My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

[SernieBanders]

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school.

I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either.

The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets.

For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils.

What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

My youngest has a trans boy (aka biological female) in his year group.

She has changed her first name to a japanese anime type name. It is not identifiably male.

She is very pretty and has always been one of the "girly" girls since being very little. She is 15 so she has a womanly body. She has shoulder length hair. There is absolutely nothing about her appearance that would suggest she is anything other than a girl. She still hangs around with the girls. She does wear leggings rather than skirts but a lot of them do since school is fairly relaxed about uniform.

Would you say it's safe to allow her to change in the boys changing room in full view of 40 odd 15/16 year old biological males? Would you be 100% certain that she was completely safe and would come to no harm?

Children should change in the changing room that accords with their biological sex.

One reason we dads don't just "trust men" on this (especially adolescent men) is that we used to be one.

I think most adolescent men are trustworthy, mostly, but even mostly trustworthy young men do stupid things, and a significant minority of young men are not mostly trustworthy at all.

That's just the risk side. Privacy and principle and consent are sufficient alone, too.

Fuck that. Males are male, females are female, and some magic words and feelings won't ever change that.

Males who identify as transgirls remain male.

Females who identify as transboys remain female.

Schools have a legal obligation to provide single-sex toilet and changing facilities.

Would you say it's safe to allow her to change in the boys changing room in full view of 40 odd 15/16 year old biological males? Would you be 100% certain that she was completely safe and would come to no harm?

She should change in a private space, away from the girls and the boys e.g. a disabled toilet or something.

utter nonsense, dangerous nonsense at that with no regard for safeguarding

you must be new here if you think you can shut us up by throwing out baseless accusations of “transphobia”. Women and girls are entitled to single sex services, spaces and sports.

Indecent exposure & Voyeurism

These are sex offences with indecent exposure being known as a gateway crime to more serious sexual offences (eg Wayne Couzens).
A school putting a teenage boy in a changing room with girls - or of course an adult male claiming to be a woman - is seeking to decriminalise these criminal offences. That's not the role of a school.

Long overdue that schools like this stopped enabling sex offences against girls. Sadly it's going to be publicity that stops all this.

Maybe this website could point you in the right direction. Your poor daughter, I thought being a teenager in the 90’s was hard but this generation, what a shit show.

sex-matters.org

It really isn’t. It sure doesn’t happen in my kids school.

It would hopefully be her choice whether to get naked with another male in her presence.
At the minute- she has no choice.

I think you are conflating rhe two issues.

I don’t think anyone has any issue with trans kids.

What they do have an issue with is a genetic male with male genitalia changing in a female changing room. Not in a cubicle, not in a unisex area etc. A trans girl (because at 15 they are not yet a woman) removing clothing showing their penis and equally being naked with naked girls in the changing room. That’s the issue.

To be clear again not about a child who identifies with now being a girl. To be genetically male in a female changing room naked.

It is not acceptable that girls are put into this position some of whom may have been sexually assaulted by a person with a penis.

The toolkit would appear to be mostly incorrect as a matter of law. Opening schools to legal action by parents/pupils.

I've not read the thread but you need to issue an immediate formal complaint on safeguarding grounds. There is loads on our website to help you with this from a "how to complain" to standard letters and fact sheets. Don't bother calling or raising a concern, it needs to be an official complaint or they will fob you off. The trans toolkit they are using is not legal, it's written by activists.

safeschoolsallianceuk.net

It is not transphobic to talk of biological reality.
Transperson’s rights should not trump the safety of biological females to single SEX spaces.
OP- please look at Transgender Trend, Safe Schools Alliance
And maybe Sex Matters
Brighton ‘tool kit’ - what a surprise. It’s as if Dr Hilary Cass’s report never happened

@SernieBanders @GenderRealistBloke can I just say it's good to see some dads who realise what is happening and support their daughters. I hope your partners feel the same. Lots of good advice on here for you. Good luck.

@SernieBanders And also this male is a decent kid, no trouble - but - they are male.

This child is being encouraged along a path that is dangerous for his mental and physical health. He is also being taught to ignore boundaries. If you tackle this on behalf of your daughter you will be helping this child too.

I'm wondering if we need to start suing.

It's all so so batshit that I just can't believe it's anything other than money that has driven it. Only complete morons in 2025 still believe in twaw.

@dovetail22uk seriously read the room. Trans girls are male and therefore should not be getting changed with females. It's not transphobic to state this.

HER cock, you bloody bigot [etc etc etc] 😫

I doubt it - the toolkit is not as well publicised as it could be and it's large. it also uses language which clouds and lies about the issue

Also, all parents want to keep their head down, even over this. There won't be a protest or placards. sadly.

"She's being taught that her boundaries are prejudiced and that she should suppress any instincts. This puts your DD at risk in the future too."

This is incredibly relevant thank you, and I am also sorry to hear your story.

I do struggle to get it across to her, and hate to do so, that se is often not safe, and she needs to be hyper aware.

Have a look at the specific parts of the toolkit, it literally encourages mixed sex changing. It's a safeguarding nightmare.

hundreds of UK schools follow the toolkit guidance

I am sorry to burst your bubble, but hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of UK schools use the Brighton trans inclusion toolkit, wholesale. The council crows about it all the time.

Your specific school MIGHT not, but I would sure ask them what their rules are, because a lot of schools are doing this. Today. To our children.

I would be issuing a formal complaint around safeguarding and would not let my child attend those lessons until they can guarantee that she will not be forced to get undressed in front of a male or that a male would be getting undressed in front of her.

The problem is that it would make my child stand out, and that can be embarrassing for a teenager, so it is difficult.

I'm hoping by the time my daughter is high school age (she's y1 currently), all this dangerous nonsense will be something of the past that we will look on back with horror and disgusting, but in the event it isn't, I'll hope I'll have taught her the tools to say 'er....nah. not happening' and walk out. (That's not saying you haven't OP - I'm sure it's something you'd never expected to happen because it shouldn't happen!)