I'm thinking of investing in my first pair of knee high boots, but am nervous about them being work appropriate!
Are these suitable, e.g. with an almost-knee-length skirt? I imagine I could also wear them with a miniskirt out of work

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/4591300000

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/5026200000

My dad is 80, he is fantastic for his age he really is. He has never had any health or mobility problems, but has just recently been diagnosed with cancer but its one that doesnt require treatment just monitoring and shouldn't effect his life expectency and doesnt have any symptoms so he is just living with it. He is struggling to come to terms with this . And taking it out on everyone.

My lovely mum is slightly younger but has started with some problems now such as arthritis in her knees , and shes very anxious. He hates all of this so much and wont make any allowances for it.
I do understand, noone wants to get old. But he seems different to other people his age. I dont know if hes desperately trying to cling on to his younger self or what but he does things like buy sports cars and talks about doing things over the next 10 or 15 years when in reality he probably won't be here then.
He acts like hes about 40. Dresses quite young. Goes to the pub regularly and gets drunk every week! (My poor mum).
He follows politics very closely and is very opinionated. The way he speaks and acts you would not guess his age. Whilst this is amazing, it does cause problems because my mum is falling behind. He never wants to stay home. He makes them go out every day marching round towns, cities, countryside, shops. All sorts of places. He drives like a racing car driver and refuses to drive a "normal car". He has a lie in every day and won't attend any appointments before lunchtime lol. He is very controlling of everyone and everything.

I worry about my mum mostly trying to keep up with him but is it normal to act like this at 80? I act and feel older than him at 40 as I am disabled! How will he cope if something happens to her?

I always have cotton sheets. Linen seems to be everywhere. Are they nice? Would I find them scratchy and rough compared to cotton? I don’t want to spend a fortune if I’m going to hate them.

I wondered if anyone could help me identify if this is just conflict or abusive behaviour please?

I asked to end our relationship a few months ago. Things have been building over the time we have been together to the point I have become quite unhappy. This is not the first time this has been raised - twice before over last couple of years. Both times he persuaded me to continue. This time he did again, one last go. I think he realised i was serious and had somewhat checked out. He called it a wake up call and has been making a big effort on many issues.

However, during lots of conversations, he increasingly saying that my behaviour is responsible for our issues too and he would like me to accept that because he doesn't think he is solely to blame. He jumps between being quite frustrated and angry to very loving (sometimes quite stifling), but I've pretty much pulled the rug from under him so it's understandable he's struggling emotionally with all this. I've asked to go no intimacy (context below) which has not gone down well though he is trying to accommodate it and said he understands, but he said it's painful for him to know i don't want to be touched and don't feel safe. I have lost all interest in sex, and have zero libido at the moment

Genuinely not sure if I'm the bad guy here. I'm definitely an avoidant personality and think I have been my whole life. I worry that I lack empathy and can be cold, maybe I have a further personality disorder, I'm not sure.

For context:

• DH and I have been together almost 20 years with two tween children.
• DH is a good person who loves me very much, fiercely I would say.
• We both work now, and money is almost equal, but for 15 years of relationship, I was breadwinner due to his ill health and mental health issues. He was main carer for DC1 when I had to return to work FT, and for DC2 I was able to drop two days and it was more equal. However, housework and organising kids has been left to me, even when working, which is something he is now trying to rebalance after I have raised it.
• He hasn't always enjoyed being a father and this is seen in his strained relationship with our eldest.
• He has had substance abuse issues in the past which severely affected our family life and our relationship
• He has had anger issues which he has been working on but there have been big blow ups at me and in front of the children over the years, which have left their mark on me and my nervous system
• intimacy has been an issue for a long time as we have mismatched libido (mine much lower) and i am not hugely comfortable with physical affection. Subsequently, I have ended up being intimate many times when I haven't wanted to, to keep the peace and avoided sulking or moods on his part. This has affected how I view intimacy and has come to a head recently.
• I have not always met his needs. I sometimes struggle with wanting to connect with him and he needs more than I can give, which leaves me feeling obliged to meet his affection, but he can get sulky and moody if I don't
• I'm having counselling which has highlighted some problems with the way we interact and made me face up to some things within our relationship that are hard to stomach.

I can't work out if this is all just unhealthy two-sided conflict or problematic behaviour. Everytime we have a conversation about any of this, I think I know what I know, but then he seems to persuade me otherwise, until I'm not sure if I'm actually the bad guy and causing problems for no reason. Its very confusing. If it is me, maybe we'd be better separating so i don't inflict that on him, or anyone else in the future. But he doesn't want that and says we can work things out and be better together.

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendations are:
https://prepare.campaign.gov.uk/get-prepared-for-emergencies/

ROUGH STATUS REPORT (as of 9am 22nd Oct - please note this isn't fully comprehensive, and is moving FAST)
Civil Unrest reported in:
France, Italy, Greece, Belgium, Albania, Indonesia - multi reasons, but largely due to economic pressures and the cost of living
Spain has had problems but these have temporarily stopped, probably due to significant weather related issues due to the Dana effect
More protests planned for this coming weekend
High Alert in the Middle East:
Netanyahu now committed to regime change in Iran, as he believes they are developing a nuke.
The US has pulled all Embassy Staff from Saudi Arabia and is hoping no one notices that they've ordered personal and families across the Gulf home and then seem to have lied that they have.
The Emir of Qatar has stated at their equivalent of the annual King's Speech at the Opening of Parliament that war was coming and to prepare for the worst scenarios. US pulling planes out of Qatar.
The Egyptian PM has warned the country of severe crisis ahead - given the nature of the country this is related to their alliance with Saudi Arabia and their reliance on the Suez Canal which the Yemeni rebels now control access to and their exposure to famine
Iran is saying if there is another attack, the gloves are off and they'll try and wipe out the middle east oil industry as they go down, as well as hitting critical civilian infrastructure.
Much movement / noise is similar to run up to the first US attacks this year. Debate over whether the attack will come before the Israeli Election or the US Midterms - possibly within 72hours - latest mood music suggests potentially this weekend. Seems to be shifting to a when not if.
Israel election: 27th Oct
Prices and Shortages:
Diesel needs no real reminder - we need it for haulage, mass transportation and farming, we are screwed without it. Fuel Emergency declarations in West Virgina, Kentucky, Michigan, Maryland, Arizona, Nebraska and Texas - typically allowing limited dyed diesel use for ag or commercial vehicles. Illinois and Missouri have also allowed by not under emergency orders. Less reported is the fertiliser shortage and knock on effect, poor yields this year and the effect of El Nino on next years, sulphur export bans and the blockade on Ukrainian and Russian wheat exports which are particularly crucial in feeding North Africa and the Middle East. This is liable to have significant impact on the UK with 6% rises in food already expected next year (and there's every reason to believe this will be higher especially with civil unrest all over the place). Reports of aviation fuel running low in some parts of Europe with emergency supplies (which can't last forever) being used.
El Nino:
See above about farming and also think of disasters - like the ones Spain is facing with flooding. Storm Austin is incoming and there is a weather warning for the South of England with power outages and flooding possible today/tomorrow.
The Internet:
PHP is 70% of the internet. Its got compromised so it can pretty much all be hacked. This is VERY BAD (in capital letters). Many websites offline whilst this is sorted including multiple government ones around the world.
Just AI generally - everything from putting everyone out of work to just hacking and killing us all. No Biggie.
Trump and the Mid Terms:
Trump is firmly losing his marbles. He's defected to Russia, can't stop rambling about men's arses, is waving at non-existent people, his team are known to be considering ways to impose martial law, he's getting heckled at Trump rallies by his own supporters, 83% of all voters think the biggest problem in the US now isn't the cost of living crisis but government corruption. He's being called a traitor by some of his fellow Reds. Mid Terms look a disaster and Trump probably won't accept them. He's reversing bills that Congress passed weeks ago by executive order.
Mid-Terms: 3rd Nov
Ukraine and Russia:
Ukraine facing massive problems still cos Elon has got the ump. Starlink isn't working at face enough speeds. They've bombed a shedload of Data Centres in Russia. This has killed off the Russian Internet and many Trump/Musk supporters in the process (one way or another) which screws up Twitter (and its value) for them. Ukraine is getting blamed for diesel shortages cos they refuse to stop hitting Russian refineries even though it has no choice now its been cut off by the US. Zelenskyy now says Trump isn't an ally. Trump wants Zelensky gone and thinks Putin is being reasonable and Ukraine doesn't want peace. Germany states it would have activated Art5 if the confirmed Russian sabotage attack on Liepzig had been successful.
Russia is apparently planning to step up its sabotage campaign in Europe after having successfully sunk a few boats in EU waters (Romania / Bulgaria - these sinkings have been in both international waters off the coast AND within their official territorial waters).
Economy:
Lots of debt. Much concern over the implications of this particularly with regards to AI and state debt in the US, UK, France and Japan (but not restricted to). Much money put into gold by China. Background of this bad given the approach of potentially multiple crisis.
France Moody's credit review: Due tomorrow 23rd Oct - expected to be not good especially in the current political climate in France
UK Budget: 28th October

They are all interconnected and one or many could tip us into abject chaos. Or not. The risks here are sky high. Of what? Take your pick.

My son has adhd, has trouble falling asleep and is a night owl. Combine that with lack of organisational skills and it produces a very stressful situation.
He is nearly 16. He finds it very hard to fall asleep. But once he goes to sleep , doesnt matter what time, it could be 11pm or 3am, he cannot wake up the next day.

If I left him he could sleep 15 hours easily. And even then its like trying to wake someone who is unconscious.
Its always been bad but its got much worse this past 12 months. He has to catch a school bus. He regularly misses it. If he does manage to catch it that involves a hugely stressful hour before hand, whilst im also trying to get myself ready and other children. I then have to drive him to the bus stop with seconds to spare. If he misses it I then need to take my other kids to school and then drive him to school afterwards making him over an hour late.
The stress this causes me is massive. It makes me ill. I cry almost every morning and once hes actually in school it takes me a good 2 to 3 hours for my nervous system to calm down. This is every single day.
Please dont tell me to try things like open his curtains, remove his duvet etc, nothing works, he is UNCONSCIOUS.

At night hes a different person. Lively and chilled and can talk about plans for the next morning.
Its half term and weve arranged to see family today at 12. He happily told me to wake him at 8am this morning.
This morning comes, woke him at 8am, its now 10.45am and hes still in bed. Everything has become so difficult because of this.

Hes also missing out on experiences with his friends. Hes very social and he sees them evening time, but they have all been out together during the day and hes asleep!!

After school comes college next year. The college for him to attend is 2 bus journeys away. His bus leaves at 7.10am.
His current bus leaves at 8am and he cant manage that.

Then comes jobs after that and him living independently. How would he ever get himself up? How would he hold down a job? It worries me sick!! There are plenty of medications to help them sleep but nothing to help them wake up!!

Its got to bad ive had to give up my job. I worked in a school myself. He was making me late every day. The choice was between me going to work and him never going to school, or me doing everything i could to get him to school and then being 2 hours late for work!!

What do we do?

I love reading about the history of food and recipes and how we ended up eating what we do. Along the way some foods have become commonplace and some are sought after and celebrated (mostly because expensive).

I am here to celebrate the pea. That pretty and delicate little green ball that I can’t believe comes in giant bags for £1.50. How is it so cheap? Why don’t people appreciate it? A dish of peas with butter and mint is divine. They are so delicious and delicate and pretty. Did people appreciate them properly when they had to remove them from their pods and could only eat them fresh for a couple of weeks?

Other things that absolutely punch are sesame oil, sumac, balsamic vinegar. Why are they not more expensive?!

Husband applied for a job as a train driver without telling me....
I'm a bit confused, is it normal for people to apply for a radically different career without discussing with their spouses??! He's currently found an office job. I don't think he got the train job as it's been 8 weeks since the application and he hasn't heard anything, and has just decided to tell me now.

I have a new cleaner. He started with me a couple of weeks ago. So far, so good. I have paid him so far by bank transfer on the day. However he has asked if I can pay him in future in cash.
Thing is, it’s an awkward amount. £54. I have no issue doing this when I’m at work, as my workplace is very close to a bank. However on school holidays (I’m a teacher) it’s going to be an inconvenient pain in the ass, as I don’t live near a bank. I tend not to have cash floating around, as I pay for everything by card.
Would I be unreasonable to offer to pay him £50 cash during the holidays?
Also, is it the norm for cleaners not to make the bed? He leaves them as they are (roughly made, as the mornings are a rush) but doesn’t straighten them out, which looks odd in a clean bedroom.
Thanks.

I can’t get through to the hospital or my GP. Been trying all day after getting a letter today.

I had a mole removed from my back in the middle of September. Today I have a letter asking me to attend an appointment on 6th November. Nothing explained in the letter no mention of results. I am a lone parent and have no support I am terrified about what this could mean for my very young child.

Please can anyone help? I don’t have the NHS app and have tried calling the GP to see if they’ve had anything back. The letter says it I cannot attend and don’t tell them then I may not be offered another appointment and will be referred back to my GP. I feel sick and so scared and alone.

I want to wear a white t shirt under jumpers. Any suggestions for one that isn't too thick and the neckline can be seen above the jumper?

Me (21,F) and my husband (25,M) are having our first child. I'm due in February so I have some more time to choose. My husband and I want a vintage name, we don't want a overused name. We want a simple vintage name that is easy to spell that is still vintage.

I’ve bought these sequin balloon trousers from Tu - I unexpectedly really love them and would wear them to a Christmas do. But what shoes??

In general, what shoes are supposed to work with balloon style trousers - or barrel shape when worn just above the ankle as you often see them?

https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc148354260?cmpid=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20331211902&utm_term=___%7Bproduct_item_id%7D&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=&utm_custom2=825-875-8916&utm_custom6=TU_PPC_BAU_SEARCH_GOOGLE_PMAX+SHOPPING_CLOTHING_Womenswear_xx_xx_Mixed_PMax&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20331213789&gbraid=0AAAAADCAkB9kDvtHDInePznaeoVS0rC4M&gclid=CjwKCAjw9PvWBhAxEiwAddzYyVbgh-hemEWGmEsputjBzr876dIR0wDa5ebK7aongXAFK3I9R9LSuRoCtnQQAvD_BwE

I have got lots of different styles of jumper some loose and some fitted, but it doesn’t always feel right to wear them with nothing underneath. But if I wear a T-shirt, it feels too bulky.

What do people wear underneath their jumpers?

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:
To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’
You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.
If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot.

Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

My son is 5 and started reception in September. He’s always been quite full on but the school have spoken to me twice now about him being rough with other children and I’m starting to worry it’s becoming a bigger problem.

Apparently he pushes past them, grabs them to get them to play with him and sometimes carries on messing about when they’ve had enough. One child ended up crying after he pushed him over. I know he’s not doing it to be nasty but obviously that doesn’t make it ok.

The teacher first mentioned it as him getting overexcited but the last time she said some of the children are starting to avoid playing with him because they don’t like how rough he is. I’ve been talking to him about keeping his hands to himself and stopping when someone says stop but it doesn’t seem to be sinking in properly yet.

The thing that’s upset me most happened just before half term. I was waiting at the school gate and he went over to two boys from his class, calling them to come and play. One went and stood behind his mum and the other said he didn’t want to play with him because he always pushes people. They both moved away and my son just stood there looking a bit lost. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it but they seemed genuinely wary of him.

He’s not like this all the time and he can be lovely with other children, but when he gets carried away he seems to forget himself completely. His dad thinks he’s only five and will learn as he gets older, but I don’t want to leave it until nobody wants to play with him.

Would you ask for a proper meeting with the teacher now or give it a bit longer and see how he gets on after half term? I feel awful for the other children as well and don’t want them feeling uncomfortable at school because of my son.

Daughter is having a registry office wedding, family only, followed by a meal in a local restaurant. Colour theme is navy and lilac. So I’m not going to go full on MOTB. What do you think to this dress? I would wear lilac heels and carry a lilac clutch.

www.monsoon.co.uk/rowena-v-neck-ruffle-floral-print-maxi-dress-blue-24010650003.html

My Mum and Dad (67 & 70) were visiting last week. They live in Ireland I live in Scotland. The tension between them was awful the whole time. They were here to celebrate Mum’s birthday, and although she seemed enjoy it, and was always cheerful and sweet with her children and grandchildren, she was so mean to my dad the whole time.

He couldn’t say a thing without being snapped at, or some snarky remark made. She’s so cross with him if he makes a minor mistake (eg referring to a made bed as having Hospital corners, mum snaps back saying it’s Hotel corners and huffs and sighs dramatically)

I just feel so sad for my Dad. This is not new behaviour, although this weekend was extreme. Mum has always been a sulker and gives the silent treatment when someone disagrees with her. I’ve been on the receiving end of it myself growing up, and as an adult, and it’s torture.

We all walk on eggshells around her, and the one time I tried to suggest she might want to ease off my Dad she walked off visibly upset and then went and gave him hell (whispering, but I could see their reflection in the tv). So I’m worried about my interventions making things worse for my Dad now, but I’m so upset seeing how he gets treated.

I know I don’t know everything about their relationship, and maybe he’s done something awful to her (very doubtful, he’s gentle and lovely) but I can’t imagine that he’s done anything to deserve this treatment.

Any advice on how to approach this with my mum? She is not a bad person, and is very loving to everyone else in the family. She hates confrontation and is very very emotional. Im on the verge of tears thinking about my dad having to deal with her alone.

Would it be a good idea for me to say that she cannot behave like that in my house, and in front of my children, as I want them to grow up with examples of loving relationships, and her behaviour is an unacceptable way of treating someone you love.

please be nice I’m feeling fragile

Hi,

We have recently moved house - we have moved back to our home town - It's me, DH and our two DC's - both teens.

Prior to this we lived in a 'cheaper' part of the UK and we were lucky to have no mortgage. The move back here, whilst the right thing to do has meant that we now have a mortgage for the next 15 years.

I have been going through our finances and it looks like after we have paid the mortgage and all other non- negotiable bills, we will be left with about £2000 per month. From this we will need to buy food and any other luxuries/non-essentials.

I am worried that this will be tight and that we will end up burning through the savings that we have. DH thinks I am being ridiculous and that £2k is lots

Am I right to be worried?

I was just doing my online shop last night. So many items like bottled water and long life milk were out of stock.

Quite clearly many people are taking the advice seriously. But to be honest, three days’ worth of food is really very little - most people would have that at home, even if it may not be their preferred food. So I think people are responding to this by buying supplies for a lot more than three days.

Full disclosure - I have done this myself. Not buying silly amounts but just a few more cans than usual. I don’t even know why!

I know this has been asked before but really would be grateful for recommendations. Even with waterproof spray my Seasalt one isn’t cutting it in this weather. Thank you!

Last year a new family moved in next door. They have 2 little girls (7&4) my DD is 6 so I was delighted to see kids of similar age moving in. They are a lovely family I get on really well with the parents especially the mum and initially it seemed like the kids enjoyed playing together while we had a coffee. However their older girl 7 doesn't really "play" with kids in the usual sense, she prefers to play alone beside them and will only engage to direct the other children then can react badly if children don't play out the game exactly as she has it in her head. Eg older child will insist on only playing school and always being the teacher and will tell the others what to say and do and get very upset if they don't comply. She is a lovely child extremely smart just very rigid in her way of playing and can also be painfully honest she doesn't mean to hurt people's feelings but she does.
Its led to my DD really disliking the older girl so she Doesn't want to play with her anymore. She loves the younger DD but the sisters come as a package obviously. I won't force my DD to play with someone she doesn't want to but I do feel bad for the the older DD I suspect she has some ND but the mother has never mentioned it to me so its not like i can use this as a way to speak to my DD about kids with autism etc.

I just don't know how to say it to the mum. She's been inviting me over with my DD for a coffee/playdate and I've kept putting her off saying im busy with work I don't want to say "sorry my kid doesn't want to play with your kid" as it seems kind of mean even if it's truthful.

What would you do?

Has anyone used these stacked up for a wedding cake, and if so, could you please show me the result? I was going to bake my own 6-layer tall cake, but saw this last week and thought it’s an easier option! Any input gratefully received…including any feedback on whether they taste good, please!

Dd 8 loves getting post, parcels etc and having something to open every month.
Unfortunately where we live there are quite limited subscription options for kids, and what is available is very expensive.

Have thought up the (hopefully) brilliant idea of gifting her a 'present-a-month box' for Christmas so am thinking if I start planning now I'll have lots of time to make it fun and filled with things she'll love.

I'd like to have a bit of a theme for each month/make it seasonal e.g. I'm thinking for the October present I'll get a halloween costume or cool decoration, so will look for that this week now that everything is on sale.

Dd loves reading, lego, harry potter, imagination and adventure games. Ideally budget would be £100 max but I'm very happy to buy on vinted/charity shops etc.

All ideas appreciated! Thanks 😊

We’ve just landed in Florida for a week-long family holiday. There’s me, DH, DS13 and DS15. We spent a fortune before we came out getting everyone kitted out with new clothes and brand-new trainers—including a lovely pair of Nike Dunks for DS15.

We picked out his travel outfit together: hoodie, baggy joggers, and his box-fresh Dunks with classic white Nike socks. Looked great.

Fast forward to checking into the hotel last night. DS15 is sitting on the armchair, his joggers ride up, and I notice... no socks. (He spent all summer going sockless in old knackered Vans and Astro turf boots which I didn't mind because they were already ruined, but still!). Anyway, I went into their room later and it absolutely reeked. Turns out he wore his brand-new Dunks with no socks for the entire journey here! 🤢

This morning, before heading to the theme parks, we wanted a family photo. DH and DS13 look great in fresh shorts and new trainers with ankle socks. DS15? Sockless again.

I gently pointed out that:

1. He’s going to get horrific blisters in the Florida heat.
2. He’s going to completely ruin his new Dunks in days.
3. The trainer smell is already vile.

He kicked off in front of everyone, telling me to "grow up," "get a life," and "what’s it got to do with me?!"

Later, I popped back to the room for suncream and thought I'd take him a pair of trainer socks just in case. Had a quick nosey in his suitcase... there are literally zero socks in his entire bag. He has actively planned and packed to go sockless for the whole week.

DH says to leave him to it, but we are the ones sharing a room and hire car with his melting, stinking feet! AIBU to be furious with his behaviour and choices!