Hi. My partner of 20 years admitted a few weeks ago to cheating on his previous girlfriend when they were about 22. I can't remember how it even came up in conversation. He said he met up with a friend of theirs one weekend, went for a drive, did lots of 'other stuff ' but didn't sleep with her.
Bear in mind I caught him sexting an ex 5 years after we met. So now he's done it twice to two different people.
Lately, I'm assuming due to perimenopause,i am joining the dots and am beginning to ask questions about everything in my life.
So would you believe him or not?

I have a 2.5hr+ commute (one way) that starts and ends with a 20 min walk. I have nice hair leaving the house at 6am-ish but by the time I get to the office, I might as well have not bothered. I use the colour wow stuff but don't think it makes a difference. My hair is naturally curly/wavy and I usually either straighten or blow dry.

How do you protect your hair? Silk lined hat? Is there a product that will do this?

Any advice gratefully received!

DH and I going to London this weekend Friday til Sunday for our wedding anniversary. Leaving 2 children 4 and 11 at home with grandparents.
i’m panicking we are going to get caught up in a terror attack or a bloody shooting after what’s happened in Krakow. My anxiety about going is worse at night I don’t know why, possible as I’m distracted during the day. Can anyone give me a slap of reality to calm me down please 🙈 we hardly ever get a break from the children so i’d love to go and enjoy it but i’m just freaking out.

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Hi all. Here's our new thread. Giving Rainbow a break and until Reastie returns. Sorry there wasn't a more inspiring title, didn't spot any comedy typos this time.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5444936-bargain-referrals-thread-8

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

🎄 Emoji to copy if required for posting bargains as some agree this makes deals easier to spot. (or post in bold)

Two questions on this for the MN hive mind!

First - If you can’t have a phone in your bag AT ALL will that include dumb phones? Will all schools be obliged to provide pouches/lockers for kids whose parents want them to have a phone when travelling to and from school? There isn’t a phone box anywhere on dc’s route home from school.

Second - the last para mentions access to Vinted and eBay may be banned. Can anyone suggest why? I sort of understand eBay (the auction process can get addictive?) but why Vinted?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/phones to be banned from pupils bags under new rules

A lack of humour and self reflection is not helping.

I’m going to a nice celebration dinner between Christmas and new year and I want a nice top to go with some black velvet wide leg trousers…

I’m large of bust so a lot of tops tend to hang from my boobs which is annoying. I don’t like anything too clingy around my stomach. Maybe a wrap top or A line? Anyone seen one in the shops and thought “that would go nicely with black trousers for a nice do”?? Would prefer not to spend too much (up to about £50)

My son comes home from school most days telling me children tell him he smells, he showers every single morning, clean uniform every morning, sprays deodorant/anti persistent, aftershave, body sprays, brushes teeth etc but he still tells me they say he smells, what is going on?? It’s making him super paranoid and he’s spending ages in the shower in the morning (making all my hot water run out) making himself late for school, spraying deodorant on himself for ages including his hair?! His bag?? Hes now being late for school as it’s taking so much time. Are they just being mean I don’t know what’s going? He doesn’t smell to me

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

Hello - career teacher- needing somewhere to rant
I am sick of every child (almost to a fault) arguing that they shouldn't do what you have asked - this is from the tiniest thing to the biggest things
Also today I have been physically shoved which will lead to no more than a day of isolation for the 15 year old that did it
What has happened to young people? We are literally at the point where even if you are warning a student about something dangerous to themselves - they don't listen- instead their default is to argue back first

It's exhausting

Also, I am not a strict or savage teacher- our school does not have lots of stupid rules- this is a really strong societal drift into this constant state. And no, it hasn't always happened- there has been a massive change in the last 8 years

Last night my dd who is 21 and autistic told me three years ago she was raped by her first boyfriend. She says she wants to go to therapy but absolutely does not want to go to the police.

She told me she woke up and he was having sex with her, it was her first time having sex with anyone. Then she said to me that was the night I asked you to come and get me but you wouldn’t. I feel like this is my fault and I left her to be raped. The boyfriend lived two hour drive from me, she had gotten the train over there and missed the connection home. She asked me late to come get her, it would have been a four hour trip late and I said oh you will be fine just get train back in morning. I feel dreadful. This is on me.

How do I help her and how can I make this up to her?

My children 11 & 13 have given me their Christmas lists which consist of 3D printer £300, laptop £400 and daughter wants a Lego set that’s £260 and a phone upgrade…when did life get so expensive! What’s everyone else’s children asking for / getting realistically?

I didn't even know she was the one, and when I clicked, it was too late, already sold. Pic attached - grey, purple and yellow. Gorgeous colours in the right ratios, wool, just the right shape. I can't find another anywhere else (well, some Chinese knock off sites that I can't imagine deliver on their promise) and haven't found an alternative. The second pic could have been another vinted contender but angora in the mix nixed it for me. I saw these https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/lola-sweater-in-multicolor-multicolour/ & https://www.wolfandbadger.com/eu/striped-stitch-maya-crew-multicolour-stripe/ but they are too expensive not to be right.

I'm looking for boxy, wide stripes and jewel tones, in merino, wool or cashmere (or mix). No angora, mohair or acrylic. I have considered knitting one myself but I'm painfully slow at the best of times, currently exacerbated by actual shoulder pain. I'd pay £200-300 because I'll wear it forever. Very grateful for any suggestions

Ive had a guts full of the Brand and Trump cult members blindly buying everything these guys are selling. Why are people not questioning and fact checking before they make a complete arse of themselves on SM by posting conspiracy theory rubbish. But actually they’re being crushed under the rush of people agreeing with them and spouting even more ridiculous crap. Is Brand a rapist or has he been set up because he was close to bringing the elite down? Are you bloody killing me?

I don’t understand why people are so willing to believe awful things with no fact checking. Actually why people are so bloody racist, why people hero worship celebrities, why people are so ready to channel their hate into the next scandal providing it’s not directed at a middle aged white man too. And I’m depressed that yes I see these theories and in my head I think thicko. After I’ve fact checked it obvs. Yes and I know time to step
away from SM but I’ve indulged more lately as I was so desperate for the Midterms to go the Democrats way.

I'm in my 50s. I always found Russell Brand to be utterly awful but he seemed to be just an extreme end of a whole bunch of awful men with awful behaviour which was, when I was young, taken for granted and laughed off. If you didn't laugh off you 'didn't have a sense of humour' or lost your job.

I remember, for instance, as a student, working in an Italian restaurant in the kitchen with an Irish chef, must have been in his 30s/40s (he seemed ancient to me at the time) and he'd talk to me about 'the smell of pussy' all evening. How long it had been since he'd had the smell of it on his fingers. I had no idea how to reply, I was only 18. I felt totally disgusted by him and I think just kept my back to him and kept on working. I remember trying to tell the restaurant owner and he laughed it off and said something like, 'welcome to working in kitchens.' Then my shifts got cut.

That's just one thing but there have been so many over the years and, even now, sometimes I feel like I'm expected to put up with and shut up about quite a lot of everyday things by the men in my life.

And, maybe more than anything, I'm wondering why I did put up with it and never really either stood up for myself or spoke out.

I'm sure this conversation has been started many times but I'm just feeling quite sad and stirred up by it this morning.

I know I can Google (and I will) but I know there are a lot of London folk on here who will be able to advise!

DS19 and I want a day trip to London right before Christmas so what will be the best things for us to do in our 12 hours in the city?

Do they exist? Just something warmish, easy, plain, reasonably flattering.

Aged 70, short, size 14.

Thanks!

I live an hour away from
my partner of a year. We see one another overnight once per week for 24-36 hours and then have a coffee/ walk on an evening midweek .
My 16 year old child has an issue with this. He refuses to engage in any activity outside the home except for walking the dog. Doesn’t meet friends , just wants me around all the time and has just accused me f being a shit mother essentially and asked why I had kids when’
im always gone’. My
other kids are thrilled for me . I’ve solo
parented all my life .. even when married but have done it completely on my own for the last eight years where I was fully
committed to my children and my work to support them.
I am sick to death of this child trying to control my life. I have so so little going on outside my home and I have probably finally met the live of my life where I am treated with such kindness, respect and love and my son kicks off.. again!!
Im emotional tonight as I’ve just received another tirade of verbal abuse but am I being unreasonable here???

Hiding the brief about Christmas ads so that their colleagues at John Lewis didn’t get it while Waitrose nailed theirs

Welcome back everyone. New thread just in time for Black Friday.

How is everyone's self restraint looking? 😂😂😂

Fingers crossed for some good bargains this year especially all those advents that haven't sold out. We've probably bought some of those already but let's ignore that.

Happy bargain hunting. 😍

I recently made a very difficult decision to rehome my 5y spaniel. My life has changed dramatically in the past 5y and he is no longer getting what he needs. I’m a single parent to 2 DC ages 11y & 13y. I’ve changed careers having worked from home to shift work and now studying a degree on top. Despite my best efforts the poor dog is being left for long periods of time. I do have friends and a dog walker who take him out but I work 12 hour shifts and sometimes need to sleep either side of them.

This has made the dog more wired and anxious. He’s a typical spaniel and just wants to be with you all day. He’s also got more worried about children’s teenage friends coming and go and has starting to bark at them. Meaning it is stressful managing that too. I’m also not home all the time.

I spoke to Spaniel Aid who have have agreed to take him. I told my children tonight and they are both devastated. We’ve always had a dog. I am devastated too but feel utterly overwhelmed with everything on my plate.

Please give me some encouraging words.

I've been in a relationship with a serial cheater for several years. Now, I've said it. I've never been particularly attractive to men, objectively speaking, and I've always struggled to find relationships, so I tend to cling to the few I've managed to have, even when I know really shouldn't. I know, very healthy.

I was the breadwinner in this relationship. I brought in roughly 5x and he has three children to pay maintenance for, so I covered pretty much all our living expenses.

In the last few weeks, two things happened in quick succession.

I discovered yet another affair. I've honestly lost count, but I think this was number six or seven. The other woman, or rather girl, as she's only 19, sent me photos and screenshots I desperately wish I could unsee. He'd told her he loved her and wanted to marry her immediately.

What made this one spectacularly bad for some reason was the financial on top of the physical and emotional cheating. It turned out he'd been paying her rent while I was paying all our expenses as he said he has some debts to pay off.

Then, within 2 weeks, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's a condition that will probably leave him severely disabled within a year and is likely to end his life within five. He is likely to have very significant care needs very soon.

I finally found it in myself to end the relationship and have given him until the new year to move out.

He's made a couple of social media posts about his diagnosis, ("sharing awareness" style) mentioning that I've ended the relationship but that he doesn't blame me, as he's about to become a "liability" and can't work anymore. He also made a point of saying that he'll be homeless from the New Year because I've asked him to move out.

I'm now the awful woman who abandoned a man as soon as he became seriously ill, leaving him with no place to live and no financial support.

To everyone else, he's this charming, kind, jovial man. And yes he genuinely can be all those things. But there's another side to him that they haven't had to live with.

Some of the things people have said to me have been absolutely vicious. I've never felt so hurt or so alone in my life.

I don't even know what my AIBU.

AIBU to think that ending a relationship after years of repeated infidelity doesn't suddenly make me a bad person just because he has become seriously ill at the same time?

After everything with Russel Brand/Walliams being an open secret, what are the other open secrets out there? Who will be next? When does it end? And how does it still go on?

Watched the Brand documentary on channel 4 and comedian Daniel Sloss stated that there was other comedian predators out there but wouldn’t name them? Any thoughts?

I returned to work today after a couple of weeks off, and I know it takes a few days to get back into the swing of things, but I’ve just thought, all day, that this is a completely pointless existence and I don’t know how I’m going to do it for the next 30 years.

I work in an office based role, and as part of the senior leadership team, earn around £80k per year. The role is not necessary. Without me, nobody would die, the world would carry on as it always has, even the organisation itself would be perfectly fine! I attend meetings where we talk about whether we should or shouldn’t do something. Nobody cares! Just do it or don’t, it makes no difference either way. I feel like I’m not the only one - 99% of office roles fit into this category.

But I’m stuck. I’d love to do something more meaningful, but I need the money. My husband is a carer for our son, and there are no jobs that I can think of that would scratch the itch for the same salary… so do I just suck it up for 30 years? It all seems so ridiculous, how did we as a civilisation end up here?

I’m not depressed or anything, I’m perfectly happy when I’m not at work, but does anyone else feel like this?