Help needed! I manage a service as part of a much bigger organisation. Compliance with various rules and regs is a no brainer, a legal requirement in fact. Colleague needs to interact with our team sometimes and is adamant that he is correct about many things - including stuff that would see us break the law! Each and every time I point this out, all I get back is a patronizing email about my failure to compromise or work as a team. I am working as a team - stopping a legal disaster before it starts. I think it’s the implication more than anything that gets me. I’m always helpful! Any witty comebacks to his usual bollocks about the need to collaborate or be more helpful welcome. I am the SME for this area and pretty senior.

I'm expecting to get hammered for this and it's only based on my sample size of family, extended family/ in laws, friends, people I work with, children I work with but...

I know a LOT of people who I would describe as 'neurodivergent', I think more than I know who are 'neurotypical'. Some of these are diagnosed (more of the younger generation, a few of my generation and none of my parents' generation - in their 80s). Obviously it's a spectrum so only a very few are significantly impacted in their daily lives (unable to go to school or work) but I can definitely see strong traits in my generation and older, many coping mechanisms being used throughout their lives. I do have quite a high awareness due to training in my work, and knowing friends family with ADHD and autism.

I wondered if it's just my family and the people I know, or if neurodivergence is actually really common to the point of being equally, or even more common, than neurotypical. Why is called divergent if it's actually quite typical?

What's your experience?

It's my mum's birthday soon. She is always under dressed for the winter so she is always cold and I want to get her presents that keep her warm. I know she should wear more clothes but for whatever reason she doesn't. She's in her 80s so it's unlikely to change.

She has a heated blanket which we bought her a few years back and she does use it a lot. She also has an electric blanket for her bed. I've bought her gloves but I want more things to keep her warm at home.

I was wondering about a house coat but it would need to be 'stylish' if that's possible.

Has anyone found anything worth getting?

I remember my mum remarking once that when she was a child (1940s into the 50s) that no-one put their Christmas tree up until Christmas Eve or the day before that. Granted, it was a real tree, and they don't last (plus most had real candles on them, so I daresay the less time they were up the better). The tree and a few decorations then stayed up until 6th January. Does anyone remember any elderly relative saying similar? I just ask because I have a couple of neighbours with their decorations up already (some have been up since the day before Hallowe'en) and it absolutely riles me because it's autumn, and Christmas is a winter festival - to me the overkill detracts massively. I could most definitely return to the old ways, I probably would if I lived alone!

I found out I’ve got gallstones, I need it out but I’ve been put on a waiting list. I’ve also just had a baby which can apparently trigger the attacks.

I had an attack 4 days ago, called 999. The worst pain I’ve ever been in, rolling around the floor at hospital. They refused to give me any more than paracetamol and I was just left to it. 6 hours later, it passed and I was told to go home.

I’m still thinking about it, and it’s annoyed me that more wasn’t done. Do you think I’m unreasonable to expect more? When the inevitable happens and I have another one, I already know my A&E will refuse to help and I want to advocate for myself better.

Just to start by saying I’ve changed my user name for this post.

I found flirty messages between DH and a colleague on Monday. I won’t go into detail as to why I looked as it isn’t overly relevant and I am looking for advice on the below alone.

Backstory is that a group of colleagues where he works are supposed to be using one of their volunteering days at a local hospice, sorting donations etc. People have been dropping out meaning it would only be DH and this one other colleague going (a woman).

This is the exchange I’ve taken offence to:

DH- Any idea what we’d be best to wear? I’m thinking it could be quite dusty
Colleague - I’ll be in my leggings I think
Colleague - Might treat everyone to my scrunch bums 😂
DH - Careful, you’ll finish some of the oldies off at their age 😂
Colleague - Good job you are sooo young yourself then.
DH - Only thing I might get is an awkward twitch down below 😅
Colleague - No tight leggings for you then 😂
DH - not with my figure, maybe if I had yours 😂

DH apologised when I confronted him - said his colleague is like one of the lads and they always have close to the line banter. I’ve said I’d be uncomfortable with him going to this day with her alone. He says I’m wrong to insist he doesn’t and it’s a charitable cause.

So, am I unreasonable to ask DH not to attend?

Think this has just been released this morning. I have no idea who James Norton is but it’s an alright watch!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=TTTRuOXPDvo&pp=ygUnbWFya3MgYW5kIHNwZW5jZXIgY2hyaXN0bWFzIGFkdmVydCAyMDI2&ra=m

Yesterday I was at the spa and got talking to a man who was older than me (I’m 33 and I’d put him in his early 50s at most).

He told me that when he was in his 20s, he and his friend were able to buy properties in the area of South London where I grew up.

Despite not earning particularly much at the time, his boss wrote a letter stating that he earned £90,000 a year! He openly admitted that he wasn’t earning anywhere near that amount but the letter helped him secure a mortgage. He also received £5,000 from his grandmother towards the purchase.

I’d heard stories about people being able to do things like this years ago but I’d never actually met someone who’d benefited from it!

I was genuinely gobsmacked. Imagine being able to get on the property ladder like that.

AIBU to feel rather envious of how much easier some people had it when it came to buying their first home?

Can we try to keep this lighthearted as I know some people can pretty savage on this site.
I was on the bus earlier today and I overheard a conversation between 2 ladies about thier Christmas shopping they needed to get. One said she needed to get wrapping paper and another said she doesn’t wrap presents but uses gift bags instead, how it’s saves so much time etc. Now don’t get me wrong obviously everyone’s situation is different but for me gift bags are so anti climactic. For me opening presents isn’t even really about the actual present it’s the anticipation of what’s underneath the paper as your opening it. I couldn’t imagine giving my kids or anyone for that matter, an unwrapped gift. To watch kids faces opening thier present on birthdays or Christmas makes me feel excited for them, even if I know what’s under it.

People not letting thier kids help decorate the tree, this leaves a bitter taste, trust me, as someone whose dad would change the tree around after we went to bed and thought we never noticed. It’s actually a bit soul destroying.

I often see on social media people absolutely ripping into people about how much they do and don’t spend. Christmas isn’t a competition. You do what suits your family. You don’t have to break the bank but equally people should be free to spend whatever they want on thier friends and family. I’m not sorry my kids get more than thier friends. I work hard for my money. I’ll spend it how I want, on who I want.

Tonight’s edition - she’s wearing a magnificent cream/ ivory shirt. Does anyone know where it’s from?

I’ve just got back from doing the family shop. I work full time long hours, so it’s shopping on weekend or nobody eats.

Shop is heaving. Everyone is slightly tetchy, rightly. The meat aisle is practically a bin fight. Trolleys in the way. Kids messing about.

And yet, so many elderly people, many of whom have mobility issues and are probably slightly frightened by the way my kind swoop in and swoop out to get an item while they are stood there pondering over this or that.

Yes, they have a right to do what they like. But WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would choose a frenetic Saturday when they have more civilised options?

Hi.
I did post before about this and the comments were very much get rid , abort , leave him.
Yes I had the abortion booked. But cancelled it because I just couldn't go through with it and the dad didnt want me to.

Im now 9 weeks pregnant.

Back story, ive spent 2 years with a man who's gone between me and his ex of 20 years.
They've had a turbulent relationship during that time. Constantly arguing. Fighting. Breaking up. Getting back together. Then the cycle happens again.

Hes just not that committed to anyone. He goes with whats easiest and what suits him at the time.

So 2 years with this man, february to may we split and he went back to his ex , got her pregnant. She's due in january. She's not let him at scans. Ruined rhe gender reveal by screaming it's a girl in his face during an argument.

Then things went wrong, and he came back to me, got me pregnant.

Told me he didnt really want the baby with her. He's excited for the baby with me. It would be so special. We've a much greater bond than he has with his ex.
When I first found out , he was happy, 3 days later, not selling up where he lives. He chooses her.
Then they fell out, and
Weve spent two weeks being happy about the baby, now hes back to I cant do this. I cant please everyone. I cant support everyone.
She's been on the phone to him tonight crying , and hes now again changing his mind on me and the baby, again.
I'll block you for a few weeks, I need a break ... ive done nothing to warrant being blocked!

I just can't bear myself to abort. But im also gutted im potentially in this on my own.
I feel like ill have lost in a way, if I abort and go no contact.
I dont see why her baby should live, and mine has to die because its inconvenient or becsuse im.not as far on as she is.
Also to add, she did actuallyabort his baby 4 years ago, behind his back, which hes never forgiven her for .
Just ranting I suppose.

Its so easy for strangers to say, just get rid and move on.. its not so easy when youre living it.

Is Harry silent or silenced?
what else can possibly happen?

I know lots of parents are in denial about this sort of thing but I honestly don't think I am. He is 18 years old, wearing size medium t shirts and 34 inch waist trousers. He weighs 11 stone and I'm not sure exactly how tall he is, less than 6ft but not much less. He runs 10k 2 times a week and 5k 2 times a week. My MIL thinks he is fat (for context my MIL is a size 18).

Hi,

Took six year old out for a walk (almost seven.) We got to an estate that always stinks of weed and she asked what the smell was. I told her it was weed, and that it’s a flower that people use as medicine for pain from a doctor or that other people use it because it makes them “feel silly, like wine”.

She has smelt it loads during summer. It’s becoming more and more common. I’ve lived in countries where weed is legal and smoked in the street in front of children, so perhaps I’m lax, but AIBU to have said what I said?

I don’t believe in hiding things from children and explain them at an age appropriate level. She knows what alcohol is and I don’t see how me telling her what weed is any different or worse than her knowing what alcohol is and seeing people getting absolutely trashed at Wetherspoons when we’ve walked past on weekend days during the summer. It’s also commonly vaped now (medicinal cannabis) legally, so I also don’t get the stigma as much anymore.

It’s not like I’ve purchased her a bong!

I am asking because my friend has told me I’m insane for telling a six year old what weed is.

She’s obviously smelt it several times but the estate we walk past stinks of it and obviously she’s noticing the smell.

Hi all. I'm just caretaking until Reastie returns, but here's our new thread. Please do use up the old one first though.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

I’m going to a nice celebration dinner between Christmas and new year and I want a nice top to go with some black velvet wide leg trousers…

I’m large of bust so a lot of tops tend to hang from my boobs which is annoying. I don’t like anything too clingy around my stomach. Maybe a wrap top or A line? Anyone seen one in the shops and thought “that would go nicely with black trousers for a nice do”?? Would prefer not to spend too much (up to about £50)

Since the dawn of time, I've had a ridiculously wide toe box that has made finding suitable shoes a bloody pain.
Couple those wide feet with very high arches, and also oddly sized feet (5 and then 5 1/2 - why???)

In recent years, I guess I fell for vanity and convenience - and I've ended up with the early stages of bunions, chronic pain in my big toe joints, tight arches, as well as the charming addition of toenails growing slightly diagonally and possible early ingrown toenail (presumably from tight fitting shoes).

Are there some good suggestions on where to find genuinely supportive shoes designed for my type of silly feet? That are also stylish?
Orthopedic and barefoot shoes (already researched) may well be comfy, but I need to consider what I can confidently wear for smart work and socialising situations...
High street 'wide fit' has also never usually cut it for me.

I hope these foot issues are reversible! I'm only in my early 30s and very active :(

So, my DC has just had his second set of mocks. First set end of Year 10. These results have been awful so far. Three outstanding, 2 of which I'm hoping to be ok but who knows? DC got 2 x 3s which is unheard of for them (in one of those subjects, he is predicted an 8! and he wants to do it for A level)

Whilst I'm hoping this is all a one-off nightmare and they'll have the necessary kick up the ass...and that we'll be able to get a college offer...it's clear we need to get involved.

Has anyone come across any good You Tube resources - maybe run by teachers? For less binary subjects like English, drama etc - or any steer as a starting point

Any advice welcome

DH has a season ticket for home games. They are usually every other weekend and means he is out of the house for 5 hours. He would begrudgingly miss a game if something came up but it’s pissing me off that he expects it as a given.

We have a 1 year old and 2 year old and my days alone with them are a long old slog, and really challenging at the moment. Like really really hard.

He will say ‘I’ll only be gone 5 hours’. But 5 hours in the life of two toddlers is a lifetime. And more frustratingly he will often say ‘I’m trying to make it back as early as possible to help you’. Whereas for me, not going at all would be the most helpful thing.

He does ALOT socially. Last week was away on holiday for 4 days abroad, the weekend before he worked both days, the weekend before he went out Saturday afternoon and was too hungover to parent on Sunday, and the weekend before that was on holiday with his mates.

I do need to give credit where it is due, he’s an amazing Dad, constantly doing helpful things around the house. However the football is becoming a thing and I can’t get through to him on.

Hi all! Just reaching out here to find other moms who have been the sole breadwinner in their relationship while pregnant and giving birth and have had to get back to work very early as a result and now carry a growing bitterness in their marriage, as the partner still hasn’t found a job. Thanks!

Fairly recently, Ive realised I dont like these things:

Live albums/song recordings. No matter how much I love the band or song.
Watching dance…especially in a musical
Songs named after women…even I can’t explain that one!
Meals where every mouthful is the same…e.g. pizza

I wouldnt have said these things a year ago I dont think , so it proves TIPU am still getting to know myself in my late 50’s!

Anyone else had a similar epiphany?

1. A penny farthing sitting on a landing of a mansion.

2. Lots of tiny feathers on the stairs of someone's house who didn't own a bird and in the same house I think they had a secret lodger as every time I went to the loo I heard footsteps run from one room to the next upstairs. I never mentioned either!

Twas the night before the US Midterms...

Continuation of the AIBU to think my friend is overdoing emergency stockpiling thread for discussion about the government advice to stockpile for an imminent emergency and what the heck that emergency might actually be.

Spoiler: it's more of a perfect storm of lots of factors coming together to potentially form one great clusterfuck from economic woes, global energy shortages (mainly diesel), potential food shortages, war and madmen to crazy weather patterns rather than a clear identifiable singular thread.
This is a practical thread and a bit of a handhold thread to make sense of events and how they may affect you. This is not an end of the world thread.

Remember an emergency can range from a temporary unexpected event to a much longer crisis but the underlying principles generally stay the same.

This is the official government information and advice, if you want further details on what the actual recommendation are, here is the newest campaign blurb
https://beready.campaign.gov.uk/

Not going to do a status report this time, mainly because it's all about What Trump Does Next right now.

Previous threads
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5576816-aibu-to-think-my-friend-is-overdoing-emergency-stockpiling?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5585259-crisis-what-crisis-is-my-friend-over-doing-the-stockpiling-and-am-i-too-continuation-thread-2?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5591677-crisis-what-crisis-the-one-you-start-to-wish-youd-stockpiled-like-your-crazy-friend-continuation-thread-3?page=1

Looking at buying this pouch are they worth it?

www.fortnumandmason.com/es-exclusive-2026-christmas-fortnums-finery-everyday-pouch