So fucking sick of it all today

[MrsTerryPratchett]

This week I've dealt with so many fucking shitty pieces of male fuckwittedness I'm angry, miserable, losing sleep. I don't know what I want from you lot of lovely women but I think I just need to scream from a mountaintop.

It's all secondhand, not even me as the victim. But fuck me it's brought up all the absolutely shit I've had to deal with over the years.

No NAMALTing from the usual suspects. This thread is not for you. Everyone please ignore their whiney nonsense.

Really feeling the need for a pet at the moment. But my lifestyle does not permit it. A nice fat ginger tabby to sit on my knee and purr undemandingly.

I am due to go stay with my mum soon. Always makes me feel better. ( I know it doesn't everybody).

Unfortunately I have also come across women who join in. A senior woman in a former job, favouring young men, who got trained up by women and then got promoted past the women who trained them. She used to giggle at these young men like a teenager who's got a crush on someone.

Once I applied for an internal job and the female hiring manager took me into a room and basically let me know it won't happen and that 'i am not as good as I think I am'. I could cry now when thinking of this younger version of myself. How I was treated and what I was told. It was awful.

I've been described as bossy, intimidating, standoffish, etc my entire life - not just by men, but women too. Luckily not family- we are ALL outspoken and opinionated, which makes it a bit hot at times. Nevertheless, I spent too many years shrinking myself, diluting my spirit to fit the mould others felt I ought to squash into.
I'm 56 and I take up my fair share of fucking space in this world, yet still have to walk with elbows out to preserve my space. I still have to repeat myself after yet another man speaks over me. Now I sigh heavily, roll my eyes dramatically and speak loudly, beginning with "as I was saying before Kevin interrupted me"

And I'm sick if the whole fucking lot of it.

I'm sick of literally bashing and crashing my way round the supermarket as men drive through me.

I'm sick of huge cargo ship sized men bearing down on me in the street, so intent on their destination that my smaller frame isn't even noticed, or if it is, I should have got out of his fucking way.

I'm married to a lovely man who works really hard and shares household chores fairly, so I can't complain there. He has absolutely no understanding what it's like to navigate this hostile planet as a female so fir a long time, felt I was obsessed, overreacting, being daft, etc about the trans shit. Now he's starting to get it, but oh my fucking god, why in the name of all that's holy, did it take Isla fucking Bryson and his cock full frontal through pink leggings for that tiny chink in his complacency to form??? Why??? I'd been telling him for fucking years.

Joining you on the Mountain top, dear @MrsTerryPratchett

Contact police - I think it's a criminal offence to allow dogs to attack livestock. It will get shot by a farmer if she doesn't behave herself.

@MrsTerryPratchett your literary husband would be horrified, I hope, at what his co-writer Neil Gaiman has been doing.

Hello lovelies. I came back to this thread with one eye closed in case the FWR plopping arseholes had assembled en masse.

But instead I found a group of supportive, kind, angry, intelligent women supporting me and each other. I've had a cry and will get back to the fight.

Whether you've been trafficked (the anger is back for that one - scummy fuckers), screamed at, treated like shit or sidelined, I hear you at the top of your mountain. Or I join you with your cat purring or hugging your girls and boys who will hopefully change the world.

It's been a week of work with the worse of male behaviour. Which isn't unusual. I deal with a lot of DV. And I have some power to change things and support the women. But there's been too much low-level in my own life. Little moments of shit. And the big stuff means I have no tolerance for the little stuff.

But you've all made me feel less alone and I'm very very grateful for this place. I cannot tell you how much it means.

Rather a few hours late to this but

Big hug

A recent case of mainsplaining: a man instructed an admin to add an item to a databse for a subject that is in MY scope of work. He wrote this in the teams chat, so for more people to see.

I replied that this item was already added yonks ago. I then said: Nigel, I know you struggle with this, but could you run these things through me before instructing changes. It is also enough if you flag or share anything you find and it will be picked up by whoever is responsible.

He then had to admit that he 'looked at a wrong version'. There is only one correct version, which is the live version, so he couldn't even think to see there if the item is already in the database.

This man has form for interrupting, changing my work, 'highlighting' things about my area of work that don't matter, doing research on my subject matter and generally talking down to me.

NAMALT

ODFOD

Assume that's an abbreviation of
Now Altogether..."Men Are Lousy Toads"

I often wonder if other women in my workplace have the same exprience, but just don't speak about it? I speak about it to a woman at my level. She's exceptionally bright.

A more senior woman has witnessed several times when I put the same man (her direct report) in his place because of mansplaining. I often wonder what she thinks.

Recently I had a period of interaction with a very, very senior woman. I felt a kind of sisterhood towards her. She complimented my work in front of the otherwise male audience and also praised me 1:1. I don't know if I just imagined it or if she kind of understood and was aware during this time of what women still go through in the workplace. I felt she was supporting me, shining the light onto me and pointed out all the great things she noticed about my work. And it was all very genuine and justified (of course), like I did not feel she made a big deal about nothing. It was very refreshing. I think I'll remember her for a very long time.

Funnily enough, a senior male person had kind of warned me of this woman prior because she 'likes to press hard on issues, is persistent, won't let go of something' etc. I did not perceive her like this at all. I thought she was very throrough in her work and her many questions made sense and just showed to me she really wanted to get to the bottom of the issue we were dealing with.

To top it all of, she came to me after the first meeting to just tell me her many question's etc. are not personal and she's always like that. She obv thinks it's an 'issue' and something she needs to apologise for. I want to hug her now so badly but obv cannot do that.

It's at times like this I really miss my sister. She died when we were in our 20s (bastard cancer) and my god she gave as good as she got to the shitty men she encountered. I was braver with her around me. I try to stay brave and ask "what would X do?" whenever any shit happens but it's a struggle.

This FWR board has felt so much like a sisterhood I cannot express how grateful I am to have found it. Despite the constant depressing stories on here enraging me. I'm surrounded by men IRL (sons, husband, father, bro in law) and my god I miss my sister. I mean I have good men in my life thankfully but they just don't get this and it feels lonely at times.

So @MrsTerryPratchett thank you for all your insight I've read in previous threads, you and all the long term contributors on here have opened my eyes and made me appreciate the power of women and how important our voices are. Scream away but we are all here screaming too. Solidarity! ❤️

I recently pushed back at manspreading on an airplane, he didn't say anything, but the look he gave me made me think he really wanted to.

I hear you... my work is managed by a woman who openly declares that she is not a feminist. And stays quiet while the men take over. And they all look at me as if I am mad when I speak up.

You've been described as bossy, intimidating, standoffish?
Consider yourself lucky, at least you're not a ramblingfool 😉

Thank you for this thread @MrsTerryPratchett - you are a star! Here and elsewhere on MN.

I hope you're feeling a wee bit cheerier today.

But thanks for the place to vent.

I'm so grateful for Mumsnetters wisdom, humour and feminist solidarity. This thread makes me wish something similar existed when I was in my 20s.
Thanks for the thread @MrsTerryPratchett

Solidarity, sister. It's all the time. All the time. The fuckers are just incapable of leaving women alone. Particular flash points over the past two weeks have been in my health club. I can't do lane swimming these days without having to engage in a game of Pool Patriarchy Chicken. You know the ones. They displace more water than the QE2, are 'splashy', and when a woman has the temerity not to immediately get out of their way they will deliberately swim into you. It isn't a rare occurence. It happens regularly. They particularly hate it if a woman is a faster swimmer than they are.

One arsehole last Tuesday sat on the poolside on the opposite side of the lane (clearly marked 'swim anti-clockwise) and violently gesticulated me over to my side - like the police directing traffic - presumably to tell me he thought he should take that lane and me stay on my side. So I remained with my head in the water (as you do when you're swimming), swam to about 6 feet before the end, then looped round and continued swimming in front of him. He was not happy and made a point of cutting across me at the opposite end and swimming into me. Wanker. Yes, I did confront: told him I'd call the lifeguard over if he did that again.

Then there's the sauna afterwards. It's a rare interlude of 'me time'. But no - some dickhead wants to mansplain books to me. (I have a fucking PhD in literature). 😂And all that's in the last week.

The ones on the train amount to another lengthy post, but who needs to hear it? We all know precisely what it will say. As for manspreaders, the minute the leg makes contact I now say forcefully, enunciating the words slowly, 'Can you get. Your leg. Off me'. In future I intend to do it every time. I'm so far beyond sick of it that even potential consequences are no longer much of a deterrant. They have no filter. Why should I?

All I want is to go about my day in peace. Too much to ask? It seems so.

NB. Thanks, OP. That was cathartic. I'm angry. These attitudes toward women are antediluvian and they're getting worse, not better.

Yes, it is getting worse. I think it's men feeling like they should push back and put gobby/ assertive women back in tbeir boxes.

Let's face it, every time a man manspreads, he either doesn't think about the woman in question, or he does it deliberately. Both are unacceptable.

My ex used to be late all the time (or sometimes not turn up at all) I was told by a friend that he either thought of letting me know, then thought "Fuck it" or just didn't think of me at all. Again, both shit. There is no other explanation or excuse for Men's shitty behaviour.

That's where I'm at. That's what I see now with these entitled men.

I've used this one before but it can be used again!

Yes to all of this!!!

@SerafinasGoose someone referred to that as Patriarchy Mackerel!

@MrsTerryPratchett, I don't know what the men have done, but I remember some things you have posted in the past about your job (and rather you than me!) so I assume it is related to that. Anyway, you are much appreciated on here.

Can I be the hag and say that it does get better as you get older (I'm in my mid-60s). I've always been pretty invisible re looks etc, so that hasn't been the thing. But now I am starting to take my place in the matriarchy, and I tell young boys to "Stop it!" when they are play fighting in the middle of the pavement.

Also, the thing that cheered me up was spending time with a whole lot of lovely radical feminists at a terfy conference on the weekend. Even KJK was there! It was a wonderfully amicable event, and talking to a room of 100 women (and the same number online) is remarkably cheering.

I hope some of you were there.

So I can really recommend feminism to lift your mood.