Spouse says men can use Ladies to change baby nappy?

[Bunty2727]

Im not a mum. I just went into the public toilet (to put up some single sex signs lol) and as I approached a man was just about to enter with a baby, I said excuse me I dont think you are allowed to use the ladies, he replied, pointing at the baby change sign, you can go in first if you like, I repeated, I dont think you can use the ladies, when I came out he had gone. Spouse said Im wrong, he’s allowed. googled and cannot see an answer?

I've seen more unisex toilets with baby changing facilities than ever before - that's the solution. Perhaps dad's (like most women have to) need to plan their journeys around where there's facilties are available, rather than force their presence in women's spaces? We do need more of them though.

Did the sign indicate women AND baby changing or did it indicate women's baby changing?

It's a bit like some places with only two loos, where one is "men" and the other is women/disabled. A disabled bloke would use the women/disabled loo.

I’ve seen never a sign saying women's baby changing.
What does it look like?

It would be hard to plan around that.
Places specify they have changing facilities not where they are….

And then where is the father supposed to go??

Would you be happy fir your baby to be changed on a dirty floor in the men loo, next to someone urinating?

Where else was he supposed to change a nappy, its not mens fault there aren't enough separate baby changing rooms.they are nearly always alongside a women sign, its the retailers fault not his.

I would donate to a crowdfunder if a father decided to take a venue to court for sex discrimination because there was no baby changing facilities that weren't in the ladies.

@DullFanFiction, no, but dedicated baby changing facilities exist - he can go there.

Women from some religions literally wouldn't be able to use a bathroom with a man present. Other women who have experienced trauma also need this private space.

I don't understand all the 'where was he supposed to go' arguments, or was he supposed to change the baby on a piss soaked floor.

Clearly not.

When my son was a baby I rarely changed him on a table in a public toilet because they are usually so very grim and dirty.

Do it in the pram/ back of the car or put a mat down in a quiet corner/on a bench. You can cover the baby up with the fresh nappy and be discreet.

What about when you take the baby out and about to places with no toilets ?

Aren't most changing facilities in the disabled anyway because there's more space?

When all this started really taking pace last year and in the media much more, I walked into the ladies and a man with his little girl was sitting her on the toilet in McDonald’s with the door open 🤦🏻‍♀️
I absolutely knew I was in the correct toilet. Been in there loads as it’s In my town , but my brain was totally confused and I was about to run out and even apologised even though I know it was the ladies ! …. He said no it’s ok …. I was absolutely incensed … I wanted to report him but the only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to upset the little toddler bless her. I wanted to shout “get out “! … I’ve never in all my 60 years experienced this and I hope I never do again

I was of the understanding baby/family changing facilities are for the use of either parent. Or do people think fathers never go out with their children without the mother being present?

Me too!

And campaign for better advertising through local councils to show where there are unisex baby changing facilities. I have to say though, if I ever got caught short with a pooey nappy to deal with and there wasn't any baby changing stations, I either used to improvise using the pushchair with the back down (bought one specifically that could do this) or I'd take them back to the car and do it there. A grown man should absolutely be able to change a nappy on the hoof without forcing his presence where a teenage girl may be feeling vulnerable. I'd have felt mortified at that age if there was a man in the toilets while I was washing period blood off my hands.

Yabu, he had to do what he had to do. The baby in that scenario comes first. And you really didn't need to put that you're not a mum, it was obvious.

He offered a reasonable solution - that he waited until you finished. Sadly seems like your ideology has got in the way of making a reasonable compromise.

Report him? Do you think he should have had to have let his toddler go to the loo on her own?

He needs baby changing facilities.

If this was only in women's that's poor form of the establishment and not his fault.

Complaint should be directed to the establishment rather than the dad.

Also, interesting that you are not a parent- but on a parenting forum.

To be fair many posters on MN do not have children.

Not read the whole thread so apologies if I'm duplicating comments
We've come across this a handful of times over the last year and we/my partner have asked the staff where he should change the baby and the answer was always to use the ladies (and this was always a toilet with a few cubicles/sinks, not a single use one)
My partner didn't want to use the ladies and if i was there i obviously took over changing the baby. But I honestly don't think there is another option if he was by himself?
We discussed at the time steps he should take and I suggested knocking and calling out that a man was coming in so anyone religious who may have a headscarf off etc had warning
I do think it's a lessening issue
I've seen a few toilets now with movable changing tables and when requested the staff will move it to whichever toilet is needed
I do think this is an issue women and men need to fight to improve
Only having facilities in women's toilets is as per usual assuming the woman is the default parent which is so damaging to women

In my area, the baby changing table is in the accessible toilet which can be used by both men and women. That seems to be a perfectly acceptable arrangement.

come on … get real
most dads take them to the gents cubicles and you know it

You were not there … so don’t talk the talk unless you’ve walked the walk.
its not on .. you know and you’ve got your badge of honour .. good for you

I agree that it's fairly easy to find a unisex baby change in a city. However the issues we've found were in more rural places, country pubs, villages with listed buildings with tiny toilets

Well what else could he do? Baby needs do be changed and contrary to everyone saying it can wait, I wouldn’t want my baby to spend ages in a dirty nappy getting a nasty rash. Full disclaimer - I have used the men’s toilets with my toddler who couldn’t wait (just finished nappies). Women’s were out of order so I politely asked could I use them and a very nice man with his child said of course and told the next person coming in to use the stall (I overheard this). If he said no, please let your toddler wet himself I would’ve been pretty annoyed!

Still thinking about this thread...a few comments saying go elsewhere to find a unisex change - one occasion he'd stopped for lunch in a pub and baby needed changing. He couldn't exactly abandon his meal and roam the village in the rain looking for somewhere

no badge of honour. I wouldn’t have wanted my daughter (when she was a toddler) sitting in the squalor of one of the few stalls in a men’s toilet- and that little girl shouldn’t have either. Good to hear you managed to restrain yourself from making accusations to her father.