Lighthearted - we all know every other family apart from our own does it wrong!

Mine are:

• no pigs in blankets
• BOILED veg 🤮
• treating the Christmas cracker like a competition (we are are each person gets their own cracker prize family!)

If you wanted to make a special adults only family meal, that wasn’t your usual roast dinner/spag bol/chilli/lasagne etc - what would you make? Not a complicated dinner party dish but more interesting than the usual. No dietary restrictions

The Royal Family attending the Remembrance Sunday Service at the Cenotaph

I am in the club with a toxic mil who is becoming more and more unhinged following the births of our three children. Our first died when very small of a heart problem following lots of surgery and time in hospital, so we're naturally very worried and heartbroken parents.

They started looking after our toddler once a week, only at their house because they didn't want to put miles on their car, both retired with no hobbies. Recently our baby daughter was born and they've only asked about her maybe a handful of times in five months - never ask about us as parents. Mil has previously said how c-sections are the easy way out (I've had 3 with very difficult recoveries after high risk pregnancies following 5 rounds of IVF and multiple losses all in my 40s). They've never once offered to help with any of the babies during postpartum, never brought a meal. First baby was born and had to stay in hospital for 9 days due to illness and we came home a day before Christmas. They came to see baby at Christmas without even asking if we needed anything. If it hadn't been for our kind neighbors who brought a meal we'd have been eating beans on toast for Christmas Day.

We've had to put some boundaries in place because of their lack of communication and then not getting back to us when we're asking about our toddlers well-being when they look after him. Mil completely kicked off. Then had to enforce some food rules as she was only feeding him toast and rice cakes, making him severely constipated. She's forever playing the victim when in fact she's the initiator of problems and overstepping boundaries all the time and disregarding our rules.

I can live with her ignoring me, it stings when she's just mean to her own son as he's nothing but good and deserves a caring mother which she absolutely is not. But I will absolutely not tolerate her disrespecting the memory of my dead son which she has done multiple times now in recent months. She's not included him in our family count multiple times and when we called her out for it she's always played the victim. Then she's called him "broken" in a memorial card she sent. This is beyond cruel. When current baby daughter was born baby had to be hospitalized with illness at three days and we called them to ask to take our toddler for the night (we had absolutely no other option as my parents live abroad). I was terrified, especially with all we've been through. Her first response upon hearing her newborn grandchild hospitalization was: 'but we have meat for dinner!' these are just some examples of her cruelty.

Postpartum is very difficult for me with all we've been through. She has made it so much worse and I want to stay away from her as much as I can as she always drags me down with her incessant negativity and self centeredness. During our wedding all she did was complaining about a stomach ache yet managed to eat a full three course meal. Whenever she came to see her newborn grandchildren she was complaining about something and bringing all that negative energy into a sacred space. I'm so done with it all. I want to discontinue childcare from them but hubby is adamant they should still do it.

The other day mil posted something on her public social media saying how grandmother's just want to spread the love to their grandchildren and that those children shouldn't be used as bargaining chips with the parents as they will end up as collateral damage. I mean who does that? (This came after I had said no to cooking for the dinner that she's hosting whilst being in the trenches with my babies). She has taken the post down since - I didn't react.

Please be kind and compassionate when responding. I've been having a rough time with it all. Thank you for reading and sorry this is such a long post.

I guess what I want is validation for me not being too sensitive and for being right in enforcing my boundaries and limiting contact.

Has anyone tried the Traitors card game - as seen on the BBC it claims
Wondering if it's exciting or a bit disappointing before I buy it

I bought a secondhand jacket for £150. It arrived and smells of perfume which I hate! I’ve washed it and it still smells.

I’ve been through this once before - I bought a charity shop jacket and found it reeked when I got home I couldn’t tolerate the smell of it. I tried so many remedies including gallons of white vinegar and even vodka! I also stored with activated charcoal and that didn’t work. I ended up spending more than the cost of the jacket and eventually returned it.

This is by far the most I’ve ever spent on clothes on vinted - I usually buy bundles of baby things that are always clean!

Do I have ground to return it? Give a 1* review? I don’t know if I have the energy to try all the remedies again and as it’s cold it’s going to take longer to dry and limit how often I can have a go.

Think this has just been released this morning. I have no idea who James Norton is but it’s an alright watch!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=TTTRuOXPDvo&pp=ygUnbWFya3MgYW5kIHNwZW5jZXIgY2hyaXN0bWFzIGFkdmVydCAyMDI2&ra=m

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

My DS is diagnosed AUDHD. Medicated for his ADHD for the last few months. He is also medicated with sertraline for anxiety which ramped up following a car accident. He’s seen a private psychiatrist and counsellor as well as the psychiatrist for his ADHD.

He moved schools at the beginning of year 10 due to bullying that was making him miserable at his previous school. Loved the new school when he had a taster day. He has been in private school since reception and is academically very able.

Socially he can be a bit much - talks a lot and can get a bit fixated on his specialist subjects but he’s kind and funny and a very loyal friend.

Initially, he was getting on really well but has slowly been excluded by his new friendship group and we are now at the point where no pupils in his year group speak to him at all. He finds this really difficult and has come home this evening and sobbed.

I have spoken to the school at least twice over the last year and nothing has changed.

I can’t home school him. I work full time and then some to pay for his school fees.

any ideas how I can support him to get through the next 6 months? I have emailed the school again and asked them to contact me so they are aware how much this is impacting him.

I feel like a useless parent.

Welcome back everyone. New thread just in time for Black Friday.

How is everyone's self restraint looking? 😂😂😂

Fingers crossed for some good bargains this year especially all those advents that haven't sold out. We've probably bought some of those already but let's ignore that.

Happy bargain hunting. 😍

My cat had a nasty fall from height 8 days ago;she has been quite seriously ill from complications from this and has arrived home tonight after her second three day stay in that time at our veterinary hospital.

she has to take 4 tablets twice a day;they are high dose steroids and a anti biotic;the steroids are extremely important as she developed a huge mass of inflammation in her stomach from physical trauma from the fall.

The vets told us they put the tablets in her kibble and she ate them while there but she’s refusing to eat for us;her evening kibble with the medication in remains untouched,we’ve mashed up some corned beef and crumbled the tablets in to tempt her and prior to this we managed to get one steroid into her by wrapping her in a towel but she was screeching and then pooped herself and it was too distressing for her and tbh seeing so distressed made me cry too.

I’m absolutely desperate to get the meds into her as she’ll decline without them and I can’t afford another vet stay;her treatments have nearly maxed out the limit of the insurance claim (£4600)-the limit is £5000

Please if anyone has any advice to get her meds into her then im willing to try it.

from a very worried cat owner

I have recently had some talking therapy and it has made me think again about my mother's behaviour when I was a child. I hadn't thought of it for years but now that I have again I am becoming increasingly annoyed and upset with her as I feel it might have been abusive. But I just don't know.

When I was growing up, it was just her and me. My dad left when I was 6, and we moved into a small flat with one bedroom. My mum made huge sacrifices for me, including sleeping on a sofa bed most nights for over ten years and working two jobs to keep food on the table.

But the more I think about her behaviour sometimes, the more I worry that there was a sexual element that I either didn't realise at the time or wanted to ignore. Examples are as follows:

• She kept what I now know was a vibrator in the bedside drawer in my room (the only bedroom). I can't remember when I realised what it was, but I was told not to touch them and that they were for grown ups, and I do remember knowing what it was at some point.
• She kept a pair of VHS videos in the sock drawer (this was the mid 90s). When I was old enough to be left at home alone I watched them out of curiosity, and discovered that they were porn. This was my first exposure to anything like that, and I think as a result I had an unhealthy relationship with porn in my teens.
• She was naked round the flat a lot. At the time I didn't think anything of it but now I wonder why that was. Sometimes she slept in my bed with me whilst naked, and although I must stress that I can remember absolutely no sexual physical contact on these occasions, why would she do that?? She also didn't respect my privacy in this regard at all, and would often come into the bathroom when I was using it, well into my teens when I was not a little girl any more.

My mum has always been a great mum. And I remember nothing that you would say was actual acts of abuse. But the more I think of it the more confused I become about why she would have exposed me to these things and behaved in this way. I don't know what to do about it. Should I mention it to mum? I get that she was an adult and I get that we lived in a tiny flat. But why did she not hide things more? And the nudity thing bothers me too now. It's a fine line between having no body shame (fine) and being inappropriately undressed (not fine).

I work for a franchise care company and we have around 10 carers working under Visa sponsorship, some of whom have worked for them for a couple of years.

They've apparently all been told this month that their sponsorship will not be renewed by the company and have been given their notice to leave, I'm not sure exactly how much notice they've been given.

Unsure whether our company will be helping them to find a new sponsor, but I feel bad for them. A couple of days before this I saw on Indeed that they are hiring for multiple carers on a higher rate of pay than existing ones?
I'm not happy with the company so far for other reasons, and so I'm looking for new roles but just find all this a bit odd?

Hi all,

Really struggling this year with stocking fillers for my dd. She’s really into anime, drawing, YouTube, manga etc she’s very grunge/emo. Not at all interested in makeup/skin care/nails etc

Any one else’s teen the same, what are you getting them for stocking fillers this year?

I recently had a bad experience on a long-haul flight from British Airways, regarding poor customer service from a couple of the cabin stewards. After patiently putting up with the way that one steward was treating me and my elderly parents for a few hours, I raised my voice and complained to her about her level of customer service, only to then get a telling off from the cabin manager for raising my voice in the cabin- no accountability or apology for my experience at all. In fact I was even made to apologise for raising my voice, as if I was the problem. I have never had such an appalling experience on a flight before.

A quick Google search afterwards revealed that BA had recently made some policy changes as to protect their staff from customers expressing annoyance at them, so it could be that my loud complaint was ‘pounced on’ disproportionately given that the new policy had just come into force. But I am frankly appalled at the treatment I was subject to on board the flight.

I am soon taking the return flight back, and not feeling too keen about this after the poor experience I had on my outbound flight last month. I was going to complain to BA after getting back home, but it would help to know that they want to make things right before my flight home. An upgrade wouldn’t hurt either if they offer this! Has anyone had experience with something like this? Thanks!

Morning!

I'd love to hear thoughts and ideas by my esteemed fellow MNetters.

I don't have a winter coat. I have some raincoats that will do, but I am keen to finally find a nice winter coat.

Thing is, I am short and dumpy with a large menopausal tum. Big thick coats or puffer jackets make me look HUGE. But I don't know what suits me at all. I bought a Burberry trench (second hand) years ago and looked like a mushroom. I love the look of wool/cashmere blends but doubt I want something that thick. I'd like something sophisticated, but I suspect very light weight. I think mid-thigh length as I am only 5 ft 1.

I have googled- I have put the requirements into Chat GPT and I have perused Vinted, but can't find anything that really fits. Budget up to about £150 I guess.

I have always been impressed at the creativity and knowledge of S&B Mnetters so if anyone has a brain wave I'd simply love to hear it.

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

New thread

Keeping the conversation going because this is growing arms and legs. This is a follow on to the previous threads (Crunch Time, Docky Wock etc). I hope the contributors will come back to chat.

Fairly recently, Ive realised I dont like these things:

Live albums/song recordings. No matter how much I love the band or song.
Watching dance…especially in a musical
Songs named after women…even I can’t explain that one!
Meals where every mouthful is the same…e.g. pizza

I wouldnt have said these things a year ago I dont think , so it proves TIPU am still getting to know myself in my late 50’s!

Anyone else had a similar epiphany?

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a bit of a hand hold really.

I’m 26 and haven’t yet been for my first smear test. I’ve had some reminders and I’ve also been told I have to go into the GP for a medication review that they usually do over the phone, I am assuming this is so they can try and encourage me to go face to face.

I am absolutely terrified.

I was brought up by a mother who shamed my body and shamed anything to do with “privates” whilst also flouncing around naked herself. As such, I have a really difficult relationship with my body. The idea of a stranger seeing my intimate parts makes me want to die, which I know sounds so dramatic but it genuinely gives me palpitations and a nervous shake to think of.

In addition, I also have a very very low pain tolerance. I’m talking, pulled muscle in my neck brings tears to my eyes, level. So I am terrified that it will hurt. I know that they don’t provide any kind of painkillers or numbing for it and that terrifies me. I’m scared that it will hurt and i’ll be told I’m being stupid and they won’t stop.

I’ve seen so many horror stories online of women saying how awful and painful it is, and then it makes me doubt the ones saying it’s fine as them trying to minimise it!

I KNOW that having cancer is far far worse than the smear but I just really can’t get past these points and do it.

i was really hoping that the roll out of the home tests might mean I could do that but I’ve since read that they’re only for 30+ so would be ages before I qualify.

I’m just looking for some reassurance, someone to walk me through it maybe or explain how bad it truly is. I’d almost prefer to go in knowing “it’s going to really hurt” than be lied to and say it’s fine.

For a bit of additional context, my grandmother had a hysterectomy at the same time as having my mum due to complications, so never had a smear. So there isn’t anyone I can ask for personal experience other than my mother herself which I will not be doing

I have to be a bit cryptic here and I apologise for that.

I didn’t plan to be raising two children alone. All the support people insist exists doesn’t. If is just hard and relentless and miserable.

for some reason approx 6 years ago my parents decided to stop all gifts for birthday Easter and Christmas. They said they just didn’t have the money to do them for the GC. Fine.

Excpet it’s 1. Not true that they can’t afford it and 2. They still buy gifts etc for both my sisters dc???

Everytime I go to see them they openly show me expensive new things, tell me about the cruises and holidays booked and talk finances (positively) then in the same visit they’ll say they have no money so sorry there’s no cake to have with coffee and reiterate that’s why they don’t do gifts anymore???

I have found out that they have still given gifts to all their other GC (I have 2 sisters) and I’m shocked ? When I asked them about it all they said they would not be speaking to me anymore as I was ‘money grabbing’ ? They haven’t spoken to me for 3 months now.

We hadn’t fallen out prior to this I genuinely believed when they first started this that they had just decided no more gifts ? I have 2 dc, my sisters have 6 between them.

I hope I’m not imagining it, but I can’t find any trace of it through advanced search!

OP was a gay man whose boyfriend’s brother and SIL had invited them over for “Christmas food” a few days before Christmas itself. He went expecting an actual Christmas dinner (turkey and so on) but they were actually serving party nibbles (so Christmas party food rather than the strict definition of Christmas food, if there is one).

He actually confronted them and got into an argument about it - I think there might have even been tears! - and declared that they’d basically conned him by saying they would be serving Christmas food. It ended up with the brother not speaking to the boyfriend, OP and boyfriend falling out…

Tell me I didn’t dream it!!

I am currently on £87,500 as a family partner in a law firm in the regions. I’m not a head of department.

I’ve been offered £100k for a head of department role at a smaller firm. I’ve been a hod before.

I feel I am struggling financially having been through divorce etc and have a young son. This additional £600 will help with paying off credit cards and give me a chance to move to a larger place.

My target Is too high where I am and despite constantly being one of the highest billers and exceeding my target by £20k I was given a below inflation pay rise and a bonus of £350 gross. Without going for equity which is stressful in its own right I can’t see my pay increasing significantly and I have no control over that.

I am gutted as I love my firm despite the high targets and I have no interest in title etc but I feel it would be mad to walk away from an extra £600 net a month, in my circumstances.

Thoughts?