Pronouns - I’ve peaked 🥺

[MotherEarthisaTerf]

I was a bloody typical “be nice” feminist.

I went from respecting all pronouns, to not respecting pronouns of people who didn’t respect women (eg Imane Khelif etc etc) and occasionally using they/ them.

Today I was reading a thread on Reddit re Dr Upton and it was such a world away from reading Mumsnet’s posts - where we happily call a spade a spade. Call a man a man.

Reading Reddit, the she / her pronouns just made the whole situation sound much worse for Dr Upton. It automatically appeared Dr Upton was going through more of an ordeal - and that’s not from the content of the posts, which were to be expected, the tone made me feel more sympathetic due to the pronouns used.

It feels much harsher but it’s MUCH clearer what the issues are when pronouns match the facts, not the niceties.

However it’s something I hugely struggle with. Anyone else out there who battle with this ick?

Chosen pronouns are always presented as being a 'tiny' concession, yet utterly crucial to the people who are asking for control of what words other people use.

If it's so tiny and insignificant to use compelled pronouns, why is it such a big deal for newspapers to use correct sex pronouns?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5274016-express-challenges-ipso-on-pronouns

One might think it's not such a tiny issue after all.

Yes I think so

I won’t use pronouns. The other day I was at a
meeting where I didn’t know anyone. Everyone except me and two others used their pronouns along with ‘ I identify as ….. when introducing themselves. I said my name , Job role and just left the silence hanging there for a longer than was comfortable. Doubt I will be asked back 🙄

The way gender dysphoria is treated by the medical profession is so odd - affirmation only. We would never do this for some other mental illness.

Imagine someone had body dysmorphia, or anorexia and everyone around them including medical professionals just affirmed their disordered thinking 'yes, yes, you're too fat - keep starving yourself'. It's just bonkers.

It is not harsh to call men by their correct pronouns. Preferred pronouns is all coercion & manipulation. Submission to men's wants under the guise of "being kind". I peaked as soon as I saw these men were actually being taken seriously. Before that, listening to men call themselves women & claiming to be vulnerable etc I simply saw as age-old male self-entitlement of telling women who we are & how we should be (regardless of their sexuality). It reeked of sexism so I refused to go along with it. I have been astonished that other women could not only not see the sexism, but welcome it & still believe they are feminists. I'm still absolutely gobsmacked that it has got as far as it has. It's really opened up my eyes to just how little respect women still have for themselves, which is really sad.

won't use pronouns. The other day was at a meeting where didn't know anyone. Everyone except and two others used pronouns along with ' identify as ….. when introducing . said name , Job role and just left the silence hanging there for a longer than was comfortable. Doubt will be asked back

Don't be childish. You know what she meant.

Preferred pronouns are coercive control. Which is illegal in England and Wales.

Trying to force people to use language which does not reflect their reality is coercive. Yet, up until recently we've had COURTS doing this, the press regularly does it even where they're doing it in favour of someone being convicted of a crime and abuse. They side with the abuser.

I honestly think it's important we use correct sex pronouns as much as possible to help those in coercively controlling relationships at work - because this is what it is. Yes, people can maybe leave but perhaps not so easy when your entire life is in one location, you have a mortgage, kids etc.

And as we've seen in the SP case the abuse meted out to an employee who even in a relatively mild way doesn't go along with the coercion (which she did to some extent, she used wrong sex pronouns for Upton) is horrendous.

I can’t bring myself to use incorrect pronouns any more. The internal shame and cognitive dissonance would be worse than the consequences, which for me are already significant as I have been rejected by family members after an argument about pronouns.

It is too reminiscent of gaslighting for me: being pressured into verbalising something I know is a lie, in order to appease someone else.

I also now see anyone as trying to push me into it as a bully. I honestly wish I didn’t feel so strongly about it, but I do.

Me too, Pri0n1