I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

Our child has just moved from a state primary to a prep school in year 5. They've just done some start of year assessments and my child said they could barely answer any of the maths questions as they've never been taught the concepts. Child was at greater depth for most things in state school.

Has anyone else's child moved at this point in the primary years and did they catch up? I think the school teaches way ahead of the National Curriculum to ensure the children are ready for the 11+.

Looking ahead to our "summer" holiday (in October half term!) I have visions of being able to waft around European cities looking effortlessly stylish when I know the reality is there will be water bottles, snacks, spare clothing and all the rest to lug around, as there always is.

I have a perfectly serviceable rucksack that I use for the standard National Trust day out, but can mumsnetters suggest bags to (comfortably!) carry all the crap that one must carry while maintaining an air of cosmopolitan chic (or at least, not look like my natural habitat is hanging round an adventure playground on a rainy bank holiday).

Is continuous hrt a no no if you still have periods?
Would this have a connection to fibroids forming?

Just that. I’m not saying I would, but would like some views. My DP messed up with one of my adult DC, acted stupidly and overstepped my DC’s boundaries. DP apologised but this wasn’t accepted. I was clear in saying that DP was in the wrong but DC wanted more from me and NC with me now as a result. Second adult DC, not directly involved, now also threatening to go NC if I don’t separate from DP. We’ve been together several years and this is heartbreaking in every direction.

I’ve been looking for a few years now for a lovely funnel neck coat, finally it seems they’re en vogue but I don’t want a typical high street version unless it’s really well made.

So far I’ve discounted any with belts, they look like bathrobes and although I’m 5ft 8 I have a short body so they look awful
on me.

Don’t like the super tailored or the very shapeless. I want something I can wear layers under, keeps me warm and looks nice.

Quite like this one but again not much shape. Has anyone found a lovely coat that fits the bill?

To add camel is not my colour.

I am surprised the school did not add a cloak and a "chastity bonnet"

My DH and his mum were not at best terms for years, so we didn't have much opportunity to socialise and get to know eachother, but I always suspected that she was not overly happy with the choice of her son's life partner. Perhaps different cultures, the fact I don't come from money (and he apparently does although he had no use of this at all), I can only guess - he never indicated anything as he didn't want to hurty feelings I assume.
Anyway, she reached out recently eager to visit (she lives abroad) and while he was reluctant to host her for the 2 weeks I stupidly encouraged this - thinking it would be nice chance to get to know eachother and build some sort of relationship.
Oh boy was I wrong...
She insisted his work shouldn''t suffer so he spends time in the office (we both wfh), so I ended up alone with her for good few hours a day. In the 2 weeks time my DH ended up.npt talking to me for most of the time - for reasons unknown to me - he would come back from the office crossed - saying things how I ruined his career (which would correspond to MIL's topic of the day - how I should take care of the kids full time and e.g. it's not my DHs job to take our DS to sport activities over the weekend, how he should be spending weekends working as it is clear he will never manage to build wealth as his father did and this is solely my fault?!?).
For the context - my DHs amd my level of education is the same, we both earn roughly the same and work full time, none of is would be able to maintain our mortgage and childcare costs without both of us working. My husband is the type who doesn't cook and clean but does some share of child related work - drop offs pick ups, bedtime...
Since his mum left he refuses to do anything, I also heard him lying to her a few times presenting my work as his (e.g. I took the son to emergency or GP and he said he did, and a couple of more things to 'impress' her I guess).
I am hugely disappointed at him to be influenced by a parent in such a short timeframe and trying to meet some dreamed up expectations, she is completely delusional about how life in the UK is for working class...
She straight up told me she doesn't like how we raise kids (btw they are super happy, clever, lovely and modest kids)...
I am just fed up and don't even know how to tacke this odd situation that came from nowhere...

We're fitting a new kitchen. Ikea design is best we've seen and we're happy with most aspects of it. However I would like advice on how I can improve to make it appear more expensive/ attractive/ appealing?

I really wanted solid wood countertops but everyone is advising me against due to maintenance etc. Ikea wooden laminate looks good but will I regret going with solid wood? What about quartz? It's an old house so I don't really think quartz is in keeping but can't think of other alternatives?

We've picked cup style handles which are lovely and suit but I'm not sure if I should go with brass and brass tap or brushed steel. (We're not integrating fridge which is brushed steel).

Any advice welcome 🙏

Ballerinas are supposedly in again. I have these shoes from around 2010-2013, are they wearable again? I have them in a few colours, I used to find them very comfortable. I know I can wear what I want but I want to be vaguely fashionable. Are they fashionable again or can you clearly see that they are 15 year old shoes?

My DH is a twin. His twin has never really stood on his own two feet when it comes to family—never hosts meals, always expects to be invited for Christmas, etc. His twin is married with his own children, but for some reason the family infantilise him. A major bugbear of mine is birthdays—it’s always down to me and DH to host their birthday meal for the family (we invite PILs, siblings, etc). And of course, because the twin literally shares DH’s birthday, we can’t not invite him, or exclude him, so it obviously becomes “his” birthday party too. We did a bigger one for their last milestone birthday, and I had a barrage of emails from the twin’s DW about what kind of cake I should procure (to cater to the twin’s tastes), and who I could delegate to—“MIL can bring x.” There was no offer to help—just orders of what I/MIL should be doing. Their next milestone birthday is next month, and years of this entitled behaviour re: Christmas, etc, have been gradually been building up. I’m ready to explode—this milestone birthday is going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The twin asked my DH what “we” are doing for their birthday, and DH suggested it was his turn. His twin said that he/his DW can’t possibly host it, as their house isn’t as big as ours. Not doing something to celebrate with DH’s family is not an option. Neither is not inviting the twin and his DW/DC. Neither is going out somewhere, as the expectation will be that we fund the entire thing, as his twin is too much of a tight arse to pay for anything.

I want to burn it all down, but it is not my family. If it were my family, I’d be very forthright, so I’m trying my best to balance DH’s wishes not to throw a grenade into his family with my own wishes to tell his brother to fuck off and never come to my home again.

Hello…

Please help a completely unfashionable & unstylish mum who lives in trainers here… my daughter has just started sixth form and the dress code is “business wear”… we’re ok for suit/jackets etc. but where on earth can you buy nice shoes to wear with a skirt these days? She’s usually mooching around barefoot or in wellies or trainers and possibly the result is she has biggish and quite wide feet (7-7.5) so the current pointy styles look a bit huge . She’s also very self conscious of having “strong” calves so wants heels not flats (flats would be so much easier ).

Also she will be travelling by bus and train so they need to be fairly practical…and comfy!

Can anyone please help us find the shoe that fits magical combination of requirements?!

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

After I feel like hijacking many vulnerable women’s threads, thought it’d be interesting to start a conversation about this in its own right.

I love Mumsnet. I’ve used it and read it since I became a Mum 20 years ago. I love how it’s a female focused environment with smart clever women. Three babies in it’s still very much my go-to, googling any baby related issue. I’ll put “Mumsnet” on the end of my search because I value the input of “mumsnetters”!

I am genuinely disturbed by how many domestic violence related threads I see on here with victim blaming language constantly thrown around.

Why don’t you tell him to fuck Off?
i wouldn’t stand for this
i I would have done X, I would have done Y.
staying for the children ha ha ha ha are you serious?
you need to be stronger.
Are you a doormat?
Why did you have children with this man? Why did you have another child with this man?
How can you put your kids through this? I wouldn’t stand for this.
You’re not five years old.

Is there a fundamental misunderstanding here as to what domestic abuse actually is among swathes of women who have never experienced it?

why are so many people on this site unable to grasp that they do not understand or know what it’s like to be in this position ?

when I was in refuge with my babies, I met so many wonderful women. Intelligent, vibrant, wonderful women. Why does the cliche still exist on this site that DV victims need to “wake up”, tell their abusers to “fuck off” and “stop having kids”?

I have a big birthday coming up and wonder how to mark it. I am far from family and don't have enough friends for a party per se. I could do something smaller and invite 10-15. I am single with one teenager. Budget is no issue. I don't particularly want to host at home. It should be fairly low effort for me. All ideas very welcome. Thanks in advance.

What can I do to overturn a school decision - quickly? It is regarding mobile phones. The school has introduced a no phones at school policy. If a teacher is on a journey home and sees a child on a phone, they will “chase them down the street and snatch it out of their hand” as it shows they had a phone in school.

There was a horrible and frightening incident fairly near school today. So whilst school were busying themself with catching children out for taking a blazer off at a bus stop or using a phone after school, my child was involved in something bloody terrifying. I’ve been up half the night. It should involve the police, but we are not going down that road and time would have been of the essence anyway. My husband was driving about a minute away from her at the time, happily oblivious. I’m shaken up, but also feel in an impossible situation.

This occurred close to school, with a couple of friends, in daylight with people nearby. Her journey also includes much larger elements where she’s on her own and secluded. I’m really fucking angry and revolted too (huge understatement) that the school have the power to dictate the removal of a tool for use outside of school, compromising my child’s safety.

As a bare minimum, I want a brick phone allowed in school - turned off, handed in, confiscated if used or seen - I don’t care. I want them to find a way that the other 97% of schools do, so that my child has access to a phone, even if it’s just a brick phone, should she need it out of school.

They have lots of draconian rules, appear very rigid and authoritarian. I can grit my teeth on those. I cannot grit my teeth on this one. It’s a very large academy, gives the impression so far that “we are always right and totally trustworthy” and others will have it wrong or lie. Please help. How best to approach a school that seems terrified of giving an inch, (whilst it simultaneously encroaches the fuck and takes miles) to get an outcome that will make my child safer out of school.

If you’ve read this far, please help. I also believe from what I’ve seen so far that if I raise this, the school will frequently check my daughter’s bag. I am willing to now break the rules on this, but obviously can’t keep replacing mobiles and she shouldn’t have to be punished by school for it either.

Considering these but they're expensive for what they are. But I want soft leather, and I like the elastic strap. Fed up of wearing trainers in the 'in between' season.

https://share.google/VQyV1LO7DTGfkU52A

Has anyone found anything lovely?

I’ve started to think about Christmas so I can budget accordingly for our two children - daughter age 7, son age 5.

And I’m struggling to know what to get them. I don’t want to get gifts for gifts sake that accumulate in their rooms/playroom and are not played with. (I regularly sort out what toys are played with and rotate etc etc).

I know it’s a magical time for children having a stocking and gifts to open, but I’m wondering if we can give less this year and suggest a family holiday somewhere instead? Like Centre Parcs, bluestone etc etc for memories rather than more things?

I’d still get them some treats to open + a little stocking, but I just feel at a loss to even know what to get them otherwise. Unless anyone has any ideas? ❤️

They quickly lose interest in new toys after the initial shine has worn off. The only toy that has stood the test of time and is religiously played with is their big set of magnatiles.

What the title says. I have these big double duvets that most of the family uses and a few singles. It's hard to maintain these, keep them in duvet covers, change the covers, getting a good matching cover, etc. Often they will go without a cover for days and be used just like that. I'm finally ready to replace them.

I'm thinking I want to do away with them entirely. what are my options? Can I just do 5 single duvets for everyone? Or comforters, or quilts and blankets? What does everyone do?

Ds starts year 7 sen school tomorrow. He's pretty nervous. Just trying to keep it calm for him and not make it a big deal keep it positive. Just been saying to him you get to come home early on a frday. Theres no home work. I'm really worried he won't like it. Hopefully he will.

I haven't even told his father because he's an arse hole.

I applied for transport for him but because we are under 3 miles away. There has to be some sort of assessment. Whilst I travel with him. I don't really understand how that works. He would be totally different with me compared to alone.

I have a four month old baby who I am EBF and am struggling with sleep.

I put him down at around 7pm (fed to sleep) in a cot. At around 12:30am he wakes up and I bring him into bed to feed. Basically for the rest of the night it feels like I’m either patting him or nursing him to get him to sleep, he doesn’t sleep solidly and cries.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I try and delay that first feed? Stop cosleeping for the second half of the night? If he’s in the cot I worry I’ll just spend the whole night standing there patting him. I feel like I need to reduce the feeding at night but am stuck in a bit of a rut.

YABU- you need to change up what you’re doing.

YANBU- just ride it out, it’ll improve and is likely a four month sleep regression

Thanks so much to @Sideorderofchips for keeping things going. I can barely believe it's September and (for me at least!) that only means one thing - Christmas can start!!!!

Hope you've all had a great year and have missed you all. Last couple of years I've had various health things going on so have been a bit distant from the threads. Not quite there yet but feeling stronger than this time last year and I can't wait until I see more festive items in the shops! I've already bought my advent calendar - I've got the taskmaster one (which I'm quite excited about!).

I'll post various links etc in the next thread first post but essentailly you guys know the drill - share and be nice or leave.

<waves to everyone>

My DD has asked for a choker necklace like this pic. I've found a couple of very cheap ones but does anyone know where I can get one that's made of proper gold?

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

I have just entered the unexpected world of pain that is helping my daughter to buy a bag for uni. It needs to hold laptop, water bottle etc. I had no idea that backpacks are totally out and that girls seem to be carrying very expensive designer totes? Is this true? Help!