Surely that’s enough already? Does anyone actually like them? Every time I see a nice summer dress - proportions all wonky. WHY.

I’m in a relatively new relationship (less than a year). Things have been great and he’s been an amazing partner so I can’t complain (until now).

I found out now that he has a secret kink or affinity that he never even mentioned. It only came out when someone else alluded to it in my presence and I asked about it. He seemed embarrassed and said that he didn’t know how and when mention it yet. I let it go at the time but I’ve been thinking about it and getting quite angry.

The things that bother me is that he didn’t tell me about it and it hurts me, because it is clear that previous partners knew about it. It also makes me wonder if I even know him at all or what else he might be hiding, and I’m so mad at the thought that I might have wasted almost a year on someone who kept secrets.

And yes, I will be launching a Clare’s Law request just in case. I’m also considering contacting the person who flippantly made the remark/ joke in the first place to see if it aligns with what he told me. But I’m just mad right now. Things were going too well and I was wondering where the catch was.

Hi all,

Has anyone got any good travel pushchair recs? My daughter is 13 months old and average size for her age. I need a travel pushchair that can close 1 handed and is cabin approved. I was looking at the bugaboo butterfly 2 in mauve, but I’ve heard it scratches really easily? I preferably want a pink/ mauve coloured one if possible!

Is this reasonable or no. For some context: I have bought all the toys I would like my baby to play with and don't want others gifting toys that I have no space to store. Is it appropriate to ask for no boxed gifts? Thanks

I have a beloved JL strapless/multiway bikini similar to might like this at John Lewis: www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-sling-halter-bikini-top-black/p6089752?s_share=jlappdroid this which you can prise from my cold, dead hands BUT it leaves me with a very large white bit in the bit where the gore of the top sits - basically the bit that you'd see if I was wearing a really deep v-neck top. My days of triangle bikinis held together with string are over, but is there a solution that allows you to get a bit of vitamin D on the white bits and still keep your boobs aloft?! I tried this from Amazon but the top wasn't the right fit although I liked it in theory.

If you have 32FF boobs and have experience with a solution please share 😀

I won’t be saying who they are.

I recently spoke to a friend about it who
had lots of questions which lead to an interesting conversation, things I’d never said or thought about before.

When I was younger I used to feel incredibly jealous of them and had a very short and unsuccessful attempt at creating my own fame.

Now I’m older with my own dc and have seen the effects up close I definitely think the negatives out way the positives and it’s not something I would ever want for my children.

AMA

My teenage DD has recently got into thrift shopping. She bought a designer sports brand jumper yesterday in a charity shop, new with the tags on, she paid £40 so not cheap but still a saving on rrp.

When she was showing me we realised it’s not real. I suspected as the quality is off and on closer inspection it’s a definite fake.

DD took it back to the shop today and they refused her a refund saying that they only refund faulty items. AIBU to go back with her and ask that they do refund? The RRP would be about £60 so not unreasonable of her to presume it was real but a bit cheaper, IMO (eg it’s not like it was a Chanel bag for a tenner which I would clearly expect to be fake). £40 is a lot of money to DD and it’s not even really a good fake in hindsight.

Husband hates the dresses I loved - mob btw! He says the colour is wrong, the shape doesn’t suit. I felt fantastic in them ☹️. Ditching dh isn’t an option. Are they awful or is he being unreasonable?

I am so over this heat and v much looking forward to packing my sandals away until next year!
On that note, I’m looking to upgrade my everyday trainers and never quite know what’s currently trendy and comfy.
Are colours still in, or are we heading back towards neutrals? Not really a fan of anything too bold, but I do like richer autumnal tones burgundy, chocolate brown, dark green etc.
What are you all planning to wear this A/W? Any particular trainers you’d recommend? Would love some inspo!

Am I going insane??

Two adults.

One is cycling in to the local high street for a coffee with child. Coffee spot literally across the street from M&S.

One is driving in to the same town centre to drop off a child at the library, will not be getting out of the car, but because of the layout of the road will have to drive past the back of the same M&S.

one adult suggests to the other that they pop in and pick up some rolls and cold cuts for lunch, as they will be feet away from the shop, bikes already chained up.

the cycling adult says they think the other adult should do it, they are driving right past it. Driving adult explains they have no intention of getting out of the car, so it would add on a car parking space faff/fee.

they’ve reached an impasse, as both adults think it makes more sense for the other to go.

thoughts please?

Firstly I appreciate this is not the same for the rest of the country

but we’ve had it horrific here (London). I’ve never felt so shit in my life as I have for the last 10 weeks. I’ve spent between £250-350 a month on electricity (portable air conditioners). I’ve felt anxious, headachy, it’s FUCKED with my peri menopause (brain fog, no words, cognitive decline). I’ve felt tearful and as if it would go on forever. There are moments where I’ve thought I can’t take another moment of this. My sleep is proper fucked.

this has to change. I’ve done everything on a personsl
level I can. Air conditioners only when necessary, above 26 inside (DH has long Covid so literally throws up in heat). His asthma is exacerbated. The dogs have had the shittest summer. I’ve had a couple of rescues that can’t go out about 22 degrees. I reckon they’ve been walked briefly 3 times a week. We deliberately went away on a cheap caravan holiday twice just so they could smile. There were endless days I couldn’t work as too hot in my home office and clients cancelled.

I cannot wait til Saturday.

I hope for solidarity from others. I want to wear a fucking hoodie again. I’ve spent every day sat around in my underwear inside for vast stretches of the day. This is not sexy.

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

I started a new job a few years ago. It was weird from the outset and to cut a long story short the colleague supposed to train and supervise me was a controlling bully. It took me about a year to wake up and realise the problem wasn't me, during which time I became ill from stress. I talked about some issues to our line manager in my first appraisal, but she did nothing, and then got promoted to a different team. Tried again in next appraisal with the new manager, she also did nothing, until I reported a new specific incident to her. This was informally resolved ie no records, which only lasted until that manager also got promoted. I made another report via HR when manager 3 started and was assigned new duties. Now she's being promoted to be manager's deputy, so will likely have power over me again, which is making me incredibly anxious. I now feel I wasn't believed. Manager 3 has called it a difference in working styles, but she never asked for the full story or to see my evidence. There were no consequences for the bully. Is there anything I can do? Talk to manager again? Just suck it up? I've been looking for another job for 4 years.

I've bought a lot of clothes through vented over the past year or two - it's been a godsend after my dress size changed and I had to replace a lot of my wardrobe. I've also sold off clothes that no longer fit me or suit me, but I've definitely spent more than I've earned.

And I admit I got a bit addicted to looking for bargains, clothes that I would never be able to afford brand new. If it didn't fit or didn't suit me I could just re-list it, or take it to my local charity shop. The heatwave came, there I was snapping up summer dresses that I could wear for work. And it's always fun getting parcels once or twice a week. But not any more.

My feed is now full of stuff from Australia. Even if I search for something specific, there will be Australian stuff come up. Nothing against Australian clothing - some of it certainly looks great - but I don't want stuff to be shipped to me from the other side of the world. Nor do I want to be shipping my old clothes that distance. There is no way of filtering out listings from overseas. Indeed Vinted seems to be actively bumping Australian listings judging by the proportion of prices ending in odd numbers in my feed. I can't even opt out sending stuff overseas.

I am now rarely logging onto the app, and am thinking of quitting it altogether. Anyone else feel the same way?

My DH died in April. He had bowel cancer and was only 46 years old and not ready to die. I made the mistake today of picking up the photo album I made full of photos of him and I am having a really tough morning, my heart is absolutely broken. The only thing that gets me through the days is talking aloud to him and hoping that he is somewhere 'else' and can hear me or see me, but then I have moments where I think I am kidding myself and I am just a sad, grieving woman talking to thin air. I don't know what to believe, I hover between the two. But today I absolutely cannot and do not want to believe that there is nothing after death, I can't cope with the thought that he exists nowhere at all anywhere. He was so strong and had so much personality, it makes no sense. Does anybody have any personal experiences or know of any true stories that have led them to believe there is 'something' after we die? I would find it really comforting to hear from people that believe and have a reason why they believe. To those who believe we are just dust after death, you may be right, but today I can't hear that, and I don't need to be told that as I already know that is possible - which is why I haven't posted this in AIBU as I know the first 30 replies would be people rushing to tell me I'm deluding myself by hoping there is something more than darkness after we die. If anybody has anything to share that would bring some comfort today I am very ready to listen x

I’m 35 and have been with my partner for 4 years. We actually met again completely by chance after many years of not seeing each other, hit it off, were messaging for a week or so and decided to go on a date and he asked to meet up for a coffee and a walk. Before we had even been on our first date, I told my friend that we had hit it off messaging and we’re going for coffee because I wanted to be upfront with her.

He had been her boyfriend at university when they were around 18–20. They were together for about 2 years. They broke up nearly 20 years ago and obviously people change enormously between 18 and 36.

When I told her, after a couple time of meeting him that we are officially seeing each other I specifically asked if she had a problem with it. She said no, so I took that at face value. I wasn’t sneaking around or getting into a relationship with her ex behind her back. I actually even told her before we’d been on the first date.

We’ve now been together for 4 years. We moved in together & he proposed earlier this year and I said yes. We’re very happy, are buying a house together and would like to have children. We have a wedding date set for next June, invitations have gone out and our university friends have been absolutely lovely about it , RSVPs, messages, people booking hotels etc. They’re genuinely excited for us.

When I told this particular friend about the engagement, she said, “Oh, are you going to marry my ex?” I reminded her that we’d been together for 4 years and that I had told her about us from the very beginning. She then said that she’d only said she had no problem with it because she didn’t think we would last.
That has really thrown me.

I completely understand that she might have complicated feelings about it. I’m not trying to tell her how she should feel. But at some point, surely you have to accept that this was a relationship from university when you were 18 years old?

It’s not as though they were together for 15 years, were engaged, had children or had some huge life together. They were university sweethearts for a couple of years, nearly 20 years ago. She has since married, had children and divorced. He and I have now built an actual adult life together over the last four years.

And honestly, I find it particularly difficult because I had exactly the reverse situation myself. One of my friends married someone I had dated at university. I was 18. They got together years later and eventually married and have children. I genuinely didn't have an issue with it. I thought, “We were teenagers at university, life moved on,” and I was happy for them.

So I’m struggling with why I’m apparently supposed to feel guilty now.

I also wonder whether this friendship may simply be worth losing if this is something she can’t move past. Obviously I’d rather not lose a friend, but I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life feeling that I’ve done something wrong by marrying my partner.

All our other university friends seem completely happy for us and are looking forward to the wedding. Nobody else seems to see this as some enormous betrayal.

AIBU to think she needs to let this go? I can understand her feeling upset, but I don’t think she gets a veto over a relationship that started nearly 20 years after theirs ended.

Or am I being completely insensitive about the fact that, regardless of how long ago it was, he will always be “her ex” to her?

Does anyone have experience using any of these cars with babies/toddlers? I don't have kids yet, but am trying to future proof my purchase as I ideally want to keep my next car for 10+ years. It will never be our main family car and I don't need it for commuting, just a daily run-around for general errands.

I'm used to driving a Ford KA so want to keep it as small as possible whilst still being practical. I'm 5ft tall so legroom is not a big issue.

Any advice on getting kids and buggies in and out of any of these cars would be appreciated!

In sw London. It’s meant to be cooler but it just feels so humid outside and my house is retaining the heat from the last few days no matter what we do. Fed up of feeling sweaty and lethargic all day.

My sister-in-law won't take any advice from my Mum (of 3 children and used to work with under 3s) or other sister-in-law (mum of and nursery nurse). My niece is 1 now and she sleeps on a 2nd hand foam mattress, bought online, which is too big for the cot - we've tried to explain it's dangerous and mentioned SIDS but she just won't listen.
She also puts her in the baby seat facing forward when in the car. I've told my brother about the car seat and he said he'd tell her but I don't know if he did.
We worry about our niece but are worried she will just stop letting us see her if she thinks we're "having a go" when we're just trying to give her advice

Not sure what's changed, whether it's the heat or just a general feeling of being 'done', but this summer, I have parted company with my bra. I'm middle-aged, not particularly busty, and am just not bothering to put one on in the mornings when I'm not working. I suddenly resent the idea of wearing one, as it's not as if I really need support -it really only sheilds the world from seeing a hint of my nipples under my top. DC are embarrassed to be seen with me and although I don't really care, I've noticed the odd person do a double-take when I'm out. I'm not wearing anything revealing, just a t-shirt, a buttoned shirt or loose-fitting dress.
Is going braless in middle-age really the social faux pas that my teens imply that it is?

My DH hates children - his own siblings have children but he never invites them to our house - my sisters have young children as do alot of my friends i try to only ever invite them to our house when he isn't here but next week he was supposed to be away but he isnt now and i have invited friends and family over. He isnt happy as he says i should see them away from the home but it is my house too and i should be able invite who i want over surely?

I adore my brother. Approximately 33 years ago he married an incredibly insecure woman who came from an incredibly disfunctional family. Appalling manners, absolutely no idea how to behave and offended not only our family members but also our parents friends. We were continuously making excuses for her even though she was always such an embarrassment. Family gatherings were always tense to say the least but my parents and I always took the higher ground when she had her continuous digs to make herself feel better about herself. She was insanely jealous of my brothers relationship with our mother and she hurt my mother on so many occasions but my mother said nothing. About 26 years ago we had a family Christmas and she deliberately excluded my son who was about 3 at the time from a Christmas Eve occasion leaving cookies & milk for Santa. After new year, I let my brother know exactly how I felt about her and I was speaking for my parents too, particularly my mother. As a result my brother has not spoken a word to me until in 2023 my father died and my mother followed in 2024. My father’s Will split his estate 50/50 between my brother and I. I divorced my ex husband in 2022 and had to buy my ex out of his equity in the house. due to my age, late 50’s I was limited in the amount I could borrow so my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000. Now my brother is suggesting that I go against the Will and give him half of what my father gave me as that was my father’s intention. Please let me know what you think I should do

A lighthearted thread, for men and women to join - just a distraction from the news really ❤️

Mine - never had a good one, but planning to once dd goes to school 😉
Worst - classic story - guy 'exploding' and then pulling a 'welp' face and leaving, bless him 😩

Anyone ever bought anything from them? They’re expensive but have a sale on at the moment. Their style is quite distinctive and I’ve never seen anyone wearing their stuff.

Dp and I have been together 7 years, we have 1 DS together and dp has dss who also lives with us.

A couple months ago fil mentioned doing a big family holiday, dp said sounds good let us know details. I get on great with ils so i was also fine with it. Dps brother got in touch to arrange booking. It seems I’m not invited. It’s fil, mil, dp sil (dh sister) and bil (dh brother) plus dss and DS. Dp asked why and apparently bil was awkward and said something about mil and fil wanting it to be just family!!
Dp has said he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to fil about it. It seems he’s going and taking ds, dss.

Im so upset, it’s never occurred to me im not family. I spend lots of time with fil and mil , attend family events etc. I’ve been in their lives 7 years!
Dp thinks I need to let it go but aibu to be upset?