It is unacceptable for me to feel that I don’t like men?

[OliverBabish]

I got asked by my boss if I “hate men” - he’s not my boss anymore thankfully but my honest response is that I don’t like men very much. I’m not being an arse about it either - I’ve married a man, I’m aware there are ‘good men’ or whatever - that is truly how I feel.

Ignorant of me but I didn’t even know misandry was a thing (or that there was a word for it) until really recently.

Experience (and my job) has shown me time and time again that men are far more of a problem in our day to day society than women. I know I’d probably get into loads of trouble at work if I actually voiced that opinion, but generally speaking, is it that unacceptable for me to feel this way? Am I wrong to think like this? It doesn’t affect how I treat men, it’s just how I feel.

@SleepingStandingUp

I'm sure you'd love him Equally but not being liked Equally is just as damaging. I can't imagine looking at my son's and thinking well in all likelihood you'll grow up to be abusive, sexually coercive and oppressing the chances of your sisters, and that's at best. The kids fight over a toy and seeing sexism instead of kids etc.

I'm not sure your and your husband's mutual dislike for men is particularly healthy unless he's being held above his kind and to be better than he ought to be.

Does anyone who dislikes men as a class have son's? How does that work ou

I wouldn’t say it’s a mutual dislike - I’ve never asked him if he dislikes men directly. We are both just acutely aware of the world we live in.

It’s not some weird relationship where I’m constantly deriding men to him and drumming him down or anything like that. I think DH is a wonderful person. I know some men that are good people. But this is how I feel ultimately. It’s a weird thing to admit I suppose, and that’s why I posted because it was a striking realisation to me. There’s no malice though.

I don’t treat anyone differently, I can’t say that enough.

Wow. I wonder how many men who use, abuse and objectify women are asked if they like (or hate) women.

I love the dog analogy.

If dogs attacked or intimidated people at the same rate men do, we wouldn’t let them in our homes or on our streets.

And there’d be no ‘not all dogs’ either.

The equivalent would be black people saying they don't like white people, fwiw

If one subscribes to critical race theory and the notion of white guilt.

@Thelnebriati

Why are people conflating 'I dont like men' with 'I hate my sons'?

No one said hate, I actually sad o didn't doubt op would have loved son's. But love / like are v different

If you don't like men then unless you're doing "but my children are so wonderful they're basically women on the inside" then how does that not include your adult sons? If you dislike men because collectively they're abusive assaulting arseholes, surely you have to accept much more than most parents that your son's have a high likelihood of being like this too, and how do you then work that alongside my son's are amazing, I like their company but I accept the chances are they'll sexually assault or abuse someone.

For others it's a hate the behaviour not the person but if you don't like men that doesn't stand

Thats just ridiculous. There are plenty of people who are misanthropes and I bet you don't seek them out to lecture them about not liking people (in general)

The point about how so many men interpret things like metoo or a woman saying she's a feminist as 'man hating' has not been addressed.

Nor has the fact that men aren't asked if they hate women very often at all, are they. I wonder why not.

Much like posters on this thread.

In general I don't like men much due to xyz.

You hate your children!

It's the same as men who do it-

Any comment criticism reaction of men as a group

Is taken as evidence of literal simmering rage and hate towards each and every man boy and baby on the planet!

The fact that men don't get asked this or accused of this even when they do or say really iffy stuff is enlightening.

Well we all know #notallmen are "abusive assaulting arseholes"
I hope my son will grow up to not be any of those things.
I'm sure there will still be some women who dont like him.
We're allowed to dislike people for lesser reasons than them abusing us.

Any comment criticism reaction of men as a group...Is taken as evidence of literal simmering rage and hate towards each and every man boy and baby on the planet!
Do you know what, thats given me a bit of a lightbulb. Maybe its DARVO and the men who have a strong reaction do that because that's how they feel about women and they are defensive.
God. Imagine feeling simmering rage towards a whole class of people. It must be miserable.

@Thelnebriati

Why are people conflating 'I dont like men' with 'I hate my sons'?

If you are referring your question to Theswitch that is a bit of a straw women. She didn't say that.

She made a perfectly valid point with which I agree.

Nah, I enjoy the company of men. Bad experiences at work etc were generally when I was younger and being bullied by an older woman. Groups of women are generally awful, though I love my female friends one to one.

@Jillly

Well we all know #notallmen are "abusive assaulting arseholes" I hope my son will grow up to not be any of those things. I'm sure there will still be some women who dont like him. We're allowed to dislike people for lesser reasons than them abusing us.

Of course we are, I dislike lots of people. But I don't assume I dislike all of a class of people based on their chromosomes or any other marker except behavioural. And if you aren't emotionally attached to one of those class of people it's of course far easier to indiscriminately dislike them. But when you dislike all X but then have an emotionally connected relationship with three X's it's not unreasonable to ask how that works.

@NiceGerbil

The point about how so many men interpret things like metoo or a woman saying she's a feminist as 'man hating' has not been addressed.

Nor has the fact that men aren't asked if they hate women very often at all, are they. I wonder why not.

If a man came on and said I dislike all women I'd ask the same. Agree with a pp though that it's more likely to be a manevolent rather than benevolent presentation and perhaps that's why we don't discuss it. The men who will admit to disliking all women probably aren't keeping it inside.

I actually thought to myself earlier today that if my partner left me I don’t think I’d want another man in my life. I don’t know how I’d date anyone, I have such distain for them as a collective, it’s hard for me to see past that
So I probably wouldn’t date

Many years ago I came to the same conclusion. If this particular relationship ends, I will grow old alone. I've had enough of men and there's scarce few women ive been interested in. Between the pronouncements men make about anything (and apparently I'm expected to respond in a nice manner, you dipshit is, I'm told, not nice) and the violent porn far too many of then watch and want to reenact, and the whole finding a half decent one etc etc, I just can't be bothered. Ever again.
It's not even that I dislike men, I just dont care about them. Indifference rather than hate.

Men say they don't like women all the time IRL and I've never heard a man say gosh that's a terrible thing to say.

Also maybe it depends on personality.

I tend to be positive about people until they give me reason not to be. I'm also a very open person.

I think some people are naturally more cautious and guarded.

So these days due to experience I'm just a bit more guarded with men when I meet them as so many men in the past I've thought were nice have eventually done or said something that made me rethink.

I have met some women I don't get on with or like obviously. So I don't socialised with them etc.

The men who have done this over and over were ones I thought were friends, and who gave the impression they were a 'good guy' iyswim.

@OliverBabish

I got asked by my boss if I “hate men” - he’s not my boss anymore thankfully but my honest response is that I don’t like men very much. I’m not being an arse about it either - I’ve married a man, I’m aware there are ‘good men’ or whatever - that is truly how I feel.

Ignorant of me but I didn’t even know misandry was a thing (or that there was a word for it) until really recently.

Experience (and my job) has shown me time and time again that men are far more of a problem in our day to day society than women. I know I’d probably get into loads of trouble at work if I actually voiced that opinion, but generally speaking, is it that unacceptable for me to feel this way? Am I wrong to think like this? It doesn’t affect how I treat men, it’s just how I feel.

It's never wrong to hate your oppressor.

I think you must have been really unlucky with the men in your life to feel like that. It’s a bit weird saying it. I’d probably keep it to myself if I was you.

No?

To me hate means wish real harm to, and in this case it would mean every single man boy male baby in the world.

It's a very strong word.

It's also, if the possibility of somehow acting on it comes up, not constructive. It leads to all out war. There can be no reconciliation.

The other point is that the oppressors often have more power and so retaliation and what that would look like is a massive consideration.

An example might be Zimbabwe. A complicated political issue. However killing some of the farmers? No I think that's not a good thing. Although I understand the anger I can't condone that.

Pandora she didn't say it.

'My former boss asked me in the context of “oh god, you’re not into all that feminist crap are you?” when it was the American elections. It was just casual conversation but the actual question of “do you hate men?” really made me go confused I said no, because I don’t hate anybody'

I think his question is way weirder in the context on the conversation (although I've had this asked of me time and time again in response to... Nothing really) and more worthy of discussion.

@NiceGerbil

Men say they don't like women all the time IRL and I've never heard a man say gosh that's a terrible thing to say.

Which men?

There's also the contradictions around this sort of thing that are impossible for women to navigate.

Eg (and have seen this in relation to recent news but it happens a lot)

This thing that this man has done to this woman is terrible. I'm generally cautious/ wary of men in certain situations. Because in general I know there is a risk.

Well that seems rather sexist. Possibly misandrist. You can't tar all men with the same brush! Loads wouldn't hurt a fly. You're totally out of order. You can't just assume every man you come across is a potential threat!

Oh? Ok. So I should give all men the benefit of the doubt then, and assume that they are just fine. In terms of my behaviour, that means that I should not think twice about going home with a man or men I don't know that well, as I would with women. Also if a man offers to walk me home after the pub, accept. I should accept drinks as I would from a woman. And if I'm going down an alley or something and there's a bloke down there not change my mind or be on the alert. Etc etc

No no doubt be ridiculous of course you must take sensible precautions

...?

it is acceptable for a man to say he hates women?