I really need some tips/hacks/advice. I've been experiencing burnout for some time but fighting through it and it's getting worse. my children NEVER run out off steam - they are full on noise/trashing things/fighting/constantly active with a 4-5 hour window at night - if I am lucky where I am not disturbed - this has been consistent for 10 years.

I have a demanding job and they will not do before school clubs/after school clubs/babysitters. I wfh and they interrupt calls and call me names for working when they are at home. I have a job where if work comes in, I need to deal with it immediately.

The relationship with my parents isn't great and we receive incredibly little support despite living a few doors away from us - they were the same as parents - just not interested basically. And the other grandparents are dead from my ex who is totally useless. I find friendships very fairweather and they seem to only want to know if everything is good, as soon as I say I am struggling, it's silence, or someone who has it harder will be brought up, so I have given up on discussing with people, as they just do not want to know. The only friend who really cared and tried to help has backed off because having my children around was too stressful - she has her own issues with her children and I really do not blame her at all. Playdates were just unpleasant and not enjoyable anymore. Other kind people in our lives are struggling too so I just cannot bring myself to ask for help.

The school are doing their best to support me and are very kind but they can only do so much. getting them to school is utterly exhausting. It is a huge battle daily and I feel like crying every morning by the time they are in. I come home and have to start work. My house is completely cluttered and messy. I've had cleaners but they cannot help with the cluttter. I clear it out and more builds.

I have ADHD and an appointment soon to discuss starting medication but I am scared of the side effects. I will try it though as I dread to think where I am heading if I do not do something.

I don't know where to turn anymore..

Others out there in similar situations, what helped? no matter how big or small, I need to know anything I can implement that will help. Organisation, diaries and timers do not work as i constantly set them wrong to the point I don't trust them and switch them off or forget/ignore them.

Should I speak to social services? I have never had involvement but maybe I should.

Which do you prefer the sound of …

Eliza Frances Rose

Eliza Rose Christine

Both names honour my late mum but I’m not sure which combination sounds better.

First time getting gel nails, got them done by woman who had excellent reviews and I loved how they looked on the first few days.

Within a week I had a noticeable growth gap but still acceptable, whereas it’s now been 2 weeks and the growth gap looks so unkempt/tacky

Surely people aren’t getting nails done as often as every 2 weeks though?? It’d already be expensive enough going every 3-4 weeks! & worse still they only really looked good in the first week

have labelled pic after 1 week and then after 2 weeks (now)

Dh has 2 dds from previous marriage aged 15 and 17
I have one dd from my previous marriage also 15.

My dd gets on fine with both individually but the issue is the 2 sisters hate each other. They have never got on and it’s making everyone miserable.
When they stay here they share a room and they argue and fight majority of the time. My dd ends up hiding basically in her room from the confrontations or goes out as much as she can to get away from it.
They both try to get her on their side and she finds it’s stressful.

It is not their fault - their mother has always had a clear favourite (the younger dd) and the older one is just pushed out and furious and hates her sister. Younger dsd is very confident and although can see they are treated differently won’t have a word said against their mother so it’s very difficult.

The arguments into the night stop everyone sleeping sometimes. There’s conflict over everything.

I’ve been suggesting to dh for a while that we need to look at therapy options for them and try to encourage them to stay here more? But he says it’s just sisters fighting and it’s normal ? I only had brothers so i don’t know! He has 3 sisters and says that’s what girls do ?

I don’t know if anyone agrees with me, but I find people who keep their good news to themselves for a while before sharing it with friends & family really annoying !!

As an example, one of my friends got engaged and then made a big thing of telling everyone that they’d not told anyone for a week so as not to spoil their bubble. I obviously wasn’t expecting to be top of the list but felt sad for her family who she kept in the dark and then found it quite strange that they made a big point of telling everyone that they’d hadn’t told anyone !!

And my SIL is pregnant and will tell us all the date & time of her scans but then wait for a day or two before telling anyone how it went which then makes everyone worry that something is wrong !!

I know people say they want to prolong their bubble of happiness but I just don’t get how telling people and allowing loved ones to be part of your good news somehow takes the special feeling away ?!?!

Not my story but someone else’s - two close family members involved. One had lent a large sum of money (five figure sum is all I know) to help them out financially due to a horribly expensive divorce.

there has been a fall out due to lending party asking for interest on loan as the loan will take a long time to pay back and lender is considering their financial situation and future inflation etc.

both parties single so no other people to rely on really financially. Lot of tension now.

being unreasonable - the lender, it’s family.

not being unreasonable - borrower, family member is doing a big favour here and is being very careful with the coffers.

I know my thoughts but love to hear others!

Well apparently this story isn’t going anywhere!

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Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

Going next week for week.
was thinking a day biting the YSL museum and gardens.
what about a trip to the Atlas Mountains? A friend said it’s just a tourist trap but I am a tourist and think it looks good?
any advice or ideas of must sees!!

Hi I was just wondering if this is a thing or if any woman have experienced this when a male partner shoves past you / closes doors when stood behind doors or opens cupboard doors when you are stood behind a cupboard door. These events happen infrequently say every 6-8 weeks and not outwardly violent and could be normal just moving past people and opening doors behaviour, so it’s hard to know. Examples are:

• If I’m stood in front drawers in kitchen and he wants to use the drawer, he will push me with both hands out the way so I move about 30-60 cm but he won’t say excuse me.
• I’m stood in hallway doing something and I’m not aware he wants to go past me he will barge into me with his shoulder but not in an outwardly violent way just in a small quick silent shove with subtle undertone of ‘get out of my way’. He doesn't always do this though, it has only happened a few times.
• again only a few times if i’m stood in pantry with door wide open as he walks in kitchen (I think he would know I’m behind door) and he pushed the pantry door hard so I’m pressed up against fridge, it’s not overtly forceful but feels like undertone of quick relatively forceful subtle aggression. He has done this a few times but one time after I turned his music down as baby crying and he kept turning music up to drown out the sound and I kept turning his music off and he was quite annoyed with me and pushed the pantry door into me so feels as though could be linked. I feel he must know as he must feel resistance as door hits into me and most people would then stop but hard to think back and work it out if it happened so quick he couldn’t think.
• if I’m stood next to cupboard he needs open he won’t say excuse me he will open door forcefully so it goes into my face about an inch from my face.
• whilst swimming in deep sea on first holiday he aggressively kept tickling me so I felt unable to tread water and ragged my bikini top forcefully and I remember feeling scared and swimming as fast as I could away from him so hard as almost like he is joking but I feel uncomfortable with it.

He has the energy and work ethic of a machine. I do not.

We are rennovating a property to move into and he gets to work on it at 10am. I get there at 11am. At 2.30pm i'm starving because i haven't had any breakfast.

I know DP expects me to be there sooner and leave later. So at 2.30 I say i'm going to go get lunch and he says 'already?' Its so passive aggressive to me as i know he means 'but theres so much work to do you should do more work.'

SO i go get lunch and sit in bed and feel like crap while he works away. I dont want to go back because is so miserable when someone constantly judging how much you do and comparing it to them. It's so exhausting and miserable to paint and clean.

Then i go at 4pm and start again but im in a bad mood even if it's not totally obvious to me. I want to do a job thats not too strenuous but DP immediatly asks me to do the dirtiest and most miersable job up a ladder. So i start doing it, and DP gives me advice on how i can do it better and I just burst into tears and tell him how I feel and lose my rag on him.

I just feel the whole job is miserable just because of the way he thinks. If he were just kind and supportive of what i did i would come back with a better energy and enthusiasm after lunch but i feel I have to get to work sooner than i am ready to or i will feel the judgement. Whatever i do feels like is not enough, could be done better and for longer.

How do i fix this from over and over again?

I have some boots that look fine with dresses but feel frumpy with jeans. I am looking for a nice pair of comfortable flat or low heel boots to go with wide leg and barrel jeans.
Possibly a pointed toe?

I am a curvy 10/12 and quite a classic dresser with a nod to current trends IF they suit me.

Has anyone found a gem?

So, had thought DP was acting oddly, nothing I could put my finger on. We’d booked to get married which he didn’t seem in the least excited about, which after 30 years together, we needed to do for inheritance purposes. I couldn’t shake the feeling, kept asking him, he said he was either tired, busy with work etc etc.
i go down to the kitchen on Friday morning and there’s his phone - so I checked it. He’d been messaging a woman over 30 years younger than him who works in his building. She’d initiated the contact, but he must have given her his number. She sent him a mirror selfie to which he replies ‘Beautiful, thank you!’ - they’ve met a couple of times in her office, with him responding ‘can’t wait for the next catch up’. I’ve told him it’s over between us but he says he’ll do anything to make it better, he doesn’t know what he was thinking, he didn’t know how to respond to her! I just feel so disrespected and disgusted, I can’t believe he’s done it. I feel like I don’t even know who he is, he’s in his 60’s FFS. The weirdest thing is, I feel validated, like I’ve trusted my gut and was right. It’s like the niggling doubts that I’ve had over the years but never taken further, I was probably right every time. I think I should feel devastated but I just don’t, is this shock?

As a child I don’t remember being given any medicine if I was ill, only if I went to the doctors and was given antibiotics. If I was unwell I was wrapped in a blanket and put in bed with a hot water bottle. Were you given any painkillers like we give today?

I’ve honestly had enough now. I’m not cut out for this, I’m just not.

I’ve got two boys, DS1 has just turned 4 and DS2 is 23 months. DS1 has suspected autism, not diagnosed yet because apparently everything takes about 400 years, but we’ve been told there are definitely developmental concerns. Getting dressed is a battle, leaving the house is a battle, coming back into the house is a battle, food is a battle, bedtime is a battle. There is no normal day here anymore.

He is aggressive aswell. He hits, kicks, throws things, screams, pulls hair, pushes. He regularly pulls his little brothers hair and shoves him over and then I’m the one having to get between them while DS2 is crying and DS1 is screaming because I’ve stopped him. I tell him leave him alone, I say it nicely, I say it not nicely, I move DS2, I move DS1, nothing makes any difference. DS2 has started copying him now aswell. He pushes things and shouts and has started doing this horrible little angry noise that DS1 does. I feel like I’m watching him turn into the same sort of child and I cannot cope with two of them doing it.

They share a room because we only have two bedrooms and bedtime is honestly a joke. DS1 won’t leave DS2 alone. He gets out of bed, goes over to him, pulls his hair or takes his blanket or whatever he can get hold of. Then DS2 starts crying, DS1 gets louder, I go in there, they both get more worked up and suddenly it’s half 10 and nobody is asleep. I dread bedtime. I actually start feeling sick when it gets to about 6 because I know what’s coming.

DS1 was at nursery but he wasn’t coping there at all. He was having problems with the other children and the staff were struggling with his behaviour. He was getting more and more upset and it just wasn’t working so he isn’t going anymore. He’s just here with me all day every day now. No break, no quiet, no chance to think. DP works full time and doesn’t really see what it’s like during the day. He comes home and DS is sometimes sitting eating or watching something and then apparently I’ve made it sound worse than it is. Yes because you’ve been here for twenty minutes and he’s currently eating a biscuit.

Today was awful from the minute we left the house. We went into town because I needed a few bits and thought it might be nice to get out for once. I took the double buggy, but DS1 refused to sit in it. Screaming, getting out, throwing himself backwards every time I tried to put him back in. In the end I let him walk because I couldn’t spend the whole afternoon wrestling a 4 year old into a buggy while DS2 sat there watching.

Then he ran off. He saw something and went and I was trying to get DS2 out of the way of people and by the time I looked up he was gone. I had to leave the bags and run after him. I was furious and terrified at the same time, which is a horrible combination because you’re trying to catch your child while also wanting to scream at them. I can’t take my own children into town for half an hour without it turning into an emergency. What am I supposed to do, stay in the house until they’re teenagers?

Then he wanted food from one of the shops and when I said no he started screaming again. Honestly the only time he seems properly happy is when he’s eating. He can be miserable and shouting for hours and then you give him something and suddenly he’s fine, sitting there like nothing happened while I’m shaking and trying not to cry. I know people will say sensory issues and regulation and all the rest of it, but I’m telling you what it is like to live with. We came home early and the whole afternoon was a complete waste of time.

I cried when we got home. DP asked what was wrong and I said I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want every day to be like this. I don’t want to spend my life dealing with screaming and hitting and trying to stop one child hurting the other. I don’t enjoy taking DS1 anywhere. I don’t enjoy playing with him. I don’t look forward to him waking up. I feel horrible writing that but it’s true. Sometimes I just want him to go away and leave me alone for five minutes, which obviously makes me feel like the worst person alive.

The thing I feel worst about is I wouldn’t have had another baby if I’d known DS1 was going to be like this. I love DS2, obviously I do, but I feel like I’ve brought him into a family where he can’t even have a normal childhood because everything revolves around DS1. He can’t play in his own room without DS1 going over and grabbing him. He can’t sit with a toy without it being taken. I feel like I’ve made a massive mistake having two children when I can barely manage one. I thought it would get easier as DS got older but it hasn’t. If anything it’s got worse and now there’s another child being dragged into it.

DP says I’m being horrible and DS can’t help it, which I KNOW. I’m not stupid. I know he isn’t waking up thinking how can I ruin mums day today but it feels like it and knowing why he does it doesn’t make it less exhausting when you’re the one dealing with it from 7am until bedtime. I’m the one who can’t go to the toilet without something happening. I’m the one who can’t get them both dressed without somebody screaming. I’m the one who has to watch DS2 every second because DS1 might suddenly pull him over. DP gets to go to work and have adults around him and eat his lunch without somebody throwing a cup.

I’ve been looking into autism assessments and support but everything takes forever. You get told to wait, then wait for another appointment, then somebody says they’ll call you and they don’t. People say ask for help but what help exactly? We don’t have family who can just come and take them for the day. I can’t afford private anything. DP says I need to be more patient but I genuinely don’t know where I’m supposed to find more patience from. I’ve used it all. It’s gone.

I feel like a terrible mother saying this but I am done. Today has tipped me over the edge and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and do the exact same thing again. I feel like I’ve lost myself completely. I’m just the person who stops people hitting each other and cleans up food and says no all day. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I want one day where nobody is screaming, nobody is pulling anyone’s hair and I can actually enjoy being a mum instead of just surviving it. Is that really too much to ask?

My son has adhd, has trouble falling asleep and is a night owl. Combine that with lack of organisational skills and it produces a very stressful situation.
He is nearly 16. He finds it very hard to fall asleep. But once he goes to sleep , doesnt matter what time, it could be 11pm or 3am, he cannot wake up the next day.

If I left him he could sleep 15 hours easily. And even then its like trying to wake someone who is unconscious.
Its always been bad but its got much worse this past 12 months. He has to catch a school bus. He regularly misses it. If he does manage to catch it that involves a hugely stressful hour before hand, whilst im also trying to get myself ready and other children. I then have to drive him to the bus stop with seconds to spare. If he misses it I then need to take my other kids to school and then drive him to school afterwards making him over an hour late.
The stress this causes me is massive. It makes me ill. I cry almost every morning and once hes actually in school it takes me a good 2 to 3 hours for my nervous system to calm down. This is every single day.
Please dont tell me to try things like open his curtains, remove his duvet etc, nothing works, he is UNCONSCIOUS.

At night hes a different person. Lively and chilled and can talk about plans for the next morning.
Its half term and weve arranged to see family today at 12. He happily told me to wake him at 8am this morning.
This morning comes, woke him at 8am, its now 10.45am and hes still in bed. Everything has become so difficult because of this.

Hes also missing out on experiences with his friends. Hes very social and he sees them evening time, but they have all been out together during the day and hes asleep!!

After school comes college next year. The college for him to attend is 2 bus journeys away. His bus leaves at 7.10am.
His current bus leaves at 8am and he cant manage that.

Then comes jobs after that and him living independently. How would he ever get himself up? How would he hold down a job? It worries me sick!! There are plenty of medications to help them sleep but nothing to help them wake up!!

Its got to bad ive had to give up my job. I worked in a school myself. He was making me late every day. The choice was between me going to work and him never going to school, or me doing everything i could to get him to school and then being 2 hours late for work!!

What do we do?

4 years ago we inherited a house. It has been on the market for the entirety of that time. It is on sale for approx 25% of market value. Reasons below:

The property is non-standard construction and therefore unmortgagable (we have explored this extensively).

It has a sitting lifetime tenancy on a peppercorn rent. Tenant is in their 70s and in good health.

We cannot sell it due to the above.

For those unaware, lifetime tenants cannot be evicted and the rent is very tightly controlled. We have increased it to the maximum allowed every year for the 4 years we've owned it. It still doesn't constitute £1000 a year.

We do not have any more money to put in to the property. We've done the legal required stuff. We've explored legal avenues for eviction ABD offered to give (gift) the property to the sitting tenant.

We basically need someone to come along with enough money to keep the property legally for 20+ years before they can do anything with it.

The most recent gas and electricity safety checks and the EPC have shown significant work needed in the next 12 months to keep it legal. We can't do it. Our only option is to sell our home that we, move in to a much smaller property in a different area (moving children's schools and away from family) and renting ourselves.

We have 0 savings because of the house and cannot afford basic things for our own home.

I just don't know what to do.

WWYD? We literally cannot give it away - we offered it to the LA and to a social landlord and a landlord with an extensive portfolio in the area and all said no.

In 20years, when the tenant dies or moves in to care the land might be worth something (and therefore sellable) but we can't wait that long. We had absolutely no idea the property existed until we inherited it and I've no idea why we did.

Any out of the box thinking here from the hive mind?

Due to things going on at the moment for me, I am in a foul/sad/unhappy/miserable mood today. I am due to go to my friends house tonight, but:

1. she is making lasagne. I don't want bloody lasagne - no dinner put in front of me right now will cheer me up, I want dinner but couldn't tell you what I would want .. if anything
2. she has told me her 2 teen DD will be there for dinner too. No disrespect to her DDs, they are lovely, but I can just as well sit at home with my DDs and have dinner, which I might as well do if her DD will be with us ? why would I want to sit with her DDs when I can play happy families at home with mine? no malice or sarcasm intended by that

I probably sound ungrateful for her inviting me and offering dinner. Imo, my friend just wants the adult conversation/company, rather than spend the eve with her just her DDs who just sit on their phones all eve, if not in their rooms - but that is not my problem.

Been seeing the same man for a few years.
Don't live together, very slow burn.
Starting to question everything, as just seems like a convenience thing for him, or FWB.

We went to a social gathering last night, when we arrived, greeted friends that were stood near the bar.
DP then turns around and he's bought himself a drink. Didn't offer me one.
I find it incredibly rude and thoughless.

I can understand not being able to offer a whole group a drink, not being able to afford to do rounds. But as his partner, I would expect him to think of me and ask me what I'd like.

AIBU to be questioning our whole relationship over this... would you end a relationship for this sort of behaviour?

Maybe I've had the realisation that he's pretty selfish.

I love this jacket but it’s (way) out of my budget. Any tips for finding something similar at a quarter of the price?! Have googled but not coming up with much.

www.farfetch.com/at/shopping/women/comme-des-garcons-girl-peter-pan-collar-button-up-jacket-item-38345055.aspx

I love preparing the Christmas stocking each year, it's one of my favourite jobs and so I tend to get it done early (and then try and stop myself buying anything else!)

So far for dd, who is nearly 8, I have got:

Mini brand surprise balls (pet and food)
Activity book
Reading books x 2
Rosalinda mini figure
Nutcracker chelsea doll
Marshmallow keyring
Koala teddy
Tamagotchi
Brain game - cats
Penguin pen
Gel pens
Nature colouring book
Lip balm
Mini bee revival kit
Minibrand backpack
Hair slides and hairband
Snake tshirt
Snake stickers

I will also buy something chocolatey and a Lush bath bomb.

Under the tree she will get a schleich stable with some horses and a bean bag and the pets are getting her the Minibrand fridge.

If you are as madly enthusiastic about the stocking as I am, what have you bought so far? Or, what do you plan to buy?

I'm now wondering if DH might also need a stocking this year...

The style chat continues....😊

My hair is long. Passed my bra strap and very thick.

For work I have to have it off my collar, so either a bun (which is now uncomfortable and heavy) or a low plait, which flops over my shoulder when leaning over and is annoying. I used to love French braids but the weight of them are uncomfortable now too. I rarely wear it down as I don't think it suits me.

I did have my hair cut into a chin length bob with undercut just before covid. I think I loved it but It was never maintained and it just grew out again.

Has anyone had a big cut and found it liberating? Hated it?

I know it will grow back if I don't like it so I don't know why I am dithering!

As the title says!

Split with my exdh 8 years ago. Not had a relationship since. Now I'm in my 50s.

I never go swimming, wear shorts or skirts. Never show my legs.
I occasionally wear a vest top in the summer.

I haven't attended a medical appointment since having my dc 13 years ago.

I'm extremely embarrassed of my body always been shy but its got much worse as I've gotten older.

I need to deal with this as I'm risking my health but I can't cope with the idea of being undressed infront of anyone.

I'm waiting on CBT via the NHS.
Can anyone relate?
Did you find a way to deal with this?

As per previous thread am likely to pull out of house sale due to uncertainty around willow tree close to house, and am viewing tomorrow another house.

New one was built maybe 20 years ago on an estate semi-rural in character and location, lots of greenery and trees on the estate, which is managed by a company.

a silver birch has been planted very close to the house, presumably by the management company and am wondering if/how to remove it in future? Presume they would have to remove it, if it was a risk to structural stability? Or would this be difficulty potentially?