My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

[SernieBanders]

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school.

I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either.

The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets.

For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils.

What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

No advice Op but that is shocking.

It's happening in every secondary school in the country, just nobody told us.

Google:
Safe Schools Alliance.
Sex Matters.

They know the law and are very much on top of this.

Contact the school and explain your concerns. Have they got a safeguarding policy you can quote to them?

Also, contact the swimming centre and other venues where this has happened.

I’ve just spent the last ten minutes looking for safeguarding policies on swimming pool sites.

Couldn't find anything on ‘Everyone Actice’ who run a mumber of pools. ’ However, found this on Maidstone pool run by Serco.

https://www.maidstoneleisure.com/maidstone-leisure-centre/policies-documents/safeguarding-policy-statement/

and this.

https://www.maidstoneleisure.com/maidstone-leisure-centre/policies-documents/equality-diversity-and-inclusion-policy-statement/

No advice, hadn’t heard of Brighton Tit.
Not only do I think that this protocol is unfair, underhand and potentially dangerous/damaging/upsetting for students but also it is a failure for transgender pupils
I hope you can get some information and support OP.
Perhaps we should all request information from our local authority on their policies and challenge them where we feel a change should be made.

The swimming pool is actually in the school itself (it's a regular school, they are just on a campus with several other schools and it's shared, they're very lucky to have it, so it has no separate safeguarding statement)

https://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/node/776/trans-inclusion-schools-toolkit-2021

Take a look at 6.3

"Brighton & Hove recommends that in making an assessment, schools should consider the fact that for trans children accessing the changing room which corresponds to their gender identity can be extremely important. We would therefore encourage schools to enable this wherever possible."

Revised council guidance for schools on how to deal with trans issues is worse than the “unlawful” existing advice, a parents group claims.

www.brightonandhovenews.org/2024/09/13/new-school-trans-guidance-worse-than-ever-parents-group-says/

“Edition 5 of the toolkit attempts to circumvent both Cass and the Monaghan advice by referencing both of these, finding forms of words that acknowledge the need to have regard to all protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010 and the Cass review, but then proceeding to keep nearly all elements that contravene equality and human rights legislation that do not comply with Cass or address safeguarding concerns.

“(And) by passing off responsibility to schools by saying it is up to them to ensure compliance with evidence, policy and law and saying that the council’s toolkit is non-prescriptive schools and other educational settings are exposed to potential litigation, while enabling the council to protect itself from challenge.”

www.brightonandhovenews.org/2025/01/31/transgender-healthcare-and-schools-policies-come-under-spotlight/

That is appalling. Are other parents aware yet?

https://content.doyleclayton.co.uk/hubfs/Advice%20of%20Karon%20Monaghan%20KC.pdf

This is an assessment of the toolkit by the KC.

I'd make sure it was definitely true. Then I'd go ballistic. Seriously. It's the only reasonable and rational response.

That's one heck of a dangerous statement in the tool kit.

They're actually telling staff to encourage vulnerable, impressionable children to disregard boundaries.

There is absolutely no reason having a trans identity = needing to access the opposite sex naked. It is genuinely transphobic to suggest all trans people disregard boundaries and does nothing to foster tolerance and inclusion in society.

It is appalling to expose female pupils (both with and without trans identities) to this risk and to educate male pupils that females cannot have boundaries.

No advice OP but lots of support.

Oh it's definitely true, My daughter feels hyper conflicted, I'm gender critical, her mother is passionately not, my daughter feels torn. And also this male is a decent kid, no trouble - but - they are male. I don't trust people with a penis around my daughter., unclothed or not.

The school's primary responsibility, as I see it, is to comply with the Children's Act 1989 and not what is actually, when you get down to it, transactivism.

(As an aside, the male child may be decent but letting - encouraging? - him access spaces that aren't for him will rapidly teach him not to be decent at all and women and girls shouldn't have to face the consequences)

I'd strongly suggest contacting Safe Schools Alliance.

These wretched toolkits keep resurfacing and won't finally die until there's a proper Judicial Review case that declares their advice to be unlawful. In the meantime, safeguarding is being completely disregarded, children put at risk. Girls' rights to their own boundaries are being eroded, and they're coached to put others' needs before their own.

The social pressure on your DD to be cool with it is immense and in many ways this is the most dangerous aspect of the set up. She's being taught that her boundaries are prejudiced and that she should suppress any instincts. This puts your DD at risk in the future too.

I was sexually assaulted by a teacher back before criminal records checks. One of the ways he got away with it was that I assumed (because this is what school taught me) that teachers were inherently trustworthy (the danger always came from strangers back in the 90s) so I missed opportunities to stop the situation unfolding because I never in a million years thought a teacher would do that. I overode considerable discomfort because to speak out would be saying out loud a teacher was wrong. Unthinkable.

A lot of children are currently being taught that to say out loud a person with a trans identity might be doing something wrong is an unthinkable act. The current boy may well be lovely (so is my son but I wouldn't force his female friends to share with him) but women are at risk of assault from males for their whole lives.

I have no real knowledge here but I hope you do whatever it takes

@SernieBanders I don't think you should phrase it like that as in " I don't trust a person with a penis around my daughter " . It's easier to attack that. However I 100% agree with you. This is totally wrong and your daughter's rights are being stripped from her. What about her need ? For a safe space? Why should we even be forced to use language like this? Why do others always have to give up their needs and rights for a few others?
I know Brighton. This kind of shite is to be expected. Very keen to see the outcome of your actions.

If you're actually in Brighton, contact PSHEbrighton – safeguarding first

Just remembered the campaigning group ‘ Fair Play for Women’ and found this which may be useful.

https://fairplayforwomen.com/male-free-toilets-and-changing-rooms/

Local children are encouraged to contact Brighto Wellbeing Service run by Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust who provide this guide for them to follow.

This guide directs children to Mermaids and Gendered Intelligence, along with advice on Name Changes, Pronouns etc including a commitment to record differences in use and methods of communication for different audiences (such as parents).

www.brightonandhovewellbeing.org/s/Guide-for-Trans-and-GNC-Service-Users.pdf

As in this is one of her classmates? Who has a willy but is allowed to change with the girls?

I'd be furious, and no way should your daughter be pressured into being OK with this.

How do the other girls who are in the changing room feel?
Could they boycott the lesson?