Gender neutral toilet in Starbucks, and I’m livid

[MisfitRightIn]

I’m completely grossed out by something that happened last weekend. My 7yr DD and I went into what looked to be a brand new Starbucks, for a snack mid-3hr road trip. We live on the west coast US, for context.

Placed our order, then went to use the ladies room. There was no ladies room. The bathroom had a hand written sign saying GENDER NEUTRAL, ONE PERSON OR FAMILY AT A TIME. A man was leaving, and had left the door ajar. Pushing open the door, I see 2 other blokes using urinals, at which point I back out, whilst turning my daughter around so she doesn’t get an eyeful.

In the US, there aren’t double doors to bathrooms, and the urinals were on the left as the door opened right. Everything was out in the open in there.

We wait our turn, and once it’s clear, we go in and lock the door. There are 3 urinals in a row, and one stall, and the room smells like, well, a urinal. It seems like men are just using it like the gents, and this is the result.

I think I’m overreacting, I’m stressed leading up to the US election, and feeling fractious from lockdown, but WTF, it was utterly disgusting. We both took showers and changed clothes as soon as we arrived, as I was sure our shoes and jeans were gross. I’m still livid. Is this our future??? No ladies room and putting up with this shit?

I don't think people are defending Starbucks as much as laying the blame on women. Men can't be expected to be considerate of women in any shape or form. Women are always in the wrong and it is our lot to navigate around what men want to do as best we can.

Can someone from mn please explain why my comment was deleted? It didn’t break a single one of the guidelines?

I don't believe naturist beaches are very common in other European countries

I'd advise avoiding Fuerteventura if it bothers you.

@Cailleach1

If it was mixed sex, why was it simply laid out as a men's room? Willies-a-wagging on display at urinals in a common open area.

Secondly, are people here really trying to attribute some sort of blame on the op because the bottom of their trousers soaked up the piss which was on the ground of the 'gender neutral' (sic) toilet? It may have come as a surprise to some that women have to lower their trousers to pee.

Why should men just arbitrarily pee around them in a supposedly mixed sex toilet while women are at fault if they don't want their clothes to be drenched in others pee?

I was questioning whether I’d overreacted by showering. Just a general feeling of ick, and 3 hours in the car, in 90° weather, combined with the loo visit, so we wanted to shower and relax.

The sink matched the general feel of the bathroom, mangy, so washing up in there wasn’t much help. And all the antibacterial in the world is no substitute for soap and water for me; antibac just leaves me feeling extra sticky.

But I can’t imagine anyone would want to continue their day in jeans that we knew had scraped the floor when we pulled down our pants. The floor was quite frankly revolting and so was the stench. I really can’t see the big deal with changing clothes (and it was into PJs as we were ready to lounge around).

Due to our workplace, we had a mixed sex toilet, with a lock. No problems at all. Until my bully decided that one of his many forms of getting at me, was to urinate over the seat and floor instead of the bowl. Not just that either. You get my drift

did you report the bully for urinating and mt*g over the seat and floor?

Their solution? We will pay you to come in 15 minutes earlier for cleaning..

as a cleaner?

Yuck. Awful. I would be writing a letter of complaint to starbucks HQ, the manager and the owner of that franchise store.

OP, there's no excuse for a multinational corporation (with a global net revenue of $26.51 billion in 2019) to be providing such poor quality facilities. I'm frankly astonished anyone on this thread is defending them.

I've heard a few men say they feel uncomfortable with a set up where women have to walk past urinals to get to the toilet cubicle(s). It's not just women who dislike it.

Aren't Starbucks one of the companies that donate to Mermaids? I think that's what "gender neutral" toilets are all about.

Yes reported. That was a single instance of many.

Right up to causing harm and an accusation of attempting to kill him.

All nonsense.

Even got physical at one point.

Dutifully listened, to dutifully ostriched and put down to a personality clash....

No faith in the company or the union.

But the waste in the toilet was definitely to put me in ‘my place’. As was the mess he continually left for me to clean.

And the boss’s response to that? ‘You know you will clean it better.....’

Not only back to Victorian times but cave dwelling times.

Sorry that was for @FindTheTruth

Sorry for the derail. OP

And a terrific telling of German women teaching boys to sit to wee.I’m in awe.

Haha! Here's a sign I've seen a few times in German and Austrian loos. This was in an airbnb I stayed in in Austria.
It's true: women make a huge fuss there about the mess, their own sons and husbands, leave behind without cleaning. They are making a bit of headway.

Is claiming you don't mind urinating men and piss on the floor the latest cool girl thing?

😂

I hate the stink of piss so could never be cool.

And as pp have said - I too know some men who sit to wee (out of consideration) and I know more men who really fucking hate the state of some of the men's toilet facilities.

might be worth a separate thread to get support stillsomewhatsheldonesque. sorry for what you've been through and 👏for standing up

Just wee on the floor inside the shop due to lack of a female toilet. They’ll soon find a way.

@Kcar

Presumably it was laid out as a men’s room because it was supposed to be for only one person or family at a time as per the sign?

(Which was ignored)

Then why more than one urinal? OK, maybe for a gay couple at one time but I bet that wasn't the thinking behind it. More than one urinal means more than one man at a time. So, a man's loo, which women have to suck up.

These companies won’t know people don’t like this setup if we don’t kick up a fuss.
I would word a letter saying how this set up is not working as multiple men are going in there at the same time and not locking the door, causing you and your DD to see things you don’t consent it. Tell them they must review the situation.

@Bwlch

I don't believe naturist beaches are very common in other European countries

I'd advise avoiding Fuerteventura if it bothers you.

No, never been there. Are these private beaches, or do people just strip off on any old beach? And I do think specific holiday areas are quite different from regular life on the mainland. Because they are dominated by holidaymakers with rules of their own.

*consent to.
Also, why, if it’s supposed to be a family room, is there only one stall?!
NOT GOOD ENOUGH

@stillsomewhatsheldonesque

I am so sorry to read what happened to you. He sounds like a disgusting bully, utterly gross. You sound lovely. Have you changed jobs, or are you still having to put up with this crap?

But you have said that it was clearly written on the door 'one person or family at a time' therefore you shouldn't be exposed to a random man using the urinal. One would assume the door was locked whilst in use and that you yourself would lock the door whilst you and your daughter were using the facilities. Just because it is classed as a 'gender neutral' toilet doesn't then make it a free for all. You use it in the exact same way you would any other single toilet facility - you lock the door!

The issue here is not the toilet facilities being mixed, it is the clear lack of regular hourly cleaning throughout the day.

The issue here is not the toilet facilities being mixed, it is the clear lack of regular hourly cleaning throughout the day

I’d say the issue was more that the men who went in weren’t using it as the sign stated, they hadn’t locked the door! Plus with only one stall, yet multiple urinals, this is not ideal for the many families that it’s supposed to be servicing

@EyesOpening

The issue here is not the toilet facilities being mixed, it is the clear lack of regular hourly cleaning throughout the day

I’d say the issue was more that the men who went in weren’t using it as the sign stated, they hadn’t locked the door! Plus with only one stall, yet multiple urinals, this is not ideal for the many families that it’s supposed to be servicing

So to recap - these facilities are inadequate and the setup doesn’t work

... it is the clear lack of regular hourly cleaning throughout the day.

Which is very necessary if men piss all over the seats. So yeah, men's toilets and mixed sex facilities need regular hourly cleaning. Bit of a nuisance tho if the cleaner was in ten minutes ago and a pissy bloke was in five minutes ago.

Call me old fashioned but I really do think this problem could be solved by by keeping men and women separate.

There's an idea.

Have we had a NAMALTer on this thread yet?