I have been going round in circles with this for months. I have recently had a significant pay rise and want to continue buying investment pieces of clothing. I have recently came out of an abusive relationship and want to treat myself well.

should I buy a Barbour? I love this one, https://www.barbour.com/gb/icons-tartan-collar-modern-beadnell-waxed-jacket-LWX1582OL71.html?_gl=11mjekn4_upMQ..gs*MQ..&gclid=CjwKCAjw25fWBhAVEiwAMopNjjuJBIKUwafdXsnpjVZl2Hj7-Ike3RvESbDk6k-590QDQcHSXnxkBoCMUcQAvD_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAADtGNrhYTSGU2_0xQyGo4bCUL3A9v

any Barbour fans that would recommend. I have no landrover, dog or tweed cap but I love them 😂

Would anyone be willing to share the experience, knowledge or opinion on this school please? We are considering it for DD, currently year 4. She has mild dyslexia and is working at an average level at her current state school.

I’m looking for a supportive school that will get the best out of her abilities rather than get lost in the overwhelmed state options we have.

is Notre dame going to be too academic for her? She tries hard but is definitely on the slower side of learning.

any local recommendations for alternatives welcome! Preferably up to at least year 11 as I don’t want to move her twice

Dd just started reception so I’m new to this. Had a message a few days ago reminding parents that girls wearing skirts and dresses must wear shorts underneath (this was never specified in the initial uniform instructions). I will get dd some cycling shorts but haven’t been anywhere yet where I can pick some up cheaply. Teacher ‘reminded’ me again today. Is this a thing in schools? I’m presuming it’s for modesty reasons but they are 4! Is it a big deal? Obviously I’ll do it but if it’s so important I’m not sure why it wasn’t mentioned in the initial welcome pack.

I’d like some perspective on something that happened around birthdays in my DH’s family.
DH’s brother and sister have birthdays few days apart. His sister lives on the other side of the country but comes home for her birthday. She has a family lunch, receives presents, gives a present to her other brother and leaves something for her mum, whose birthday is a couple of couple of months later. DH’s birthday is before his mum’s.
For the last five years, she hasn’t given DH a birthday present or even left him a card. She does send a “Happy birthday” text, but that’s basically the extent of it. The last time she gave him anything was for a milestone birthday, and even then I suspect her brother organised it.
I usually spend around £30–£60 (I try to make sure I spend more on her as it’s a gift from two people), on her birthday, depending on what I find. I actually like his sister and we have quite a lot in common, so she’s genuinely fun to buy for.
But DH has become increasingly upset about it. This year he was arguing with me about buying his sister a present because he was hurt that she hadn’t made any personal effort towards him for years.
This year, DH and I weren’t invited to either birthday lunches. It was just his sister, his other brother and MIL.
When DH gets into an argument with me about something like this, I tend to step back it’s his family, and quite honestly, it’s exhausting being caught up in it. So I didn’t message his sister on her birthday.
TBH, I also find obligatory “Happy Birthday” messages a bit fake when I’m not genuinely feeling it. I did message her the following day, although I’ll be honest, it was begrudgingly. After years of hearing DH’s hurt and frustration his pain had rubbed off on me, so I wasn’t exactly feeling it.
A few days before DH’s birthday, MIL started prodding me about the fact that I hadn’t “celebrated” her daughter’s birthday.
I found this really strange. We weren’t invited to the celebration, I had bought her presents for years, and her own brother was hurt by the fact that she hadn’t made any personal effort towards him for five years. Yet somehow I felt responsible for making sure her daughter was sufficiently celebrated.
And this is the bit that really got under my skin.
It left me wondering: how much exactly am I supposed to spend before it counts as enough for her to reciprocate with her brother?
I’ve spent £30–£60 on her birthday presents over the years and chosen things I genuinely thought she would like. So why was I being questioned about whether I had done enough?
And more importantly, why am I being made responsible for maintaining the relationship between two adult siblings? Her own brother is hurt because she hasn’t made much personal effort towards him for years, yet somehow I’m the one being questioned about whether I’ve done enough for her.
Then, on DH’s actual birthday, MIL was incredibly nasty towards me. She barely spoke to me and looked like she was going to crawl across the table and gnaw my eyes out.

MIL has happily ignored her DD ignoring my DH for 5 years on his birthday, yet the moment she feels her daughter is slighted she pounces on me like a hyena. Making multiple nasty, comments, and generally being the ice queen.

What would you do in this scenario?

I am 3 months postpartum and struggling with contamination OCD, I’m nowhere near as bad as I was after having DD (washing bedding every day etc) but I still struggle and I understand I’m probably difficult to live with.

Our house is messy, I’m not constantly cleaning or anything like that but my main fears are outside germs inside the house and I have some things I ask DP to do such as taking shoes off at the door, showering every evening, not lying on the bed in clothes that have been outside, once the kids are washed and in pyjamas not to touch them until he’s washed (probably the most unreasonable) and I feel he deliberately does these things every single day anyway then pretends he’s forgotten

I feel DP often does things to deliberately wind me up in regards to germs but it’s not a joke to me, I really struggle and I’m overwhelmed and in tears regularly about contamination fears and it takes over my life and I’m miserable. I understand he’s probably fed up with it but he doesn’t want me to go on medication that previously helped me because I’m breastfeeding.

I don’t feel he’s very understanding and he does things like blow his nose into the sink every day and leave it there, leave used tooth picks and cotton buds in the bathroom every single day, today I found dried bogies in the car where he’d picked his nose and wiped his finger, won’t clean the toilet with a brush when there’s poo in there.

Ive probably been hard to be around today as I’ve made a few comments about uncleanliness and germs but we were in bed and he deliberately put his finger up his nose and then wiped his finger on my pillow. I didn’t get annoyed and just put the pillow in the laundry basket. DP starts getting annoyed and tells me to take the pillow back, said I’m being pathetic and that I’m pathetic and it was a joke and if I don’t take the pillow back he’s going to sleep on the sofa. I said I’m not going to sleep on the pillow and he’s now gone to the sofa.

AIBU to be really hurt at being called pathetic? I’m really trying my best

Inheritance Tax in the news again today after the Tories pledge to exempt family homes..

It's always such an unpopular tax, and I get why - it does seem unfair to pay a tax on your assets when you die (even though, I know, most estates don't pay anything).

Of course the opposite argument is that it's unfair for the recipients of estates to get rich off the backs of their parents.

So I wonder if it would be unreasonable to abolish IHT and tax gift receipts instead. So instead of the estate paying tax if it's worth a certain level, the dead person can leave it all tax-free, and tax is only paid by recipient's if they receive a gift above a certain level of value.

That way the dead person pays no tax (which seems fairer) and also the lucky gift recipient does pay tax (which also seems fairer). If you set the tax level at the same marginal rate as income tax then if you split your estate so that nobody got more than £12,750, nobody would pay tax at all on their gifts. This might encourage proper redistribution of wealth.

Am I being silly? I'm sure there are many reasons why this wouldn't work, but I'd like to hear what they are so that I can stop thinking that this is a good idea!

Our LO attends a private pre prep school which has been infested by some insects which bite children.

The school has spent month spraying all the classrooms with permethrin (insecticide/pesticide) twice daily (morning and evening) without telling the parents. It did nothing to resolve the issue.

A few times they had pest control coming in and doing spraying with higher concentrations of same permethrin and now plan to do more of that, though it’s been 1.5 years since the issue started and none of that helped.

The school refuses to share any risk/health and safety/GOSSH assessment reports. I’m really concerned about the amount of harmful chemicals children have been exposed to and poor safeguarding practices.

would you be concerned if your child was attending a school which was daily sprayed with pesticides? or am I overthinking it?

Would a report to council, DfE or somewhere else help? What would you do?

I home educate DD1 who would be in y1 if she was in school. She's never been to school but attended preschool part time and hated it. I also have DD2 age 2 at home with me full time. I am a SAHM and have been since DD1 was born, while DH works full time to support us.

AMA!

I'm not an expert, but I'm also pretty knowledgeable about HE as a whole so if you have any questions about home ed more generally, please go wild!

(I'm starting this thread after having seen quite a few threads lately suggesting HE is tantamount to neglect so I'm braced for judgement! I'm hoping some people might read this and see it's valid and the right choice for some families. It's right for my family but that doesn't mean I think you're wrong if you have chosen to send your children to school.)

Hi hoping someone may have some experience of this.

I have tnbc breast cancer. I had a midway ultrasound which showed 'excellent response' and benign fibro (something) change. Although tumour could be felt by hand, it couldnt be measured on ultrasound.

Cut to end of treatment mri. Tumour is same size and they cant tell it its cancer or scarring.. surely they must have some idea. I get pathology post surgery will confirm but this just seems odd to have had such a good midway and now im really worried its not worked at all

Thank you

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations 😊 .

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If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5577375-bargain-referrals-thread

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If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag or DM @reastie (the traditional thread starter!) and let them know.

I was out in Chelsea, London, today and saw a young women using a suspender belt as a belt/decorative addition - similar to the photo. I stress the photo is not her. This was 3.30 pm
in the afternoon in a very nice cafe serving tea and cakes. Is this a new trend? What do you think?

This might be a thread for the money matters section but hopefully, it makes equal sense here.

Early 30s and looking to buy a house with land. The idea is that we will have more space for a home gym, home office and somewhere to keep my horse. I have found a house, it’s been on the market for 5 months with no offers so I’m tempted to make a cheeky offer.

That said, even if they accept the offer, mortgage would be around £2k per month! Add bills on top and it’s feeling scary. Is this normal? Our friends seem to have borrowed much more and earn much less but their interest rates are half! I’m looking at over 5%.

There is a cost either way, if we stay where we are, I continue to pay the monthly fees, which are less than the jump to the house with land but I’d have the convenience of having my horse on my own land.

The cost of living seems to have just shot up. It’s not just the mortgage rates. It’s absolutely everything! How are we all coping? Honest opinions welcome 😊

If someone tells you that they have a kink or fetish but that it’s not essential for their sex life, is this realistic? I know that I’ll probably get responses from people with prejudices but I was wondering if someone who has experienced this can offer practical advice.

Im fairly open but not always the best with setting boundaries and whilst I’m ok to explore I don’t want to sleepwalk into a situation where I am expected to cater to a special need.

I have no reason to believe that he was untruthful about what he said but since I am unfamiliar with this I am not sure how to approach it. He hasn’t suggested trying anything btw but mentioned it so I’m wondering about it because I suspect that the topic will probably come up sometime.

OK, she is 80. She also does not "do" online shopping and cannot use the internet so is limited in choice to mail order or what shops exist in her town which sell clothes (small M&S, TK Maxx, Tesco, Morrisons, New Look, Matalan). She is not short of cash.

Visited today and she was wearing the most godawful old lady mint green, acyrlic, zippy up cardigan. I said "Oh that's new mum, haven't seen that before" and she announces it's from the Damart catalogue. If you've ever wondered who buys the "comfortable slacks" and similar items advertised in the national trust magazine, that's my mum.

I don't expect her to be high fashion. Sibling and I often buy clothes for her for birthdays and Christmas, sibling recently bought her a striped breton cotton top which she appears to like. She obviously wants to be comfortable and I do get that. But there is comfortable... and there is the Damart catalogue.

I bumped into a friend of hers recently - similar age - wearing Adidas trainers, black trousers, lambswool jumper. Nothing high fashion or out there. My mum has very odd ideas about clothes and appearance (people over 40 shouldn't wear jeans, women over 30 shouldn't have long hair, if you were meant to have holes in your earlobes you'd be born with them, pop socks are a perfectly acceptable item of clothing) and weaning her off this abomination of a catalogue is going to be tough. Any ideas?

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some outside opinions.
MIL is in her 80s, lives about two hours away, doesn’t drive and has been on her own since FIL died 15 years ago. DH is an only child, so realistically we are the only family she has at Christmas.
She is extremely introverted and has always found staying anywhere other than her own home very difficult. She doesn’t particularly like coming to ours and can only really cope with being around people for a couple of hours.
Historically, when she comes for Christmas, she wants DH to collect her late on Christmas Eve and take her home first thing on Boxing Day. With the driving there and back twice, DH ends up spending about five hours of Christmas on the road.
This year my parents are coming to us. MIL has never spent Christmas with us when they are here. There’s no falling out and she doesn’t dislike them — she just finds having other people around very difficult — so I strongly suspect she will decide to stay at home.
Normally I would think that was entirely her choice.
The complication is that when she has stayed at home in previous years, she sometimes hasn’t answered the phone all day and has even unplugged it. DH then becomes so worried that he drives two hours there to check she is OK and two hours back. On the occasions this has happened, she has been absolutely fine.
However, this year we are also concerned that she may be developing dementia and are waiting for an assessment. She is increasingly forgetful and there have been occasions when she hasn’t remembered who we are. So I completely understand why DH is worried about leaving her alone.
DH is now suggesting that if she won't come to us, he drives up on Christmas Day, spends a couple of hours with her and drives home. Realistically he could be gone for six or seven hours.
And this is where I’m struggling.
I don't want to be horrible about an elderly woman potentially developing dementia, and if this were my mum I know I would be worried too. But I also don't think the answer can be that DH spends a huge chunk of every Christmas driving around the country.
She is invited to ours. We genuinely want her to come and would make her welcome. She could have a quiet room to retreat to and wouldn't be expected to sit socialising all day. But if she decides she would rather stay at home, should DH then miss most of Christmas Day to go to her?
The other thing I'm struggling with is that even if DH agrees not to go, I'm not sure how any of us actually enjoy Christmas.
My parents will be here, but if MIL is at home alone and not answering the phone, DH will spend the day worrying about whether she's OK. I'll know he's worrying and I'll feel guilty trying to enjoy myself with my parents while he's anxious about his mum. We'll potentially spend Christmas Day waiting to see whether she answers the phone and wondering whether DH is going to end up getting in the car anyway.
So it feels as though whatever we do, Christmas ends up revolving around MIL.
There is also some history that probably affects how I feel about this. DH had a very difficult childhood and left home at 16. From 16 until he met me at 29, MIL essentially left him to spend Christmases without her. I have to admit I find it hard not to feel some resentment that our family Christmases now revolve around making sure she isn't alone when she didn't seem to have the same concern about him when he was young.
At the same time, she's his mum. She's elderly, she's alone and she may have dementia. I absolutely don't want DH sitting at home worrying that something has happened to her, or feeling terrible if he doesn't go. And if this were my own mum, I suspect I'd feel exactly as he does.
We also have an 11-year-old son, and I feel quite sad at the thought of his dad disappearing for most of Christmas Day. There aren't that many childhood Christmases left.
I'm starting to think the real issue is that we need some way of knowing MIL is safe without DH having to drive four hours every time she doesn't answer her phone. If she is becoming unsafe to be left alone, then obviously this is much bigger than Christmas and we need a proper plan for her care.
But in the meantime I don't know what the answer is.
If she comes to us, she will be unhappy because my parents are here and she finds being around people overwhelming.
If she stays at home, DH will worry about her.
If DH goes to see her, he misses most of Christmas with us and our son.
And if he stays home but spends the whole day worrying about her, I'm not sure any of us will enjoy Christmas anyway.
AIBU to feel that we can't keep doing this every Christmas? And what would you actually do in our situation?

Previous thread starters appear to be taking a break so here we go

DD is in fourth year and her dissertation supervisor is on strike for what could be 5 weeks alongside most of her classes not being on as well. She went on year abroad last year but many of her friends have still not had final grades received from the previous academic year due to the marking boycott. Meanwhile younger DD who is in 1st year at another uni has a friend who is considering restarting at another uni next year due to her having only just started yet finding herself having to cross a picket line to attend a cohort meeting with the lack of classes and general structure being hard for them all to grapple with. Student Wellbeing services are also pretty poor and overwhelmed as a whole.

It is a shame as it is a lovely uni city and on the whole DD enjoys it. However, there is so much tumult in terms of the strikes and university management that has been ongoing for years that I would caution other's DC to reconsider before firming although I know similar things are going on at Nottingham so honestly who knows

My husband told me today he thinks my family hate our children. He said that my dad, aunts & extended family make no effort to see or speak to the kids and in his opinion they hate them as they hate me. He knows I feel like that sometimes and it hurts me as I’m also an only child & have no family around who make any effort to be in the kids lives. I just don’t know why he felt the need to say that so bluntly as it really hurt. Does anyone have any idea why he would say such a thing & do I have a right to be upset? Thanks in advance

My son is at secondary school in year 9. On Monday this week his teacher lost his temper in the classroom and threw a chair towards the class. It didn't hit or harm anyone. It is a nice school with generally high standards of behaviour, although my son said lots of the class were very chatty. My son is quite an anxious boy and was shaken up.
He is back at work today and taught my child. I feel really unhappy about this and would like to know what you would do/ contact you might make with the school.

Pregnant with my second, first boy. My daughter also has a traditionally “old lady” name. Husband and I have fought for months over boy names and this one is in our top three.

I know people find it nerdy but I find it cute. Just how bad is it? I can take it. 😆😩 I fear I’m not going to be able to name this kid until he’s earthside.

Two weeks ago yesterday, DS came down with a cough, laboured breathing and high temperature which lasted for a couple of days. GP said it was a virus which would clear, which it did.

However, every day since then, he’s still been coughing. It’s happening in the day, evening and a few times overnight too. It’s a dry cough, doesn’t sound as though he’s got an infection.

Is this typical or should I be a bit more concerned at this point, especially with the weather getting colder now? (If relevant, I have been asthmatic since infancy, it was rather bad in my early years.)

I had an appointment on Monday, put on my coat and left didnt check my reflection upon leaving by the door as we were running late.

I spoke to an eldelry lady i knew by the bus stop, the bus driver who I had to explain to repeatedly where was getting off at, a friendly mum I knew from the school run, the receptionist at said appointment, the owner of the business, 3 or 4 people who walked past me smiling at my newborn, the two people I had the appointment with , my own children who were 4 and 6 as well as two more members of staff we passed on our way to the meeting room. And yet no one wanted to tell me I had a CHEESY WOTSIT crisp stuck to my headscarf right next to my mouth the part I wrap under my chin literally 2cm from my mouth if that boldy sticking there. I felt my hijab coming loose so I tucked it a bit more in, sat there smiling and engaging in conversation with two professionals asking me questions and Im rubbing the side of my face until I felt the wotsit and tried to causally use my hand to cover me taking it off and holding it in my hand for the rest of the appointment. Why are people horrible??

I’ve struggled with this question for ages. What shoes and boots would make me look vaguely current? And talk me through the relationship between trouser length and shoe/trainer/boot style. Please!

I’m quite short so very tall boots aren’t great.

New thread. Welcome back everyone. It's taken a while to get through the last due to how busy the advent threads have been.

All the holiday releases are coming out now and Black Friday is looming. So take a seat and buckle up. 😊

Any thoughts on the Laura Geller baked make up? Seen lots of rave reviews & ads about how good it is, easy to use, idiot proof etc but is it really?!

Im mid 50s & tbh rarely wear make up but if going out I like make an effort & would wear light foundation/bronzer, lipstick, mascara & maybe eyeshadow/eyeliner. Def prefer more natural look & easy to use as no expert in this area! My old stuff is running out so need to replace.

Look forward to any thoughts / recommendations.

Thanks!