porn found

[madwomanacrosstheroad]

My husband's phone is linked to my Dropbox as he had photos of the kids on his phone and we wanted them all on one place. I was looking for something and discovered several porn pictures uploaded onto dropbox.
Asked my husband about this and he stated he was "just messing around". The stuff was "soft porn", the type of stuff I found under my eldest child's bed when he was a young teen.
I am horrified and shocked. My issue is not that he was looking at other women or naked bodies.
It is the exploitative nature of the porno industry, the objectification of women and children. What does that say about our sexual relationship? What does it say about his view of women?
We have been together for a long time. He is quite articulate about politics, the nature of exploitative relationships etc.

[BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces]

So, if people think that both Apple and porn are harmful, is it better to boycott neither than boycott one?

I don't get that.

[itllallbefine]

Barefoot You said it was a poor analogy. it was bertrand who said And engaging with porn at all perpetuates an industry where women undeniably exploited, i never claimed you said that viewing one kind of porn was as bad as any other.

No idea if it's "just as likely" - again, never said it.

Why would these actors who are indistinguishable from amateurs post pictures of themselves naked for free on Reddit ? That was the one forum i have looked at, so if we can stick to that example thanks since it;s the one i mentioned. How likely is it ? Should people not view it incase a single one of them is an actor and they are perpetuating the worst excesses of the porin industry ? As usual, what is your point ?

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Yes, and it's possible to only eat responsibly sourced food. But it's not as fun, is it?

It's not a question of fun but of cost. As far as it is possible to do so short of growing it myself I do. It means I probably spend considerably more on food than I would otherwise.

So far as Primark etc, I never buy anything from them. I make a point of only buying clothes and shoes made in the EU. Again there are cost implications.

I have never owned anything made by Apple.

[BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces]

Lots of porn is accessible for free, itll. Doesn't mean the actors aren't paid; banner ads etc pay for websites.

My position is clear - porn is harmful and people should avoid it.

Your position is, well, I've no idea but I'm increasingly not caring either.

[chilipepper20]

So, if people think that both Apple and porn are harmful, is it better to boycott neither than boycott one?

for one thing, I think it's better if you boycott one or both, not make someone else do it under threat of divorce. Certainly, telling your partner to boycott one, while you happily type on your apple seems suspect.

second, perhaps finding a better source for your whatever is also better.

what I think people are talking about isn't the boycotting, but the deal breaking.

[BertrandRussell]

"he would no longer be the person I thought he was

I noticed you backed off from "completely different" to what you thought."

How is "no longer the person I thought he was" backing off from "completely different to what I thought he was?" Seem exactly the same to me.......

[CaptainSnootyofthePoshBrigade]

'for one thing, I think it's better if you boycott one or both, not make someone else do it under threat of divorce. Certainly, telling your partner to boycott one, while you happily type on your apple seems suspect.'

Totally agree with this.

[BertrandRussell]

So your view is that if someone hasn't managed to boycott Apple they have no right to a view on porn. Right.

[chilipepper20]

well, "he no longer is the person you thought he was" could mean that he was a particular kind of man, now he is the same kind of man except he occasionally looks at porn. I wouldn't call that completely different. he's wasn't a lovely man, but is now an axe murderer. That's completely different.

[BertrandRussell]

Oh, right. I'll stick to "completely different" then.

[chilipepper20]

Sorry, my post was a little garbled.

So, you are saying before he was a lovely husband, good father, and great gardener, but NOW lovely husband, good father, great gardener and a porn viewer? that constitutes completely different? I am shocked that no matter what a man does it seems to all come down to porn.

Presumably, you have male friends, male work colleagues, male grocers etc etc in your life, and I assume you are not privy to any of the private porn habits. Do you then have two different assessments of all these men? one under the assumption they view porn and one not? Because, it apparently completely changes the man.

[BertrandRussell]

Well of course it's all about porn on this thread- the thread is about porn! Start a thread about other deal breakers and I'm sure you'll discover loads more.

[CaptainSnootyofthePoshBrigade]

You're entitled to your views, of course. But if you poo poo others for using products and services for the reason that they exploit women while simultaneously contributing to the cruel treatment of other women using the very thing you are typing your oh so worthy opinions on, you might be accused of being a hypocrite.

[BertrandRussell]

Poo-pooing is a very odd choice of words!

So, to be clear. Are you saying that unless you have managed to be completely ethical in all aspects of your consumer life, you have no right to comment on any aspect of ethical consumerism?

[CaptainSnootyofthePoshBrigade]

I'm saying that pushing someone over is the same whether you did it yourself or pressed a button to make someone else do it for you.

There's no binary cut off to opinions. You can think things that contradict each other. But their co-existence rather dilutes the strength of your argument.

[Branleuse]

its not about commenting , its about not being a hypocrite.

[BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces]

Branleuse, where do you draw the line on that though?

Am I a hypocrite if I condemn ABH but buy an iPad? Because buying an iPad hurts people too. Am I a hypocrite if I condemn murder but buy an iPad? Because working for apple shortens people's lives too.

If I don't buy an iPad because I don't like apple's practices, but I don't also write to my mp about rogue employers, am I a hypocrite?

If I donate to an Alzheimer's charity but not a cancer charity, am I a hypocrite because more people die of cancer and if I "really cared" about people I'd do the latter?

[BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces]

And, ultimately, since none of us can do everything, are we all condemned to either do nothing, or to do something and be called hypocrites?

If those are my choices, I pick the latter. How about y'all?

[BertrandRussell]

So it's hypocritical to object to any unethical practice when you have openly failed to be completely ethical in all other areas of your life? Gosh, what very high standards you have. There can't be anyone in your world who is allowed to campaign about anything!

[Branleuse]

i think you can object to any unethical practices you want, but if youre strongly objecting to one to the point where youre saying that it means this and this about their character because they obviously dont care about the exploitation of women and encouraging women to leave their supportive relationships because looking at a naked picture means he thinks this and that about women, then it really does help if youre consistent about it and not actively and consciously supporting other slave produced products, but your cognitive dissonance is obviously ok, and its ok for you to be flawed but other peoples?? Well THAT just makes them a terrible person through and through

[Branleuse]

the only thing youre campaigning for here, is for a woman to leave her partner or rethink her personal relationship/marriage

[Branleuse]

and expecting a guy who has been caught looking at a naked picture or two, to be responsible for the entire worlds problem with the sex industry and slavery etc.

Apply the same standards to yourself as you apply to others please.

[Branleuse]

i actually have pretty low standards. I can cope with people making all sorts of mistakes

[Branleuse]

even men!!

[chilipepper20]

So it's hypocritical to object to any unethical practice when you have openly failed to be completely ethical in all other areas of your life? Gosh, what very high standards you have. There can't be anyone in your world who is allowed to campaign about anything!

nope.

it's hypocritical to object to unethical practice to the degree you are doing (it's enough to break up a perfectly fine marriage as it "completely changes" things), when similar unethical practices don't even merit a blink. That suggests there is more to this than just the unethical practice. It also doesn't help that the unethical practice from which you are abstaining actually falls on another person, and the one you regard as less important would require sacrifice on your part. that's a bit hypocritical, no?

So, it's not about not solving all the world's problems. it's about the huge disparity of importance of seemingly similar unethical practices.