Page 15 | My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

SernieBanders · 2025-02-07T09:51:42+00:00

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school. I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either. The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets. For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils. What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

Clonakilla · 23/09/2025 06:33

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 12:43

yes I am her dad and to be perfectly honest it's having been a 14 year old boy that gives me the biggest worry about this.

I've taught her the horrible reality that was, a third of women are sexually assaulted in their lives, and one quarter before 16

I teach her not to go to the loo on her own, the park on her own, to be careful of men, dress or not, hanging around anywhere near toilets etc

It may dismay you to know that she does not always get why she should be cautious around males - sadly that will change when she or one of her close friends is sexually assaulted which statistically, will happen.

I cannot apologise for my sex, but I can be honest about them, and take steps to protect my daughter (and son!) where possible.

Please, I don't want to have a row about it, I hoped the people here, mainly women would have some sound advice and you all have, thank you.

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Please stop teaching her never to do anything alone and to live in fear. It is not coming from a place of care and concern. It risks severely limiting her independence and freedom as an adult. She is very very unlikely to be harmed by a stranger - almost all of the risk to women comes from male domestic partners. Your warnings about men should be about that, not strangers, by a ratio of about 10:1. If you can’t face that reality then your warnings are really just about controlling her.

The trans child is a separate issue. Just speak to the school and see what they say.

theDudesmummy · 23/09/2025 08:25

@Bigsilly statistically many more boys are attracted to girls than are to boys. And "this person", as you put it, is a boy, so...

OuterSpaceCadet · 23/09/2025 10:46

Clonakilla · 23/09/2025 06:33

Please stop teaching her never to do anything alone and to live in fear. It is not coming from a place of care and concern. It risks severely limiting her independence and freedom as an adult. She is very very unlikely to be harmed by a stranger - almost all of the risk to women comes from male domestic partners. Your warnings about men should be about that, not strangers, by a ratio of about 10:1. If you can’t face that reality then your warnings are really just about controlling her.

The trans child is a separate issue. Just speak to the school and see what they say.

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The reason women are most at risk from men they live with (partners, sons) and ex partners is BECAUSE THOSE MEN HAVE GREATER ACCESS TO THE WOMAN AND PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY FOR BEING AROUND THE WOMAN AT VULNERABLE TIMES.

Apologies for the bold, not meaning to shout at you, just highlighting this simple, crucial point that is always overlooked.

Safeguarding is a very imperfect tool. But it does make it harder for abusers to access all women even if it can't always protect their female relatives.

The answer to "women are most at risk from men they know" is: higher sentences for abuse and VAWG; greater information sharing about abusive men; changing society so that abuse of women isn't seen as aspirational/ entertainment/ natural. The answer isn't to give strangers more access to vulnerable women.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 23/09/2025 12:00

Just to say this ongoing drama is continuing on this thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5404868-single-sex-changing-spaces-in-a-brighton-secondary-school-new-school-year-new-thread

Which is more up to date with latest occurrences :)

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 23/09/2025 12:02

Clonakilla · 23/09/2025 06:33

Please stop teaching her never to do anything alone and to live in fear. It is not coming from a place of care and concern. It risks severely limiting her independence and freedom as an adult. She is very very unlikely to be harmed by a stranger - almost all of the risk to women comes from male domestic partners. Your warnings about men should be about that, not strangers, by a ratio of about 10:1. If you can’t face that reality then your warnings are really just about controlling her.

The trans child is a separate issue. Just speak to the school and see what they say.

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Have a look at the details of the thread and https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5404868-single-sex-changing-spaces-in-a-brighton-secondary-school-new-school-year-new-thread - you will see the school has just said "thats ok, males can be in with females, we have done no safeguarding assessment or equality impact assessment (confirmed under FOI) but stop worrying".

SinnerBoy · 23/09/2025 12:07

BigSilly ·

2) why do you believe this person is more likely to harm your daughter, than one of the other girls?

"Other girls"? This is a boy trying to pass himself off as a girl. He's not any sort of girl.

Inertia · 23/09/2025 12:17

OuterSpaceCadet · 23/09/2025 10:46

The reason women are most at risk from men they live with (partners, sons) and ex partners is BECAUSE THOSE MEN HAVE GREATER ACCESS TO THE WOMAN AND PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY FOR BEING AROUND THE WOMAN AT VULNERABLE TIMES.

Apologies for the bold, not meaning to shout at you, just highlighting this simple, crucial point that is always overlooked.

Safeguarding is a very imperfect tool. But it does make it harder for abusers to access all women even if it can't always protect their female relatives.

The answer to "women are most at risk from men they know" is: higher sentences for abuse and VAWG; greater information sharing about abusive men; changing society so that abuse of women isn't seen as aspirational/ entertainment/ natural. The answer isn't to give strangers more access to vulnerable women.

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Spot on.

FranticFrankie · 24/09/2025 12:19

Women are at risk from MEN.
Full stop