The Bluestocking Women’s Pub: Where Clever Women Sit and Think, While Gerbils Run the Bar.

[MyrtleLion]

Come in. Yes, you’re in the right place. No, you don’t need to explain yourself.

Coats will be drycleaned before you depart. Bags won't be stolen because Gubbins will play her triangle. And you really don't want to hear it.

The gerbils run the bar.
They are small, brisk, and unionised.
One is polishing a glass with unnecessary seriousness.
Another is keeping the tab and will remember what you ordered last time.
There is a triangle involved. No one knows why. It keeps Gubbins happy.

Sit. Think. Drink. Join in.

The gerbils have it from here.

Previous thread...
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5481554-the-bluestocking-womens-pub-definitely-full-of-ludicrous-halfwits-who-refuse-to-get-a-grip-with-unionised-gerbils

We don't wear dressing gowns.

But I did find it!

Our sofa and chairs are designed badly so that things can easily fall down the back. They then have a flap of material on the back that can be lifted up to retrieve itms. Usually it's stitch markers. Just found two of them.

But I never expected a large remote control could fall down there. I lifted the flap of the armchair, where I have been sitting since the sofa broke and out feel the remote control.

Of course I feel like an idiot...

We have also arranged to have the garden dug up and laid to patio from Monday and it will be two weeks of disruption. But we also have to move stuff out of the garden to the garage today and tomorrow when we're not feeling at our best.

Who does that on the one weekend in three months when we're drinking?!

Me. That's who. Yes, I'm still an idiot.

The nice man from Royal Mail has just delivered a very exciting book. Brace yourself.

I’ve just had a letter inviting me to my first mammogram appointment.

Definitely going, no question about that. I’ve heard it’s uncomfortable but the worst bit is over quickly - is that right?

Yes, 100% go.
It's not necessarily uncomfortable, depends on your style of [to use the standard Bluey lingo for 'breasts'😄] norkage.
I've never felt anything worse that 'This is weird, my breasts are being very firmly pressed between two hard surfaces, and I don't think I like it'.

That's just me. Others have had more negative experiences.
But it's as likely as not that you'll just feel the same level of 'this isn't very comfortable, I hope it ends soon'.

I often wonder why they don't test for testicular cancer by the same method of squeezing the body parts in question very hard between two metal surfaces?😏

Sounds about right. Better than a smear test, I thought. I've only had one mammogram so far though.

You're on to something there, Marie. Should definitely suggest a testogram to every medical professional you meet from now on. Why should men miss out on the experience?!

Small to medium norkage, so that should hopefully be ok. I’m going to come back via my favourite coffee shop & reward myself with cake.

You'll be fine, and eating cake (not Cake) afterwards sounds like an excellent plan. Mine was in a mobile unit parked in Sainsbury's car park so I went into Sainsbury's and bought cake afterwards.
One of my dreadnorks is big enough to need two goes to image, that wasn't much fun.

But I never expected a large remote control could fall down there. I lifted the flap of the armchair, where I have been sitting since the sofa broke and out feel the remote control.

Oooh, that reminded me when I was going through security a few years back at Glasgow airport. The man in front of me had to take his shoes off and put them through the scanner and one of the shoes fell off the band just before the scanner and fell down the gap between the screen on the side and the scanner. I have no idea how it fitted it didn't seem a big enough gap, it must have fallen absolutely straight to fit through. I, helpful as always, start saying "excuse me, your...." and he turns around and shouts at me "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM????" (I've had no interaction with him whatsoever before that), so I say, "oh sorry, it's nothing". I go through, get my stuff, put my shoes back on, sort my things all the while he is still looking for his shoes, when I left he demanded, loudly, that the security staff stop the scanner and look inside the scanner for his shoe. I didn't hang around to see if they ever found it, I had a plane to catch.

[which reminds me of a joke involving a fainting nun, a pub and a helpful passer-by. Anybody know it already?]

You're going to hear it whether or not you know it already😁
I think it must be set in 1950s Ireland:

Man walking down street. Sees nun looking unwell, rushes to stop her falling. It's outside a pub, so he suggests she goes in and sits down. Couldn't possibly do that, a nun going into a pub😧??
So he brings out a chair, she sits down and heaps prayers and blessing and thanks on him. He suggests a glass of water - but she's afraid people might think she was drinking alcohol.😮
So he has a bright idea, goes into the pub and asks the barman for a brandy - and could he serve it in a cup and saucer please?

Barman says:

'Oh it's that bloody nun again, isn't it?'😁

Thank you. I'm clearly more talented than I thought 😇

😂

@MarieDeGournay 😂

Ay thang kew! It's the way I tell 'em😁

Smallish norkage here, which means a nice nork-nurse hitching and pushing, and less nice nork-nurses not only hitching and pushing but making comments about small boobs. Not that I bear a grudge or anything, but my norks did years of sterling service producing gallons of milk for the DC, and deserve a bit of respect.

I had my last mammo a couple of weeks ago and yep, it's not an experience I ever enjoy, and the crushing of one's tit between two metal plates can get rather close to being painful, but it is over very quickly. They take two shots of each nork, so they get one image of it squashed top-to-bottom, and then one side-to-side.

I love silly jokes cos they are most often pretty innocent of cruelty or offence.

I like all those 'What do you call a man who...' jokes, which some of you may have suffered ad nauseam from your offspring when they were about 8 or 9

Like 'What do you call a man with seagulls on his shoulders?'
'Cliff'
😂

Marie 😆😆

And Igneo, bloody served him right.

Ah, Marie
How do you get four whales in a Mini?
Two in the front and two in the back.
And then, while the other person's mind is full of cetaceans, they'll hear the next bit as:
How do you get two whales in a mini...
Down the M4 and over the Severn Bridge!

Or: how do you get four elephants in a mini?
You can't. It's full of whales.

That was my thought - one hell of a challenge if the Olympic Village is hit with norovirus!

I spent this morning cooking/prepping food to cook for Dad tonight in Wales while we stop with him for a couple of days. It's always good fun.
Also cooking for niece and niece's god-awful lazy feckless husband, which is less fun. They leech off my Dad are living there while between jobs.

Then two days doing stuff for MIL - sorting stuff out at the lawyers about late FIL, taking her to hospital appointments etc. This is likely to be a bit frustrating, so I will need rh gerbils on standby with a bloody big drink.

That's the advantage of meeting your partner in school - only one town to go to when you're doing a relly-run!

How do you know if there’s an elephant in your fridge?
Huge footprints in the butter.

How do you know if there are two elephants in your fridge?
If you listen outside the door, you can hear them whispering.

How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you know if there are four elephants in your fridge?
There’s a Mini parked outside the door.

@EdithStourton , I loved that!

(Although in our case it's M56 and A55)