I had a brief argument with my dad tonight and I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive here, but I just hate it when my parents (mainly my father and father in law) apologise to people in restaurants when we arrive with our children and sit near them.

My dad and my father in law both go over to tables nearby and say ‘so sorry about the kids’ and roll their eyes and laugh …..

To be fair, it’s not when they are just with my kids, it’s more when there are a crowd of cousins all together, but I still can’t help thinking… what are you apologising for!? Their existence?? Because at this point they have done nothing wrong. We’ve never had a problem with any of the kids behaving badly so it just feels disrespectful to me. I look at my kids and think how sad it is that someone is apologising for you being here with us …

My mum stood up for my dad and said that it’s a polite thing to do and if they then behave nicely, great, no harm done.

AIBU??

I'm lucky to be in a full time job, but it's incredibly stressful (I know everyone says this, but it's quite specific in a mental health setting with physical attacks happening - although I have been hurt myself, what has ultimately broken my resilience is not being able to protect vulnerable people in my care, as sometimes things genuinely happen completely "out of the blue", which means I spend nine hours a day on high alert mentally).

Anyway, two weeks ago something happened again and I kept going two more days and then just couldn't.

So I need to find a new job. I have an in demand qualification but I'm in my 50s...

Also the stress has really got to me, in combination with menopause and a couple of recently surfaced health issues, and I've put on quite a lot of weight, plus I haven't been to the hairdressers for at least a year...

I sound like a real catch for an employer 🫣

I need to do something to make myself feel a bit more presentable as I apply for jobs. I'm not in an office based career sonI don't need to look corporate, I need to look capable, rather than frazzled and fed up. I am actually very good at my job, I'm just in a situation where I've begun to feel hopeless and helpless.

So - I have long straggling grey hair. I can do something about this at least.

Would you colour it? I haven't coloured since before the pandemic and don't care on a personal-life level whether it is ageing BUT if I'm interviewing for active jobs I probably should be looking dynamic, and if not "youthful" at least not significantly older than I am...

Suggestions for cut? Do I have to revert to the bob of doom? Unfortunately I have a round face and I'm not remotely elven - proper short doesn't work on me.

Any hair suggestions to give me a lift back into presenting myself positively?

dd has arranged to be at a Halloween party sleepover this Saturday with friend group at one friends home with said friends mum hosting and present

No idea which or whom of any other adults will be there . I’m assuming so based on the text I have now had

Of course I said yes initially , however by chance I have found out that alcohol is intended to be available for kids allowed to drink !!! This does not sit well with me at someone else’s house that I was never told about

Beqr in mind I was only told because I found out by chance ( friend group Mum text me and said so are you allowing dd to have a couple of drinks at this party? I said what the hell I knew nothing about this , and she’s filled me in . Her daughter told her said host is getting some drinks in for those allowed )

I then asked my dd about this and following discussion and attitude resulted in my confer and said she can go but no sleepover and will be picked up … cue the text from host parent

Host has now text me because I have said I’m not comfortable with my daughter going if alcohol is planned in to a party for under sixteens . Bear in mind this was not told to ANY friend group parents when initially arranged over a month ago and it seems I’ve only been messaged because I’ve found this out

I don’t really like this and it doesn’t sit well with me any of it

plus my daughter knew this information and didn’t tell me

Dd has never drank obviously , it’s not allowed in our house to be drinking under college age and she isn’t interested in alcohol but we know that can change around peer pressure and when you aren’t around

I just aren’t comfortable with my child being in supervision of someone who would let kids have alcohol without their own parent there or even having been in knowledge of it

parent has said herself there is a small amount of alcohol available for those able to have it

just blows my mind why would you buy alcohol for other peoples kids ? There’s no need to do that for fifteen year olds they don’t need alcohol at a girls Halloween party

I also don’t know which other adults would be there with teens being allowed alcohol some of them having never drank ever this just makes me feel sick

I am now very against my child sleeping over and have said she can go but be picked up at nine or ten and that’s the compromise now

I feel trust needs to be built and I’ve for very uncomfortable gut feelings I just would not even dream of making alcohol available for other peoples kids end of.

it’s caused a massive row last night, daughter contacting her dad to get him to allow her to sleep over and pick her up ( we are separated ) and so clearly whether I like it or not I’m just going to be ignored

please can other parents give me their input

I’m new to this as a first time teen mom

Thankyou ❤️

I love preparing the Christmas stocking each year, it's one of my favourite jobs and so I tend to get it done early (and then try and stop myself buying anything else!)

So far for dd, who is nearly 8, I have got:

Mini brand surprise balls (pet and food)
Activity book
Reading books x 2
Rosalinda mini figure
Nutcracker chelsea doll
Marshmallow keyring
Koala teddy
Tamagotchi
Brain game - cats
Penguin pen
Gel pens
Nature colouring book
Lip balm
Mini bee revival kit
Minibrand backpack
Hair slides and hairband
Snake tshirt
Snake stickers

I will also buy something chocolatey and a Lush bath bomb.

Under the tree she will get a schleich stable with some horses and a bean bag and the pets are getting her the Minibrand fridge.

If you are as madly enthusiastic about the stocking as I am, what have you bought so far? Or, what do you plan to buy?

I'm now wondering if DH might also need a stocking this year...

I’m looking to sell some old clothes and shoes which unsurprisingly no longer fit after 2 babies in 2 years! Never used Vinted before. The whole
process of taking pictures and setting up ads seems straightforward but I was wondering if there are any tips / tricks to get the most out of the platform. For example, how does the bundles option work and is there something I should be doing to make my ads stand out more? Is it better / easier to sell things at an old fashioned car boot sale?

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:
To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’
You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.
If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot.

Will request this is deleted if someone more official beats me to it or if Reastie returns!

I'm thinking of investing in my first pair of knee high boots, but am nervous about them being work appropriate!
Are these suitable, e.g. with an almost-knee-length skirt? I imagine I could also wear them with a miniskirt out of work

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/4591300000

www.office.co.uk/view/product/office_catalog/2,17/5026200000

I work permanent nights 4 nights a week, 10pm till 6am. Been doing it about 2 years now and generally it suits me and the money is better than when I was doing days. Problem is I dont seem to be able to get a decent amount of sleep without it becoming an issue at home.

I get home about half 6, have a shower and something to eat then go to bed around 7.30. Usually try and sleep till 2ish before getting up. My partner works part time in a school kitchen so she’s up early with our youngest who’s 4. Her daughter is 15 and obviously has school and her own things going on. I’m not expecting the house to be silent all day but the tv can be heard in our bedroom, doors banging, shouting up the stairs etc. I’ve asked if they can just keep it down a bit while I’m asleep but apparently I’m expecting everyone to tiptoe round me.

Saturday was the latest argument. I’d finished my last shift that morning and went to bed expecting to get a few hours in. My partner had arranged for her daughter to have a friend round and they were watching tv downstairs. It woke me up twice so I went down and asked if they could turn it down a bit. My partner got annoyed with me for coming down and said they were just trying to have a normal Saturday and I couldn’t expect everyone to sit in silence because I work nights.

I do understand that the house is meant to be lived in and I’m not saying the kids can’t make any noise at all. There’s a difference between normal noise and having the tv blaring though surely. I work to help pay the bills and the extra money from nights makes a difference to us so its not as if I’ve chosen to do this for no reason.

The other issue is my partner thinks I should be getting up earlier at weekends instead of sleeping half the day away. I have tried it and I’m absolutely knackered by the evening. I want to spend time with them as well but I also need to sleep at some point.

She says I should get better earplugs or sort the bedroom out rather than expecting everyone else to change what they’re doing. We do have curtains that block most of the light and I’ve tried earplugs but I can still hear things, especially if someone is shouting.

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to keep the noise down for a few hours while I’m asleep? I dont expect the whole house to revolve around my shifts but I dont think asking for a bit of consideration is unreasonable either. Just interested in what other people with night shift partners do really.

So am I overreacting:
We are on holiday with my husbands family (parents, siblings, grandparents). Tonight at dinner my little one (9 months, our first) was getting towards too tired at dinner but was still cheerful so I was preparing to help him to eat as much as he could and stay as cheerful as possible before getting him whisked off to bed. He was getting a little fussy while everyone was dishing up and sitting down, and out of nowhere my MiL says "oh are you thirsty" and offers him his cup of water, I explained immediately that we generally only offer water after he's eaten something to avoid him filling up on water, then she took the cup away and he lost his mind (which he will do when tired and something he likes is taken away). He wouldn't eat a scrap of dinner and screamed unless actively walked around and distracted. My husband got annoyed as well as his mum kept coming to our end of the table to try (uninvited) to help (offering food etc.). Finally we finish dinner and get to take our baby up for a bath so we can get him fed (milk) and settled. We've just got him out of the bath and she walks into our room! She hung over our shoulders while we got him dried and into a nappy and it was awful, she practically deafened me squealing in my ear trying to cheer the baby up because he literally started screaming as soon as she came in the room. My husband is feeling overwhelmed because she won't back off and I was furious but staying calm. I know she means well, and she is an amazing babysitter in the week while I work, but she has done this kind of thing before (giving him toys in the high chair or nibbles of cake without my permission) and it feels very disrespectful. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to just stay in her lane as the grandma?

…… so saved thousands of pounds & on holiday at holiday village turkey & the weather is appalling, I may be being precious but I’m so so sad, nothing much to do with two teenagers & it’s not meant to be any better all week, saves hard for this holiday & feeling super sad :(

I was just doing my online shop last night. So many items like bottled water and long life milk were out of stock.

Quite clearly many people are taking the advice seriously. But to be honest, three days’ worth of food is really very little - most people would have that at home, even if it may not be their preferred food. So I think people are responding to this by buying supplies for a lot more than three days.

Full disclosure - I have done this myself. Not buying silly amounts but just a few more cans than usual. I don’t even know why!

I love reading about the history of food and recipes and how we ended up eating what we do. Along the way some foods have become commonplace and some are sought after and celebrated (mostly because expensive).

I am here to celebrate the pea. That pretty and delicate little green ball that I can’t believe comes in giant bags for £1.50. How is it so cheap? Why don’t people appreciate it? A dish of peas with butter and mint is divine. They are so delicious and delicate and pretty. Did people appreciate them properly when they had to remove them from their pods and could only eat them fresh for a couple of weeks?

Other things that absolutely punch are sesame oil, sumac, balsamic vinegar. Why are they not more expensive?!

I'm a professional person but like everyone the day job salary goes less and less far so I'd taken on something extra. Worked hard at it, until yesterday thought I was doing ok /competent at what I do in general, took on extra to help the team, tried to be a good and upbeat colleague.

Tbh the workload has been getting on top of me although sometimes it's a nice distraction from the depressing bits of life.

Anyway, yesterday the boss suggested I'd done something that would be professionally incompetent. Didn't come right out and say it - got the impression she was trying to be nice. I don't agree (and you should see what some of my colleagues get away with) but now I'm lying in the dark thinking fuck it is it worth this stress maybe I just quit and do the bare minimum in life and wait for retirement (a couple of decades away sadly).

It's probably about £15k extra a year before tax. There are some people doing it who are definitely incompetent and I doubt they're lying awake rn and they dial in the work (ie I could just become like them and take the £££).

Yanbu to quit yabu to woman up and care less.

I mean it's pretty bad if I do turn out to be shit and just didn't realise!

And I mean really can't tolerate it, it makes me so uncomfortable and irritable, anyone else find this happened to them?

Hi,

We have recently moved house - we have moved back to our home town - It's me, DH and our two DC's - both teens.

Prior to this we lived in a 'cheaper' part of the UK and we were lucky to have no mortgage. The move back here, whilst the right thing to do has meant that we now have a mortgage for the next 15 years.

I have been going through our finances and it looks like after we have paid the mortgage and all other non- negotiable bills, we will be left with about £2000 per month. From this we will need to buy food and any other luxuries/non-essentials.

I am worried that this will be tight and that we will end up burning through the savings that we have. DH thinks I am being ridiculous and that £2k is lots

Am I right to be worried?

Such a versatile piece that will take you from the school run to Waitrose to lunch with the girls to post-work drinks. A future timeless classic, I feel sure.

https://www.prada.com/gb/en/p/poplin-shorts/SP6629_1XV2_F034X_S_OOO

Been together 4 years. We don’t live together, LDR he’s in a different country where I have a house.

He came here for 2 weeks and I suggested a weekend break. He said yes, I paid for flights & hotel on the understanding he’d get the meals. On arrival, we did dinner with mutual friends who live in this place, he didn’t budge when the bill arrived so I paid. Day 2 I got most things. In the evening he got dinner. Day 3 he did pay for us to see a landmark that afternoon but I organised and paid for dinner which was in a special place, which he enjoyed very much.

I got all petrol, paid for parking at airport, etc and during his stay at my house paid for various special food shops & a trip to London, train tickets and dinner.

So he’s gone to his place now and brags to all about this trip. But didn’t credit me, or treat me with much affection, all a bit routine & half hearted.

Given the lack of credit, affection, and coughing up his share, I suggested he even up and pay his half of the main part of the trip, so his flight & hotel stay. It was was a few hundred quid. He finally did so late this evening, but refused to speak to me, claimed he was so tired from making the transaction. Very moody over it. First I felt too guilty to ask for the cash but the more I reflected and the worse he treated me, the more it seemed disrespectful. Then I felt irritated, then resentful, and now I’m annoyed. Why shouldn’t he pay his way, with good grace? Must he huff and puff every time?

For the record, he has no kids, no ex spouses, owns his house & car, earns ok. I do earn more than him but work longer hours in a profession thst I trained a long time for, and I pay for everything myself, my house, bills, dcs. it was also my birthday and he didn’t buy any gift.

Help me to think this through. Was I unreasonable in asking him to cough up his share? I don’t want a kept man, and it’s not like we are married.

Previously went on a long haul holiday & he did pay me his ticket & hotel but I got all meals and trips once over there.

Cant get a bus down Oxford Street
Crime hasn't gone anywhere, only the phone bike thieves due to international outcry
Housing still a mess

I am a lifelong leftie, but I am not voting the current mayor in again.

I posted back in September after my DH had a bizarre reaction to a teams message popping up on his work computer in front of me. It then transpired that he had a ‘confidante’ relationship with a woman at work (Joanna) that he had kept secret from me. The overwhelming response from MN was that he was definitely cheating and I should leave him.

Now that a few a weeks have passed and I’ve had time to think and process it all, I don’t think was was having a physical affair but I do think he’d overstepped the mark with Joanna and was probably in the beginnings of an emotional affair. He tells me they have spoken and agreed to keep all contact work related and no more - I didn’t ask him to do that, it’s something he’d chosen himself.

I am struggling with how I feel. DH has been very attentive and affectionate, but my trust has been broken and it bothers me that he sees her whenever he’s in the office. I’ve thrown in the odd dig when we’ve had crossed words, things along the line of “have a lovely day with Joanna” when he’s in the office. If he’s WFH, I immediately look at his computer screen if I go into his office. I have noticed that he locks his computer when he leaves the home office - this is a new thing since I found out. I hate feeling like this. I’ve never had cause for worry over things like this before. I’ve never checked his phone and still wouldn’t, but this unsettled feeling is making me second guess everything.

How do you move on and rebuild trust? It’s in the back of my mind that had I not of happened to walk into his office upstairs at that moment and seen the message pop up, they would still be messaging in secret. It’s only stopped as I found out, not because he chose to stop. That hurts.

Over the past few years, I have started picking up random bits of Christmas themed serveware for Christmas buffets etc. We’ve accumulated quite a few bits now and DH thinks it looks messy as none of it matches (it’s all a mixture of green, red, gold and cream but from different sets.

I like the fact that it doesn’t match (it reminds me of my grandma’s stuff as a child!). What would you think?

I used to be best friends with a girl I met at a mummy group when we both had babies. We were inseparable during those early years

now, the kids are in Y7 and life gets in the way. I ended up going back to work full time and getting divorced, she moved a village away and opened a business and had more kids etc you get the picture. We still text and make plans but these so often fall through due to busy life - however in an emergency I know I could count on her and vice versa

Anyway, it’s now October and I’ve only seen her twice briefly this year, but today we were both at the same church event. She called me over to sit beside her and if it wasn’t for her voice I wouldn’t even have known it was her! The both of us have had Botox before so I am no stranger to making changes - but her face was completely different, her cheeks looked… fake? I don’t know how else to explain it. Her lips were huge. And she’s on WL jab too so all this filler (I assume) on top of a now thinning face was just bizzare looking. I last seen her in July I think so I was truly taken aback that someone can change so quickly. And I am honestly all for cosmetic changes but she did not look good, she looked weird.

I’ve been sitting looking at photos of us from when we met 10 years ago and granted we’re obviously not going to look the same now but I was very taken aback today. Should I tell her not to do any more? I’m worried she’s on a path she can’t come back from. She got divorced at the start of the year and I’m worried she’s changing herself drastically as a reaction to this and can’t see what she truly looks like

The last 2 years Santa has brought ds a large in size present that is very indulgent and fun but not expensive, basically something I'd say no to if he asked but that also won't break the bank. One year it was a huge nerf style gun on a stand, another year a basketball arcade sort of game.

If anyone can think of anything I'd love some suggestions!

I had a first date on Saturday with a guy I matched with on an app.

We met at a pub, pretty standard for my first dates. He doesn't drink so I drank much less than usual (half pint and soft drinks), initially worried it’d be more awkward without relying on drinking to relax but I thought we hit it off really well, easiest person I’ve spoken to in a while. Conversation felt so natural and just fun? We both had random niche things in common too. Whole date lasted around 4 hours, I was the first to mention having to leave to grab something before the supermarket closed. He then mentioned he’d join me as he also needed to pop in which I was fine with, we were still happily chatting and joking around in the shop too

At the end he hugged me and kissed my cheek, said he had a lovely time. I then asked if he wanted to exchange numbers but also said “there’s no pressure though” but he happily agreed.

He messaged first (on the app) about 10 mins after leaving to say it was really nice to meet me and thanked me for the evening. Then mentioned he accidentally didn’t save my number properly so gave me his number instead.

I messaged back an hour later to say it was really nice too, enjoy xyz activity (mentioned on our date). Aaaand now radio silence

Am I delusional for getting my hopes up? Is it normal for people to stay for this long on first date if not interested

My DM in her 80s cares for my disabled ddad who has dementia. She has found embroidery and cross stitch relaxing and has enjoyed doing one recently. I’d like to get her an advent calendar that gives her a project to do every day as she’s getting very anxious about Christmas, but all the ones I’ve found are mini ones which would just take her minutes. I have no clue about things like this and also don’t knew what she’d do with the finished product(s) but think the process would help her. If anyone has any suggestions I’d be very grateful! Thanks.

As title says because the official bank holiday has been moved to Monday 28th. How will this affect your plans? A close family member now has to work on the Saturday which means not being able to be with family on Christmas Day because of travel difficulties.