My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

[SernieBanders]

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school.

I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either.

The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets.

For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils.

What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

Girls will have been taught since primary school to “be kind and be quiet”

How do they tackle the pregnancy risk? Do they know how fertile girls are in their teens, that it is possible to get pregnant after sex-play without penetration, that a body old enough to get pregnant may not be old enough to grow a baby to term without suffering harm, and that abortion is not an easy option?

'i don't trust people with a penis around my daughter, unclothed or not'.

Hang on, are you her dad?
Are you planning on never letting her be around boys or men ever? What happens in town, on the beach, etc etc etc.

You sound ridiculous. Speak to the school, it's not that deep.

Don't Transgender Trend have guidance on this?

It is clearly not acceptable and I share your concerns.

At the very least, parents should have been informed of the facts. e.g. "It is the policy of the school that children identifying as transgender will use the changing room appropriate to their chosen gender." This gives you the chance to discuss the matter and raise any objections in advance.

I would be contacting the school, as I know you plan to do, and making it clear that parents should have been informed; and outlining your concerns about the policy, both for the girls involved and for the boy, who is learning to not respect the boundaries of others.

Literally yes.

Could you name the school or PM me the name? Thankyou!

When you say 'she wasn't told' - surely she knew this boy masquerading as a girl was indeed a boy. Or do you mean she wasn't told that would be the changing arrangement before having to start doing it.
Either way, it's crazy and a massive safeguarding risk.

yes I am her dad and to be perfectly honest it's having been a 14 year old boy that gives me the biggest worry about this.

I've taught her the horrible reality that was, a third of women are sexually assaulted in their lives, and one quarter before 16

I teach her not to go to the loo on her own, the park on her own, to be careful of men, dress or not, hanging around anywhere near toilets etc

It may dismay you to know that she does not always get why she should be cautious around males - sadly that will change when she or one of her close friends is sexually assaulted which statistically, will happen.

I cannot apologise for my sex, but I can be honest about them, and take steps to protect my daughter (and son!) where possible.

Please, I don't want to have a row about it, I hoped the people here, mainly women would have some sound advice and you all have, thank you.

I live in Brighton & have 2 girls at school haven’t even heard of this. They’re in primary at the moment and don’t change as they wear PE kits into school, but am I right in thinking this suggests boys & girls of high school age change together? Because that is absolutely bonkers, I remember getting changed for swimming in high school and it was a shit show, some girls would steal others clothes or ping bras etc that is going to be so much worse if you add boys into the mix. I would feel so self conscious as a teen girl!

Yes, and when they go on trips out of school

a relevant thread on the topic of current school safeguarding policy

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4734820-nspcc-where-do-they-stand

As pp said, look at safe schools admittance and Sex Matters websites.

They are knowledgeable about the law and safeguarding and SSA have info on how to approach schools.

I would be asking to see the risk assessment!

AAAAAH more transphobia and right before the weekend! What a treat. Trans boys are boys, trans girls are girls. I would imagine that any trans kids would use a cubicle because other people can be right tw*ts.

Here you are OP - draft guidelines for schools - non statutory but not rescinded by the current government. Page 14:

"Schools have a statutory duty to have suitable washing and changing facilities for pupils aged 11 years and over. Schools must not allow a child, aged 11 years or older, to change or wash in front of a child of the opposite sex, nor should they be subject to a child of the opposite sex changing or washing in front of them."

consult.education.gov.uk/equalities-political-impartiality-anti-bullying-team/gender-questioning-children-proposed-guidance/supporting_documents/Gender%20Questioning%20Children%20%20nonstatutory%20guidance.pdf

FML.

It's not 2016 anymore. We put the safety of girls above the feels of boys. How dare you accuse me of transphobia when I am just trying to look after my daughter?

You can't make the girls fight for this - they are children. They need protecting by the adults in charge. Asking them to boycott puts them in the firing line for being called bigots and anti-trans....
As much as I agree with you - the kids can't sort this out! You would end up with girls having to face teenage boys in frocks with the power of the local authority behind them... not a fair fight.

It's bloody ridiculous - if this lad got his cock out in the park the police could arrest him for indecent exposure, but because hes said the magic words, the poor girls forced to change with him are just supposed to lump it?

A penis is a penis is a penis - no matter what's going on between it's owners ears!

You don't need to apologise for your sex. You sound like a good dad who understands the dangers women face... we need more men like you on our side.

FML
It's not 2016 anymore.

is the perfect quote and I’m going to steal it

Err no.

Trans boys are biological girls who would like to be viewed as boys
Trans girls are biological boys who would like to be viewed as girls.

The reality is that there are statistically few of them which is all the more reason why their "feelings" and their mental health issues ought not to be put above the legal rights and physical safety of the biological girls.

Asking about safeguarding a biologically female teen is not transphobic.

Out of curiosity, what advice would you give to a trans teen girl to protect themselves against (men/boys) biologically male sexual predators?

You probably know some of your daughter's friends' parents, so I'd suggest talking to them. Is there any kind of consensus that this thing is outrageous and needs to stop, or would you be a lone voice (and easier to ignore maybe, if you're a father rather than a mother)? And if the girls themselves had a chance to protest in a unified way, how many of them would?

Think of the "Darlington nurses" or Sandie Peggie up there in Fife, whose case is in front of a tribunal right now, with very much the same issue involved. These things affect adults just as much as children, and it's getting sorted out legally. That may be what has to happen.

Your dd needs adults to step in to safeguard

Yes escalate

this male is a decent kid, no trouble

That's as may be, but if a precedent is set that boys can change with the girls, then what happens when the next boy, who may not be decent or no trouble, wishes to do the same? A part of good Safeguarding practice involves treating everyone in the same way, irrespective of whether they are decent or not.