Spouse says men can use Ladies to change baby nappy?

[Bunty2727]

Im not a mum. I just went into the public toilet (to put up some single sex signs lol) and as I approached a man was just about to enter with a baby, I said excuse me I dont think you are allowed to use the ladies, he replied, pointing at the baby change sign, you can go in first if you like, I repeated, I dont think you can use the ladies, when I came out he had gone. Spouse said Im wrong, he’s allowed. googled and cannot see an answer?

quantumbutterfly · Today 10:57

Baby change facilities should be separate and available to parents of either sex.

Most family type places have changing tables in the men's' toilets. Quite a few pubs, where you might not expect it also have them. Museums and other venues often have a baby changing room, which can be used by either parent, although it can be a bit perilous, as I once found out and the museum in Sunderland.

I was changing my daughter and a mother came in and started shouting, a female staff member came and backed her up. Again, it would never have occurred to me to use the ladies'.

Your reaction to this shows you're not a mum. Whilst far from ideal, in this instance if there was no alternative and the baby needed changing what did you expect him to do? If the only baby change facilities were truly in the female toilets then he was doing what he thought was best going there. All those saying men need to be campaigning for baby change facilities in the men's toilets - yes, I agree. However, in this instance he needed a solution in the moment. How do you know he hasn't written to the establishment you were in and complained?
Saying all this, my husband does majority of all baby and toddler changes when we're out and has always had access to changing facilities either in the men's or in a separate baby change cubicle so I don't think it's common anymore to only have changing units in the women's toilets.

Ffs there is a man who needs to change his baby. Give him a break!

Having been perplexed at the lack of changing facilities in anywhere but the womens loo for the last three years, and having a normal husband who takes our child out unaccompanied or is the first to offer to do a nappy, i think i would personally have been ok with this. Dad's trying his best, he's doing a good thing. It's not a drunk lad trying to use the ladies, etc.

I would have spoken to the dad and got him to mention it to the staff and i would have mentioned it to them to, places out and about need to up their games.

But i dont think you can blame him for trying to make lemonade... id rather he used the ladies than changed the baby on the floor of the mens, etc.

Then he can used the mixed sex baby change facilities (which are frequently also accessible toilets, plenty of room in them for a buggy) or one of the many mens toilets with baby change facilities.

It's very rare (unheard of in my city) for there to be baby change spaces only in the women's loos.

As for not being able to wait - a baby in a soiled nappy can wait the 5 minutes it takes to find a changing station most of the time.

@SinnerBoy sorry to hear that.

In the shopping centre nearest me the changing room also had a chair which I occasionally used for a quiet spot when breastfeeding, though I got a bit frazzled with dc2 and whipped out my boobs as & when.

Once, a very nice lady in a Morrisons cafe helped adjust the muslin over me because I didn't have enough hands free when having a sandwich and a drink.

Some women retreat to the loos for privacy to breastfeed, which is far from ideal.

Given the scarcity of Changing Places toilets, I'd say that a lot of people have no problem with adults having to stay in soiled nappies for protracted periods.

More Changing Places rooms would be better for everyone because they let incontinent adults go out for longer and can be used by anyone, including fathers with babies.

I put this question to my DH, whose children are young adults, and he says it would never even have occurred to him to go into the women's toilet to change a nappy, he always found another solution, usually an al fresco nappy change in a discreet corner, and when my XH and I were out and about with lots of small children he didn't seem to struggle with the idea of taking a baby into the men's toilet to do a nappy change.

I agree that neutral facilities for attending to the personal hygiene needs of people and all ages should be made widely available.

I’ve had massive issues with this since becoming a mum. A lot of places sadly still have baby change stations in the ladies toilets and none in the men’s toilets.
If my dh takes our children out and needs to change them then he struggles to find places to change them.
We recently went to a museum in the UK (I’m from Scotland) and the baby change was in the ladies toilets. When he asked about this they plainly told him that I could change the children and he could wait outside!

He definitely wouldn’t go into the ladies toilets to change either of the children but there needs to be a separate space and/ or changing facilities in men’s toilets.

Perhaps if there were a spate of men ostentatiously changing infants on the floor outside ladies loos the message might get across.

I agree with you but then where are men supposed to change their babies?

A question for those who feel its ok...

Fast forward a few years. The baby is now an 8yo girl.

Do you want to feel safe going into a public toilet alone, while her father wants outside, knowing that there won't be random men in there?

Things get even more fun when the mother is unable to change the baby and the father has to. Which a few less able mums I have known have experienced.

My goodness. No wonder feminism is often associated with simply man hating.

A quick Google search documents several campaigns started by dads to get baby changing facilities in men's toilets.

Some of the comments are very silly. If a baby's nappy needs changing, a person should go where it can be safely, hygienically and privately changed.

quantumbutterfly · Today 13:32

Perhaps if there were a spate of men ostentatiously changing infants on the floor outside ladies loos the message might get across.

That's a good idea!

PuttingDownRoots · Today 14:08

Do you want to feel safe going into a public toilet alone, while her father wants outside, knowing that there won't be random men in there?

I had to loiter when my daughter was younger, as she was a runner. It was bloody awkward, getting obviously frightened looks, or hard stares; I wanted to disappear. If she (almost always) was taking ages, I'd wait for an older, no-nonsense looking woman and explain that my young daughter was in and had been ages and would she call her name.

When DD was little ( a good 15 years ago ) there were a good few times I was told by staff to use the ladies when DD needed changing.

I didn't, aside from once when it was a single cubicle situation, and I complained every time (by email, post shitty nappy!) but there were a good few times I had to just leave and find somewhere else.

The replies to my complaints were generally that there were changing facilities in the ladies and that I should use them. In one case the reply suggested that I could hand DD over to a staff member to change her if I felt uncomfortable using a female space.

I can't remember whether I got bored of banging my head against a brick wall or DD grew out of nappies first, but it was deeply frustrating.

Were these individual, contained cubicles? The way you’ve worded it makes it sound like they were to me. If they were, then I imagine he’s right and the cubicle is the ladies’ loo but also the designated baby change.

If not then no, he shouldn’t have been in there. I do have a lot of sympathy though, because it’s ridiculous that there are still so many male loos that don’t have a baby change and I wouldn’t want to change a nappy anywhere other than in a toilet. If those were the only nearby public loos then I guess he would have to go and buy something from Starbucks etc and use their loo.

“Men should be campaigning for separate changing facilities for babies and small children. It’s in their interests to do so”

Are you sure about that? I bet there are plenty of men who’d use this as an excuse not to mind the baby.

Darwinism says we shouldn't let these men breed.😁

If it's signposted as baby changing facilities (and the only one) why shouldn't he use it?

Because it's also signposted as a women's bathroom.

@AbstemiousBreakfast yes, "also". Babies need changing and certainly not the father's fault that was the lay of the land.

@Daniki, yes, but the Dad can go elsewhere (i.e. a dedicated baby change facility), but women who need to use the bathroom without men there can't.