My wife and I are at loggerheads on this, so I'm looking for outside opinions...

Bit of background - we're in our 40's and both work, and we have 2 daughters, 15 and 12. I don't ride but my wife and daughters do. We bought our first horse a couple of years ago. I was firmly against it, but my family appealed constantly, and my wife provided a breakdown of the costs, which turned out to be a wild underestimate.

A year later, that horse had some health issues and my wife said he wasn't suitable for our youngest daughter. So, I switched to work full time and we bought a second horse. Since then, the horse related costs have escalated endlessly (vets, van hire, trips to the saddlery...) and I'd guess we now spend around £25k a year on horses.

I've agreed to getting a 4x4 and horse trailer, but the next ask is that my wife wants us to move to a "house with land", so that she can keep the horses at home.

And this is where we clash. Acres of land in the south east is expensive, and would mean either moving into a worse house than we have now, or taking out a huge mortgage. I don't want an equestrian lifestyle. I don't want the extra maintenance, I don't like the smell, and I don't want to live in a rural backwater so I can have animals staring at me through my kitchen window. Am I being unreasonable to say "no, I don't want to spend any more on horses"?

I Am Being Unreasonable - I should agree to my wife's demand. Live a life I don't want, and probably face more escalating costs even with them living with us at home.

I Am NOT Being Unreasonable - I say "enough is enough". We spend enough already and need to draw a line under it.

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

Going on holiday with dh and dc (8 and 5)

Dh is in a strop as i have had to bring my work laptop as a back up as a couple of things in my role that the person who is covering may not be able to do due to some family things, person is a close friend of mine so have taken it purely in case I need to do it (would be an hour max) I shouldn't need to and if i do have agreed with line manager I get a days holiday back

Then we both worked half days today, I've wfh and logged on early to finish at 11, also finished packing the cases, sorted the kids bags out, sorted the pets out, done the bins a load of other stuff. Dh got home from his half way (can't wfh) and has moaned that I've done nothing all day as he spent 20 minutes trying to sort thr hive out and had to carry 2 cases down the stairs. We both loaded the car.

Now on a train and all he's done is said how I don't travel well (I travel for my role a lot so know what I am doing!) And that I'm lazy.

Would rather be at work

In short, I’m almost 40, one ds age 4, single parent, ex barely involved.

In my twenties I was attractive and smart and extremely lucky in many ways but I often dated the ‘wrong’ men. I know part of the reason I am alone now is because of those choices. But then I also see people meeting someone at 38 and going on to have 3 kids. Since a very traumatic break up with DS’s dad a few years ago, I lost all faith in relationships and sort of closed off to it all.

Here I am almost middle aged and no prospect of having more children or having a marriage. Even my experience of motherhood was damaged by ex’s truly awful behaviour. I do have some good things in my life and of course I adore ds. But gosh I never thought I would never experience a real true love, a committed relationship. Someone to renovate a bathroom with or chat to in bed on a Friday night.

I am not sure i even feel sad about it anymore but i certainly feel I’m missing out on a whole part of life that realistically most people have at some point or at least for some part of their life. Not sure what I’m asking really. Just feels a bit shit.

Flying through these threads at a rate of knots! A shiny new thread for yet more Sussex shenanigans!

Mine is Project Hail Mary, I didn’t know anything about the story before I read it, just the cover blurb. I really, really enjoyed it and it really tugged at my heart strings. I won’t say anymore about it as I don’t want to give any spoilers away.

Help me find it?

Every year I stand on the side of a pitch in the rain & wind watching DC do “sport” and shiver/get wet/overheat/feel bedraggled

There is always a stylish mum looking amazing - where is the perfect coat?
i need it to be well below knee length with a decent hood that comes well over my head (blooming Schoeffel and their stingy hoods!)

I have looked at Didriksens, Ilse Jacobsen and Rains - anywhere else to try? I’m thinking Nordic/Scandi brands might be best for this?

(please don’t suggest Seasalt - I’m tall and their long coats aren’t long enough)

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

Ordered a little grocery delivery via an app. I wasn't feeling well and needed a few bits. Opened the bag to find completely the wrong order. There clearly was a mix up where I got someone else's shop, and they got mine. So I was able to get a full refund thankfully, and was told to keep the wrong shop.

Went through the free shop, there were pretty typical items, not what I wanted, but can use:

• 4l of semi skimmed milk
• loaf of seeded bread (nice bread)
• 2 packs of sliced chicken
• 3 packets of fridge raiders
• 3 packets of mini chocolate oranges
• 2 large packs of anchor spreadable butter?
• 2 large bottles of salt????

I'm sure whoever got my shop is equally disappointed about the wraps, mayonnaise, egg custard tarts and 2 cartons of cranberry juice I ordered.

I consider the delivery shops to be a sort of emergency top up interim type shop. What kind of emergency requires 2 packs of butter and 2 bottles of salt? 1 pack of butter, sure, 1 bottle of salt, ok? But 2? It's the salt that really puzzles me. Why so much salt? What do you get in an emergency mini shop?

Anyway I'm going to try fridge raiders for the first time in years, I seem to recall they are as dry as old socks.

Can I ask how much people pay for botox? I just want a single area doing, the vertical lines between my eyebrows. I want to go to someone qualified, a nurse or doc preferably! The price range seems so huge so I was just wondering what is 'normal'?

Hello, looking for suggestions for a "day bag" to take on holiday
It needs to fit water bottle, cardigan, food, other stuff for my kid! So fairly big
Not a handbag or feminine style. I'd like a rucksack style
Strong so it lasts and can hold a heavy bottle of water etc, but not a hiking bag or solid shape, I want to be able to squish it under the seats on the plane!
Waterproof would be great too!
Any suggestions?

Welcome to Thread 5! 🥳

A huge thank you to @OvaHere and @JoRaRaRa for the previous threads, and to everyone who's been sharing spoilers, links, bargains, discount codes and enabling each other over the first 4 threads. ❤️
As agreed, we're taking it in turns to start each new thread this year. If this thread starts getting close to the reply limit, please post to let everyone know you're happy to start the next one so we can avoid duplicate threads.

🎅 A few festive housekeeping notes;

🎁 This thread contains spoilers.
🎄 Please be kind and respectful to one another.
💸 No judging anyone for their purchasing choices (or how many calendars they buy... we're all enablers here! 😂).
🎀 Feel free to share spoilers, offers, discount codes, GWPs, delivery updates and stock alerts.

🎁 Available Now

Liberty – £285 (Beauty Drop members receive £25 off). Full contents revealed. Beauty Drop member pre order has closed and those advents are being dispatched. The advent will go on general sale soon (BD members still qualify for the discount during the general sale)
www.libertylondon.com/uk/features/beauty/beauty-advent-calendar#
Unboxing

P. Louise – £250. Available to pre-order with payment instalments available.
https://plouise.co.uk/collections/wonderful-world-of-p-louise-advent-calendar/products/what-glows-around-2026-advent-calendar

John Lewis – £250. Available on pre-sale via the app for MyJL members.
https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/

Harrods Beauty Advent Calendar – £270. Now on pre-sale.
https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284475

Harrods 12 Days of Hair & Body – £99. Now on pre-sale.
https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-12-days-of-hair-and-body-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284465

Harrods Fragrance Advent Calendar – £225. Pre-sale currently sold out. Expected back in-store during September (date TBC).
https://beauty-detective.com/harrods-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Vogue Festive Calendar – £355. Available to pre-order
https://shop.vogue.co.uk/products/vogue-festive-calendar-2026

Fortnum & Mason Beauty Advent Calendar - £275. Available now
https://www.fortnumandmason.com/fortnums-beauty-advent-calendar-2026

Fenwick 25 day beauty advent calendar - £250. Available now
https://fenwick.co.uk/products/fenwick-fenwick-beauty-25-day-advent-calendar-2026

Anthropologie 24 Day Beauty Advent Calendar – £98. Available now
https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/24-days-of-beauty-advent-calendar5

The Fragrance Shop - Available for pre-order £120 members, £150 non-members
Women's Advent Calendar
https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76306
Men's Advent Calendar https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76307

⏳ Coming Soon / Waitlists
Cult Beauty £245 - £20 gift voucher back when buying at launch 03/09 early access.
https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/c/advent-calendar/

Harvey Nichols
(website is down currently due to to the company buyout but will return soon) Details TBC.
Beauty:
https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-75896-258491/
Fragrance:
https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-12-days-of-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026-75906-258490/

John Lewis Fragrance £99
https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Space NK £275
https://www.spacenk.com/uk/gifts/beauty-advent-calendars/beauty-advent-calendar-MUK200063764.html
Unboxing video

Elle £197 or £187 if you join waitlist
https://beauty-detective.com/elle-advent-calendar-2026/

Boots launch 01/09 for waitlist then 2/09 for general sale
www.boots.com/christmas/advent-calendars/advent-calendar-waiting-list
Luxe £150
beauty-detective.com/boots-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Scent £90
beauty-detective.com/boots-12-days-of-scent-advent-calendar-2026/
Skin £70
beauty-detective.com/boots-24-days-of-skin-advent-calendar-2026/

Sephora UK
Spoilers:
https://beauty-detective.com/sephora-uk-advent-calendar-2026/
Waitlist: https://www.sephora.co.uk/c/beauty-advent-calendar-waitlist

Selfridges
Beauty & Fragrance £250
https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Fragrance (lots of price rumours about this one - could be similar to Harrods fragrance or could twice as much)
https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

LookFantastic Beauty
https://www.lookfantastic.com/c/waitlist/advent/?srsltid=AfmBOoovzs9M5Kt8-RM_31Q3-JOa6N51uGggpe0hglvZbxC5Of7AFTH_
LookFantastic Fragrance
https://beauty-detective.com/lookfantastic-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Glossybox
https://beauty-detective.com/glossybox-advent-calendar-2026/

OK! Beauty Box £109
https://beauty-detective.com/ok-beauty-box-advent-calendar-2026/

Next £150
https://beauty-detective.com/next-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/

Debenhams £120
https://www.debenhams.com/pages/beauty-advent-calendar

PURESEOUL £140 (first year they are doing an advent)
beauty-detective.com/pureseoul-advent-calendar-2026/

💄 More Calendars & Spoilers
Rather than making the opening post a mile long, here's a brilliant roundup of lots more advent calendars and the latest spoilers, including Charlotte Tilbury, Jo Malone, Elemis, Lancôme, Tatcha, NEOM, Neal's Yard Remedies, Holland & Barrett, YesStyle and many more as they're announced.

👉 https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/ 👈

🎅 Happy advent season everyone! 🎁
Here's hoping for lots more spoilers, bargains, discount codes, and maybe a little self-control (although that's already gone for some 😄)

I hope I’ve captured everything 🩷

Earlier this year I started a new hobby (animal related). I did this hobby in my teenage years but fell away from it. Have made some new friends from it, one of whom is a guy. If I’m being honest, I had originally assumed he was gay from his demeanor plus it wouldn’t be unusual for a gay man to be involved in this hobby. Turns out he’s not. I only found this out a few months down the line when he mentioned he had recently split up with his girlfriend.

We get on really well, have a lot of things in common and are now good friends. We speak most days via text, I see him a few times a week via our hobby and occasionally an extra time for something out with our hobby like a walk, cinema or something. The friendship is on par with my other female friendships.

He has on occasion tried to be a bit flirty but I have shut it down as I have no interest in him in that way. Twice now he’s vaguely mentioned going on a date. The first time I kind of laughed it off but made it clear I’m not interested in dating. I even suggested another woman who I think would be interested in him. The second time was last night and I said that it was never going to happen and changed the conversation. He’s since been very quiet.

He might just not really speak with me going forward although we do have plans tomorrow evening. An event I don’t particularly want to go to but he didn’t seem to have anyone else to go with him. AIBU to create some distance, if this doesn’t do it already? I don’t want to give him false hope or to feel like being friends is leading him on. I definitely do not want anything more than friendship with him, I don’t know where he would get the idea I do. There’s been zero physical contact, zero flirting from me etc. If I’m being honest, I still think he’s probably gay!

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

So im Currently at a bbq with friends, only a few i dont know.
Its really quite warm and sunny, what i would call beach weather. My DP has quesgioned my chice of clothing on this paricularly warm day which consists of denim mini skirt and a close fitting crop top, its alittle sheer with diamantee style lettering to the front.
In heat like this i would normally be in a bikini in the garden.
I think hes well out of order

AIBU to think the trend for Lingerie lace and silk as outer wear is really odd?
Everywhere I look there’s cheap lace appliquéd onto skirts and t shirts.

Then today I saw bra’s, as t-shirt motif’s.

AIBU to think this trend is awful.

New neighbours moved into the flat next door earlier this year. A nice couple with 2 boys. I haven't had too much interaction with them, just friendly greetings when we meet. In general, you can't hear much noise from next door but what I am hearing is him vomiting loudly almost every morning - so much so that it wakes me up. What I have noticed is is doesn't happen if they have overnight guests, which I do see them coming/ leaving. He's a nice guy, doesn't ever seem to be under the influence of anything. He is very slim.
It's becoming quite annoying to be woken by this or hearing it every morning. I don't know whether to say something or not?

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

Name changed because this is potentially outing.

I was at an after-work reception last week. There was mingling. I mingled into a group of four colleagues. All were holding wine. I was holding orange juice.

One of the colleagues - different department, never met him before - asked "Why aren't you drinking?"
I kind of waved my hand, said "Oh, you know, reasons" and laughed. I believe this made it clear I didn't want to discuss the matter without making things awkward.
The guy then said "Intriguing, like what reasons?"

I saw red. I basically listed all the reasons why someone mightn't be drinking alcohol and told him it was inappropriate to ask. I didn't shout or swear and I wasn't overtly aggressive. But my tone was patronising and I took a very forthright kind of stance (unblinking eye contact, standing at full height, no smiles etc.). I didn't give him time to reply, I excused myself from the group and went home shortly afterwards.

Today I got an email from my line manager asking me for a meeting with her and HR people to discuss what went on. Apparently, its a matter of unprofessional behaviour.

I'm not in a union.

I've never had any dealings with HR before. I'd be really grateful to hear anyone's thoughts on this situation. I mean anything - what might happen? What I should do to prepare etc?

I have always got on with my neighbour who lives a few a doors down.

I have babysat one of her kids and also looked after her cat when she goes on holiday.

She does have a mean girl vibe about her though and she does have a habit of talking about others.

I asked her to do look after my cats and do my bins whilst I was away with DC and she happily agreed.

Whilst I was loading the car I overheard and another neighbour complaining about me calling on my cats every night.

Convo was like

Neighbour 1 "Did you hear her yelling for her cats again?"

Neighbour who is looking after my cats "I heard it but went back to bed".

Neigbour 2 "I can't believe how her neighbours haven't said anything, it's every effing night, literally by their next door neighbours windows every night, literally, I am absolutely sick of it, wakes me up every effing night".

Neighbour who is looking after my cats "Yeah I know as it's as the back it is really loud."

I popped my head up from the passenger seat and they stopped talking.

For reference Neigbour 2 would regularly
play her music at for hours on end so it was ironic hearing her complain about me. I also helped her with her gardening.

I feel this is very 2 faced and want to step back and wondering why they didn't approach me directly instead of talking about me.?

AIBU to not talk to them when I get back of holiday?

I do suffer from anxiety so not sure if I am over reacting here.
AIBU

Hi all

I am new here and this is my first post. I am Looking for some advice on taking sick leave from work for my mental health.

I am not someone who really takes time off work sick at all, it was always just drummed into me from when I started working when I was younger that you go to work unless you have a leg hanging off and just work through it when you’re feeling unwell, this is what I seen my parents do and just something I’ve always done too, so I find the thought of approaching my manager about it really daunting.

This is a bit different as due to some things that have happened in my personal life this year I have found myself to be constantly frazzled, mentally overwhelmed and panicky a lot of the time, getting upset and becoming snappy at my husband very easily, and it hasnt seemed to get any better.

i would like to take this week off work which would be Monday to Thursday for me. I have a week of annual leave booked for the following week, but no more annual leave available. I believe doing this would really help me to reset and rest mentally. However both my parents and husband aren’t very supportive of this and don’t understand how I’m feeling, so I’m starting to wonder if I’m wrong or weak to be taking time off. It seems quite a big deal to me as it’s not something ive ever done really.

I am also not sure how to approach my manager about it, I thought i could maybe send an email today detailing that I need this time off, but I’m worried they will want me to check in each morning to let them know if I still need to be off. Im also not sure what to say. Is requesting sick leave in this way acceptable?

any help would be appreciated! Thank you x

My husband has a driving license but decided about 15 years ago that he doesn't like driving, so he hasn't been behind the wheel since.

We are currently on holiday in a remote part of the UK—a destination that he chose and booked. We both enjoy having a drink with dinner.

Tonight is our last night, and he is currently throwing a massive strop. He even called me a "cunt" because I am refusing to drive 30 minutes each way to go out for dinner, which would mean he gets to drink while I have to stay sober to drive us back.

I have cooked, served, and washed up every single evening on this holiday. I am happy to do the same tonight, especially since we have plenty of nice food and drink right here in our beautiful accommodation that will otherwise go to waste.

Am I being unreasonable here?

I wonder who the private artist is?
Definitely not my style, I love antique and vintage furniture though.
Anyone snapping it up?

https://ebay.io/m/akmDlp

How do people actually get in to this line off work as im interested

She will be nearly 10 buy christmas, can anyone recommend some nice gifts that are not lego, skincare or phones. She is a girly girl please?

She is a nightmare with doing lists, last year only put 2 things she wanted so be nice to get her a few surprises