I promised DD that she could get her ears pierced after primary school. Her new school doesn’t allow earrings. I’ve been told that studs need to be left in for eight weeks…so basically she can’t have them done until she leaves secondary school…or sits in isolation room for a fortnight after a summer holiday (another child and parent were told this). Transparent earrings or plasters over them aren’t allowed either. It’s a school that seems to pride itself on going further on petty dogma than other schools in the borough, but not going as far where more important stuff (clamping down on bullying, standard of teaching) is concerned.

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

We got back from holiday in Italy three weeks ago and my partner was complaining of bites (I thought he was being a bit of a hypochondriac). Anyway, I noticed bites today and specs of brown/red on our pillows.

I found one of the critters and took a picture of it… definitely bed bugs.

Has anyone successfully treated an infestation and if so how? I’ve put all the sheets and mattresses protectors in the wash. I’m so horrified!

I was eating a cake at work having eaten a sandwich and a donut four hours earlier. This is over the course of a 8 hour shift. My manager came in today and said “all you’ve done today is stuff your face” and laughed. He is a jokey type of guy always but AIBU to think this is too far? He’s a 50ish yo man and me a mid 20s woman for context. It massively upset me as I have previous issues with weight and eating (which he wasn’t to know). How do I raise this?

Struggling to explain why it’s hurt me so much as when I told my work friends they just went “oh yeah its a bit much but probably banter” so how do I put into words why I’m so
upset?

I won’t be saying who they are.

I recently spoke to a friend about it who
had lots of questions which lead to an interesting conversation, things I’d never said or thought about before.

When I was younger I used to feel incredibly jealous of them and had a very short and unsuccessful attempt at creating my own fame.

Now I’m older with my own dc and have seen the effects up close I definitely think the negatives out way the positives and it’s not something I would ever want for my children.

AMA

Results Day last Thursday and son is beyond devastated. This experience has made us realise that there’s so much discrimination on children who have attended private school. We are not wealthy at all, DHs parents have helped us pay for our three children’s education. DH and I have normal jobs I work in the civil service and DH works in policy side of things for network rail.

Anyway I am saying this because of contextual offers why can’t everyone just get the same offer based on merit. Our son had an oxford offer he missed that he got AAA instead of his offer which was A A A now he cannot go to his dream university he was rejected as he missed the offer. He is planning to resit further maths again in hopes of getting an A and we will support him with that it’s just quite sad but he’ll get over it he’ll apply again for next year the school has been ever so supportive.

He overachieved on his offer yet there’s kids getting in with less grades than him just because of the schools they go to. We did initially think for him to go to grammar school for sixth form as we have friends who’s children left independently school for sixth form for grammar schools to get lower offers for Oxbridge and one of them messaged me saying “I told you so” as her son got into Oxford for the exact same course he was just given a lower offer. I am so annoyed

I guess this is a lesson for my son he has realised the world isn’t fair and it’s quite a motivator for him. He’s a hardworking boy, he has spent some is his summer in South America teaching maths, he went to a maths competition in America this summer too, this is a very dedicated boy we have spoken to the university but they wrong budge they’re willing for him to resit and reapply next year.

I think contextual offers should only really be for young carers, children who have been in foster care, children with disabilities etc not just because of your address and the school you go to that is very unfair. Most parents at Indys are catching onto this lots are sending their children to grammar schools/state schools so they get lower offers. It’s an awful system that we have in this country. I’m so hurt for him but I know this will motivate him. He’s our eldest and we were looking forward to dropping him off at Oxford not Durham, he out Durham as his insurance he never wanted to go there! They did accept him but what’s the point, he was so upset when he logged into UCAS to see that and some is my friends advice was that he should just go to Durham why should he go to a university he doesn’t want to to. He put them as insurance because it’s the smart thing to do but deep down he always thought he’d get into Oxford. He still went out and celebrated his friends but he’ll be back to school in September, he’s looking forward to visiting his friends that are going to university and he’s recently got a part time job at an art gallery and he’s loving it so at least he’s got an extra year to enjoy that.

Sorry for the rant. Any parent just wants their son to be happy he’ll get over it in a couple of weeks as his application needs to be in by Oct so we will have to just see how this round goes he’s willing to give it one more shot.

My husband is stuck in the bathroom - the door has jammed!

Does anyone know any tricks for unsticking doors?! I’ve tried googling but can’t work it out. He’s been in there over half an hour now.

Went to watch The Hundred the other day. Got the cheap seats (restricted view - £12.50 per adult and £5 per child). We took food and drink. Bought some drinks from the bar but waaay too expensive to have as many as we'd have liked.

Husband took little one off for a promised ice cream (it was hot and young children love an ice cream treat). It was £8 per ice cream (one was a Cornetto, the other two scoops in a pot). Wtaf?! I don't know how anyone can justify charging that. I also wonder how on earth people with more than one child are meant to afford it. Had hubby realised the cost, before promising the little one an ice cream, he wouldn't have said ice cream was on the cards! Won't be doing that again, for sure.

AIBU to blame people who repeatedly pay such exorbitant prices for these prices being maintained? If everyone took a stance and refused, surely they'd have to come down.

I wonder if it's some sort of sick joke to see how much can be charged and people will still pay...

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

I have just had an invite to a military 'do' at the start of November. I need to find an evening dress (has to meet mess dress standards so must be full length, must cover the shoulders, can't be hugely low cut/ high split). I'm 55 5'10 size 16 (thanks unshiftable menopause weight) hour glass/ big bust (so no high necks) and suit jewel colours.

I've found a few options on vinted but I would like to buy somewhere physical or online with easy returns so I can try a few options to see which looks/feels best. Budget is as low as possible (so I'm guessing I will end up on vinted after all) but is there anywhere I should look for a dress or jumpsuit that fits the brief and won't break the bank? My confidence is at a low so I want something that makes me feel a special as it will be a big night for DH and I'd like to look presentable.

Thinking cami vest but what colour ? And would you get a round neck cami or v neck to try and follow the neckline ?

or would you try anything else ?

I can try fashion tape
but it’s feels a bit odd

Firstly I appreciate this is not the same for the rest of the country

but we’ve had it horrific here (London). I’ve never felt so shit in my life as I have for the last 10 weeks. I’ve spent between £250-350 a month on electricity (portable air conditioners). I’ve felt anxious, headachy, it’s FUCKED with my peri menopause (brain fog, no words, cognitive decline). I’ve felt tearful and as if it would go on forever. There are moments where I’ve thought I can’t take another moment of this. My sleep is proper fucked.

this has to change. I’ve done everything on a personsl
level I can. Air conditioners only when necessary, above 26 inside (DH has long Covid so literally throws up in heat). His asthma is exacerbated. The dogs have had the shittest summer. I’ve had a couple of rescues that can’t go out about 22 degrees. I reckon they’ve been walked briefly 3 times a week. We deliberately went away on a cheap caravan holiday twice just so they could smile. There were endless days I couldn’t work as too hot in my home office and clients cancelled.

I cannot wait til Saturday.

I hope for solidarity from others. I want to wear a fucking hoodie again. I’ve spent every day sat around in my underwear inside for vast stretches of the day. This is not sexy.

I have a small reddish bruise under one breast. Half a centimetre, to a centimetre. I noticed it six weeks ago, when I had injured my ribs on the other side and just assumed it was part of the injury (bruises everywhere).

Just looked in the mirror six weeks on and it is still there. Help. Looks like a small bruise or insect bite. No noticeable lump, maybe feels like the remains of a small insect bite. Any ideas? Will get it checked anyway as I have a few dodgy skin marks.

Ds just finished school, A-level results disappointing to say the least. He managed to get himself a really good apprenticeship place which he's now lost because he missed a required grade by 2 marks. (Paper has been sent for review, but not holding out much hope that the grade will change). The plan now is for him to find himself another apprenticeship place, though it will have to be at a lower level.

But after DS was rude to me yesterday, I've decided that now is the time for me to step back and stop doing so much for him. I found him the original apprenticeship, because he was told to look but didn't bother. I helped him with the psychometric testing, the video interviews. Put loads of effort into trying to get him to revise when school told us he was probably going to fail. The moment he was left to his own devices he watched videos on you tube and insisted that was enough revision. You get the idea. He's failed his driving test 3 times, only goes out to practise if I tell him we are going.

All of this makes DH very stressed. His way of dealing with this is to tell me a list of things DS needs to be doing. I've realised that I've been babying DS in order to calm DH's anxiety and I just can't do it any more. It hasn't worked, I've put my own life on hold for months, and I'm exhausted.

Ds has spent the day in his room allegedly applying for an apprenticeship. I have said, if you want help, you know where I am and left it at that. DH is in a foul mood, foul tempered, stress farting, saying every 10 minutes 'what is DS doing? We need to look at what he's doing. He can't just be left to do it. Why is it taking so long? What has he been doing all day? He's got to write his answers in a word doc and run them through chat gpt.'Etc etc. he hasn't actually gone to Ds and said let me help, he's just dumped his stress on me but I have not budged. I know DH wants me to take over and just write the application. It is obviously driving him up that wall that I have said it is up to DS now.

Aibu?

Husband hates the dresses I loved - mob btw! He says the colour is wrong, the shape doesn’t suit. I felt fantastic in them ☹️. Ditching dh isn’t an option. Are they awful or is he being unreasonable?

I’ve changed my name because I’ve told a couple of people in real life about this and don’t want the link.

My DH and I have been away for a couple of nights without the kids (9 and 4). His parents looked after the kids the last two nights. We have 3 double bedrooms and then one kid’s bedroom with bunk beds.

We had one of the doubles set up as the spare room that the in laws always sleep in, with the usual fresh bedding etc. The second double has my 9 year old in. The third double is mine and my husband’s bedroom, the bedroom with bunk beds is where my 4 year old sleeps.

On the second night my DH parents (my children’s grandparents) decided that my 4 year old should sleep in the spare room with Grandpa (my FIL). My MIL got into my and DH bed (our bedroom not ready for guests, no clean bedding, things like medication left out).

I’m furious. Partially because I don’t think it’s appropriate for a grandfather to decide to sleep in a bed with his granddaughter who is 4. I’ve asked her whether it was ok. She understands the PANTS rules. She said that grandpa kissed her on the lips.

Secondly my MIL getting into my bed is a massive breach of privacy.

I don’t like my PIL so that may be clouding my judgement, but how they acted isn’t ok, right? What do I (my DH) do?

I want a present for a friend. I was thinking a nicer than average makeup bag
I love the look of these but reviews are mixed
Has anyone got experience of them or other recommendations at a similar price range?
TIA

Has anyone tried to order more than 1 size from H&M recently? I want a pair of trousers, but the measurements make me either 12 or 14. I tried to add both to the bag, but after giving me a message about the environmental cost of returns, it keeps chucking out the other pair! Wtf?

Just back from a fabulous family dinner out. No stress, fab food and good service. Restaurant we went to for the first time seems very popular and we could only get a table at 8pm. Which we would deem to be a bit late. We would normally be a 7pm
booking.
We have just chatted about why was this soo good and think we have hit the jackpot! No kids on bloody iPads with the volume turned up, that just kills the atmosphere and grinds me and my families gears. We went out last Sunday night at 6pm to a different restaurant, good food and good service. BUT not one, not two but three kids on the table next to us were all watching /using iPads with the volume up and it was torture and really spoiled the experience. So in future if I go out I am going to go late when the little people and their IPADS have gone to bed. They all need to put a set of headphones on their Santa list!!

Welcome to Thread 4! 🥳

And here we are again! 😂 A huge thank you to everyone who's been sharing spoilers, links, bargains, discount codes and enabling each other over the first three threads. ❤️

As agreed, we're taking it in turns to start each new thread null this year. If this thread starts getting close to the reply limit, please post to let everyone know you're happy to start the next one so we can avoid duplicate threads.

🎅 A few festive housekeeping notes;
🎁 This thread contains spoilers.
🎄 Please be kind and respectful to one another.
💸 No judging anyone for their purchasing choices (or how many calendars they buy... we're all enablers here! 😂).
🎀 Feel free to share spoilers, offers, discount codes, GWPs, delivery updates and stock alerts.

🎁 Available Now

Liberty – £285 (Beauty Drop members receive £25 off). Full contents revealed and available to order.
https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/beauty-advent-calendar

P. Louise – £250. Available to pre-order with payment instalments available.
https://plouise.co.uk/collections/wonderful-world-of-p-louise-advent-calendar/products/what-glows-around-2026-advent-calendar

John Lewis – Available on pre-sale via the app for MyJL members.
https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/

Harrods Beauty Advent Calendar – Now on pre-sale.
https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284475

Harrods 12 Days of Hair & Body – Now on pre-sale.
https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/p/harrods-of-london-the-harrods-12-days-of-hair-and-body-advent-calendar-2026-000000000000284465

Harrods Fragrance Advent Calendar – Pre-sale currently sold out. Expected back in-store during September (date TBC).
https://beauty-detective.com/harrods-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Vogue Festive Calendar – Available to pre-order. https://shop.vogue.co.uk/products/vogue-festive-calendar-2026

Fortnum & Mason Beauty Advent Calendar – Available to pre-order.
https://www.fortnumandmason.com/fortnums-beauty-advent-calendar-2026

Anthropologie 24 Day Beauty Advent Calendar – Available to pre-order.
https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/24-days-of-beauty-advent-calendar5

The Fragrance Shop - Available for pre-order
Women's Advent Calendar https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76306
Men's Advent Calendar https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/the-fragrance-shop/the-fragrance-shop/gift-box-advent/p/76307

⏳ Coming Soon / Waitlists

Cult Beauty
https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/c/advent-calendar/

Harvey Nichols
Beauty:
https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-beauty-advent-calendar-2026-75896-258491/
Fragrance:
https://www.harveynichols.com/harvey-nichols/harvey-nichols-12-days-of-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026-75906-258490/

John Lewis Fragrance
https://beauty-detective.com/john-lewis-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Space NK
https://www.spacenk.com/uk/gifts/beauty-advent-calendars/beauty-advent-calendar-MUK200063764.html

Elle
https://beauty-detective.com/elle-advent-calendar-2026/

Fortnum & Mason
Spoilers:
https://beauty-detective.com/fortnum-mason-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Waitlist: https://www.fortnumandmason.com/beauty-advent-calender-sign-up-2026

Boots (including the new fragrance calendar) https://www.boots.com/christmas/advent-calendars/advent-calendar-waiting-list

Sephora UK
Spoilers:
https://beauty-detective.com/sephora-uk-advent-calendar-2026/
Waitlist: https://www.sephora.co.uk/c/beauty-advent-calendar-waitlist

Selfridges (Beauty & Fragrance)
https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/
Fragrance https://beauty-detective.com/selfridges-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

LookFantastic Beauty
https://www.lookfantastic.com/c/waitlist/advent/?srsltid=AfmBOoovzs9M5Kt8-RM_31Q3_-JOa6N51uGggpe0hglvZbxC5Of7AFTH

LookFantastic Fragrance
https://beauty-detective.com/lookfantastic-fragrance-advent-calendar-2026/

Glossybox
https://beauty-detective.com/glossybox-advent-calendar-2026/

OK! Beauty Box
https://beauty-detective.com/ok-beauty-box-advent-calendar-2026/

Fenwick – Loyalty members null 20 August | General release null 25 August
https://fenwick.co.uk/blogs/daily-muse/fragrance-beauty-25-day-advent-calendar

Next spoilers
https://beauty-detective.com/next-beauty-advent-calendar-2026/

Debenhams – waiting list
https://www.debenhams.com/pages/beauty-advent-calendar

💄 More Calendars & Spoilers

Rather than making the opening post a mile long, here's a brilliant roundup of lots more advent calendars and the latest spoilers, including Charlotte Tilbury, Jo Malone, Elemis, Lancôme, Tatcha, NEOM, Neal's Yard Remedies, Holland & Barrett, YesStyle and many more as they're announced.

👉 https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/ 👈

🎅 Happy advent season everyone! 🎁

Here's hoping for lots more spoilers, bargains, discount codes, and maybe a little self-control (although that's already gone for some 😄)

Am I going insane??

Two adults.

One is cycling in to the local high street for a coffee with child. Coffee spot literally across the street from M&S.

One is driving in to the same town centre to drop off a child at the library, will not be getting out of the car, but because of the layout of the road will have to drive past the back of the same M&S.

one adult suggests to the other that they pop in and pick up some rolls and cold cuts for lunch, as they will be feet away from the shop, bikes already chained up.

the cycling adult says they think the other adult should do it, they are driving right past it. Driving adult explains they have no intention of getting out of the car, so it would add on a car parking space faff/fee.

they’ve reached an impasse, as both adults think it makes more sense for the other to go.

thoughts please?

Dd usually plays with a few children from our neighbourhood at the weekend. She’s just been to call at her best friends house. He said he can come, but only when he’s finished doing the housework (mum, dad and him seem to be cleaning)
Do you do this with your Dc, it seemed a bit sad for him or is it in fact good to start children early?
How much tidying/chores etc do your children do, of a similar age?
I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining.

Where do you stand on this?

Cost of higher end make up- going up and up.

I used to buy lots of higher end brands but didn't feel they were a rip off (I'm excluding most of Dior and Chanel here and other very £££ brands.)

But now so much make up is pricy.

I buy Bobbi Brown foundation - was £25 for ages now over £40 gradually crept up.
Nars blusher- £20-ish now £35
Lancome mascara - now £25+

I've swapped the foundation for Loreal for everyday use.
Pencils like lip liner and eye pencil- Elf and Loreal.
Mascara - Loreal Panorama
Blusher- still stuck as I am super pale so still Nars and Laura Mercier.

Has anyone else noticed this?
I now think twice before buying and in any case I just buy when it's run out.

Need some perspective on this and whether my head needs a wobble.

So me and DH have been together for 10 years, we have 3 kids together. We met in London and moved to a small town for his work after our first DC was born.

Recently he went away for a planned lads holiday to Malaga with his uni mates as they’re all turning 40. I don’t know the mates well, they all bar 1 came to the wedding, one was his best man who was incredibly drunk and didn’t do the best speech due to this. I’m only mentioning this because heavy drinking is the norm when these guys get together.

They went to Spain for 4 days, due to fly back on Sunday lunchtime. Originally he had booked to come back on a flight to get him home for 7pm, I had said that was later than I thought he would be back. He then booked a different flight that would have him home for 4pm - this is important.

I didn’t hear from DH much at all, I hadn’t expected to tbh because he was with his friends although it would have been nice to have the odd text checking in as the kids were being very hard work! On Saturday he phoned from his mates phone to tell me he had been mugged the previous evening, he was very drunk and got pushed over and his phone stolen. He thankfully wasn’t hurt and nothing else was stolen. I asked him to buy a cheap phone while he was out there so he wasn’t impossible to reach, I had his mates number but that’s it. I was not having the best time with the kids, they were being very hard work and the crap weather and no car didn’t help.

Saturday lunchtime we speak and I told him what a rough time I was having, the kids were being unusually difficult and I was exhausted. He made sympathetic noises, the call ended. I survived the day (!) and Sunday came. DH hadn’t bought a phone, he called me from his mates phone at about 10ish local time and told me he was heading to the airport shortly (flight departed 12pm local time).

4pm rolled around, not home. Check arrivals, flight landed and he had only hand luggage but traffic etc. 5pm, nothing. 6pm, nothing. I start getting worried, where is he? Is he okay? Did he get on the flight? Did something happen? We live 30-40 minutes from the airport, no traffic showing. I try contacting his friend just to make sure there hadn’t been any issues in Spain, he doesn’t answer. Go out for a walk with the kids as I’m anxious and on edge. Get home at 7.30pm and he walks in about 7.45pm. Says he had to get the second flight of the 2 he booked, the first one was overbooked.

I’m confused now because why didn’t he just call/text me to tell me? I had spent half the afternoon worrying for nothing! His friend had been at the airport with him for a bit, why not just let me know? I was annoyed about this as I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have just got in touch as he knew I was expecting him on the first flight. I’m just confused because nothing is making sense. DH keeps repeating the story, flight overbooked and I asked what he did while waiting, he said he was just sat in the airport waiting for the second flight. I asked him why he didn’t try to reach me somehow, there would have been ways.

His friend comes back to me on Monday and says DH’s flight was after his and there were no issues. Now I’m more confused because that would mean DH friends flight was before 12pm but I spoke to him at 10am local time and they weren’t at the airport. I called DH on this and said BULLSHIT I think you and your mates decided you coming home on the first flight ruined the fun so you decided to just not get on the first flight and didn’t tell me because you knew I’d be annoyed.

Eventually he admits yes. He had got to the airport for the first flight and didn’t want to leave so he decided fuck it I’ll get the later flight and knew I’d be pissed so didn’t tell me. Had a couple more beers with his mates till they all got their flights and then he got the later one and decided to tell me the first one was overbooked.

I am very hurt by this. Am I being a dick? He knew I had had a tough weekend, he knew I was exhausted, he knew I thought he would be back earlier and he knew I’d be hurt he opted not to get back sooner (I appreciate it’s only a few hours) and decided to lie to me and keep lying. As far as I know he’s never done anything like this before he’s usually a shit liar and wears his heart on his sleeve. We’ve been through a lot together and I really am hurt by it.

I’m less bothered by the fact he had had a lovely time with mates and didn’t want the holiday to end versus the lying to me and not communicating to me, knowing I hadn’t had the easiest weekend. It just feels out of character.

AIBU?

My DH and I have been together for 10 years, married for 7.

Recently I feel like nothing I do is good enough for him. Not in the sense that he's negative or angry but more in a needy sense.

For example, I don't hug him enough, I don't want to cuddle in bed enough, I don't tell him I love him enough, I don't say nice things to him enough, I don't randomly ask him if he's ok enough and so on ...

Now I appreciate this could just be seen as someone wanting to feel more loved but I don't think I am that terribly unloving.

We have a young child, I'm often touched out. I do practically everything in the home. I feel like everything I do is for other people and now someone wants even more of me.

I don't cuddle to sleep, that is just not me. It never has been. I like to have a little scroll on my phone as it feels like the only alone time I get to just sit and do something a bit mind numbing, but that's not good enough.

I'm more than happy to cuddle on the sofa when watching TV and I do feel like I actually initiate hugs a lot of the time. However it ALWAYS ends up sexual. I've brought this up with H a few times now and he doesn't get it. "At least he wants me" is the type of answer I'll get. Whereas I end up feeling like it's all he wants me for. 90% of the time I can't hug him without it turning into a bum / boob squeeze or some comment about sex.

When he said I don't ask if he's ok enough I pointed out to him that I literally, THAT DAY, had asked him if he was alright and gave him a hug because he seemed a little stressed but apparently that's not good enough because I should ask more just generally.

He thinks he says nice things to me all the time but I never do but again it's ALL sexually charged. It's always about me being "fit" or looking good (with the face or hint about wanting something). It's never about me being beautiful or how he appreciates what I do for our family or anything that I feel is actually meaningful to me.

A perfect example on my part is that I have a hobby that I enjoy. It's the only real thing aside from work, family and friends that I enjoy. He never asks me about it, he never asks how it's going, he never wants to watch, he never encourages it or feels supportive. In fact sometimes he feels cooler when I get home, probably because we aren't having tea until later that one night a fortnight I do it. Things like that make me think we'll hang on, you don't actually care about me as a person. You're not interested in things that make me happy. It's about you, it's about sex and it's about what I can do for you.

I feel like I spend my whole life basically doing things for other people and it's still not enough. It's not good enough because I spend half an hour scrolling on my phone to wind down, it's still not enough because I don't want to cuddle to sleep, it's not enough because I don't ask if he's ok enough.

Whenever I bring this up I "don't get it" or I'm "not understanding what he's saying".

Basically he doesn't feel loved apparently. But I don't think I have much else to give right now.