I can't believe that this happened. It's like a bad film cliche. But last night when DH and I were having sex, he said my sister's name!
I know it sounds like something out of EastEnders but it genuinely happened, and I have had a sleepless night as a result.
I challenged him on it, and then that made it worse because at first he denied it and then said it was a joke.
I thought our marriage was fine. I love my sister. I have a good relationship with her (I think). There has never been any suspicion of my DH in any way let alone with her.

I have changed my name for this thread because I know she uses Mumsnet sometimes. I don't know what to do. It could genuinely have been a joke of his. Or, horribly, a fantasy of some kind. Or obviously the worst possible scenario (which would ruin my life).

Should I mention it to my sister? Mention it to him again? Let it drop?

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

I have a couple of weddings coming up this summer and as I am particularly skint at the moment, I wondered whether I could get away with wearing one of the dresses already in my wardrobe.
I don't really know what is acceptable anymore, it's been years since I attended anything remotely formal.
I'm also considerably older than when done of these dresses got their last outings and my shape has changed.
I'm not totally against buying something new, but would love some guidance from the wise women of Style and Beauty, please.
Pictures to follow. Ignore the shoes!

I fell in love with someone 6 years ago. I was single, he had a long term girlfriend who he lived with.
said he was in love with me too, was going to leave her, the usual blah blah. He pursued me originally.
I sent the partner an anonymous message at the time telling her he was cheating and she didn’t believe it so carried on their relationship as normal.
I heard from his colleague that he told her someone was jealous of their relationship and trying to ruin it. 🫠 He never did leave her and then they had a child 4 years ago.
i’m bitter I’ll admit. Do I tell her all these years later - I have photos and messages. Or let it be?

I’ll be watching, I found baby reindeer a disturbing but good watch on the whole. This one has had mixed reviews, everything from 2 to 5 stars! Looking forward to making up my own mind!

I have one DS5 with my husband and he has three DC but two older so only DSD13 comes to visit EOW.

DSD is great with DS but her behaviour always causes friction. She has no resilience and craves attention.

Latest we went out for DS birthday to a theme park, she was too tall to go on a young kids ride and cried about it. DH pacified her. Gave her the attention she wanted and ended up going off for an hour so she could do some rides.

Stuff like this happens all the time. I'm at the point that I don't want to invite her anywhere as she always has to cause issues.

However, my DS adores her so I want them to be together. Told DH he is massively causing issues and he simply says he doesn't see her often so just wants to make her happy.

Any advice please?

I have a client couple whom ive got to know over a few years. I see them weekly at home.
I got to know and love their Dcat. All our chats were about her, always made a big fuss each week. Cat died, quite young suddenly a couple of months ago. The couple just got engaged.
Here's the question... I am a very amateur artist. I joined a club and have painted the cat. Now it looks quite good, i'm really chuffed. Its not an uncanny resemblance but you can tell its her. Could I cause offence by framing it and gifting it to them as part of their engagement gift? Thoughtful or weird??

Ugh! Dp buying more lads mags and having them sent to his mum's house so I don't discover them like I did 18 months ago.

My landlady lives locally and often drives past my house. Early this morning, I was in my front garden, filling my bird feeders, and she pulled over and said that the advice from the RSPB is not to feed birds from feeders any more.

I told her that actually, the advice is not to feed them seeds and peanuts between May-October this year and I'm planning on following the advice so I was just using up the last of my seed now as it's not May yet.

She got really defensive and said "well, I just think it's important to follow the advice so I'd rather you didn't do it, please take the feeders down!!" which really annoyed me so I said, well it's not May yet so no, and anyway the advice is that you can feed them (small amounts of) mealworm and suet balls after May so I will be doing that, and she didn't say anything else, just drove off.

This really wound me up and I was annoyed for the rest of the day, took the kids out to a farm park and I arrived home an hour ago, and my feeders have gone out of my garden!!!

I checked my ring doorbell and she's bloody come into the garden, armed with a plastic carrier bag, removed my feeders and taken them away!!

I rang her three times back to back and she wouldn't pick up, so I whatsapped her and it immediately went to two blue ticks. I said - "Please return my bird feeders immediately, they are my property and you had no right to take them. I am following the advice but even if I was not, you still have no right to take my things."

After half an hour she replied "I am not currently allowing tenants to use bird feeders at my properties and have asked that they all be removed. I was passing so I removed yours for you, they are in safe keeping and will be returned in October"

My AIBU is not about who was in the right because I bloody well know I am, but whether or not I should call the police. I spoke to my neighbour about it and she said I shouldn't and that I should just replace them and remove the cost from the rent. She says she's obviously nuts and I shouldn't risk falling out with her

YABU - Don't call police, replace and charge her or do something else
YANBU - Call the police, report her for theft, and give them the doorbell footage.

Hi

Really need help in loosing my mind on a certain corner of my hallway were doing it up and I've created some images of what it will look like when finished a d I'll post all photos of what it will look like when finished however it's the image with the coat hooks that I don't know what to put at the bottom as I have tried finding a console table or shoe bench but as it's only 50cm on the wall under the shopping bag I have to have a custom made one and there expensive and I just don't know what to put there?

My decor style is Cosy Cotswolds country with a refined elegant twist

It feels like Universal Credit doesn’t really leave much room for saving once basic living costs are covered. I know in theory people say to put even small amounts aside but in practice it seems very difficult when most of the money goes on essentials.

AIBU to think there’s very little opportunity to build savings on UC?

TRIGGER WARNING Terminal cancer

Sleeping over in the hospice with her tonight just waiting for the bastard evil cunt of a brain tumour to take her.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, my stomachs doing somersaults and so fucking knotted up and having waves of crippling panic.

I can't bear it. It's such a cruel way to go. I'm so desperate for it to be over for her. Literally begging the universe to hurry the fuck up and stop dragging out her pain.

My partner works 8-4 Monday to friday
Then 1 out of 2 Saturdays 9-1
Anytime I suggest doing anything he says “no I only get that time off I want to rest “
I booked as a surprise a night away on Saturday and he’s told me to cancel it.
What makes me laugh is two weeks ago he finished work at 1pm and drove 4 hours down the other end of the country for a work meeting the next day -stayed up with his work colleagues till 3am ..to start a conference at 8am
Then drank till 1 am that night as well.

So he’s too tired to do anything on a weekend but will happily do that?
aibu to think that’s rubbish?
so we just never do anything on a weekend and he just sleeps then ? Or lies in bed
Aibu ?

Firstly, I apologise for how long this is but i feel it necessary so you all get a picture of how desperate this situation is.

DP of 7yrs is slowly killing himself. He was diagnosed with fibro about 3yrs ago & hasn't worked since. He is also T2 diabetic (insulin 4 times a day) but his diet is absolutely woeful. His weight has slowly crept up and is now out of control.

Mcdonalds every day (and it's not just a cheeseburger it's a large meal with a fizzy drink, 6 nuggets or he will order 5 chicken mayos)
Huge bowl of crunch nut cornflakes every morning for breakfast with whole milk
Hardly ever drinks water & can easily drink 2ltrs of pepsi max in a day if not more
Huge portions of whatever he eats. He will get two of whatever he fancies from Greggs (2 steak bakes, 2 sausage rolls & 2 doughnuts ect) or order 5 separate dishes from the Chinese / Indian excluding the rice / chips / poppadoms that he has to have of course. Whatever he doesn't eat he has for breakfast the same day.
He has take aways 4 out of the 7 days. I always make food at home and he will have that too.
Has sleep apnea but refuses to where his masks as he doesn't like it (another reason I sleep with my son also)
Eats copius amounts of sweets & chocolate with reckless abandon
Falls asleep throughout the day

Always moaning his body/ kidneys hurt and is constantly tired
Refuses to change his diet
Never walks anywhere, always drives. We live exactly 5 doors away from our GP surgery and he still drives there.
Has an excuse or reason for everything.

Hasn't got up with our son in about 2.5yrs. I sleep with him as he is on the autism pathway & climbs on the windowsill / headboard and i'm scared he will get tangled in the curtains or unlock the window and escape (ground floor flat but next to a very very busy road) so it's safer for him to sleep with me until we can afford to make the room my DP sleeps in safe for DS to sleep in after a OT assessment which is due in May.
He lays in bed till gone 8 or 9am (ds can decide to be up for the day at 3am/4am and not sleep again until around 1pm)
He will occasionally hoover or wash up
Never cooks. If he can't stick it in the microwave or airfryer he won't do it all house work, cooking & laundry falls on me.

I could live again with the breath I waste on him asking, begging and pleading for him to look after himself. As I said our 3yr old is on the autism pathway, he is a runner, no sense of danger and just runs and runs and runs until he is caught and he will never be able to run after him if he ever breaks loose from his harness. I don't know what to do, nothing I say sinks in. I am thinking of leaving as we are dictated by him what outings we do as he cannot walk far at all without sweat pouring out of him & he has to rest every 5/10mins and it's infuriating. I wanted to go to the seaside and zoo soon (separate days) but he wants to hire a mobilty scooter to use both visits and it's instantly put me off going.
I love walking and being outside (i can drive just hate it especially in London) and DS loves being outside too.

We can't even think of going on holiday abroad or uk due to his size and mobilty. He got weighed at Boots 3 days ago and is almost 27st & he is only 5'9 he doesn't even try and help himself.
He's 35 & i'm scared he won't see 40 the way he is going. His pip & esa never lasts as goes on his huge food consumption & petrol so i pay for 90% of bills, food shopping, clothes for ds and whatever else he may need.
So sorry this is so long, both my parents died when before I was 20 & I have no siblings / auntys/ friends to confide in.

Posters always used to rave about Fit Flop Allegro, but I don’t think they make them any more? So if I want a really soft ballet flat or loafer/brogue from Fit Flop (something quite feminine) what’s good this year?

Hey shoppers
I’m trying to find some alternative swimwear to suggest to my teen daughter. she does not want to look in any way girlie or feminine. I just want her to feel comfortable at the beach! Her style is v androgynous. She’s sent a link to a swim top which I’m not keen on so trying to find some alternatives.

I’m thinking tankini / crop top in plain black, no cutaways or flounces or ‘shape enhancing’; not padded or wired, a blurb on the site that doesn’t talk about flattering one’s figure… bonus points if the models are boyish looking. I’m really struggling to find this even in sportswear and surf sites. The swim shorts we have sorted in plain black, it’s just the top.
it’s for a beach holiday where it will be hot.
she’s in adult sizes. Medium/ 10-12. Don’t think we’ll get away with age 13-15.
thanks for any help!

What does either a specific person in your life, or just the general public do, you just don't understand why they do it, and you either can't ask them or you've tried to ask them and they can't tell you?

Write it here and maybe someone else that also does it can tell you why, or has an idea as to why.

Here are mine:

Why do my neighbours across the street bring their bins outside a full 24hrs early? They are retired, home most of the day, go in and out of their house five or six times during that 24hr period, but bring their bins out early Monday morning when they don't get picked up until Tuesday morning?

Why do people talk on their phones on speakerphone in public, what is the purpose?

I am so upset and angry with my sister but unsure if I have the right to be.
Our niece(a well behaved 14 year old) was removed by social services from her dads and is not able to return back.
She has been staying at my sisters(her aunties)but my sister is adamant that when the next review is up she can no longer keep her.
The truth is she doesn't want to in case it impacts on her many holidays and going out(she is in her 40s)
When I challenged her on why she just comes up with the most ridiculous excuses.
She has a spare bedroom and the means to give her a goodish life(considering what the poor girl has been through)
I have offered to do all I can -get bunk beds and have her every weekend but she still refuses.
I have volunteered to have her at mine despite having no room(she would have to share while we either put up a petition wall causing minimal space and we would be over crowded)
While this is being done she would have to go into care as my sister is counting down the days until our nieces time is up at hers and won't keep her a minute longer.
She has 4 people in her house who all drive and could help out-no young children.
My husband and I have our nieces sister living with us-a hyper active 6 year old who we have had since birth.
We love her dearly but life is hard and we get no help.
The irony is my sister considers herself to be a Christian woman!
Maybe it's me and people don't help each other any more but I can't think of any one who would see their niece go into care when they could prevent it without it dramatically affecting their life.
She knows how hard it is for us as a family and she really doesn't care.
How can someone have such a cold heart?
And to top it all she has told my niece she will like being in care as she will have her own bedroom and get taken out!!
No mention that it's likely she will be shipped around and gave to change schools.
The poor girl is going through enough.

The guy is surely fairly minted by any national standard. He never stops working.

I just think, if you don’t need the money - why would you do ads? It’s not as dignified as all his well paid work, surely.

Maybe he is using the ad funds for some charitable endeavour. But I hate to see it when they don’t need to do it and I definitely think slightly less of him. Pure, weird greed.

….. standing next to my van, loading my stuff into it when a black Volvo pulls up behind me and the female driver asks if I’m leaving. I tell her no not yet so she thanks me and reverses back a little and stops and asks if the two men in a van (having a tea break) are leaving. They tell her the same thing, so she asks if it’s okay to leave the car in front of the van as she only needs five minutes. They say it’s fine and she says great, I’ll leave the keys in it just in case they need to leave and then off she pops.
Two minutes later, a car opposite starts up and the driver can’t manoeuvre out. as her car is in the way. Van driver jumps out and gets in her car to move it. At which stage, two startled heads pop up in the back. She had left the keys and her two young kids in her car.
Van driver lets the other driver out and neatly parks Volvo in the now vacant space.
Could you see this happening in the UK? By this time it was about 10 minutes - I wonder what she thought as she came back to the car park and saw her car wasn’t sitting where she left it?

What luxury or good quality items have you received or bought for yourself that you think stand the test of time and bring you joy?

Big birthday coming up so I plan to drop heavy hints to DH and also treat myself over the course of the year.

These can be wearable items or home goods and gadgets. They can be expensive (up to low thousands) or much less.

They can be items that finally made you feel like a grown up but that bring you a rush of wonder when you use them.

I’m after quality or beauty or practicality rather than anything super fashionable.

Sadly budget won’t stretch to car or holiday home! And I don’t have the capacity for more pets. I’m good at coming up with experiences gifts so it’s just cold, hard, material goods I’m after!

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

Hi all - would welcome views on this and will try my best to keep it concise...

Big company. About 14 months ago one colleague, let's call him Paul, started being quite blatantly rude to me on the few occasions we needed to interact.

The rudeness was snide remarks in person, rude comments on emails ("Why are you asking me for this? I don't even know what you actually do.").

Stupidly, I let it slide thinking he was just a twat.

A peer approached me last Autumn and asked if I'd ever had any issues with Paul as he'd been really rude to her. So we swapped stories and both spoke up to Paul's boss and our boss (Paul's boss's boss).

Paul got 'appropriate feedback' on this and similar complaints from three other colleagues outside our team - all women.

This month he gets a new role in our team which makes him a direct report of my boss (not a promotion but a high profile project and much more visibility).

Paul being rude to new peers (men and women). My boss openly acknowledges that Paul creeps up to him but 'acts superior' to others.

Today, Paul joined my boss's direct report meeting for the first time. About 30 mins after, my boss pulled me aside and said "I don't know if you realise but your body language was very negative in the meeting today.."

I asked him for examples and he said I had been frowning when Paul was talking. I know this wasn't conscious but am shocked it's been mentioned.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Would welcome views on:

1. This is worrying. You need to ensure you check your expressions and don't give them anywhere to go with this....

2. This is nuts. They don't appear to have dealt with Paul effectively and he should be the focus, not you. Forget it and move on.

My MIL stays over at our place too often. She lives a 45 min drive away and comes over every week to stay for between 3-5 nights. We don't have a spare room so she sleeps on the sofa. This has happened for years. I am bewildered as to why. I cannot get my husband to reduce it as it's a sensitive topic with him and he gets very defensive and annoyed even when I broach the subject delicately. I'm sick of it. Any ideas are welcome please. Thank you

Away abroad with work.
We have clients with us, there’s a few of us flown over.
Activities all organised by head office, lovely, it’s really well organised day & evening.
Restaurants booked for each evening… Smash burger place and steak & fish place x2. Checked out menus and there is zero, and I mean zero vegetarian option on any of the menus at all. Starters/mains ALL meat or fish pf some form. There’s not even any sides (which would usually be more go to)

I do not want to draw ANY attention to myself at all as I am excruciatingly dreading these events as I am introvert, socially extremely anxious and feeling very very out of my depth with it all.

Fade into the background is my main aim..

So, do I order something with meat/fish & just pretend to eat it and be hungry for a few days?

I don’t speak the language, the waiter from last night spoke no English so ringing them to order something else is not an option here at all. (I ended up with an appetiser of grilled asparagus which I couldn’t eat so pushed it around my plate for 40 minutes.

Ive used my emergency pack of biscuits as I was starving.
What would you do in my shoes???