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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

So fucking sick of it all today

174 replies

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2024 01:27

This week I've dealt with so many fucking shitty pieces of male fuckwittedness I'm angry, miserable, losing sleep. I don't know what I want from you lot of lovely women but I think I just need to scream from a mountaintop.

It's all secondhand, not even me as the victim. But fuck me it's brought up all the absolutely shit I've had to deal with over the years.

No NAMALTing from the usual suspects. This thread is not for you. Everyone please ignore their whiney nonsense.

Angry
OP posts:
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TooBigForMyBoots · 25/07/2024 22:03

Hiya @MrsTerryPratchett. Fucking wick that you're feeling this way atm. It's totally shit.Brew

I'm happy to sit on your mountain and listen to you scream. I know that sound. I know what's behind it. I know why you scream and you are not wrong.

So I'll just sit on the grass, smoke a fag, listen and feel quietly homicidal in your presence.💞

Catiette · 25/07/2024 22:55

Just adding my voice to the chorus, especially those thanking Mrs TP for her great posts.

I too have a number instances of male entitlement from just the last 24 hours - it’s really everywhere, all the time.

I did, however, quite enjoy asking the man-toddler booming into his phone in a public space for 30 intrusive minutes to “use his indoor voice, please,” in a polite but teacherly tone. He had the grace to apologise.

Re: manspreading, my current preference is to part-cross my legs by balancing an ankle on the other knee, so that if he doesn’t move from my seat space, he gets the sole of my shoe resting neatly against his nice, smart trousers. Simple but effective - & gratifying regardless of whether he then moves!

These sound petty, but like patriarchy 🐔/🐟, may just draw the attention to any unthinking land-grab of our shared spaces!

LaMadameCholet · 25/07/2024 23:02

BouleDeSuif · 25/07/2024 10:42

@MrsTerryPratchett I love you quietly every time I see you on here.

My daughter is five. She's already getting the boys in her class telling her she's not allowed to do football or like Spiderman. That she's rubbish at sports. (She's much better than them.)
So I'm having to explain it all in a way she understands and five is very young to have to realise that men are shite.

I was trafficked into prostitution when I was younger, and sold through legal escort agencies and AdultWork etc, and when I escaped the police told me basically that It's legal, what do you expect us to do?
And it seems all I ever hear is "It should be legalised! That would make the women safe! There wouldn't be any trafficking then!"

And Only Fans is treated as some big jolly fun way to earn yourself a fortune, and if women like me speak up we're being dramatic and trying to stop people doing what makes them happy. (I've been called a SWERF- sex worker exclusionary radical feminist- in conversations where I've described what happened to me.)

I can't think too deeply about it very often because it starts to make me physically feel sick.

I’m so sorry that that happened to you. 💐

LaMadameCholet · 25/07/2024 23:05

@MrsTerryPratchett you are a fucking legend Mrs TP, but I hear you and I’m sorry you’re feeling shit. Keep your lady pecker up.

Iamnotalemming · 25/07/2024 23:06

I'm here for the directions to the mountaintop as well please.

At work this week I have been spoken over by men and leered at by men. I work in a professional setting and have a senior position. I am judged differently to my male peers all the fucking time. I alternate between feeling livid and feeling so very tired over it all. Today is a tired day.

Mrs TP I always notice and appreciate your contributions on here. Please keep on the fight.

HellonHeels · 25/07/2024 23:16

Yep. I fucking hear ya.

Ramblingnamechanger · 25/07/2024 23:53

Yes we are angry. Yes men ARE like that. And we are not going to cede ground to them

Catsmere · 26/07/2024 00:07

Everything I see and hear makes me so, so glad I have never had a relationship with a man. Of all the women I know, only two have decent husbands, and one of those is on her second marriage after an abusive first one. Even on a trivial level, I can hear my neighbour snoring and belching and farting through the extremely thin dividing wall - why would I want to live with that sort of thing? 🤢

Flibflobflibflob · 26/07/2024 00:10

I’ve been following some Iranians on twitter and it fucking enrages me the number of women killed for not covering their heads. My admiration for these brave women is endless. I wish more attention was paid in the west, the sheer fucking bravery of women letting their hair out and dancing in the street knowing it’s a death sentence.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2024 01:15

Thanks everyone. Chinks of light in that a male colleague and a male manager both talked to me and offered support to my all female team. I was still peeved enough to say, "condemning male violence would help" but I'm assuming I won't be fired 

And yes the recent big stuff is work related. But it's made me incredibly intolerant of the smaller stuff.

And yes @Flibflobflibflob all over the world, in almost every place and time in history, there's the same shit with a different coating on it. We're all sisters.

OP posts:
AzureBlue99 · 26/07/2024 01:20

Yes, when you get older your blinkers about men fall off. I am sick of them. Yes, there are nice ones, decent ones - but they are very much in the minority. I am late 50s. One thing I find refreshing is the younger men - the below 30 ones. They don't mansplain, they apologise if they talk over you, you can have a conversation with them, about all subjects. They are my only work friends now. I go out to lunch with them, it is an easy relationship. There is no sexual attraction- I am a lot older. The younger women do not even see me, I am invisible. The men my age want me to be small, not show my expertise, not to talk to them, in fact they want me to fuck off so they can get a younger woman in. I see hope for the younger men. I concede it might be false hope. And they all go to shit at some point or in certain circumstances.

PaminaMozart · 26/07/2024 03:40

I 8wish I shared your optimism, @AzureBlue99 ...

Going by the truly dreadful relationship threads I read on Mumsnet, there are still way too many selfish, coercive, abusive, et cetera young men about.

One of my sons would make a wonderful husband and father. The other one...... I'd advise any woman to run. Where did I go wrong? Who knows - they are twins!

Not sure quite what I'd do if I had daughters, but I'd certainly warn them to never, ever become dependent on a man.

bittertwisted · 26/07/2024 03:46

AzureBlue99 · 26/07/2024 01:20

Yes, when you get older your blinkers about men fall off. I am sick of them. Yes, there are nice ones, decent ones - but they are very much in the minority. I am late 50s. One thing I find refreshing is the younger men - the below 30 ones. They don't mansplain, they apologise if they talk over you, you can have a conversation with them, about all subjects. They are my only work friends now. I go out to lunch with them, it is an easy relationship. There is no sexual attraction- I am a lot older. The younger women do not even see me, I am invisible. The men my age want me to be small, not show my expertise, not to talk to them, in fact they want me to fuck off so they can get a younger woman in. I see hope for the younger men. I concede it might be false hope. And they all go to shit at some point or in certain circumstances.

Just disgusting
I know many more toxic girls than I do men
I have 3 fabulous sons

No wonder the greatest killer of young men is suicide

If we discriminated against race or sexuality like we do about boys nobody would tolerate it

I for one am absolutely sick of it

YellowAsteroid · 26/07/2024 05:57

How to tell me you can’t read the room without telling me you’re an idiot.

Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 26/07/2024 06:25

Went for a promotion and did well at interview. Acquitted myself well but didn’t get it. A man did - but he’s good. I don’t mind but I did when I was told that he’d expected my application to be frivolous and was pleasantly surprised it wasn’t, and that he hadn’t really known about my expertise. Would he have found out about my skill level if I’d been a man, maybe (probably yes).

Thesquarerootofnotgivingafuck · 26/07/2024 06:57

bittertwisted · 26/07/2024 03:46

Just disgusting
I know many more toxic girls than I do men
I have 3 fabulous sons

No wonder the greatest killer of young men is suicide

If we discriminated against race or sexuality like we do about boys nobody would tolerate it

I for one am absolutely sick of it

You come to a feminist site to berate women and tell us "women are worse" in a discussion full of women relating stories of male abuse.
With a woman hating parent like yourself I expect your three sons are the kind of men/boys that women warn one another about.

crystalflex · 26/07/2024 07:40

I've spent the week trying to help my dd through an incident that happened at school before they broke up.

My dd was physically assaulted in school for retaliating with words when a boy made a comment about her looks. This boy threw several items at her,then as she cowered he kicked her in the back.

The first thing the male teacher asked my daughter when he managed to get this boy off her was "what did you say to set him off".

Thankfully her female head teacher has taken all this very seriously but it's really broken my dd. She feels that she was attacked just for being a girl who had the cheek to speak up for herself, and she's worried about what life will be like for her in her future as this isn't the first time she's been hurt, bullied and threatened by men/boys.

The knot in my stomach is awful

ArabellaScott · 26/07/2024 07:51

crystalflex that's appalling. The initial abuse is bad enough, but the teacher's response is shocking. I hope your DD is okay.

May be some useful info here: www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/guide/concern-bullying

ArabellaScott · 26/07/2024 07:53

bittertwisted · 26/07/2024 03:46

Just disgusting
I know many more toxic girls than I do men
I have 3 fabulous sons

No wonder the greatest killer of young men is suicide

If we discriminated against race or sexuality like we do about boys nobody would tolerate it

I for one am absolutely sick of it

I'm sure your sons are great. We are talking about society wide, statistical facts, here.

Males commit 85% of all violent crime.
Males commit 99% of all sex abuse/assault.

Women and girls being 'toxic' doesn't even reach the sides. Males are, as a sex class, responsible for virtually all the abuse and violence women suffer.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 26/07/2024 08:04

ArabellaScott · 26/07/2024 07:53

I'm sure your sons are great. We are talking about society wide, statistical facts, here.

Males commit 85% of all violent crime.
Males commit 99% of all sex abuse/assault.

Women and girls being 'toxic' doesn't even reach the sides. Males are, as a sex class, responsible for virtually all the abuse and violence women suffer.

Just to repeat this for any other potential NAMALTs

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 26/07/2024 08:09

bittertwisted · 26/07/2024 03:46

Just disgusting
I know many more toxic girls than I do men
I have 3 fabulous sons

No wonder the greatest killer of young men is suicide

If we discriminated against race or sexuality like we do about boys nobody would tolerate it

I for one am absolutely sick of it

I have a wonderful son too. However, neither he nor I are stupid or blinkered enough to think that the fact that there are many good men and boys, or the fact that suicide is a big problem amongst men, somehow cancel out the facts about the huge prevalence of male abuse and violence towards women.

crystalflex · 26/07/2024 08:12

Thank you @ArabellaScott

She's physically ok but so scared right now x

ArabellaScott · 26/07/2024 08:18

crystalflex · 26/07/2024 08:12

Thank you @ArabellaScott

She's physically ok but so scared right now x

I'm not surprised, that sounds like such a frightening experience. At least it's holidays and there's time for you to help her process it.

The school should be on this and deal with it robustly; both the boy involved and the teacher.

Dumbo12 · 26/07/2024 08:30

"Toxic "girls may say mean things, especially to boys. Boys will grow up with male privilege and think themselves superior to women, they will be "in charge". Parents who talk about "Toxic" girls make damn sure of it.
Remember boys are scared that they'll be laughed at by girls, girls are frightened that they'll be killed by boys.

SerafinasGoose · 26/07/2024 08:33

Thesquarerootofnotgivingafuck · 26/07/2024 06:57

You come to a feminist site to berate women and tell us "women are worse" in a discussion full of women relating stories of male abuse.
With a woman hating parent like yourself I expect your three sons are the kind of men/boys that women warn one another about.

Amen to that. I'm the mother of a son, too. I have a husband I adore and respect; both of us work full-time, both take on our full-time load of parenting and domestic labour. We don't argue, let alone abuse each other. To me this should be a bare minimum expectation.

Telling men and boys that women are to blame for men's high suicide rate is just the sort of upbringing I want to avoid for my son. I try to bring him up with the right values. We don't use spaces specifically designed for women and girls, and we frown on sexism of any variety.

I am concerned every day that we don't bring our kids up in a vacuum, and despair of the sort of influences he's bound to come up against. I do my best to counter them. And, now that he'll be at the onset of puberty in only a fairly short time, I make him aware (in an age-appropriate way) some of what women have to put up with at the hands of men, and who commits the vast, vast majority of violent and sexual crime. He knows it's a choice, and that things don't have to be that way.

What I don't do is continually excuse male behaviour by steering the blame for it at women. Rule #1 of misogyny: 'women are responsible for what men do'.

Like everyone, we all have plenty of men we love and wholeheartedly respect. Our friends, our brothers, our fathers, our husbands. But even my DH says that as a collective, a sex-'class', he doesn't like them all that much.

@MrsTerryPratchett - I'm laughing at the patriarchy mackerel. It's definitely a thing ...