Yesterday DP (M39) and I (F29) were messaging and he mentioned moving in together. We’ve spoken about it before but this time we were talking about specific dates and so this was different. We get on so well and love each other very much. We’ve been together for 2 years.

That evening after work, DP and I were talking about the move in process. Once we were done he said that we should talk more about having kids before doing anything. This was confusing to me as we’ve discussed that we both want at least 1 child together. He has 2 girls from a previous relationship aged 6 and 8.

DP then told me that he isn’t sure he wants anymore children due to financial concerns and his age. The financial concerns make no sense to me as we live comfortably and would be fine with my salary also considered. He feels that he is too old to go through the baby stage again.

Please keep in mind, just weeks ago we were lying in bed and he (unprompted) said how nice it would be to be a family and have a baby. In the past he has told me that he would love to give me a child. We had discussed names and what sex we wanted.

To say I’m upset is an understatement. I can’t stop crying. I had my entire life planned based on the assumption that we would have children together. This change of heart from him is so out of the blue and random, I just can’t understand it.

A few months ago, DP sat me down and said that he didn’t feel I was involved enough with his children and that rather than relaxing in the living room when they are here I should make more of an effort to sit with them and do things like their homework. So now this feels like a huge slap across the face - ‘help me raise my kids, but none for you.’

I do not want to waste my childbearing years looking after the children he had with someone else when I don’t have my own. I don’t want to be the spare part at his kids’ events forever and always be pushed to the side at weddings, birthday and so on. My heart breaks even typing this.

Has anyone else been through this? I love my DP so much. The thought of not being with him is just heartbreaking, it hurts so much. But I just can’t imagine being content with watching him be a father and knowing he kept me from being a mother. 😢😢😢

TLDR; DP said many kind and reassuring things to me about wanting kids together but has changed his mind and doesn’t want them.

^^ Copied from my Reddit post as it’s in a mod queue.

I’m hoping someone will be able to offer some advice to make me feel better!
Our much loved dog died in May. He had been unwell for a short while, with a slow and gradual decline in his health. Our vet was supporting him regularly and we went to see her twice a week to check that he wasn’t suffering. One morning he rapidly declined so we had to make the difficult decision to limit his suffering. Since May, his ashes have been at home with us. I was initially keen to scatter them in our garden and felt that this would be a comfort to us. However, our house is for sale and my husband cannot bear the thought of moving having scattered his ashes here. Our house isn’t even under offer so it will be at least 3 months before we move. There are walks we used to do that are special so we could scatter his ashes there but I want him close! Somehow it doesn’t seem right to be holding on to his ashes either. How can I resolve this?

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

After a long, painstaking and expensive search I have finally found some knickers I was happy with. The right type of fabric for my preference, the right style and they fit! don't squish me in on the waist band, don't have my little belly fat sticking out at the bottom. Don't give me a wedgy. And only £22 for a pack of four (Victoria's Secret from Next).

Alas, my joy was short lived. After one day, I am back to the never ending drawing board of finding pants I can wear. All the above reasons stand, they're perfect on paper - BUT - feminine items will not stick to them! Not even a bit. It's so weird. I like to wear a daily pad, just to feel hygienic through the day in case of small leaks (thanks kids), but they will not stick to my new pants at all. OK, I thought, I'll just hold the pad in place in while I pull them up and then they'll just stay there. WRONG. Not only did they not stay there, the otherwise super comfy pants somehow turned the back half of my pad into some sort of bum floss which I was then constantly trying to unwedge. And when I went to the toilet and lowered them, the pad was nowhere to be seen. Oh wait, there it is dropped out onto the floor (thankfully not in the toilet bowl!).

There's absolutely no way I'm chancing that with with a sanitary towel when I get my period.

(btw, I did think maybe after a wash they'd stick better. Made no difference)

So that's another £22 down the toilet (pun intended) and I have to consider the perfect pants just don't exist.

Is it just me that finds buying basic every day pants so bloody hard!

I met dh 16 years ago when I was 30. He was 25 and had a girlfriend of 4/5 months at the time.

I met him on a Friday night at a gig, we chatted for a few hours. We swapped numbers. The next day, we arranged to meet again on the Monday. He finished things with the girlfriend the day after we met at the gig, telling her that he’d met someone else the night before and that he wanted to finish their relationship, which they did.

I had no clue about any of this, until we met up on the Monday and now dh told me that he had been briefly been seeing someone else, but that he’d ended things with her the day after we met. For what it’s worth, I’d also been dating someone for a couple of months, I broke that off too.

His sister did not take it well and 16 years and two children later, she still won’t be in the same room as me. She will literally up and leave her parents house when I walk in. Dh has had it out with her a few times over the years, but she just says he’s a cheater and he’s a bad as me. PIL have told her to grow up and stop being so ridiculous many, many times. As has her now husband, who is lovely and who we have a good relationship with.

She’d met dh previous girlfriend once, briefly, when they bumped into her. His parents had never met her, they were just seeing each other, it was 5 months when Dh was 25, not serious at all.

According to MIL, it was all very childish afterwards, with declarations of “you’ll always be a part of my kids lives!” on social media (her children were toddlers at the time and had never met Dh girlfriend). MIL tried her best to shut it all down at the time, telling her she was being ridiculous.

Dh hasn’t really had a relationship with her since as she was so awful about me. They’ve only really said hello at a couple of family funerals. We also lived 300 miles away from dh family until a few years ago when we moved to the area they are from.

Long story short, it’s my lovely father in law’s 80th birthday next week and all he wanted was to go away for a few days to a holiday cottage with all his family.

SIL will not go if I, the homewrecking scumbag is going.

I have offered not to go. I love my parents in law dearly, and dh can take the children. PIL won’t hear of me not being there. But SIL won’t listen.

I know she has issues of her own as just be before I met dh, her husband cheated on her with her friend and left her with two small children. I get it, I really do. Dh has tried to reason with her that seeing someone for a few months and breaking it off as soon as you’ve met someone else is in no way comparable to your husband having an affair and leaving you.

I just can’t believe something so stupid has ruined their family relationship for the last 16 years!

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

I normally wear Skechers trainers as I walk along way.
Needing to replace as the sole has disintegrated.
I bought some lovely black m and s chinos and have suede ankle boots for city trips.
Any suggestions for shoes or trainers that will go with dark jeans and my black chinos that I can walk to work in.
They preferably need to be hard wearing.

I am re-reading some Penny Vincenzi novels and thoroughly enjoying them. I think I have read all the popular saga books (one I have yet to read is The Chamomile Lawn) but it got me thinking….nobody writes (or wants to publish more like) these big fat sagas anymore. I know fashions wax and wane but wondering if our addiction to tech has meant that fat books like these are no longer seen as viable?

Are there any authors still writing these types of books?

Trying to keep this brief. Will probably fail, sorry. Scene-setting... Old school friend, close but not in each other's pockets (neither of us are really like that), live a long way from each other, very busy lives with family / social lives / work (both in very full-on jobs), meet up a couple of times a year, go through phases with messaging - can be a couple of months between then have a spell of conversation in which we catch up on life then things go quiet again, mainly we talk about the very important and private stuff that we've both acknowledged we wouldn't really discuss with other people. We've both spoken about how things work, in that regard, and said it suits us - the gaps are not a reflection of the other being unimportant, neither of us are needy and we both just understand each other's lives.

Fast forward... Friend went through IVF, bless her, and her DH works away, all over the world (she does, too). Some appointments she went to by herself and I was the person she called while she was waiting to be seen at those appointments. Pregnancy was relatively ok for her. Second child. She had a CS with first, wanted VBAC with second. We had conversations about it ahead of the birth - both on the same page with wanting a VBAC second time around, both also very pragmatic people (I had an emergency CS with my first but had wanted a water birth - have been advised against VBAC in future). She went overdue but was almost certainly going into hospital for an induction and if baby not been born naturally by X date then it was going to be a CS - some concerns started to crop up about her health and baby's health around her due date.

We messaged on or the day before she was likely going in (because I'd got in touch to find out how an appointment a few days earlier went) but I didn't know if / when she'd actually gone into hospital. I didn't then hear anything at all. Childbirth is a busy time! A week passed (and we were a good few days beyond the final date baby could have been born) so I dropped her a message just to see how she was getting on. No response. A few days later (yesterday) dropped her another message just to say I was thinking of her. Got an immediate response to say that she'd been home a few days, had a busy week, baby girl was born a week earlier, and she was doing ok after a bit of a rough ride.

I totally get that having a baby is utterly crazy and the early days are like being in the trenches. I've been there - very rough surgery, very unsettled baby, having absolutely zero clue how to navigate the new order. I also tried to strike a balance between being there / supportive / interested / consistent but not oppressive or demanding (that's obviously subjective but I think, based on our relationship, I gauged it right). I was concerned about my friend because of the things that started to indicate there may be a problem prior to the birth.

I just have this feeling that I was forgotten in the list of people to inform about her being safe and baby girl being born. Whilst she tells me what an important friend I am, I struggle to get past "actions speak louder than words".

I'm genuinely not an overbearing person. It's something I check with people because I hate others who are overbearing! I am the person who can always be relied on though (by friends or even acquaintances, it transpires) - I think it's the consistency 🤷🏼‍♀️ On the one hand, I am worried that I've expected too much of my friend. On the other hand, I am concerned I have misjudged the friendship and I'm perhaps not as important to her as I had thought.

AIBU to think I may have been forgotten / misjudged a friendship when it took one of my (supposed) closest friends over a week to let me know she was ok and baby had arrived safely?

Firstly I appreciate this is not the same for the rest of the country

but we’ve had it horrific here (London). I’ve never felt so shit in my life as I have for the last 10 weeks. I’ve spent between £250-350 a month on electricity (portable air conditioners). I’ve felt anxious, headachy, it’s FUCKED with my peri menopause (brain fog, no words, cognitive decline). I’ve felt tearful and as if it would go on forever. There are moments where I’ve thought I can’t take another moment of this. My sleep is proper fucked.

this has to change. I’ve done everything on a personsl
level I can. Air conditioners only when necessary, above 26 inside (DH has long Covid so literally throws up in heat). His asthma is exacerbated. The dogs have had the shittest summer. I’ve had a couple of rescues that can’t go out about 22 degrees. I reckon they’ve been walked briefly 3 times a week. We deliberately went away on a cheap caravan holiday twice just so they could smile. There were endless days I couldn’t work as too hot in my home office and clients cancelled.

I cannot wait til Saturday.

I hope for solidarity from others. I want to wear a fucking hoodie again. I’ve spent every day sat around in my underwear inside for vast stretches of the day. This is not sexy.

I was in Marbella old town a few weeks ago and saw a lovely smallish bag with a long handle to be worn cross-body or to hang at hip level.

It was leather (or at least looked like leather and the price indicated it probably was real, but could easily have been fake leather as I didn’t have time to stick around and check) and had a kind of flap over the top in a brown/tan colour that made it look kind of like a mini longchamp pliage.

There were a variety of colours inc a lovely green and a yellow. It cost €69.

I couldn’t buy it at the time (time restraints with family and I don’t spend £60 on a bag on a whim) but have been regretting it ever since. I have tried googling to find something like it online, but cannot find anything remotely similar. I suspect it was a local maker/supplier. I cannot remember the name of the shop or the street it was on, other than it was one or two doors up from a wee jewellery shop (Cheap jewellery - my teens were in it), and it was on the left hand side as you walked up the street towards the heart of the old town, with the main road behind you.

People who are good at these things - is there any way to find it?!??

Ds is 14. I have younger dc too. During the holidays I find it really hard to meet everyone’s needs. I have managed to book one day off work to spend exclusively with ds14 - had a nice lunch and went to the cinema. We’ve also been on a family holiday. The rest of the time he is left to his own devices which usually includes looking at a screen (phone or ps) or kicking a football around the garden. Sometimes he sees friends but doesn’t seem very proactive in making arrangements.

He absolutely doesn’t want to come on kiddies days out to farms and soft play with me and the little ones and I’m obviously not going to force him. But I feel really bad that he is on his own so much over the holidays. On one afternoon the little ones had their paints out at the table and he came and joined them and did some painting of his own but this was a one off. Having an age gap makes it very hard and I feel like I’m neglecting him.

How much do you see of your teens during the holidays? Do you insist they join in with things or leave them to it?

Good morning all, I’m not sure if i’m being selfish or fair so please be honest.

Context, I’m 62, I have some health issues but I’m generally able to get on with most parts of life, I do find somethings quite overwhelming though.

Last night my DD messaged me, she has 3 children, twins who are 2 and a 4 year old. I love my granddaughters, I love spending time with them and I’m happy to have them occasionally. Currently they come for a sleep over every other month on a Saturday night and I may provide some ad-hoc childcare if and when it’s needed.
DD was asking if I would be happy to come to hers on alternating Sunday nights from 7ish to 9:30ish in the evening. She and her husband want to go to the mixed doubles group at the local tennis club (they already go to ladies and gents night but obviously the other just stays home with the kids).
She said her mother in law has offered to do every other Sunday.
She told me she would make sure the girls were bathed and in bed and they wouldn’t leave until 7:15 and it continues until 9pm then they would be back around 9:15-30.
I live 10 minutes away, DD said she would make sure either she or her DH be able to drive me home.
She said likely the girls wouldn’t be asleep just yet but the twins would be close and I could sit with her eldest and read with her then it would just be manning the house from about 8 onwards.

I said sorry no I can’t. Mostly as I have work at 8am on Mondays, I tend to be in bed for 8-9 most evenings and tbh I just don’t think it would be as easy as she is selling it, I imagine the children would be out of sorts since mummy and daddy were away and it’s a school night for the eldest so I would feel awful if I wasn’t able to get her down to sleep on time.
I do have 2 children, but there is 11 and a half years between them so I never had a phase of caring for multiple very small children and while I’m happy to do it on a Saturday where bedtime can go a bit off plan and it not matter, I’d worry on a school night.

When my mum called this morning I mentioned it to her and my mum has made me feel awful saying considering all they do for me (drive to appointments, cut my grass etc.), it would be a nice small way to say thank you and if son-in-laws mum can do it and she’s in a whole different town, why can’t I.

So AIBU to say no? Am I being selfish and ungrateful since they do things for me? Should I say yes and just see how it goes?

Help - I have found out that work have volunteered me to go to no.10 next week and meet the PM and other cabinet members to discuss an issue impacting our industry. I normally dress smart casual for work eg jeans and nice top so am panicking about what to wear as only smart dress I have is for funerals. What would you wear to the event - I’ve a budget of up to £250 - does anyone have any suggestions please? I am 40 size 10/12 and like to look on trend rather than too formal….

Has anyone ever fallen pregnant from CD8 sex if Lh peak was CD14 and BBT rise CD16?

Help me process this dear mumsnetters!
On holiday with my family, 2 kids and my oh, we've booked with our friends who have a similar set up. We've done holidays together most years for over a decade, my best friend is the mum.
So, we arrived together from another campsite yesterday, to find my friends, neighbors/friends are here, not really a problem per se but a bit awkward?

My friend is a a bit embarrassed and said when they asked where they were going in holiday, they just said oh sounds great we can meet you there. And couldn't really say err no, with other friends.

Turns out theyve booked the same arrival and leave date as all of us, so not just crossing over.

They seem keen to find out about our meal arrangements and what time we plan to be at the beach etc. so far kept it vague and said hello when we've seen them. Now asking about tomorrow, but we've all planned to go out for the day as it's my husband's birthday so going for a long lunch and walk round etc.

I'm a bit perplexed about what's happening 😂 and what to do about it really. Never met them before, they seem nice enough, but everyone is feeling a bit awkward.

What do we think to this then?! 😂 I'll enjoy reading your comments over wine later 😘

Hi, after years of shaving my legs I bought an epilator in April. I had tried one years ago and it was exceptionally painful so I gave up. I decided to be brave and actually found it tolerable - I wouldn’t even describe it as painful - and even managed to do my underarms!

the trouble is, I find I am having to use it really often (every 3-4 days). I had expected the regrowth to be slower but it isn’t at all. Am I expecting too much or is this normal?

Does the fact they’re white mean they’re imported ?

We are getting married next June, we aren’t on a lot of money so we aren’t doing the whole massive wedding thing, just a small number of people and a low key wedding. However, for us it’s still a considerable amount to save up including food, wedding dress, alterations, hair and make up, wedding rings etc etc. it’s nothing compared to the standard weddings these days that are like 30k, we absolutely can’t afford that. But it’s still taking us time to save up for it.

We are also saving up for our honeymoon, and my step brother is getting married abroad 2 months after us so we are also saving for his wedding in Greece. On top of that, I am currently on a 12 to 18 month waiting list for open heart surgery, my partner won’t have enough holidays to take time off to look after me for the amount of time we would like, so he is taking some time off unpaid so we also need to make sure we have enough money to cover him not being in work for a couple of weeks.

His friend recently told us he has booked his wedding for 3 weeks after us. He said to me “don’t book your honeymoon for straight after your wedding because we are getting married in July” I was a bit gobsmacked by the comment because… we can take our honeymoon whenever we want. But tbh we wouldn’t have booked for July anyway as we have too much going on with not knowing the date yet for my surgery and also going to my step brothers wedding in August. So it wasn’t a problem.

The problems have started now because he is asking DP to pay for a load of stuff which we can’t afford. He said he is going abroad in May for his stag do, he also said DP will need to buy his own suit, and also he wants all of the groomsmen to stay the night before in the rooms of the venue, and the groomsmen will all have to pay for themselves.

We really can’t afford this. DP already told him there’s no way he can go abroad for his stag do, and the friend got very upset by this and they had a bit of an argument. The friend ended up saying he will pay for the room the night before the wedding. We then went out with them for food at the weekend and they said they changed their minds about this seeing as our wedding is so cheap, we can pay for our own rooms the night before the wedding. I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to cause drama in the restaurant.

I understand that they can book their wedding for whenever they want to. That’s fine. But if they have all of these expectations on DP and what he needs to pay for, I feel that they should’ve taken into account our circumstances and the fact that having just got married ourselves, we may not be able to afford it.

AIBU here? Is there any way for me to firmly tell them that we cannot afford these and if he wants DP to be a groomsman, he will have to pay for him because we can’t afford it, without causing a fall out?

GBNews are reporting that Harry and Megan are moving back to the UK at the end of August.

I won't believe it until I hear it on the BBC.

I know, I’m going to get a load of YABUs as I love this time with my precious children’ but there are still three weeks left, I’m skint and having to muster the enthusiasm for another day out because the alternative is worse!

Option A: Bbq burger on a burger bap with cheese, ketchup, salad, wedges and corn on the cob

Option B: Grilled burger (no bap etc) with plain pasta and salt

We had Dds friend over for lunch after Dd asked her if she wanted to come for burgers and toasted marshmallows. She was quite confused about the burger as has it like option B at home, aside from at McDonald’s.

Which burger do you prefer and can anyone guess which country we’re in?

I've just found out that my new boyfriend (7 months in) has a hair fetish and he has just told me that he is unable to get an erection without fantasising about a hairdresser's chair, cape, women getting really long hair cut to short hair, no hair, some women getting forced to have their hair cut or cut shorter than they wanted it. There's more but I think that's enough and gives a good enough picture. He also follows lots of online hair fetishing accounts showing hair getting chopped off, sometimes the women are crying.

He says he's not really bothered about having sex and doesn't really get turned on, but gets turned on if a partner talks about being at the hairdresser and he is pleasuring them secretly under the cape etc. Or watching the haircuts.

I was wondering why he didn't want sex with me. He almost falls over himself if he sees a woman in public with really long hair. All ages. It's getting really boring. And very frustrating for me!!!!

We are both middle aged and although I care for him a lot, I can't see a sexless future for me while he gets fulfilment from all of this in his head, watching stuff online instead of having healthy sex with me.

I've tried a bit of role playing but it's so boring and not much really happened. I have fairly long hair but it doesn't seem to turn him on. And when he does start touching it, I now feel repulsed.

I've started noticing other men and fantasising about them. I just want normal, healthy and passionate sex. I need to talk to him. I really care about him and don't want to lose our friendship. I don't know whether to suggest an open relationship or that we simply remain friends and he finds a hair situation and I find normal.

This is real for people who are thinking WTH 🙃Anyone been through this or similar?

This is my first post on MN, long term reader however. I am genuinely looking to find people that may have gone through similar as I am so sad today and at a loss . I will try and be as brief as poss .

Divorced/separated 6 years now . Ex is a teacher. Our now 15 and 13 year old go to him one night and day every weekend and then there days a week on top in the school holidays . My set up is now a blended family with my husband who has 11 and 12 year old with us half the time. He has a toddler with his girlfriend and the have recently had another baby ((not planned). He has a 4 bedroom house and currently our two have their own rooms. My two are devastated by the second child and are already quite "others at the house . He is showing increasing disinterest in our children as they are getting less "fun" . He doesn't seem to understand that parenting at this age is all about those ten minutes where they engage with you . And then being in their rooms is ok. Yesterday I had a chat with him saying that I think it's the point where we need to reset school holidays as they can stay at mine more and dont need looking "after" even if I am working . This is in response to how the kids are feeling , they want to stay home more in the hols to be round most of their things and friends .He agreed but then said oh and when The baby is one I can no longer have them both at the same time ! As once our of their room the baby needs their own room. I said well I did assume that would be the case but for the few times our son is there couldn't the baby have a sleep over with his brother. No this is their permanent home and this is just where my kids "stay". He is now proposing either day visits only or one week they stay at his mum's and he visits the next day and the second weekend he only has one of them!.and that would be it. He then made a comment that he hadn't asked his mum and actually it would be super inconvenient for him to do that because he would get home late. I am just so sad for reference he lives about 45 minutes away and we meet half way