Looking at new house - only one we like. Owner is an older couple who have spent years creating a garden worthy of an National Trust property!! The issue is we do not enjoy gardening and do not want to have to pay a gardener to keep all the flowers in check. Would it be awful to take out half the gardens flowers and replace with grass? It is 0.8 acre so a very big garden and our children would much prefer all turf to play football etc. It would feel almost criminal to do it but we don't want the upkeep - they also have a large rose garden which we would rather take out and have a vegetable garden. Is this all just too much?! It is the only house we like in our ideal location. It must be a full time job to look after it!!

can someone tell me where I can get it from?

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

Hi all

I have 3 younger sisters and I am the eldest. All the sisters are 28, 22 and 19. The 28 year old sister and I are already engaged and my wedding is in July.

I called my mum to plan a walk with our dogs, and she had told me she had some news. Apparently, my youngest sister, who is 19 is engaged. My mum didn't seem overjoyed, but she said they're adults, he is a nice guy and she cant really stop them, but has told them it will need to be a really long engagement.

I am also not exactly overjoyed myself.

My sister had left school after her A Levels and it took almost a year for her to find a job. She does have one now, which is a part time, minimum wage job. Her now fiance, doesnt work at all (he does do odd handyman jobs for his dad etc). He is 2 years older at 21.

They got engaged on their first holiday away together but before that, have never spent more than one night together. They are also not in a financial position to rent or buy a house etc.

I too got engaged at 19 for my first marriage, and married at 21 and obviously this ended quite badly. Once we were married, I seen a completely different side to him, and at a young age, was exposed to DV regularly and had little prior experience or knowledge of relationships to navigate it. Now, I am tied to him forever, because we had a child.

I had said to my mum that I think she is far too young and needs to grow up a LOT before getting married. For context, she still has all her meals cooked at home, cant do her own washing, has morning wake up calls by my mum so she actually gets up or manage her own finances (always owes people money etc) and has lived a relatively sheltered upbringing by my mum. My mum agrees with all of this.

I know that my sister is an adult, and its her choice. I have been out to get them a card and engagement gift as I would for anybody else and called her to say congratulations.

However, AIBU for feeling different behind the scenes? I just don't want the same mistakes that I did, to happen again, and I do fear for how immature and vulnerable that she appears to me.

My new job on paper sounded ideal to me. In a category I really enjoy, big global recognisable firm, good salary.

I’ve been there 6 weeks. It’s pretty much fully remote, my entire team is in a different country so even if I wanted to go into the office I’d be alone, there is literally no work to do.

I just can’t do it, I live alone and I don’t want to be sat in my house 24/7, I don’t want to sit staring at a screen with nothing to do, it’s 2am and I don’t want to sleep as it means I’ll be waking up to another day of nothing …

Hi All, first post! I’m 40y/o woman, living and working at home with my parents due to my epilepsy (which = inability to drive, lack of freedom and meeting man of my dreams, blah blah blah). I have a great relationship with my mum and we deal with my dad/her emotionally abusive, grumpy husband together. Lately we’re worried he might be slipping into the early stages of dementia (all of which involve tales for another day).

Anyway, this issue involves a garage (bear with me) and has been present in the last few years, since COVID/my dad started working from home and we see more of his delightful self.

Our driveway is a large slope with space for two cars: one to the side of the house, one in front of the garage (a two-car garage rendered a one-car garage due to the usual garage storage). Mum’s small car is parked in the garage. Dad’s large car is parked in front of it, blocking it completely. The space to the side of the house is partly filled by a large storage box for the recycling and waste, so of course it’s too small a space for my dad’s car and it would apparently be unreasonable to put the box somewhere else…

My trips outside are on foot and very local due to my epilepsy (running, etc.) but my mum has always driven her car.

My dad has never had any patience with my mum. He is very unapproachable should she rarely ask him to move his car during the day, so that she can access hers (she doesn’t drive his juggernaut) and she is usually met with a sh*tty response if she enters his study to ask (“AM I DOING SOMETHING?”). Either this or it’s moved eventually on his terms (“Yes in 20 minutes, where are you going anyway?”) or she just goes with him (fun had by all… not).

He never wants to go anywhere but Aldi. Home shopping on Ocado also means mum doesn’t get to look around the supermarkets like she used to. She’s an excellent cook but this situation has meant that he controls most of the incoming food and the “What shall we have for tea tonight?” situation, which used to be pleasant, now involves his knowledge of use-by-dates and rule over the garage fridge! Seriously…

AIBU to find all this utterly frustrating? Sympathy/kind opinions please.

My 30th is coming up and I really don't know what to ask for. People keep on asking me. What presents did you get at a milestone birthday that you really cherished?

Thank you all!

I had a thread on here some time ago where I asked people about opening up the downstairs space in our house a bit more. Someone suggested opening up the back of the house rather than knocking through from the kitchen to the dining room, which is what we're going to go ahead with. But I'm a bit lost as to how to arrange the space.

I want to keep a downstairs loo, but move it so it's out of the way. To complicate matters we need to add in some level access as at the moment we haven't got any way of getting a wheelchair into the back of the house and we need that. We aren't attached to the store, but I had assumed we'd put the loo in the utility room.

We're probably looking at a budget of approx £60k for the whole job.

Anyone got any suggestions to maximise the space and make the most efficient use of it? We currently use the breakfast room as a play room/tv room for the kids so we'd need a sofa and toy space in the new big room.

Having a very inexpensive wedding we're trying to budget for in a Scottish castle that doesn't do food. I have been quoted £2000 for a 3 course meal for 20 people with no alcohol and a grazing table. This is from a big private catering company.

Their prices originally look quite reasonable but then they added 3 staff, petrol, surcharge, VAT and it went from £26 pp to £200.

It has to be on this site in Perthshire. What would you do? We're quite happy with one main course but want it to be a sit down.

Hey shoppers
I’m trying to find some alternative swimwear to suggest to my teen daughter. she does not want to look in any way girlie or feminine. I just want her to feel comfortable at the beach! Her style is v androgynous. She’s sent a link to a swim top which I’m not keen on so trying to find some alternatives.

I’m thinking tankini / crop top in plain black, no cutaways or flounces or ‘shape enhancing’; not padded or wired, a blurb on the site that doesn’t talk about flattering one’s figure… bonus points if the models are boyish looking. I’m really struggling to find this even in sportswear and surf sites. The swim shorts we have sorted in plain black, it’s just the top.
it’s for a beach holiday where it will be hot.
she’s in adult sizes. Medium/ 10-12. Don’t think we’ll get away with age 13-15.
thanks for any help!

In my early 20s when I was foolish and dumb, I had a holiday romance which turned into a 6-month long distance situation. I thought I was in love but I was stupid, but then I was allowed to be at that age.

At one point he was in a bad state financially and lost his job, told me he was living in his car etc. I loaned him some money (and was clear it was a loan) as an emergency. Less than a week later I was told by 2 independent sources that he was living with another girl and was boasting about how he’d got money from me. I confronted him and he denied it of course, and got angry at me for believing others. But I knew it was true as I found the girl’s social media and her pics confirmed it.

I was obviously very upset and felt humiliated. He promised he would give me the money back when I was there on a certain date, but when the date came he disappeared back to his hometown. I decided for my own sake I needed to move on completely, I sent a final message saying I’m going to give up on getting the money back for my own wellbeing, and I was not going to talk to him again.

And that was how it was for over a decade. I moved on and made my peace, but it’s one of the worst things anyone has done to me. And then one day out of the blue, several years on, he messaged me. I ignored it at first but then he asked why I ‘disappeared’ and sorry if he did anything to upset me. I then replied to say he should know perfectly well, but he didn’t seem to remember at all. I said about the money and he said ‘did you give me money?’ I said how can you not remember? He then said he thinks he gave it back to me and I said no, you did not. He then said he remembers I told everyone about it and that HE FORGIVES ME for doing that. I said ‘it should be you asking me for forgiveness!’ And blocked him.

I just can’t believe some people have no conscience at all and he can’t remember what he did to me. It took me a long time to get over it but I hoped he would feel some remorse. Some people just don’t, do they?

Just want to sanity check this, because I'm sure I'm overthinking it.

Ex comes to see DC once a week and is only allowed to see them during the day, so he arrives by train and we meet him at the station. I provide a bag of essentials - nappies, creams, sunscreen, hats etc.

I'm frankly a bit fed up with providing this bag every week for his visits, as he's a grown man and needs to take some responsibility. I'm going to tell him that I won't be providing the bag any longer, and he'll have to bring what he needs for his visits with the DC.

AIBU if I do this? There's no question that he will provide that stuff, it's just we're going through all manner of court proceedings and I know he will weaponise anything and everything I do. The only reason this has continued for so long is that I've always been the organised and responsible one in the relationship, hence why he is my ex!

Name change and keeping some irrelevant specifics vague for what is hopefully a simple question.

Posting on AIBU for traffic (have googled but it’s not clear to me).

One of my parents died and the other is the sole executor and beneficiary of their Will. They surviving parent as appointed me as their attorney to help sort out probate, which we have eventually managed.

As the parents is sole executor and beneficiary, is it reasonable that all the financial aspects of the estate just goes into their normal bank account?
Is there a need to set up a separate account to demonstrate a clear trail?

There are no debts to pay.
Funeral expenses came out of their joint account in case there is any query later down the line about that.

In case it is of relevance, they were both married to each other. The house has been transferred to the surviving parents’ sole name now.

AIBU - you need a separate account (executor or just normal) for a clear trail
IANBU - it’s all going to one beneficiary (who is the executor) with no debts to pay so it can go straight into their usual account.

Help, we have carpet moths.
A small area in our daughters old room, she left home 8 years ago but has been working abroad so we keep her room for her.
Happy to rip the carpet out as the room needs a refresh but has anyone had experience of these little beasties and how do we treat the house in case they spread.
we have silk and wool rugs on hard wood and would hate to see them being munched.

I’m trying to decide between three different styles of adidas trainers - samba, spezial and paris. If you’ve tried one or more, which are the most comfortable?

I couldn’t see an existing thread, so I thought I’d start one. If there is one already going, please point me in the right direction - though I imagine there are not many people due in this month just yet!!

I just found out I’m pregnant. I’ve calculated my due date to be the 1st of January 2027.

This is my third pregnancy. It’s come as a bit of a shock, but a very happy one! My first two were quite close together, and I thought I’d left the baby phase behind. I also gave away all our baby stuff already 🫠

It would be nice to chat to others in the same stage of pregnancy as we go through it all together 🥰

Hi all, so my DH well I guess ex-DH and I have been married for 3 years, together for 6 years. We are mid 30s, we have one son who is 2 years old.
Last week he told me he has been having an affair for the best part of the last year. Obviously I’m beyond devastated, but what’s hurt more than anything is the way I really just had no idea. I could never have guessed it.

For context he works in an industry where after work drinks or even lunch time drinks are fairly standard practice. When we had DS we agreed Thursday nights he would go for after work drinks, what he did at lunch time was his business and there would probably be one other night in the month he’d go out, straight from work.

One of his best friends is a woman about 3 years younger. They met through his old flat mates, have known each other about a decade. She was at our wedding, she has met our son and was at his first birthday party. She works in a different industry from DH but their offices are in the same area. I knew he sometimes met her for a drink at lunch time or for drinks after work. I had no reason not to trust her, she’d been nothing but nice to me, is engaged or at least she was to my knowledge. She is one of his many female friends.

Last week DH told me he needed to talk to me, he confessed he’s been sleeping with her for almost a year, sometimes Thursdays after work, sometimes on Mondays or Fridays when he would tell me he was going to work in the office so I didn’t need to worry about keeping DS quiet but would actually work from her flat.
I felt totally blindsided, I drank wine with her not 2 months ago as I stopped to have a drink at the pub DHs friends and colleagues go to before DH and I went out on a date!

At the weekend I asked him to leave and I’ve now found out from his mother he is not staying with her at all but is staying at this woman’s flat!

AIBU to feel so bloody stupid for not noticing this? I can’t believe he either lied to me so well I had truly no idea or I was so bloody naive as to not notice!

When I met my husband I fell for him for lots of different reasons, and one of them being that he was a stable and sensible person. I came from a really volatile family so the fact he was calm and “together” was really appealing to me (among other things). Another aspect of this was that he was financially responsible - he’d saved £12k and seemed to have good money management. I on the other hand had never learnt to manage money well at all. I was living in debt and probably also due to adhd could not get a grip of finances. I had a good job as a teacher but never lived within my means.
Anyway further down the line we bought a lovely house, got married. We got into debt over the wedding but had a plan to pay it off (around £8k). I know this was a mistake in itself but we’d had a tough time with my family being awful so I think we just thought let’s have a nice time and pay it back.

Despite best intentions we’ve never got rid of the debt. We’ve transferred it to 0% cards and managed it but never got rid. Various life events put us under stress and I think we just kept kicking the debt ball down the road if that makes sense.

Fast forward 8 years and we’re struggling under a large mortgage, elevated food bills, a house to renovate, two kids to pay for. I thought we still had the debt under credit and were chipping away at it. I think in the back of my mind I’d wondered if it might have crept up a bit but I still thought it was a manageable amount that we could get rid of if we properly focused on it.

Yesterday the debt crossed my mind and the fact I don’t have access to the balance on the credit cards bugged me and I said to my husband can you look into whether I can download the app for the cards even though my name isn’t on them so that I can monitor them too and make payments off the balance as and when I want to. He said sure. Last night I asked him dare I ask what the balance is at now and he said £23k. You could see the fear in his eyes. I was absolutely shocked.
Hes assured me there’s nothing untoward on there it’s simply food shops, petrol, house insurance lump payments etc that have made it go up.
i just feel so betrayed. He said he just wanted me to have the things that I wanted and didn’t want to say no. But im not high maintenance I don’t have any designer things. I do have adhd so I get fixated on doing things like decorating and fritter money. But I think if I’d known how bad the debt was I would have stopped the spending.
I don’t know what to do. He’s been up all night upset.
He has had a wage increase recently which he says means he can start paying off £600 per month off the card. The only reason he hasn’t done this yet is because we have to have some unavoidable work done on the house which is costing £2500.

how am I supposed to feel in this situation? My instinct is to team together to sort it out. I’ve taken the credit cards off him and we can get this debt gone with focus. But I also don’t know if I’m being a mug. Has he betrayed me? I don’t know. My family have betrayed me financially in the past and now I feel like my husband has done the same.

After many years of having a problematic relationship with alcohol and admitting I am an alcoholic, I am one year sober today.

I've bought myself a birthday cake to celebrate ☺️

Now the MJ film is out my social media feed is flooded with people doing the dances and talking about the movie etc. My local cinema is holding special events and screenings.

I personally have no doubt that he was a predatory paedophile. All the signs are there, especially how he talks about how he would never hurt a child and sharing a bed with them is the "most loving thing you can do in the world". He manipulated the world into thinking he had a "child-like persona" but was able to manage a music career worth millions... which someone who is naive would never be able to manage.

I also do not judge people who enjoy his music. It was very popular at the time, and would be associated with all types nostaligic memories. I listen to problematic artists all the time, but I don't pretend that they weren't abusive.

AIBU to be astounded that any business/media outlet would be seen dead even associating with him let alone celebrating such a horrifically abusive man.

We haven’t been together for long - 4 and a half months. I had no suspicions at all. He has been really caring and attentive - planning thoughtful dates, consistent, and (I thought) genuine. We met IRL at work (don’t work together often, once in a blue moon)

He doesn’t know I know yet.

A friend of mine (who he has not met, but who knows what he looks like) sent me a screenshot of his Hinge profile - he had sent her a ‘like’. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that it could be an old ‘like’ - so asked her to match him to see if his page was still active.

Lo and behold, he messages her almost instantly chatting her up.

I’m gutted but also relieved that I have found this out so early - as he must just be that sort of man. I haven’t yet said anything to him, I wanted to remain composed and not fly off the handle in an undignified manner.

Any ideas of how to end things? We have a date planned for tomorrow evening, confirmed the time/place yesterday afternoon shortly before I found out about the cheating.

I had a hysteroscopy under general anaesthetic today to get biopsies for possible endometrial cancer. I’ve had previous conscious attempts to get a Pipelle biopsy but they can’t get in because I’ve had an ablation in the past.

I’m in agony this evening every time I have a wee, as whatever elephantine speculum they used to get in there has ripped my vulva to shreds by stretching it - all my skin down there is very delicate despite being on HRT and breaks at the drop of a hat, even from wearing pads, which I’ve had to do recently because of this unexpected bleeding.

Anyway, the agony. I have ordered some of the good barrier cream which the nurse gave me a couple of years ago when she tore me doing my smear test, but that won’t be here until, realistically, tomorrow afternoon.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO UNTIL THEN?

I’ve just had a warm salt bath which made me cry. I am in complete agony weeing, and the massive pads I am having to wear for the bleeding are just making it worse.

Please, wise women, hit me with any and all ideas you have, preferably from experience so you can vouch for them. I am knackered from the GA this morning so too much experimentation is out. DH isn’t supposed to leave me for 24 hours, but could probably do so in the morning - our nearest late pharmacy isn’t really late and is already closed tonight. Obvs am drinking as much as I can stomach to keep my wee dilute, but that doesn’t even seem to be helping!

I've developed rosacea on my cheeks. I'm early 40s so shocked and quite upset too.

Can anyone help or suggest what I should do? What's causing it? What should I do and use? Any suggestions welcome thank you.

I keep hearing people say they have “food noise” and that’s why they’re constantly thinking about food or snacking, but isn’t that just hunger, boredom, habit, or emotional eating dressed up in a nicer label? I’m not saying it’s not real for some people, especially where there are medical issues involved, but the way it’s thrown around now makes it sound like no one has any control over it at all.

It just feels like another way to remove any personal responsibility. Not everything needs a label. Sometimes it’s just about eating properly and getting enough protein and actually addressing emotional eating.

My BF has the opposite of a foot fetish. He really hates feet. I've never seen anything like it. I feel fairly ambivilent about feet. I wouldn't go out of my way to touch anyone's foot, but would do what needs doing to help most people. In fact I did trim BF's nail when we were on holiday, a sharp edge was causing some bleeding on the adajcent toe and we didn't really have the correct implement, so it was awkard for him to do. I didn't love or hate it, it was just something that needed doing to solve a problem.

My Dad has just called because he needs his toe nails trimming. He's old and immobile and what he was actually asking was if I'm available to give him a lift to the chiropodist. BF thought he was asking me to do it and absoultely completely horrified. The only reason I wouldn't is because of Dad's condition, it's important not to get it wrong.

Yes I know we could find a mobile chirpodist. That's a battle for another day 🤣