Looking for some perspective as I don’t know if I am being oversensitive and I should just forget it. Apologies in advance for such a long post.

DH and I have been together for over 20 years and have 3 DC under 12. Most of the housework and childcare falls on me and I also work part-time, and have taken on a lot more work recently. I’ve been on medication for depression and anxiety for a few years now and struggle with the overwhelm of the kids.

DH is very active and spends a lot of time exercising. I do not and this has been a long running issue. I am always tired by the evening and do not have much ‘me time’.

Over the last year or so I have put on weight and am around a dress size more than is normal for me. I am conscious of this but it feels a lot at the moment to overcome.

A few weeks ago, after a week of pretty much silence from him, DH told me that he felt sad about our lack of affection, and felt I didn’t make an effort anymore, etc. I reassured him that I still found him attractive and explained that I am exhausted and overwhelmed by the time it comes to the evening but that I would try harder and be more conscious.

Over the next couple of weeks, I felt self-conscious and a bit anxious so a week ago in bed, I asked him if it was when I wore certain things or if he found me unattractive all of the time, referencing our previous conversation. He said ‘what I said was that I didn’t think being attractive mattered to you anymore’. I said it does matter to me, I’m conscious that I’m too fat and that I plan to be really strict with myself going forward. He didn’t say anything in reply and after a while fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep for hours after that and I’ve been feeling awful ever since. I don’t want him to see me getting undressed and I can’t bring myself to be affectionate with him, etc. I don’t know how to move on from this.

I don’t know if I am being oversensitive and unreasonable to feel so upset and to not be close to him.

Sorry for such a long post!

Good relationship on the whole however DH does have a large ego that comes with him training pretty excessively in my opinion and often complimented on his physique

No kids together however he has a DD of 14 and my DS is 21.

I am 41 and he is 52 and looks his age face wise I would say but body much younger.

A girl in a coffee shop today walked past our table as I was paying and his eyes followed her all the way out of the door - he turned to watch her leave as he didn’t realise I could see him from where I was

She was wearing a very tight short black dress so I can see how you would look initially however the following her with his eyes grossed me out especially as she was about 20.

I’ve never seen him do this so obviously and we’ve been together 8 years.

I treated myself to a back, neck and head massage yesterday after a period of stress.

It was at a spa so more of a relaxing vibe and seemed very gentle at the time (I'm more used to sports massages that really hurt).

Yet it seems to have triggered a very painful headache (as well as back pain overnight, like I was all seized up, but this has lessened now). The headache is still going strong over 24 hours later. Paracetamol helps a bit but it is like no other headache I have experienced. The front half of my head is very sore, it feels very deep inside my head.

Is this normal-ish, what is going on?

Friend having baby shower. I freely admit to liking baby showers, which previously have just been groups of female friends/family getting together for cakes, some wee games & a good catch up for the new mum before life gets busy.

However, friend has sent out invites for her baby shower (men included - fine, each to their own) but with an Amazon gift wish list included?!?!?! Like, aren't gifts meant to be given once baby is safely here?! Are we meant to provide good gifts (as opposed to a token baby shower gifts) twice?!

It's been a while since I've been to a baby shower as this friend is younger than me, so maybe I'm just out of date & "wish lists" are a thing? AIBU to think it's grabby??

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I actually feel like I really really dislike DH and am questioning the relationship altogether based on a terrible holiday

DD13 ASD and DS15 ADHD

I have ADHD - suspect DH may be ASD but he refuses any testing as says he’s got to 45 just fine

A few incidents have happened and I’m really upset

Firstly we have not been getting on for a long time now and this was meant to be a bit of a deciding holiday as I’m struggling to connect with him at all in recent years mainly with the lack of understanding around the children’s needs or practical help with any of it

So far he has

1. Made DD cry in a shop because DS kept putting a box of Maltesers in the basket that he said were too expensive and ended up tossing them on the side of the self checkout - they then fell on the floor and a shopkeeper asked if he was buying them and he replied “ Obviously not or they would be in my basket wouldn’t they ? “ and left the shop

1. A little boy of 8 years old is on the resort and is very good at pool and has beat both my kids in good spirits each time he’s played them. DH said “ Let’s see how good he is then “ and proceeded to floor him, hitting the balls in really hard and a little aggressively. I was mortified that a 45 year old would take joy in beating a small 8 year old and my son then got annoyed with DH and tried to knock the cue out of his hand on the last shot which made DH shout “ if you did that to someone in a real pool match they would punch you in the face “

Lastly, me and DD went to look in a shop at the airport and DH and DS were meant to wait outside

When we came out they were gone so we made our way to the gate thinking they would be there - they weren’t so I called him and he was furious that he had waited outside and we had gone anyway

Turns out he was nearby but not outside so we just missed him by accident but when we got back FD was upset as DH had said “ Well if they’re late it’s their own fault and they’ll have to deal with being stuck in Italy won’t they? “

DS panicked and told us when we met back up with them and DD then got upset as DH had her passport so in her mind we would have actually been stuck

My emotions are really high and I need some outside advice please

Clothes accessories cosmetics everything.

As there is already a thread on chat I thought I would link it here as it will drop off the other board.

Original thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5570978-hm-gov-telling-us-to-get-tinned-food-and-bottled-water

Link: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/aug/25/uk-to-warn-citizens-to-stock-up-on-food-amid-threat-from-climate-crisis-and-hostile-states

Time to get in the winter supplies now before the candles and lanterns sell out. Very impressed with the new USBC Blukar battery lanterns after testing them this summer: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Blukar-Camping-Rechargeable-Lantern-Essentials/dp/B0GVNKNM6C

For about 18 months DH did all the laundry, but we're swapping jobs, partly because all our clothes now smell... I don't seem to be able to get on top of this, so I need advice! What I've done so far

• Clean the seal (handfuls of sludge, but it's still spotty w mould stains which I can't get off, even after following all the instructions I can find
• Used washing machine cleaner
• Run a 90 degree wash
• Used white vinegar
• Cleaned the filter and the drawer, and always leave the door open

The machine itself doesn't really smell any more, but the laundry - in particular towels - often smells horrible. The towels can't really be used for more than 2 days, which is hopeless.

I line dry everything - easy this summer, so I don't think this is a drying problem. In the winter we have a hanging laundry thing and a dehumidifier. I usually use Ecoleaf liquid detergent, but we are almost at the end of that, so I'm up for trying other things.

I either need to use non bio for everything, or to separate out my son's stuff (he's got horrible eczema-prone skin) which I would do for a while, if it allowed me to wash whatever has got into the clothes out again!

Suggestions? Advice? Thank you!

I've decided to treat myself, but I don't know where to start.

Firstly I don't know what else to call the kind of bag I'm after, hence "status" bag. I like Chanel, LV, which I know some fashionistas like to sneer at, so please, if that's you, respect that we all have different preferences.

I'm looking for a lovely every day bag, that I don't look stupid with on the school run etc. We live rurally, and didn't before, so all my Chanel and LV with chain straps etc would look majorly over done and I'd feel ridiculous wandering round town on casual shop with one. I do sometimes take my neverful but I'd like something much smaller. Slouchy and comfy as opposed to stiff leather.

What's a casual but still "status" bag that I could go for? I don't like massive gold logos etc like the GG Gucci bags, or the ones with big YSLs down the front. I would like it to be recognisable as branded, but from close up, not from across the street if you see what I mean.

Thank you.

We're moving into a new house and I spend a lot of time deliberating over which colour to paint my bedroom. Green is my favourite colour and a lot of things I own are green - clothes, my phone, my car, my old car and much more. I considered other colours but thought I should go with green as it's my favourite... what could go wrong?

Well the shade of green I've chosen is proving tricky to work with and I now see a lot of inspiration pictures on instagram making me regret my choice. You will see from the photo it's not horrible but the problem is I also want green lampshades, curtains, accessories etc. Which is too much bloody green. If I'd gone with a more neutral colour I could've had green as the accent! I'd repaint it right now but it's a big room and the paint was quite expensive, I got it from Valspar at B&Q and they gave me heavy duty instead of normal so it was a bit dear.

What do I do, repaint the room or just deal with it. I think I want cream carpet but don't really want cream curtains, it's a bit plain. I actually want deep blood red curtains but most people in my life are telling me they will look awful!

YABU - it's fine (give me ideas for which other colours I could incorporate)
YANBU - repaint it!!

Hi everyone,

So I think that my relationship has finally broken down for good. For 5 years I have bitten my tongue, walked away and tried to be the bigger person.

She’s arduous, rude, aggressive and insulting. She’s also hot a very potty mouth. I’m quite sweary too but not in an aggressive way and NEVER in the presence of kids or anyone that would be offended.

For years she’s picked fights with me, made nasty comments and generally been horrendous. I firmly believe that she has a personality disorder although there’s nothing diagnosed. DH despairs of her but feels responsible as she’s on her own.

her latest issue with me is my weight. I’m still a bit heavier since having my son. For context I’m tall at 5’11” and bang on 12 stone, so hardly huge- just a bit solid lol. She referred to me as “ the fucking Russian shot-putter”. It actually made me laugh but that’s the sort of thing she’ll say. She also called me a silly cunt in one outburst.

the final straw came yesterday. She turned up unannounced and was annoyed that our son wasn’t there- he was out with my parents my dad is 80 and she made a comment about him saying “ I’m surprised the fucker is still breathing”. I asked her not to say that. DH told her off too. I asked her to leave and she, true to form brought up the 5k she gave us a few years ago towards our house deposit. Said that I’m a “ lazy bitch” and that her son has wasted himself on me.

I totally saw read Bd flipped. I told her to fuck, called her a nasty old cunty bitch. I also said that I’d find the £5k and that she could shove it up her miserable arse. Like I said, I never swear aggressively but this triggered something.

We haven’t heard from her since. I’m never going to have her in my house again. AIBU?

Hi all, I am really struggling to find some shapewear and need some help.

I am 49, size 10, 34 DD with quite a round tummy (3 babies). Our daughter is getting married and I have a lovely dress, but really need pulling in at the bust and tummy. I haven’t got much confidence at the best of times and just feel really self conscious.

Looking for a body suit, with tummy control and underwired minimiser. Does such a thing exist? There isn’t a budget so any suggestions would be gratefully received. Thank you!!

My mum is almost 80 and has been in hospital with a UTI.
She lives on her own and has been very confused, she's on the waiting list for the memory clinic and was sent home with carers going in 4 times a day to help with medication and meals.
She wants me to tell the care company that she won't allow any male carers to go in.
I've reassured her that they will do the same as female ones but she won't have it and is currently ringing everyone in the family complaining about it.

So AIBU to say she can't choose the gender of the carers?

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

Need ideas for nearly 8 year old girls birthday present. She loved it a couple of weeks ago when I curled her hair with my straighteners. Is 8 too young for a proper curling?

Thank you for reading, this is going to be a long post. My little girl is now 2 months old. I started losing my mucous plug and had water dripping out at 41 weeks around 5pm on the Friday. I phoned the birth centre and a lovely midwife told me to come in. I came in and she then said she examined me, told me my cervix was closed completely and to go home and call when things change. Well, I ended up getting my first contraction at home and from then on it was absolute agony. I was so shocked because the pain went from 0-100, around 3 in 10 minutes. I rang back and she told me to come back again. The car journey was awful.

She had to examine me again, this was absolutely awful as I was in so much pain but she was really calming and a total pro at examining so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been I suppose. So then here is where the problems started… she finished her night shift and had to go, but before she did, she examined me again and I was 1cm. I was then left with the most uncaring Midwife and students I have ever encountered.

I worked in a maternity ward for 7 years up until a couple of years ago, I still work in the NHS but in a clinic now. I am well aware of the good and bad, as well as what is usually offered to labouring women, I worked in a London Hospital, so it was busy busy busy. I also started training to become a Midwife myself but stopped for various reasons. I know how some Midwives can be as I witnessed it myself over the years, and I just hoped that I would be lucky and would get a nice team looking after me. Well that didn’t happen at all.

I was in a small birth centre room at this point screaming my head off in pain with every contraction and shaking uncontrollably. The Midwife gave me a shot of pethadine, which really seemed to help, although it didn’t take the pain away fully it stopped the shaking and made me really sleepy. They couldn’t examine me again for many hours which is fair enough to reduce the risk of infection but it would have been nice to know if I was any further along. Anyway they did examine me again eventually and was still 1cm, pain was obviously bad I was crying, was offered 2 x more pethadine that did nothing these 2 times but it did stop the shaking.

I was begging for an epidural but was told no repeatedly. The reason was because I wasn’t 4 cm yet, and in order to get an epidural it needs to be done in labour ward, but I am not allowed in labour ward until at least 4cm. I asked for gas and air, they said no repeatedly for the same reasons above. All they kept saying was to eat a sandwich, reapeatedly, I have never wanted to scream so badly in my life because they weren’t listening to me. I was telling them I can’t eat or drink… well I was trying to drink but eating was out of the question. I explained that I would throw up everywhere but they wouldn’t stop going on, they even got my Husband involved trying to convince me. I was crying telling them I don’t need a sandwich I need pain relief over and over again but they still wouldn’t accept me not eating until they brought me some toast which I physically couldn’t eat. They were actually laughing at me, saying what do you want me to do? WHAT I WANT IS PAIN RELIEF!

I was screaming in pain when the cherry on the cake arrived… they were going to move me to the shared antenatal ward. They did move me, still no gas and air allowed, I was screaming so loud with every contraction every few minutes. The other patients and partners were laughing and sniggering, also tutting. I am sure the other women were terrified that they had this level of pain to come too so they were probably laughing to distract themselves. I begged for pain relief and to be moved. They refused, still no gas and air allowed.

I know that on my ward women were given entonox on the antenatal ward, and it was no issue at all. They were also hurried through to labour ward for a private room if they were screaming the ward down and scaring other women. This went on for the whole night until around 8am when the first lovely Midwife came back on shift and came to see what all the screaming was about. She was asking the staff member why I was left in this state with no Entonox and not getting me over to labour ward? The staff member was arguing with her, she said I am the Midwife in charge go and get some entonox. Not even 2 minutes later I had Entonox… when they had lied to me earlier saying they don’t keep it on the antenatal ward it’s only on the labour ward they aren’t allowed to use it here. While having Entonox she examined me again and I was 4 cm. Finally!!! Moved to Labour ward. She was an actual angel… I feel like she saved me.

I took the gas with me not letting it out of my mouth and I was in heaven, the pain was like waves of a feeling but no pain at all. Why had they denied me this for so long? Anyway, straight to Labour ward where a lovely anaesthetist gave me an epidural. It was amazing! I had to press a button every 30 mins but before I was allowed I had to ask the Midwife to take my blood pressure before topping up. They broke my waters and they were full of meconium, I then started getting a really high temperature.

This is when the problems started again… her and her student went on their break at the same time and by the time they got back the epidural had stopped working. They didn’t believe me… and kept telling me to press the button which I was but it wasn’t doing anything, turns out it was empty. I was finally allowed a top up and the anaesthetist arrived to fit another supply. She must have accidentally done something wrong as from then on it was all agony and screaming again, the Midwife and student didn’t believe me until finally the anaesthetist came back again and tried to figure out why it had stopped working.

At this point the shaking started uncontrollably again. I asked for gas & air while we waited for her to return as she was busy and had to leave. I was in my element with the gas and air and they kept trying to take it off me as I was using it too much. It got to around 2pm and doctors came in to review me as I was now 7cm but had been 7cm for far too long with no progression. They decided to do an emergency c section. My epidural was topped up in theatre and actually worked this time.

I was shaking so hard they had to strap me down. My little girl was born and had an infection, had breathed in her meconium so was struggling to breathe and was taken to NICU. She had breathing tube, feeding tube and cannulas. The treatment postnatally was an absolute shit show and my baby wasn’t with me I had just got to give her a kiss on the operating table when she was whisked away. They put me in a postnatal ward with everyone else’s babies. I asked them if they thought this was appropriate considering my baby was in NICU and I was still numb… couldn’t meet her properly yet. The Midwife responded by saying what is the problem with being around other babies??? We can’t give you a private room! I persisted that it was not nice and they moved us to a private room.

We were both on antibiotics and eventually she came down to join me in a shared NICU/Postnatal ward. We were then both moved back to the postnatal ward which was hell. Purely because of the noise, other families are so so inconsiderate and loud. We had people moving furniture around and throwing suitcases around at 2am. The woman next to me had a drug problem and social services were taking her baby away. We got to hear her whole life story from the other side of the curtain. It was awful… she was kicking off constantly and then crying constantly, part of me felt sorry for her. It was a lot to deal with, we all complained but they wouldn’t give her a private room so we all had to listen to her on the phone constantly to social workers about her court case the next day and her baby being removed.

We were finally discharged after a total of 5 days. I don’t know if I can go through this again but eventually I want to give my daughter a sibling. I am terrified of being left in pain again until 4cm, what if the same happens again? Personally I think as soon as they broke my waters and saw the meconium and my high temp and high blood pressure, they should have took me for a c section straight away. I sit here and think sometimes how long was my little girl struggling for in there… thank god they got her out when they did. Why did they hang around though? It was hours and hours since they broke my waters.

I am obviously going to ask for a planned c section next time, if there is a next time. I have lost all trust in that hospital and all medical staff. I feel like a couple of them enjoyed watching me suffer. All I needed was the gas & air and I was coping really well but they denied me this for 13 hours, only when that angel Midwife came on shift and got me some was I able to cope. Has anyone ever experienced similar and what did you do for your next babies?

days are drifting longer and longer, until they're 30 then 34 then 40 ets hours long.

would you live your life by the 24 hour clock and accept dark and light comes bad goes randomly or try to live by the sun up, day, sun down, night?

bearing in mind at some point daylight will last 24 odd hours, similarly night too.

DH think real time - sun up, sun down

aibu to think the only sanity is 24 hours makes a day, get some black out curtains for the light nights?

Hi everyone

So the wall that you see as your going up the stairs is annoying me trying to find something that will look right with my olive tree , I really like my olive tree here and it doesn't get in our way going up stairs but I've tried 2 photos one above the other but it looked wrong , then I tried a large photo there but it just didn't look right. What could I put above the olive tree that will suit? Don't want a mirror there and I tried a wall lamp and that didn't look right either.

I've just come back from haven in fact anywhere I go the duvets are better ( fluffier, heavier,warmer ) than mine.

Mine says it's goose down 10.5 tog from John Lewis but it's not doing it for me.

If I want a lovely thick heavy warm duvet what would you recommend..

DD’s 12th birthday is in a couple of months, so we’re starting to think about presents. She has asked for some Lego, but we’re struggling to find something which would appeal to her. She loved Lego Friends, but feels she has outgrown it. Lego City sets also seem a bit young, lots with age guidance of 6+/8+, and she has never been into the Ninjago range.

There are sets related to film/TV/gaming franchises (Minecraft, Fortnite, Pokémon, Harry Potter), but she isn’t into any of those. I’m surprised she hasn’t enjoyed Harry Potter, but she has read the first two books and watched the first two films, and didn’t enjoy them. There are the “adult” sets (flowers etc., not “adult” in that way!), but they all have age guidance of 18+. Some are also incredibly expensive.

I would be very grateful for suggestions, as we feel that we’re finding a gap between the end of Lego Friends and the sets aimed at adults. Thank-you!

5 months into having a dog and these are the first real days of rain that we’ve had. I’ve realised that, as well as getting the dog some sort of coat, I need to get myself some trousers. Rookie error a couple of days ago of being caught in a downpour in jeans but then my leggings were pretty uncomfortable yesterday.
I’ve always hated those thin waterproof over trousers. The DC have some brilliant trousers by Canterbury for sport which are shower proof and have zips up to the knee so you can get them up & down. They, though, are designed for an up & down figure and a pair which gets over my hips & bum is ridiculous in the waist. Any suggestions? Bonus points if you can get them in petite.
And, yes, I acknowledge that this is a bit niche and I could just get on with walking the dog in every day clothes which is exactly what I did when I last had a dog as a teen. I feel things have evolved and that someone must have noticed this issue and decided to monetise it.

Me and DH are married 10 years we have one DD6. She is smart and funny she does well at school/sports has loads of friends etc but like most 6 year olds she can be hard work at home sometimes. She can sometimes react disrespectfully shout and give snappy/rude answers to me and DH usually if she is tired/hungry/frustrated.

Somehow DH blames this on me.

Today DH collected DD from school as he was off I wfh so would usually have her snack ready when they get home and would come down from work for a few mins when she gets in to see how her day was but I couldn't do that today as an urgent work call was scheduled during that time
I asked DH to explain that to DD on the way home (as previously she has had a loud meltdown when I was unexpectedly not available when she got home).
Anyway when my call finished at 4 I went down and DD ran to give me a big hug and squeeze I asked her a few questions about her day and she told me a couple of stories about school.
I noticed DH in a bit of a sulk and when we were alone he said she hadn't told him anything about school and had been snapping at him/being disrespectful. He told me that it was my fault because I made him the bearer of bad news (because he had to tell I was on a work call and would be unavailable)
He told me thar I need to have a chat with her about how she treats him.

Dd has always had a strong preference for me but if I'm honest I think DH without realising it can come across as constantly criticising and negative e.g coming in from work and the first thing he will say is "turn down the music" "pick up those toys" etc rather than having a nice interaction with her first after not seeing her all day. He does it to me also.

I don't think he's being reasonable blaming this on me. I will talk to DD later but honestly I think he should be having the conversation as I wasn't even there to see what she said

Not sure if I’m just feeling meh….but I just feel like going home and throwing all my clothes away. I’m currently on my way home from holidaying on the med. It’s not that everyone was amazingly dressed. Just that, from what I saw in the shops it was all simple styles, fabulous material and a bit pricier. Items to last.

Every season I buy some new clothes, not a lot, probably about 10 pieces for summer and 5-7 Autumn/ Winter. It’s a mixture of decent cashmere, a bit of Zara, Reiss and Mango.

I’ve got summer dresses I’ve never worn, and now don’t like (flowery maxi dress from mint velvet), and boots I’ve worn but not fine for 2 seasons.

Not sure what the solution is. Go back and brutally cull it on Vinted and buy more. Or cull, use what I have and not buy anything this Autumn/ Winter.

How do you resist buying new things!!!

Currently work 9am to 6.30pm during the week and weigh over 25 stone. I'm not eligible for weight loss medication on the NHS, but cannot afford Mounjaro or Wegovy privately. What second jobs could I apply for in order to pay for Mounjaro? Currently work in an office environment and lead a completely sedentary lifestyle. My weight is so high that I struggle to walk and have left hip/pelvic pain that gets worse when walking.