porn found

[madwomanacrosstheroad]

My husband's phone is linked to my Dropbox as he had photos of the kids on his phone and we wanted them all on one place. I was looking for something and discovered several porn pictures uploaded onto dropbox.
Asked my husband about this and he stated he was "just messing around". The stuff was "soft porn", the type of stuff I found under my eldest child's bed when he was a young teen.
I am horrified and shocked. My issue is not that he was looking at other women or naked bodies.
It is the exploitative nature of the porno industry, the objectification of women and children. What does that say about our sexual relationship? What does it say about his view of women?
We have been together for a long time. He is quite articulate about politics, the nature of exploitative relationships etc.

There are degrees of collusion with harmful industries in all aspects of our lives. Personal morality is about how far we are prepared to go in accepting/rejecting participation.

I'd say that there are many, many far more harmful things thst men pArticipate in which are harmful to women and girls than what op's partner has done

I'm sure he is on the whole s good person. And I agree it's unfair to put your partner up on a forum expecting condemnation from other posters.

well, first of all not all porn involves penetration for a start, there are several genres, lesbian porn for and by women for example. As usual the default assumption here is that women would not choose to make porn and those that do are damaged and being damaged, just like prostitutes. This is palpably false, to the extent that i don;t even see why you would argue that it's not. Do you really believe that everything that qualifies as pornography has to involve a women being raped by a man ? I stand by my previous comment that this viewpoint is stupid.

Moralistic posturing is a good description of a man puffing out his chest in public and telling his wife "down with this sort of thing, it's dehumanizing" but then viewing porn when he thinks she's not looking. It's exactly posturing because it's intended to mislead his wife - which he may or may not have done here, why do you find the term so funny ? Oh, i remember it;s because i disagreed with much of the other shite you write Bertrand so it;s just an attempt to score points...very clever.

Again, itll, the question I asked was:

"Do you think it's ok to get turned on by watching women getting harmed?"

At no point did I say that all porn involved penetration or that all porn involved rape.

Fancy answering my question, or do you prefer to make up things I haven't said and respond to those?

Why should I answer a ridiculous rhetorical question that has f all to do with the OP ?

So is your position "porn that doesn't show penetration is ok, otherwise it isn't"?

Just trying to understand where you are coming from here.

Isn't it awful how rude and aggressive feminists always get on threads like these............

Look i think we're losing sight of what's important here and that's how the OP feels about it.

The difference between porn and all those other things is that looking at naked women who aren't your wife affects your relationship with your wife.

OP, I understand where you're coming from and it's about how you feel about him doing this that is important.

Indeed that is important They.

Sorry OP, how are you doing?

Just for clarification is there an inherent moral wrong about pornography, or is the issue about how most pornography is produced?

Dervel, I don't think it's a "moral" wrong. I do think any person having sex which isn't through free choice will end up harmed by it, no matter how nice the environment and producers, and in many (I think most) cases, the environment is far from nice, given testimonies of porn performers (including those still staying in the industry)

For me there is an inherent moral wrong. But that is my personal opinion.

I don't care whether other people do not share my moral standpoint. I do care if they are not bothered by the exploitative nature of the porn industry and the impact it has both on vulnerable women and on people's -particularly young people's- perceptions of sex.

OP said it was soft porn and it was naked bodies. Not actually even people having actual sex

Noted, branleuse, but the discussion has become more general, as often happens.

However, I agree with They it might not be helpful to OP so I will hold off on posting further.

a lot of "porn" is made by young women by themselves for no money, reddit is full of it, this is neither an industry or exploitative.

"Do you think it's ok to get turned on by watching women getting harmed?"

Are the "women getting harmed"? the actual women being photographed or women in general?

The women being photographed may not consider they are being harmed at all. They may be enthusiastic amateurs who enjoy exhibitionism. Their individual actions might well be/probably are harmful to women in general but then the question should be

"Do you think it's ok to get turned on by watching women doing something which promotes the objectificaion of women / is harmful to women" or something similar.

To deal with the OP's question I don't think it is necessary to consider much beyond what is her personal reaction to this.

Personally I'd be very unhappy about it and would reconsider my relationship.

If you define 'harm' and 'abuse' as being sexual on camera in exchange for money, and define anyone doing this as 'vulnerable'. Then it's easier to make up sentences like 'men enjoy vulnerable women being abused and harmed'
You can do the same with any industry.

But if you feel jealous, undermined, or weirded out, then focus on that and understanding and explaining why.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; eating Nutella and drinking coffee, wearing Primark and diamonds, updating the internet on your mobile phone about what a holier than thou ethically sourced non-wanker you are.

We ALL contribute to the exploitation of other human beings. Nobody is better than anyone else because the pleasure they got out of it wasn't sexual. It's bad enough to do it out of gleeful consumerism.

Some stuff is easier to give up than other stuff. Porn and diamonds should be no brainers.....

Some stuff is easier to give up than other stuff. Porn and diamonds should be no brainers.....

surely that depends on the person, no?

Do you have an ipad? Not buying apple is a no brainer too (for some).

I can't agree that giving up having a wank is very easy, actually. You must see that it is a greater biological urge than having chocolate spread on toast.

No one suggested giving up wanking. That's yet another misrepresentation.

It's perfectly possible to wank without porn.

Who said anyone needs to give up wanking?

Yes, and it's possible to only eat responsibly sourced food. But it's not as fun, is it?

"Yes, and it's possible to only eat responsibly sourced food. But it's not as fun, is it?"