honest I’m devastated, she was the first person in our family to go to university, she got straight As in her highers and advanced highers, she is due to start teacher training, but has said she might not start as she is due in February.
I am so worried she is throwing her life away, her husband is a lovely boy but he is only 22, he’s a joiner so he puts in a lot of hard work but it’s not high earning.

AIBU to feel like this? What do I do?

We were on our way back from somewhere yesterday and stopped at a services place on the motorway. My son wanted a chocolate bar my daughter a packet of crisps and I chose a drink. How much?

I won’t be saying who they are.

I recently spoke to a friend about it who
had lots of questions which lead to an interesting conversation, things I’d never said or thought about before.

When I was younger I used to feel incredibly jealous of them and had a very short and unsuccessful attempt at creating my own fame.

Now I’m older with my own dc and have seen the effects up close I definitely think the negatives out way the positives and it’s not something I would ever want for my children.

AMA

Husband hates the dresses I loved - mob btw! He says the colour is wrong, the shape doesn’t suit. I felt fantastic in them ☹️. Ditching dh isn’t an option. Are they awful or is he being unreasonable?

I have a beloved JL strapless/multiway bikini similar to might like this at John Lewis: www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-sling-halter-bikini-top-black/p6089752?s_share=jlappdroid this which you can prise from my cold, dead hands BUT it leaves me with a very large white bit in the bit where the gore of the top sits - basically the bit that you'd see if I was wearing a really deep v-neck top. My days of triangle bikinis held together with string are over, but is there a solution that allows you to get a bit of vitamin D on the white bits and still keep your boobs aloft?! I tried this from Amazon but the top wasn't the right fit although I liked it in theory.

If you have 32FF boobs and have experience with a solution please share 😀

Thinking cami vest but what colour ? And would you get a round neck cami or v neck to try and follow the neckline ?

or would you try anything else ?

I can try fashion tape
but it’s feels a bit odd

I am in my 40s so grew up in the 80s/90s. There have been quite a few times today that I’ve rolled my eyes inwardly at my lovely DS’s (6 and 4) and muttered under my breath ‘god, you don’t know you’re born!’

Firstly for lunch we had pizza. My 6 year old asked if it was in the fridge or being delivered. I said it was from the fridge. He sighed. I thought to myself that I didn’t even taste a takeaway pizza until I was a teenager!

Secondly we were having an afternoon film at home and deciding what to watch. So many choices across various streaming services and my youngest exclaimed there was nothing at all he could possibly watch on any platform…, i told them that when I used to want to watch a movie, I had to walk down to a video shop and pick one from what was available!

So it got me thinking…. What will be the equivalent for them when/if they have their own children? What will their children have at their fingertips and still be moaning only for them to look back and compare to their ‘terrible’ childhood. Im thinking surely AI is going to play a part?

And just in case posters start picking at things, my boys are lovely and most of their moaning comments are said in jest!

Hey.

just for context, I’m 29 and my friends husband who I’m talking about is 39. My friend is 35 and my husband is 33. Just for context, it’s not really about age- but it might show some maturity / immaturity later on.

we used to all get on as a group, did lots together with our kids, even went on holiday - but since I got a promotion at work and gone full time again after my 2 children, my friends husband has really had a problem with me.

He’s turned really rude, and just not enjoyable to be around, actually very insufferable.

I am really bothered by a few things that I’m reading on Instagram, he seems to be digging at me indirectly & has even put something quite mocking up.

for example;

1. when I got oasis tickets via the ballot… he put a Instagram story up saying ‘it’s clear to see the answer to the question of ‘how many times have you seen oasis before via the ballot was 0!!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼’
2. I have started running, for my health - mainly mental health, and I’m running the marathon for my little boys charity ( he was born prem with a few complications ) - I put one progress picture online, proud of me.. and then he went out of his way, to clearly download a TikTok to add to this Instagram story, mocking runners…
3. the recent solar eclipse, I put a few pictures of my kids smiling with their eclipse sunglasses before it even started & the sunset after it happened online for family to see, and then we watched the whole thing via the glasses- not that I need to justify myself but half of my family are in Australia and it’s the easiest way to see eachother sometimes it was fallowed by another Instagram story, saying ‘why are people taking pictures and not watching the eclipse themselves?’

i just feel absolutely fed up with it, it’s like a knee jerk to everything I put up- he obviously has a bug bare and it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men. I can’t believe my friend married him. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable… but wtf, I’m more bothered why my little ( quite plain and normal )life is bothering him so much.

i feel like I can’t say anything because of my friend, but I really need want too. My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship.

my husband did say ‘is she even a friend if she’s seeing her husband doing this and not asking who it’s about and why?’ - but again, I think he’d mute her anyway!!!

ugh! Advice? Haha x

If your sisters wedding was booked for a time you were on a month long holiday that has taken a lot of planning, would you cancel the holiday or go to the wedding? The holiday includes our adult children, one who will just have finished A levels and one who will have just graduated, which is why we planned it for when we have. We have already planned and booked things to do, have concert tickets and have planned things with friends over there.

We have had the holiday booked for a while and the wedding date has only just been announced. We hadn’t told my family about the holiday yet as we were waiting til we saw them. When we saw them last week, they told us about the wedding straight away and then obviously we had to tell them it clashed with our holiday dates. My parents and sister can’t believe we are prepared to miss the wedding. Are we being unreasonable?

I know the title probably sounds wild, so I'll try to explain

My husband and I have actually known each other since high school. He was married to my best friend, who was also my childhood friend. The three of us had known each other for years, and she and I were incredibly close. Our families were close too, and I was basically an aunt to her kids

I got divorced about 10 years ago and have two kids. My husband had three kids with my best friend.

About six years ago, she passed away after a long illness. During the last part of her illness, I spent a lot of time with her and helping take care of the kids. After she passed, I stayed very close to her children and continued being there for them, just like I always had been

A few years later, my husband and I started developing feelings for each other. It wasn't something we planned or expected, and honest it was incredibly complicated emotionally........We dated for a few years before eventually deciding to get married

We've now been married for a while, and surprisingly, it's actually a really good marriage. Our kids are part of our family, and we've tried to handle everything with as much love and respect as possible

I still miss my best friend. I don't think marrying her husband somehow replaces her or changes what she meant to me. She will always be part of my life and the history of our family

I know some people will think what we did was wrong, while others may understand it

So... AMA

Off camping next week but been told no cooking stoves allowed now - so no hot water, no hot food.
There’s no pub or shops nearby either.

The site is saying we are inside 14 day cancellation so they are charging to move the dates back and we’ll lose full amount if we go elsewhere (although not even sure where else since the phone alert).

Camping with kids, with no hot food or drink - would you do it?

Does anyone know a site where we could cook still?

I am so over this heat and v much looking forward to packing my sandals away until next year!
On that note, I’m looking to upgrade my everyday trainers and never quite know what’s currently trendy and comfy.
Are colours still in, or are we heading back towards neutrals? Not really a fan of anything too bold, but I do like richer autumnal tones burgundy, chocolate brown, dark green etc.
What are you all planning to wear this A/W? Any particular trainers you’d recommend? Would love some inspo!

I’ve changed my name because I’ve told a couple of people in real life about this and don’t want the link.

My DH and I have been away for a couple of nights without the kids (9 and 4). His parents looked after the kids the last two nights. We have 3 double bedrooms and then one kid’s bedroom with bunk beds.

We had one of the doubles set up as the spare room that the in laws always sleep in, with the usual fresh bedding etc. The second double has my 9 year old in. The third double is mine and my husband’s bedroom, the bedroom with bunk beds is where my 4 year old sleeps.

On the second night my DH parents (my children’s grandparents) decided that my 4 year old should sleep in the spare room with Grandpa (my FIL). My MIL got into my and DH bed (our bedroom not ready for guests, no clean bedding, things like medication left out).

I’m furious. Partially because I don’t think it’s appropriate for a grandfather to decide to sleep in a bed with his granddaughter who is 4. I’ve asked her whether it was ok. She understands the PANTS rules. She said that grandpa kissed her on the lips.

Secondly my MIL getting into my bed is a massive breach of privacy.

I don’t like my PIL so that may be clouding my judgement, but how they acted isn’t ok, right? What do I (my DH) do?

Please help mn I’m not sure what to do.

Couoles A B and C are going on holiday tomorrow. They are driving in in 2 cars. Couples A and B live in the same town so they are travelling together. Couple C are coming from a different direction and are travelling separately. The holiday has been split equally 3 ways and everyone intends to pay for themselves whilst there. Travel costs for petrol and parking will be approximately £120 per car. Couple A intended to pay for their costs as they know couple B earn significantly less than them (about 30k a year less) but would be happy if couple b get them a couple of drinks or similar.
Couple C have now approached Couple A and said they think it’s unfair Couple B are not paying for their travel expenses and that it would be fair to split it 3 ways. A pointed out that B do not have much money and C replied that they treat themselves plenty (which is true they are very much live for today). A feels uncomfortable broaching B for money especially at such late notice as it’s too late for them to make alternative arrangements should they want to.

Yabu B should pay their fair share
YANBU C is wrong to ask for shared costs

Not sure what's changed, whether it's the heat or just a general feeling of being 'done', but this summer, I have parted company with my bra. I'm middle-aged, not particularly busty, and am just not bothering to put one on in the mornings when I'm not working. I suddenly resent the idea of wearing one, as it's not as if I really need support -it really only sheilds the world from seeing a hint of my nipples under my top. DC are embarrassed to be seen with me and although I don't really care, I've noticed the odd person do a double-take when I'm out. I'm not wearing anything revealing, just a t-shirt, a buttoned shirt or loose-fitting dress.
Is going braless in middle-age really the social faux pas that my teens imply that it is?

DS was predicted CDD which was low and based on not doing much work in year 12. However he really started working much better in year 13 and seemed to be getting better marks in his results for mocks and class tests.

So we were hopeful that he would get better than the predicted grades. He seemed happy after each exam, completed all the questions. There were a few questions that he said were hard but this is normal, right?

Anyway he got CEU. Obviously he missed his firm and insurance but it’s not even enough for any foundation courses.

The C is fine and the E was in his worst subject so can understand that. But the U is unexpected and I feel it can’t be right as he wasn’t that bad at it!

We’ve asked for a review to make sure all the questions were marked correctly and if it changes to an E that would get him onto a foundation degree. We made a mistake as we didn’t ask for it at the time (we were shocked and didnt think to ask) and by the time we contacted the school again they had left.

The exam officer is not available until next Wednesday now so it’s an agonising wait.

The worst thing is we’ve had to lie to everyone that everything is OK and he’s been accepted into uni. His grandad is ill and would be devastated if we said he failed. We also don’t want to navigate all their questions and worries until we’ve worked out the next steps ourselves.

So now we’re getting congratulation messages from all the family and his uncle is also visiting later today, probably with a present. It’s all so so awful.