Please proceed

If you had a c section and needed support to recover can I ask what was helpful, what pissed you off, what could whoever was staying with you in hospital have done better, what was needed after and any other advice you could give me please.

Im going to be a granny in a few months and I'm the only support person around.

I've never had a section before and I have zero experience of supporting someone after one and I am very cautious about not doing too much, taking over, or generally being annoying afterwards.

I already plan to get my baby set up all comfy with her baby and then disappear off out for an hour at a time from hospital, and make sure that they are comfy and resting at home while I get on with cleaning, cooking, washing etc.

Any advice, experience or anything else is much appreciated. I can imagine it would be quite claustrophobic needing someone around 24/7 in those early days but we dont have a lot of choice unfortunately.

First time posting so please be gentle with me!

I have some neighbours who live two streets over in a small ish, modern housing estate. We got to know them a few years ago as their twin girls are slightly younger than my daughter (she's now 10 and they are 9). I also have a 16 year old son.

We've become close friends, gone on days out etc and we talk most days. She's had a rough year with both of her in laws dying and so I've tried to be there for her.

I've also been having a rough few months, I've been having investigations for cancer and as part of my treatment I've just been put into chemical menopause. I only work part time but I'm exhausted, I hate taking time off sick so I've been going to work but I've shared with her how exhausted I've been and how stressed I am.

Her and her husband both work in education and told me a couple of weeks ago they were taking their kids out of school early to go on holiday as their holidays don't line up this year. I was shocked as they do still have the majority of the holidays all together as a family.

Several years ago they asked my son to look after their animals when they went away for a couple of days. He was 13 and readily agreed for the money. The problem is they have a lot of animals. 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a lizard, we have none. Over the years they've continued to ask and because my son can be a bit flakey and reluctant to do it it's ended up with my daughter and me doing it. She loves if but she's a child so it ends up her saying hello to them all and me actually feeding them.

I suspected when she told me about the holiday she was expecting me to ask about the animals but I didn't. Yesterday she asked me outright if I would look after them. She said if I didn't want to she had talked to both my kids and they'd agreed to do it (I'm not sure if that's true and my daughter is only 10 so of course she'd say yes). I asked for how long expecting a week tops, but they're going away for 16 days! She usually expects them to be fed morning and evening

I immediately said that I wasn't sure, there would be some days I couldn't cover because we had end of term school events and wouldn't always be back that early, especially once we've done bedtime.

She always seems to think it "takes 5 minutes" but in reality it takes ages. The cats live outside when they're away and don't seem to like that so I have to stop them going in the house or chase them out of they get past me. She doesn't want them in the house in case they bring back mice etc. I'm absolutely on my arse at the moment and I've taken a few days off just to try and keep going this week which she knows.

When I told her there were days I couldn't do her response was on those days just feed them morning or evening. I pushed back a bit and said there were definitely several days I couldn't do, is there anyone else she could ask. I explained it was too much for me along with our own family stuff and the time they were away was so long. I eventually grew some kind of spine and said I'd do a week but not the whole lots. She seemed to be annoyed but eventually she's sorted out a rota of her parents and her direct neighbours to cover the first week with me doing the rest. She kept saying that my kids had agreed weeks ago but they're kids and I'm also not sure this is true.

I messaged her earlier asking if she was excited for her holiday and she replied they went able to got till Monday now as her parents aren't back from their break until then and she has no one for the animals. I really felt like she was wanting me to offer but I didn't, but now I feel terrible.

The thing is me and dh have no family anymore and no help. One of the reasons we wouldn't get a pet is that we wouldn't be able to afford someone to look after them when we went away. She has always had multiple family members do their childcare and we've always done pet care for her. She's my really good friend but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in her life as a cheap pet sitter. She will usually bring me back a present but obviously she's saving a lot on getting an actual pet sitter in. But then I feel really guilty and feel like I should do whatever to help. I don't know if I'm just being jealous because they have a lot more than we do and there's no way I can afford a holiday, let alone to go for so long.

So AIBU for not wanting to pet sit for over two weeks?

Our old boss took ill suddenly in December last year and died shortly after. They been the boss for 20+ years, so appreciate we were all very used to them.

Following their illness I became interim boss. In April I was offered the role permanently but declined as it would mean returning to full time work. I'm bitterly regretting not taking it due to new boss!

We're a remote team, have been since many years before COVID. New boss clearly hates remote working. We do have an office, but it seats 10 people and us open to the whole business (approx 300 people) not just our department (40 people). New boss wants everyone in the office 2 days a week. HR have told him to go whistle - we are all on remote contracts and live across the whole of the UK, including channel Islands and 2 in France!

New boss is now insisting we schedule any "coffee breaks" (you know, where you brew up between meetings) and that under no circumstances are we to appear on screen with tea/ coffee if it isn't adjacent to our scheduled break. In addition he's put an embargo on lunch time errands, such as laundry, popping to the post office or collecting the car from the garage. All time is to be accounted for.

As you can imagine, morale has gone down the pan. We're a high performing department, there is 0 issues with productivity. Our work is largely invisible most of the time, lots of thinking time and idea generation which makes monitoring our day to day workloads difficult, but we always exceed our targets at quarter and year ends - so people are clearly working. In the 6 weeks he's been in there's been a noticeable change in how people are working, fewer people on early or late, most just working to their hours.

AIBU to think he's being a bit of a dick and just needs to chill the fuck out?

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I just love Victoria’s dress on Only Connect tonight…again! Anyone got any idea where it’s from?

We all have this, don't we? A pile of clothes on a chair in the bedroom that aren't dirty enough to wash but not clean enough to go back in the wardrobe.

Mine sit on a chair looking untidy.

Try as I might, I can't find a solution. Blanket ladders aren't sturdy enough to put up with daily use, chairs take up a lot of space, hooks don't work for two people's worth of clothes.

AIBU for being frustrated there is not a magical solution to this? Or is there one that is being gate-kept by the eternally tidy and house proud crew?

I'll try to keep this brief without drip feeding - sorry if I don't succeed!

DD5 has asked for a playdate with her friends during the Summer so I was organising this with the group of mums I'm friendly with (DD goes to school with their children but not all in same class). It's at our house and we're planning to do some activities in the garden. We have a 12 year old Beagle who is very placid, can't see very well and loves a fuss. She cries if shut in a room when she knows people are in.

So, there are 8 mums in the group and 4 of them have been to our house for a playdate before. The other 4 haven't but for no particular reason other than we just haven't got round to it.

I recently learnt that one of the children whose mum is in this group is very very scared of dogs and so is her sister who also usually comes along to playdates (only ever been to the park with them). I found this out when we were walking to the park and a dog passed them, it was on a lead and wasn't even looking in their direction but both girls screamed, clambered up their mum and were crying hysterically. It wasn't until the dog was out of sight they calmed down. I was honestly quite taken aback by their reaction, especially as the dog was so unbothered by their existence. I asked their mum if they'd had a bad experience with dogs in the past that had caused them to be so scared but she said no, they had just always been terrified of them.

Anyway, when organising this playdate their mum messaged me saying they'd love to come but could I shut my dog away before the girls got there and whilst they were playing. I said sorry, no, that would upset my dog and it's her home, she shouldn't have to be shut away. I reassured her that she is very placid and would probably not even come near the girls as she likes to just sleep under the trampoline or potter around my legs. Well, that didn't reassure her at all - the mum is absolutely fuming and said she can't believe I'm putting a dog's needs over children who I know are so scared of them and now she will have to tell them everyone else will be going but they will miss out. The other mums are split: the ones who have pets themselves agree with me whereas the ones without pets have said things like "surely she'll be fine shut away just for a few hours". So, I'm wondering what Mumsnetters think. Please could you let me know if you have pets when you respond. TIA.

I lead a very active and healthy lifestyle and generally have lots of energy. However recently my hair has started to fall out and I do feel tired and a bit emotional esp in the evenings.

Based on MN advice (thank you!) I booked a GP appt and was pleasantly surprised to be taken seriously. The GP immediately said, might be low ferritin. She ordered full bloods.

Thing is, these have come back now and my ferritin is 18ug/L whereas it describes the normal range as 11-307. These results are flagged as normal, no follow up required.

I can obviously see this technically is in the "normal" range, but it also feels like it's right at the bottom of a very big range.

In this situation, would you pursue? Try to supplement naturally? Or just leave?

I'm struggling with a lot of resentment and hurt because it feels like MIL clearly prioritises SIL's family when it comes to childcare.

We live closer to MIL and have a good relationship with her, which makes the difference even harder to understand. MIL has our DC one day a week, whereas she looks after SIL's children two days a week, including an overnight stay, as well as around two weekends a month. During those weekends she often takes SIL's children on days out and buys them treats, while our DC doesn't have those experiences with her.

The main issue is that whenever we ask for any additional help, whether it's an extra day during the week or some weekend childcare, it's usually difficult because MIL's calendar is already full. It also feels as though our family isn't considered when those commitments are being made, as no extra time is offered or kept available for us.

I completely appreciate that grandparents aren't obligated to provide childcare, and I am grateful for the help we do receive. However, I'm finding it really difficult to deal with the feelings of rejection and unfairness that come from the imbalance.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you cope with those feelings or reframe the situation so it didn't affect you so much?

My husband slipped up and has planned a surprise 40th for me in a couple of weeks. He has asked me to 'pretend' I dont know about it on the date and act surprised, no idea how its going to go, as a side note I did not want a party at all and I certainly wish I didnt know about it now. Anyway I am now at a loss on what to wear, i spend most of my time in gym clothes and i am not someone who is dressy or glam. I do have a lovely top from M&S https://www.marksandspencer.com/slash-neck-sleeveless-peplum-top/p/clp60778050?color=BLACK&extid=ps_ps-pla-pmax_ggl_ww_ch__-UK-_-_bau_tier1&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=23464567334&cq_con=&cq_term=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23459513439&gclid=Cj0KCQjwjvfSBhDpARIsAEiOpSudUTnCWoQqAObIBFTqbay8SDMth7QDCawgRi631KQgrG-PebLy1tkaAssiEALw_wcB but what to wear on the bottom half? I am slim size 10 and 5f 7inches

I don't have TikTok, I don't know anything about the importance of Jellycats - I am out of the loop on these sorts of trends and think all a bit sillly and a con but DS has just told me that all DDs friends will have the new Graduaction Jellycat Bunny and DD (who loves stuff like this) will be really sad if she doesn't.

So putting aside my thoughts on the matter I have been trying to find one and they are sold out everywhere. The ones on Ebay are cheaper than the real thing so clearly fake. Can anyone help me? To be fair, DD doesn't ask for much and there is no big 'gift' coming her way so I'd really like to find one if there is any chance.

ANY ideas, suggestions, links really welcome. She graduates on Friday..... yikes.

Im at my wits end. My eldests are twin boys they’re 17 next month, they were close up until secondary school and they have had some sort of rivalry since with everything from friends, girls, football etc

At 15 they had a falling out because ds2 had been messaging his brothers gf in a flirty way which is said was a joke and he didn't fancy her. Then after they broke up (not due to ds2 messages u didn't think but u didn't know 100%) ds2 then told a lie about how eldest was in a relationship with a girl in year 8, and their relationship hasn't been the same since. They share a room to make matters worse

Last year ds1 signed a scholarship with a professional football team and ever since then theres more jealousy as ds2 didn't and lost his place at his college due to behaviour and low attendance. He doesn't care, he's quite academic and was predicted grades higher than his brother like 7s/8s but he got very low grades in his real exams and couldn't do A levels either which was due to him not trying and caring more about girls and drama

His behaviour has completely gone off the rails and he smokes weed, stays out Tim all hours and disturb us all when he gets home usually drunk and high and just isn't a nice person to be around

Eldest has broke his collarbone which means He can't play football for a bit and ds2 keeps goading him and sort of laughing at the fact he can't play football and then when he was in the wrong and his brother hit him (ds1 does have a temper) acted like the innocent one and how everyone else is in the wrong which is his problem, he takes no accountability and acts like everyone else is ad fault

Ds1 is currently resting in their room and the arguments have been worse, their room is a tip and ds2 is picking on himas I've refused to give him any money and he has no phone currently due to him smashing it and I've told him he can wait until his birthday for it to be fixed which goes not happy about.

Their room is a tip and I'm exhausted and at my wits end with them both right now!

Sorry for any errors in typing on my phone

If anyone has any questions i’ll answer i didn’t want to make this post too long as havent wrote everything down

So IG has been hitting me over the head with this shop like crazy and I do love a shirt. Does anyone have any experience with this brand? Is it good or just fabulous marketing.

www.withnothingunderneath.com

Right, this is going to sound nosy but here goes...
A house in a street I know was owned by an old lady with no family. When she died, her house stood empty for nearly a year then it started having work done. It's been bought by a health service far away from he town we live in (think I live in Liverpool and NHS Devon and Cornwall bought it) BTW these are not the real locations. So, they do lots of renovations, including putting a much higher fence up which has a key code entry they also put frosted film on every window. There's a new build extension on the side with coded keypads too. This is where 2 carers are. There are 4 carers altogether, 2 at a time and then a swap. There is one man who lives there . He is in his 30s , able bodied can move well etc I've seen him once or twice in the garden in a whole year. Another twice I saw a darkened van come to get him. He was only gone for an hour or so then back.
I cannot imagine the scenario this might be. I'm not curtain twitching and permanently watching but I am fascinated.

Am going to a British/Indian wedding later this summer. Actual wedding in church, all straightforward. Party the night before with Indian food and dancing. The Indian women will be in lehengas. Dress code is very open so I don’t have to look for a lehenga, though I am open to the idea. I definitely want something bright and fun. Happy to look at Vinted etc, but wondering if anyone has ideas.

I’m 5’4 and a size 18-20. Would rather not have lots of midriff showing, but a sliver is okay.

My hair is a bit dry as I age, so I'm wondering if investing in a better shampoo and conditioner would be worth it, rather than the cheaper brands. Can anyone advise please, and recommend a good brand?

I am 47 and just so sad that I can't seem to find a nice man who wants to be with me. I've already been though the mill with men who are happy to use me for sex or as a placeholder or a therapist while they get over the woman they really loved or men who see my home and savings as a way to fund their own lifestyle but an actual partner is so much harder to find. My latest stint on apps shows me my admirers are young lads looking to fulfil an older woman fantasy and much older men close to my fathers age who seem to think I'll be jumping at the chance to date a pensioner. Sorry I don't mean to sound unkind but like most women I just want a guy roughly my own age and stage of life.

I look at other women I know and most of them do have loving partners who obviously adore them who share the load of life with them and are there for fun things like holidays, meals out and just spending time together at home. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me? Why am I the one on the shelf, the one nobody decent wanted? I know I shouldn't but I do compare myself to other women and I don't think I am any worse looking or less likeable than them so why haven't I found anyone? The only thing I can think of is that I didn't really date in my 20's I was busy with work, family and friends in that time, travelling and having a great time and only really seriously started thinking of dating when I turned 30 but it seems that by then most of the good men had been snapped up and now older single women are all left sifting though other women's rejects and trying to find the very rare good man who still becomes available. It doesn't help that the few good men I do know who have become single (mostly family so not men I'd date) have all ended up with significantly younger women. I think I am still attractive but I am ageing quite noticeably now so how can I compete if men worth having will usually go younger if they can?

I also feel like I can't face going back into it again at this stage, its all too humiliating but at the same time I do really want a partner and it does feel like time is against me.

Follow on from previous

Has anyone experience of being overlooked by their neighbours security cameras?

Our neighbour has installed cameras which record visual and audio in the soffits of his detached house. One of the cameras is directly opposite my daughter's bedroom window, and an other is 16ft directly across from our bathroom window. (I have hung voiles in her bedroom for privacy, but frustrated I've had to do this! We already had a blind for nighttime, she just felt 'spied on').

I feel I'm being watched constantly daily and the neighbour refuses to show me the camera footage, and denies it records audio. It isn't possible to converse with him, we have tried.

I have spoken to a local supplier of the make and model of the camera that is installed and it is a top of the range camera for audio and image.

Having tried to speak to the neighbour and being completely dismissed I just feel like I have to accept the unwanted intrusion into my daily life.

He has also installed sensor lights on the front of his house that light up as soon as I go onto my drive and get in and out of my car or go to my gate.

The legal department of my home insurance say that other than asking him to show me footage , which he won't, I can write a letter requesting any footage of myself and family as he has a responsibility to produce it. I doubt he will do this as it relies upon the neighbour being responsible and honest about what he is recording.
I'm looking into installing a pergola to give us privacy in our garden, as the rear camera is directly over our patio. I did ask that a camera at the rear was repositioned to not look directly onto our property, I was told it focused purely upon his gate and vehicle and he walked away.

We live in an area that, thankfully hasn't a high crime rate and no history of burglaries or car break ins etc.

Any suggestions? Moving isn't an option!
I love my home, I just don't love feeling constantly watched and my comings and goings illuminated at night and captured 24/7.

cost of weekly food shop - Our food shop cost is crippling me. Our weekly food shop is £300 for 2 adults , 14 year old and a cat. My husband thinks that’s normal and is just the cost of living when I know my friends are paying half that. His response is well they are not being honest and they are actually paying more.

I can’t continue paying £300 a week, it’s insane I know . I’ve tried talking to him that it’s too much and he’s blaming me stressing over it on “ time of the month” as usual.

My question is , honestly what are families spending on their food shop weekly.

Is It appropriate for my long term boyfriend to share hotel room with me and my 14 year old daughter. I don’t think it is. I always ask him to get his own room or we get a 1 bed apartment where possible and she and I share.
what do you think ? Kids love him and see him like a father. He collected them from every activity and plays in pool with them etc and I have no issue him watching them in home when I away and even though 14 year old is not bothered I think it’s awkward for all of us being in just 1 room sleeping.

Hi everyone,
I'm posting anonymously because I'm feeling really lost and would appreciate some honest opinions, even if they're hard to hear.

I'm a 40-year-old woman and I've been married since 2022. On the surface, it probably looks like everything should be fine, but the truth is I'm feeling incredibly lonely in my marriage.

I hate admitting this, but I've started to resent my husband. I find him selfish, lazy and unreliable, and I'm struggling to see past it.

We're a blended family. I have one biological daughter, and he has several children from previous relationships. Both of his ex-partners have never worked and are unemployed, whereas I've always worked and have a full-time career in NHS education in a relatively senior role.

Despite that, I feel like the responsibility for our home falls almost entirely on me. We split everything financially 50/50, including contributing towards his children, but I still seem to carry the mental load and the physical load.
He leaves washing everywhere, never cleans, has never changed or washed a bed, and generally waits for me to do everything. By the time I get home from work, I feel exhausted and taken for granted.

There have also been trust issues. A while ago, I discovered he'd been exchanging suggestive memes with a much younger colleague. They both insisted it never went any further, and to his credit he changed jobs because we agreed it was the best way to try and rebuild our marriage. I've tried to move on from it, but I can't pretend it didn't damage my trust.

What makes things harder is that he leaves for work after I do and gets home before me, yet I still have to ask, or rather beg, for the bare minimum around the house. He doesn't make me feel special anymore. We don't go on dates, he doesn't surprise me or really think about me, yet he always seems willing to go the extra mile for other people.

Over the last six months our intimacy has almost disappeared. We barely have sex anymore, and I've tried talking to him about it. He insists nothing is wrong, says he loves me and tells me everything is fine, but his actions don't match his words. I can't shake the feeling that I'm being neglected and taken for granted.
My previous long-term relationship was full of infidelity and deceit, so I'm aware I carry some baggage from that.

I know it probably makes me more sensitive to changes, and I don't want to jump to conclusions, but deep down I feel like something isn't right.

I suppose what I'm really asking is this:
Am I expecting too much? Is this just what marriage becomes after a few years? Am I letting my past make me paranoid, or does this sound like someone who's checked out of the relationship?

Most importantly, how would you approach a conversation with him that isn't accusatory but gets across how serious this has become? I don't want another argument. I want to know if this marriage can be fixed, but I also don't want to spend years feeling lonely while living with someone.

Please be honest. I'm genuinely looking for perspective, whether you think I'm being unfair or whether you think my concerns are valid.

Thank you for reading.

I have been using Tret for about 5 years. This summer I have been enjoying the sun, but using a high factor. As a result I have postponed my Tret for 4 weeks. They have just sent me a new tube.

Can I use Tret when on holiday in the sun, and sitting in it? Or should I just lay off it till the Autumn?

I’m early 50’s and dye my hair a mid-dark brown. I’m naturally an auburn colour but feel a deep brunette shade suits me better, I’ve had it for years. I’ve been blonde before & it doesn’t suit me. But lately I’ve been thinking can dying hair a dark brown be aging? I don’t mean if you’re naturally brunette, that’s different but like for me who isn’t & I dye my hair dark, sometimes I feel am I making myself look older?