One Day at A Time

I don’t really know how to explain this properly because my head is all over the place tonight.

DS is 14, and boards full time. School rang me this afternoon and said there’d been an incident involving him and another boy and that I needed to come and collect him. They used the words “sexual behaviour” and “safeguarding” and honestly I felt sick.

DH came with me to get him. When we got there we spoke to his housemaster and someone from pastoral but they didn’t really tell us anything. I was asking what had happened and they kept saying they couldn’t go into detail yet because they needed to speak to the boys separately. They said the safeguarding lead was involved and there’d be a meeting later this week.

They did tell us DS and the other boy weren’t meant to be in the boarding house at that time. They were supposed to be at a club somewhere else on the school grounds but apparently neither of them had gone. They’d gone back to the house instead and that’s where they’d been found.

DS says they were kissing. He keeps saying that’s literally all that happened.

I’m sorry but I’m just confused. If they’ve caught two 14 year olds kissing somewhere they aren’t supposed to be, why has DS been sent home? Why call it “sexual behaviour”? Why is safeguarding involved? I understand they’ve broken the rules by not going to the club but I can’t understand why it sounds so serious.

I’ve asked DS if he’s telling me everything and he says yes. He got really upset with me and said I’m not believing him. He said they were both happy with what was happening and nobody forced anybody to do anything. I asked him if anything else happened and he said no.

And now I’m worrying that maybe he’s only saying that because he’s scared. Then I feel awful for even thinking that because what if he’s telling me the truth and I’m making him feel like I don’t trust him.

DH is absolutely furious. He said DS has embarrassed him and that he can’t believe we’ve had to collect our 14 year old from boarding school because of this. I told him we don’t actually know the full story and he said “we know enough”.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to him. I don’t want him thinking there’s something wrong with him because it was another boy. I did say that to him and he got annoyed and said he doesn’t even know what he thinks about boys and doesn’t want me turning one kiss into a big conversation about whether he’s gay.

Fair enough, but then I’m sitting here thinking maybe the school knows something he hasn’t told me.

The school haven’t said he’s being suspended but he’s been sent home for now and they said they need to speak to both boys separately before deciding what happens next.

I’m also worried about the other boy. What if he’s upset and DS genuinely doesn’t realise? What if something has been misunderstood? What if DS is minimising it? I don’t know and I hate that I don’t know.

At the same time I don’t want to sit here imagining the worst when my son is telling me something completely different.

I suppose we’ll find out more at the meeting but I’m really struggling tonight. DH is angry, and I’m sat here trying to work out whether I should be comforting him, telling him off, asking more questions or just leaving him alone.

Would you be worried if the school handled it like this over kissing? Or would you assume there’s more to it than DS is saying?

I genuinely don’t know what to think at the moment.

I very oddly had ten days of significant spotting before I got my positive pregnancy test so was sent to hospital for a scan. Currently pregnancy of unknown location, they said I ovulated in right hand side.

shortly after I’ve had a dull ache on right hand side. Not painful, just noticeable and annoying. It came and went a bit and now is constant. So this has been 4.5 weeks to today which is 5.5 weeks.

it seems SO early to me to have any symptoms if it IS ectopic. I’m praying it’s just a coincidence..?! I’ve got a scan this week to try to locate it. Just worried sick though as has been so desperately TTC and would do absolutely anything for this to work out!!

please tell me your experiences of ectopic side pain, if you’re willing to share, as I’m trying to understand this symptom and mentally prepare myself for what might come. Thank you x

Help. We have recently had an offer accepted on a lovely house with a beautiful garden. We chose it because it’s in a brilliant school catchment area. I know I’m incredibly fortunate to be in this position however, I am getting serious worries about the house move. We upped our budget 3 times to get the house and are going to be spending £130k more than our current house to get the above. I am worried about the area, there’s very little in walking distance as it’s on the edge of a village. I’m used to living in a town with plenty in walking distance and I often take the toddler to local parks/shops etc by foot. There is plenty to do a short drive away but just not in walking distance.

DH likes the house and area and does not want to entertain the idea of viewing any more houses as we previously looked at about 20 houses and he’s exhausted by it.

So either we stay where we are, with lots on the doorstep but below average schools. Or we fork out to live in an area with excellent schools but a quieter life that’s reliant on car use. Obviously of course there are large implications for pulling out with fees and impacting our buyers / seller’s lives. Kicking myself for not going round the area lots before offering :(

What would you do?

There’s a pretty concerning thread in Site Stuff:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/5585556-odd-ai-generated-thread-title-options-in-site-stuff

MN’s AI title tool glitched and produced something called "AIBU Response Schema v1.0", basically instructions for generating AIBU replies.

MNHQ first said it hadn’t come from them, then admitted it had.

It’s also emerged that unpublished draft posts were being sent to OpenAI automatically to generate titles.

Whatever you think about the AI explanation, I think that privacy/trust issue deserves a lot more attention and questions. I don't come here to talk with bots, but apparently sometimes I do.

I love his books, so quite sad he has passed
RIP Jeffery

Just booked this for next summer with our 2 girls (10,11). Husband is currently having a heart attack the price.
Has anyone been? Please someone tell me it’s worth it 😂😳

I don't know if AIBU is the right place but for about a week now, in bed I will hear an intermittent beep beeping. It's like a very high pitch sound where I can't tell is real or inside my own head. I also had a very strange occurrence where my head felt like it shifted then the beep was long and loud. Like an ear popping on an airplane then a long beeeeeep.
I can hear it now and I don't know what to do.
Usually when I lie down. I've had a cold on and off for the last 2 weeks. Don't know if its related to that.

Can anyone else relate to this.

YABU - hearing beeps is normal and nothing to moan about.
YANBU - it may be something to be concerned about, I should get it checked out.

I read this very article and liked the suggestion of having to pay more for each subsequent flight you take in a year. Maybe a family who take one holiday a year won't be penalised but the people who fly multiple times a year would face increased penalties the more they fly. Currently 5% of the population is taking 33% of the flights!

I worry so much about climate change but people around me seem to not be making any adjustments to their carbon-heavy lifestyles. What could be the solution in your view?

I don't really want to debate whether flying is the biggest cause of climate change. It isn't. But it's one of the biggest discretionary changes we can make to our impact on the climate as individuals.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/oct/03/heathrow-third-runway-climate-warnings-economic-reality?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Hi all…This is going to sound (and be) a long moan……But I’m looking for some reassurance or similar experiences to what I am feeling right now.
My boy is 13 months old and he is without doubt the love of my life.
However, life is very difficult. Where to start..? He’s teething since he was 5-6 months old but only got his first tooth at 11 months old. He is incredibly uncomfortable or maybe just too sensitive to pain, but there is no way of cohabitating with him without some Calpol or Nurofen. The issue is I don’t want to keep medicating him because I know it isn’t healthy.
He is breastfed, on demand. Incredibly clingy. I don’t get a minute to myself when he is awake. He moans, cries, wants to be held or see everything that I am doing (fair enough, I try my best to facilitate this). He doesn’t really play alone, only with me. And when he naps I have to clean and cook and tidy up and use the toilet, and plan the day, and do the laundry, all in 1-2 hour’s time if I’m lucky. I cannot think straight when he is always clinging to me and being loud, or when he interrupts me every 1 minute. My brain cannot focus on anything. I feel I am being a bad and incompetent mother, but I am lacking any energy. Lately (last couple of nights) he has been waking up, wanting to breastfeed, not wanting to let go, or else he will again become restless and cry. Stays awake for 2-3 hours.
He is also not a good eater, he doesn’t sit in his high chair longer than 3-5 minutes as he wants to get down and explore/play. Therefore I am also concerned about his nutrition. I am not the sort of parent that believes in the trend of ‘You choose what/when to feed the child, so let him choose how much to eat’. That doesn’t make any sense to me. So I do chase him around a little bit, and he will eat considerably better. I don’t force him, he opens his mouth for an extra bite without hesitation.
I feel I am losing the plot. I know my desperation is exacerbated by the tiredness I have lately accumulated, but I need to hear other experiences. Will this change/improve? Is this my reality now that I have a toddler?

Thanks!

Thinking of selling our house soon. We have a colony of bats in the attic. They cause no trouble but would this put you off as a buyer?

So me and my partner spoke about having a baby at the beginning of the year but he wasn’t ready yet but said he did want one. We spoke again on June and he said we could start taking prenatal vitamins this December but not necessarily trying yet just have the vitamins. I asked him last night if he still wanted to start our vitamins in December and he said yes. I then asked how long after taking vitamins he wanted to start trying and he said “how long do people say you need to” and I just said “ideally at least a month minimum” and he said “well at least a month then”

I left it at that as I didn’t want to push him haha. But from that, would you take it as he’d be ready to try from January? Thanks x

Please be kind, no judgement about money please. I’ve come from very little and worked really hard for what I have. I know I’m lucky to be able to buy but this is a massive thing for me and I’m worried about getting it wrong.
Buying an older house for £250k. Mortgage offer is through, solicitors are doing their thing and now I’m having serious second thoughts.
I knew it needed work, wasn’t expecting to just move in and put my feet up. But looking at it properly I reckon it needs at least £70k just to bring it up to a basic liveable standard. No luxury finishes or anything fancy. Electrics, heating, kitchen, bathrooms, general repairs etc. The heating is currently disconnected too.
It’s in a former pit village and there are cracks in the house which are worrying me. I’ve also found out that land at the back was refused development, from what I understand because of mining concerns and contaminated land. I know that doesn’t automatically mean there’s anything wrong with this house or that the cracks are connected, but it’s made me much more nervous about them. I’m looking into a level 3 survey as I don’t know whether they’re cosmetic or something more serious.
There’s also a loft conversion where we still don’t know what approvals there are. It just feels like the further we get, the more questions there are.
I have savings for work but I don’t want to spend everything getting the house sorted and then find something else major needs doing. I’ve worked so hard to have some security, the thought of eating through it all is making me feel sick honestly.
We’d be looking at £320k between buying it and the basic work, before fees and whatever else crops up. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve got carried away seeing the potential and not really thought enough about what it’ll take to get there.
It’s been on the market about a year. Other houses nearby seem to have sold for similar money in much better condition which is making me question the price as well.
I keep thinking why don’t we just buy somewhere more liveable for the same money or less and do bits as we go? I work long hours and don’t know if I want all the stress of a big renovation on top.
Then I think am I just getting cold feet because it’s all becoming real now.
AIBU to walk away at this stage? Has anyone felt like this and been glad they pulled out? Or gone ahead and been glad they did? My head is all over the place with it.

I’ve seen so many numbers.

Today I read: 1 to 2 grams of protein per kilogram of ideal body weight.

What is ‘ideal body weight’? Middle of BMI?

1-2 is a massive difference. How do you decide 1 or 2?

For me at 5 ft 4 in (162.6 cm):

Healthy BMI range (18.5–24.9) = about 7 st 10 lb – 10 st 6 lb

Middle of the healthy BMI range (BMI 21.7) = about 9 st 1 lb (57.6 kg)

So, using the recommendation of 1–2 g protein/kg of ideal body weight, that would be 58–115 g protein/day.

I’m having:
two protein yoghurts per day - 30g
collagen supplement - 12.6g
a portion of meat in the evening - usually chicken - 32g
coffee with milk - 7g

What else could I add? My appetite is low. Today I also had a protein yoghurt drink with another 26g of protein. I find if I eat more at lunch I am really sleepy in the afternoon. I do have spare calories and I’m not ‘eating’ my exercise calories.

So me and my partner spoke about having a baby at the beginning of the year but he wasn’t ready yet but said he did want one. We spoke again on June and he said we could start taking prenatal vitamins this December but not necessarily trying yet just have the vitamins. I asked him last night if he still wanted to start our vitamins in December and he said yes. I then asked how long after taking vitamins he wanted to start trying and he said “how long do people say you need to” and I just said “ideally at least a month minimum” and he said “well at least a month then”

I left it at that as I didn’t want to push him haha. But from that, would you take it as he’d be ready to try from January? Thanks x

Just talking to my sister about this and wondered on others perceptions.
I have been no contact with my mum for nearly 6 years. My sister is low contact, 1 hour, twice a year.
I went no contact after an explosive argument and years of making excuses for her.. she was a teen mum with mental health issues etc etc.
The truth is though is she can’t admit what she did to her children… awful awful things, we should have been put in foster care really. She acknowledges none of it.. we’re making it up, that didn’t happen and so on and so on.
So my question is, if you have adult children that have gone no contact with you, can you admit to yourself why? And if you can have you tried to apologize?
If your in my position do you believe your parent doesn’t get why you’ve done this to them, have they really forgotten there own shitty behaviour?

I’ve always liked wearing dresses in Autumn/Winter. Just for everyday wear with thick tights and boots but a couple of years ago the ones I had were getting tatty so I got rid thinking I’d get some new ones. I really haven’t been able to find anything I like since. I’ve got a couple of knitted ones but they tend to be a bit warm when inside all day. I’d really like some jersey type fabric, knee length or higher that are just easy to chuck on but still look reasonably put together.

I think they’re just not in fashion at the moment but has anyone seen any that fit the bill? I feel like I’ve trawled around everywhere and they’re either going out dresses or big thick woolly ones or just impractical (like sleeveless but knitted)

I’m fed up of having to choose two things to wear. Help!

This might be a thread for the money matters section but hopefully, it makes equal sense here.

Early 30s and looking to buy a house with land. The idea is that we will have more space for a home gym, home office and somewhere to keep my horse. I have found a house, it’s been on the market for 5 months with no offers so I’m tempted to make a cheeky offer.

That said, even if they accept the offer, mortgage would be around £2k per month! Add bills on top and it’s feeling scary. Is this normal? Our friends seem to have borrowed much more and earn much less but their interest rates are half! I’m looking at over 5%.

There is a cost either way, if we stay where we are, I continue to pay the monthly fees, which are less than the jump to the house with land but I’d have the convenience of having my horse on my own land.

The cost of living seems to have just shot up. It’s not just the mortgage rates. It’s absolutely everything! How are we all coping? Honest opinions welcome 😊

I tried this on yesterday - it looks great on, really suits me and I would get a lot of wear out of it.

But I hesitated buying because, at nearly 100% man-made fibres, it's going to look scruffy really quickly isn't it? Or might it be ok? Does anyone have it? How is it holding up?

I can't actually wear wool (even cashmere) right next to my skin as I find it too irritating. This felt fine (because it's only about 0.01% wool!), so it would be especially handy in that regard as I can wear it over short-sleeve things or thinner long-sleeve tops. But I just don't think I can bring myself to spend £65 on something made of acrylic and that will look shabby after a few wears/ washes.

Please help. I’ve been separated for around 16 months from my husband and recently he filed for divorce while simultaneously saying he still loved me and he wants us to be a family again. I left due to abuse, threats, toxic behaviour but nothing physical. This wasn’t daily, we could have a normal life together but he had a nasty streak and controlling behaviours.

Things have been very nasty since we separated, we went through the courts and there was a number of false allegations from my ex in relation to the DC. He also shared all court documents and private information with the DC when I tried to protect them.

In a nutshell, he’s admitted to being abusive, taken accountability and apologised. I confronted him about the allegations and he said he was “repeating what dc told him” and how he felt like we were at war. We’ve now been meeting up and discussing potential reconciliation however he now wants to be lovey dovey, hold my hand across the table, he tries to kiss me and acts like we are a couple madly in love which I find jarring. I have now agreed to trying again and moving back but he refuses to move slowly and wants me back in 3 months at the latest.

I can’t help but feel like I have tentacles that are slowly wrapping around my legs/body and I’m being pulled back. It’s all moving very fast and I don’t know how to stop it.

But the other part of me wants it to work somehow especially as oldest remained with his Dad and I don’t see much of him. Ex said I’ve got the opportunity to be a parent to him again. So it is complex and I’m so confused.

DC (11) had a friend over for a sleepover recently

I don’t want to divulge too much in case parents are on here, but something was searched for on the internet that shouldn’t have been (completely inappropriate for age)

DC has never searched for anything like that before, I keep a close eye - however, it could very easily have been one or both of them searching, so I cannot hand on heart say it was either child - it’s impossible to know

Guest child was also VERY sexually explicit, repeatedly, and had to be told to stop repeatedly (younger DC in the house)

Question now is whether to tell the parents/how?

DH doesn’t want me to say anything, but I feel that at the very least they should be aware (I would want to know if it was my child)

WWYD?

Just that, really! Does anyone who has a playroom find that their children actually use/play in it? Youngest two dc are 8 and 18 months.
We’re fortunate enough to have an extra room downstairs that DH uses as a study to WFH 2 days a week, but it’s right next to the living room and kitchen and the noise of children and dog is often bothering him. We could reconfigure things so he works upstairs which would be quieter, and turn the current study space into a playroom.
I don’t know anyone with a playroom, however, and I have no idea if it actually works or if it just becomes another dumping room for toys!

I just asked AI to calculate how much child benefit we would get if it had also had the protection of a triple lock and it would be around £230 every 4 weeks for 2 children . Currently I get £179

Surely instead of all the tinkering type policies Labour could come up with some initiatives like this?

A young relative has recently started driving and has been quoted significantly more for car insurance using their actual address.
They’ve asked whether they could use my address instead because it brings the premium down considerably. They wouldn’t actually live at my address and the car wouldn’t normally be kept here either.
I’m really uncomfortable with it because I’d be worried about what would happen if there was an accident and the insurer discovered that the address wasn’t where they actually lived.
I’m a bit of a people pleaser, so I feel awful saying no when I know it would save them a substantial amount of money.
Would you allow it, or would you say no? Am I being overly cautious?
AIBU to say no ?

Feel like I need some perspective with a situation to do with my husbands family and having meals out. This is long so pls just scroll on to the next thread if you think you’ll be bored to tears, I know I am 😂

My husband and I have been together 12yrs, and have three young children (DD4, DD2, DS8m). We see his family every 4-6 weeks or so when we travel up to his hometown an hour away to see them. They like to go out for meals for family birthdays, not to v posh places but nice places. Pre kids we both loved this, we were treated to nice meals at lovely places and it was a nice way of us all getting together. Since having kids, for obvious reasons these meals are no longer as pleasant for us but if we don’t go we don’t see his family as they don’t make the journey to see us. We have said we’d rather go to more informal places but they just like what they like. Over the past two years we’ve had 3/4 meals where my FIL and SIL have got worked up and stressed out with our kids’ behaviour while out. Like, one time my daughter was dancing around next to a pianist playing music, another my daughter was reciting the Gruffalo at the table but it was too loud, another time my daughter was having a tantrum because she wanted to get out of her highchair (they would have been two or one years old at this point). They would never openly say anything but his dad will be passive aggressive and huff and puff, put his head in his hands and say ‘oh my god’, anxiously rub the back of his neck like he’s about to have a breakdown. My SIL (who has a 2yr old herself) will roll her eyes, and whisper passive aggressive things to FIL. We obviously manage the situation while we’re out which is basically that one of us ends up leaving the table to keep a child/the children out of the way.
Last year’s Boxing Day meal was the nail in the coffin for me after his dad had one of his meltdowns and made me feel so embarrassed, and I told my DH that I don’t enjoy going out for meals anymore and that I didn’t want to put our children on that situation again. (Ie we only go to places to eat appropriate for their age as well, or we meet his family at grandmas house after they have all been for a meal). The only caveat to that was his grandmas 100th birthday in the summer which I knew the family would want to go out for and I wouldn’t have missed it. DH agrees his dads behaviour was awful and he doesn’t know why he’s like that but would never dream of calling his dad out on it, and I wouldn’t expect him to - theyre just not close like that, it would be like setting a bomb off. He also said he was fine with no more family meals, he thinks Im being sensitive but he hates going to nice places knowing his family have expectations our kids should sit quiet - our kids are just not like that and we would literally never take them out for food at an expensive restaurant, we think it’s inappropriate for other diners and not fair on our kids at all, they are bored stiff!
For context as my children’s grandfather, my FIL will get worked up about their behaviour but never dream of offering to help us by having a child sit on his lap while we’re waiting for food to arrive for example. I just thought he wasnt a kid person but he is very hands on with SILs child. I think he’s held my 2.5yr old about three times, ever!! He’s never offered to come to our house to see his grandchildren?

Anyway, fast forward to today and DH drops it on me that we’re going out for a meal at the weekend for his dads birthday. I knew we were going to see his family as he’d written it on the calendar but he never mentioned anything to me in person and definitely never said it would be a meal. I asked him why he’d agreed to that without discussing it with me, and he said as everything went okay at his grandmas 100th birthday meal in the summer (and it did) he assumed I’d be okay, and also that he felt obliged as it was a birthday meal. I asked him what time it was booked for and it’s right in the middle of our 8 month olds afternoon nap. He said he didn’t think of that, he said his sister has to do that time because they have to get their two year old down for their afternoon nap. Like WTF.

AIBU to be pissed off about this? I can only assume he’s not mentioned it because he doesn’t want to upset his family and will just put up with the argument from me. I reminded him of our conversation after Boxing Day and he said I was being way too over sensitive and that I can’t put a stop to family meals. I said Im absolutely fine seeing his family after the meal but we’d agreed to no more meals out.

I know I can say I will not go, but that means his family dont get to see our 8 month old (he’s EBF) and tbh i dont think DH would do that as it might appear weird if I wasn’t there.
AIBU to not want to go for meals anymore? To be made to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, my kids being told off constantly for just acting their age?

Ive left it with my husband that I don’t want to go as my feelings havent changed, but I will do if it’s something he really wants to do. I do feel awful about this as well, I know DH is in the middle but if he won’t call out their behaviour do I just keep getting shat on and be okay with it?