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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

So fucking sick of it all today

174 replies

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2024 01:27

This week I've dealt with so many fucking shitty pieces of male fuckwittedness I'm angry, miserable, losing sleep. I don't know what I want from you lot of lovely women but I think I just need to scream from a mountaintop.

It's all secondhand, not even me as the victim. But fuck me it's brought up all the absolutely shit I've had to deal with over the years.

No NAMALTing from the usual suspects. This thread is not for you. Everyone please ignore their whiney nonsense.

Angry
OP posts:
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5
JellySaurus · 25/07/2024 09:31

Recent years have reminded me so much of how I felt in my twenties: why would I ever bring children into this messed-up world, this roller-coaster into nuclear meltdown, pollution overload, hatred-fuelled future?

But I met a good man. A solid, stolid, gentle man with high personal standards of behaviour. A man completely different to me: different upbringing, different religion, different culture, a man who watched and listened, and learned tolerance and acceptance of difference from being with me and my (to him) bizarre family.

We have sons and daughters. And I see those same high personal standards in our sons. And I have hope for the future.

Dh has strong, affectionate, respectful relations with all our children. He models to our daughters what they should expect from a man, and to our sons how they should behave in society. He is not perfect, nobody is. But that is another thing that it is important to model for our children.

Sadly, one of our sons and one of our daughters are to some degree influenced by trans ideology , fortunately only to the degree that they also struggle with cognitive dissonance. So I still have hope.

Each of us, those here on MNFWR, and those not, like my dh, is one tiny individual standing up against the oppression of misogyny. But we share our strength, we give strength to each other.

What's that saying: Never think you're too small to have an effect - have you ever tried to sleep in a room with a mosquito?

Hold fast MrsTP - you are one of the mosquitoes!

Piemam · 25/07/2024 09:36

Solidarity, @MrsTerryPratchett. May I also second what @MrsTartanTeacosy said about you, that's how I feel to the letter.

Now where the feck is this mountaintop? Arggghh!

Polkadottydot · 25/07/2024 09:45

I'm feeling awful today. My DH is the main cause this morning. The sheer entitled expectation that I will pick up everything at home, that I am here to serve is just overwhelming me today. I usually shout up and speak up and work feels better than home and the outside world. I hate that my sons have heard me being spoken to disparagingly and like the buck stops with me to do everything
I'm sick of being made to move to the side and also of some of my own thoughts about other women. Why did I inwardly criticise a colleague's outfit yesterday? I'm sick of the world today

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 25/07/2024 09:46

MN has been an education to me too, especially about how so many men behave in relationships. I am fortunate to work in a particularly female-dominated workplace in an already female-dominated job (teacher in a girls' school). The male teachers we do have are mostly great, but are (unsurprisingly) over-represented in SLT. We currently (unfortunately) have the school's first ever male Head. The behaviour of many boys in schools makes me unsurprised that parents are so desperate to get their girls into our school. The vast majority of our girls seem very glad not to be in a mixed school.

FictionalCharacter · 25/07/2024 09:50

I’ll scream along with you. In fact I’ve felt this way for a long time! I’m in my 60s and all my life have witnessed and been subjected to mansplaining, manspreading, being talked over, a male colleague being taken more seriously than me, male colleague assumed to be more senior than me, men trying to talk to my husband about things I know about and he doesn’t, being invisible while men talk to each other in meetings as though I wasn’t there, the whole lot.

I’m no shrinking violet and I do stand up for myself, but it’s relentless.

I do believe we’re going backwards I’m afraid. A few decades ago with sex discrimination laws coming into effect, there was definite improvement. I believe that the awfulness we’re seeing now is at least partly a backlash by men who never wanted us to have rights and equality. I never thought I’d see an Andrew Tate figure on the scene being revered by millions of young men.

Helleofabore · 25/07/2024 09:55

Mrs TP we have all been there and no doubt will be there again time to time. I hope that you will soon feel your optimism grow again and your joy in life replenished. Flowers

Oneearringlost · 25/07/2024 09:58

Mrs TP, you are loved on MN. By me and many others. Especially today.
Take heart, Old Friend.💐

sharmawa · 25/07/2024 10:00

You have my sympathy. Flowers and you are not alone.

I've learned the best way to win is to not play.

Stay away when you can. Change jobs. Disconnect.

Kamala Harris is a beacon of hope. 🥰👍🏻

sharmawa · 25/07/2024 10:01

The fight is not over but it can get heavy. You can rest.

Turophilic · 25/07/2024 10:04

You’re right. Fuck this shit. Some days screaming on a mountain top is the only reasonable response.

Other days it’s a large, full biscuit tin and comfort telly.

DubiousGoals · 25/07/2024 10:08

The older I get, the angrier I get. Not sure if it's perimenopause or just being more aware of the constant male fuckwittery. It's exhausting sometimes.

Flowers and Ginall round.

DiamondTriangle · 25/07/2024 10:08

Especially in the workplace, a woman who stands up for herself , takes the lead and uses her initiative is then called a Bitch , Feminist , Nasty Cow by men . In the past I've also had men spread sexual rumours about and had them egg other men to come on to me . Add to that spineless male management who won't do anything A strong woman is like a Red rag to a Bull to a lot of men .

NeverMindTheBackProblems · 25/07/2024 10:10

I'm sick of this shit too. Today and most days. It feels like we are going backwards and I worry about the future for our girls.

Abitboring · 25/07/2024 10:13

I was just reflecting this morning that I have become one of those 'aggressive, opinionated and miserable' women at work. I'm senior now but just cannot get over the injustice of what I had to do and prove to get there.

I sat in a meeting of 12 people. I was the only woman and wanted to cry.

Villagetoraiseachild · 25/07/2024 10:14

No shit no lotus.
You're a star on here @MrsTerryPratchett .
Never forget that.

Hummingbird75 · 25/07/2024 10:14

My work gives me this feeling sometimes, of utter utter rage and some. You need to get it out of your system. Don't let them poison your body with stress.

Abitboring · 25/07/2024 10:15

Not long ago a man OVERWROTE my work in an excel sheet for something that is MY AREA OF EXPERTISE. Not his. He thought he knew better. Changed everything back because his was WRONG.

Hummingbird75 · 25/07/2024 10:16

And I am delighted to be a bloody difficult woman, really bloody difficult. Some of us are working very hard to change things, some of us are succeeding, it is taking time but we will get there. We need to keep going, I am raising strong and powerful girls - for them it is much easier already. You are right, it is a thing we are all suffering and we shouldn't have to.

LondonLass61 · 25/07/2024 10:20

FictionalCharacter · 25/07/2024 09:50

I’ll scream along with you. In fact I’ve felt this way for a long time! I’m in my 60s and all my life have witnessed and been subjected to mansplaining, manspreading, being talked over, a male colleague being taken more seriously than me, male colleague assumed to be more senior than me, men trying to talk to my husband about things I know about and he doesn’t, being invisible while men talk to each other in meetings as though I wasn’t there, the whole lot.

I’m no shrinking violet and I do stand up for myself, but it’s relentless.

I do believe we’re going backwards I’m afraid. A few decades ago with sex discrimination laws coming into effect, there was definite improvement. I believe that the awfulness we’re seeing now is at least partly a backlash by men who never wanted us to have rights and equality. I never thought I’d see an Andrew Tate figure on the scene being revered by millions of young men.

I'm the same age and I agree. But what makes me just as sad is the women who excuse shit behaviour in men and who run down women who are strong and assertive. Female misogyny - I wonder if they'll just say anything to keep their (shit) man.

Abitboring · 25/07/2024 10:20

@Hummingbird75 I'm hoping to adopt this mindset but right now I just feel shame.

I have realised that by being 'the good girl' I will get walked over anyway so I might as well be loud (not louder than a man, but obviously it's different if you are a women (massive eyeroll)). But I still feel ashamed. I know a man doesn't.

katebushh · 25/07/2024 10:23

Sending all the solidarity. I actively avoid all men as much as is possible. The ex is ok in small doses and luckily is pretty decent in terms of the supportive father role.

The thought of ever meeting anyone new repulses me. The state of OLD is the most depressing thing going. Luckily I have no desire. I think it's been drummed out of me by the horrors of the past!! Single for 6 years, can't even remember what sex is like.

FictionalCharacter · 25/07/2024 10:28

DubiousGoals · 25/07/2024 10:08

The older I get, the angrier I get. Not sure if it's perimenopause or just being more aware of the constant male fuckwittery. It's exhausting sometimes.

Flowers and Ginall round.

This is something that makes me very angry on MN. Why can’t women be justifiably angry or upset about something without it being attributed to our hormones? Every thread on here where a woman is irritated or angry with her husband gets “could you be peri?” within minutes. Women say “it could just be my pregnancy/postnatal hormones, AIBU?” then describe really awful behaviour by their partners that nobody should have to put up with.

We have to stop this. Women are not irrational, overemotional bags of hormones who can’t judge what is acceptable behaviour towards them. We have functioning brains just like men do. Yet the trope of the hormonal woman is embedded. It makes us out to be less sensible and rational than men, questions our judgement and portrays male behaviour as the norm.

Funnily enough, when men explode with anger nobody says they’re hormonal or over emotional.

WitchyWitcherson · 25/07/2024 10:41

Sympathy! I spent one night crying this week after a particularly nasty run in with an angry man who threatened me in front of my 2yo daughter. I reported him to the police, but apparently they can't do anything because there were no witnesses. Even though I have the man's address.

I was crying mostly because I realised the vast majority of pain in my life has been caused by men. The only real exception being my step mum who had moderate mental health issues, but my dad never stepped in to stop her being emotionally abusive, so he's also culpable (although I do hold her responsible more than him!).

Anyway, it's nice to have a good moan about it and get it off our chests!

BouleDeSuif · 25/07/2024 10:42

@MrsTerryPratchett I love you quietly every time I see you on here.

My daughter is five. She's already getting the boys in her class telling her she's not allowed to do football or like Spiderman. That she's rubbish at sports. (She's much better than them.)
So I'm having to explain it all in a way she understands and five is very young to have to realise that men are shite.

I was trafficked into prostitution when I was younger, and sold through legal escort agencies and AdultWork etc, and when I escaped the police told me basically that It's legal, what do you expect us to do?
And it seems all I ever hear is "It should be legalised! That would make the women safe! There wouldn't be any trafficking then!"

And Only Fans is treated as some big jolly fun way to earn yourself a fortune, and if women like me speak up we're being dramatic and trying to stop people doing what makes them happy. (I've been called a SWERF- sex worker exclusionary radical feminist- in conversations where I've described what happened to me.)

I can't think too deeply about it very often because it starts to make me physically feel sick.

ArabellaScott · 25/07/2024 10:44

Directions pls for Screaming Mountaintop Thx