My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

[SernieBanders]

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school.

I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either.

The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets.

For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils.

What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

I'm really surprised you choose to live in Brighton given your clashes with the culture. It's very well-known for being the most socially progressive and liberal city in the country, it sounds like you have very traditional views and would do best to live and educate your children in a place that shares similar views to yours. There are some more rural areas of East Sussex that would suit you better.

I was born here.

Please tell me how safeguarding children is "traditional views"?

Actually don't I don't want to have any conversations with people trying to shame me for looking after children. Whatever your motivations are they are not good ones.

Why should a male child with a penis be allowed in female changing rooms? Completely threatening to girls .

@heyhopotato
Should child safeguarding practices not apply in particular areas of the country? Which areas? Why?

Are they attracted to boys or girls though?

Would you feel the same if you knew one of the girls was a lesbian?

As in one of the girls in her class who isn't trans.

Socially progressive and liberal does not necessarily mean safe for everyone.
Too many organisations supporting the few at the expense of safeguarding the majority.

Would you feel the same if you knew one of the girls was a lesbian?

What's sexuality got to do with anything? We separate male and female to protect against assault and to ensure dignity - changing in front of people with the same bodies ensures that. We don't separate to stop flirting or sexual attraction.

Ah here comes the homophobia

Yes. Pity the poor children of Brighton who are suddenly exempt from safeguarding because of Brighton so called "progressiveness". What a totally bizarre concept.

There is no special legal status for Brighton and Hove. The same rules apply as in the rest of England. The city is actually also more diverse than the LGBTQ+ lobby that wants to claim it gives it credit for. Btw, anybody know what the real reason was for Lloyd Russell-Moyle being deselected? I must say, I laughed heartily when I heard about that.

No. Because a girl cannot rape or impregnate another girl. Girls are not statistically the main perpetrators of sexual assault.

Use your bloody noodle.

Lesbians aren’t nearly as threatening as teenage boys can be.
A boy of 14has no place in a girl’s changing room.
Just because he says he’s a girl doesn’t make him physically a girl.

@heyhopotato

I'm really surprised you choose to live in Brighton given your clashes with the culture. It's very well-known for being the most socially progressive and liberal city in the country, it sounds like you have very traditional views and would do best to live and educate your children in a place that shares similar views to yours. There are some more rural areas of East Sussex that would suit you better.

I was born here too. I would consider myself pretty liberal (I’d have a hard time living in Brighton and not be) doesn’t mean I have to agree to everything proposed though. I have 3 daughters, they obviously are my main priority. Whilst I wouldn’t want (the minuscule number) of trans children to feel anything but pride, I don’t see why my girls have to sacrifice their safety and comfort to facilitate it. Why does your trans child’s need trump my females child’s needs?

Breaching the boundaries of women and girls by encouraging mixed sex changing is not progressive in the least bit. It is entirely regressive. Women and girls forced (because that's what is going on) to be undressed or partially dressed in the presence of males not of their choice is as regressive as it gets. It is sexual assault. It was this horrifying situation for women in eighteenth century prisons that led to Elizabeth Fry campaigning for single sex gaols. She was right. Brighton and it's toolkit are wrong, misogynistic and regressive.

Good grief. Safeguarding children is what all good parents do. Telling girls that they have no right to boundaries and must undress in front of random males is the opposite of safeguarding.

How on earth have we reached the point (at a time where sexual and physical violence against women and girls is out of control) that a poster on Mumsnet tries to gaslight a parent that they must insist their daughter strips off in front of males.

Unbelievable

Why should someone move out of an area that they may have been born in, have family and friends, jobs etc move because they don't want their daughter put at greater risk of sexual assault?

Why?
if she has not asked and she is not disabled.

Absolutely this ☝️.

Great question. And what type of person would suggest that safeguarding children is regressive / traditional?

Well

1. I think someone who isn't attracted to said gender is unlikely to attack said gender, hence my asking whether the student concerned is attracted to females.

2. When it comes to dignity, I'd say the issue with nudity in front of heterosexual males as a female is sexual objectification which can occur with anyone who is attracted to your gender. So by that merit, a heterosexual male or a female attracted to other females could sexually objectify you, publicly or privately.

3. This is all in the context of school changing rooms which are at least semi supervised. That means what one can do to another person is limited. However, some things could still occur. For example, someone could sneak a picture of someone they are attracted to while they are naked. But again, that could be anyone who is attracted to people of that gender.

I think we are at a time where people should be changing privately irrespective of gender.

I don't think that's true and irrelevant in this context. The likelihood of this student actually attacking a girl while in the changing room is miniscule. It's more covert things that could occur when you have people who could be attracted to each other naked in the same room.

Lesbians are not known for sexual assault - very few women commit sexual assaults. So I wouldn't be worried. Men are the danger, rather than women who may be same sex attracted.

Refer to the Cass report and updated guidance form DfE. Guidance from 2021 is now throughly outdated and times have changed. Stand firm OP.