Just a bit of a question not a judgement about the boards

[FallenThroughTheRabitHole]

I tend to go between various topics to see what others are saying. If I'm being honest the large part of my time here is spent in either Chat, AIBU or Relationships. I know those topics aren't a representation of MNet as a whole but you go where you go nonetheless.
I was just wondering if anyone had come across responses to various threads in which they thought "What on earth!?"

On the relationships board I've often found the 'Tell it like it is' clan, who often, if not always, have nothing better to offer than variations of 'LTB' are rife and are never actually helpful in way of advice or support.

Chat is normally relaxed... and AIBU is usually set up for a flaming of sorts. This is the internet after all so no-one should be losing sleep but I've always wondered how this would appear from a feminist perspective - The advice we are offering each other here.

I'm not complaining about these boards as I've often found a lot of supportive advice but one comment that hit me was someone saying that they couldn't believe the amount of ingrained misogyny on various threads.

#twatgate.

I'm feeling a bit 'all I said was that bit of halibut is fit for jehovah'

almond you are incredibly articulate in your post and I wish I'd used your paragraph as the premise of this thread.
I can see how it can be construed that I've sought out to 'get at' one individual poster - I think I know the post you're referring to but when I said "On here" I meant on here as in this thread, not 'on here' as in MN.
For what it's worth I've come across a couple of posters on this thread AF included, you also Pag and Annie and at times agreed with them and at others flat out disagreed with them. If there was a poster who I'd single out would be Cogito for her brilliant approach and advice on that board. I'm sure not everyone always agreed with her but if I was going to single someone out it'd probably be her.
I might add that in my previous work I have supported victims of abuse and after that worked with victims of online abuse so I realise it's not as easy as just do ABC, nor is it as easy as just log-off.
I think the relationship board here is one of the best online resources, not least because posters can just sound off and say things they wouldn't like to say in RL to friends and family.
I agree that any chance of a useful discussion is now scuppered. But perhaps one worth exploring at another time with someone better to articulate.
I disagree with TBR that women will most likely be told to 'hang in there' or some variation if speaking in RL. There is a degree of bluntness in RL conversation that is often lost online and might put OPs at risk of feeling worse about themselves. But it comes down to individual circumstances and personality.

I specifically didn't post this thread on relationships because it's not a discussion about relationships. It was more broader conversation and that was just an example I used. - There was once a discussion on the Multicultural Family board in which a woman wanted to know how to deal with her mixed race dc's hair. A poster came in and glibly said, you must obviously be white. Then a lot of us piled in calling out the poster on her blatant unhelpfulness, so what if the poster was white and offered advice. I was on that thread and was astounded that someone would say such a thing to someone just out for some decent advice.
This thread isn't an attack on the relationships board nor is it an attack on an individual poster.

"I don't understand the OP and 4 pages later I still don't! !

What is the question OP?"

Well, quite!

I think a lot of posters (me included) simply didn't/don't understand what you want to discuss.

Maybe regroup, clarify your thoughts, and try again.

This thread isn't an attack on the relationships board nor is it an attack on an individual poster.

Ok, but what is it then, please?

There are twats in RL and twats on t'interweb - one could argue more twats as it's all anonymous and safe to hide behind a NN. Some people seem to take that as licence to be nasty/provocative/unhelpful.

Pag are we understanding one another here?, I was saying for example I could say to you on a thread "Pag, I disagree with you because of xyz" Not just "Pag, I disagree with you because you are a twat." If you think that post was me calling you a twat please report it! It was infact saying the opposite.
And I don't assume that you are telling me to attack posters, infact your posts so far have been about not personally attacking posters.

But wait so you said if there was one poster you were singling out it was Cogito who you think is great. But in the post where you said there was a specific poster you had in mind you said they were all about LTB and you didn't think that was helpful.

I've been trying to compose a post but I'm pretty much exactly where Almond is- I agree there's a conversation about thinking before posting/posting with a wider picture in mind, and that could be interesting. Though I don't think it's necessarily always about feminism as much as general thoughtfulness. I'd also agree with fuckyouchris that sometimes a straight answer can be helpful or indeed just what's needed.

But I'm not entirely sure whether that's actually what you're getting at and don't want to get involved in something that goes tits up.

Personally, I find AF one of the most sensible and helpful posters on MN. I can't tell whether you're complaing anout her or praising her, op. TBH, I can't really tell what your actual complaints are.

I was just wondering if anyone had come across responses to various threads in which they thought "What on earth!?"

Yes, yours, OP.

Are you aware that there's a bit of a disconnect between what you seem to think you are posting and what you are actually posting ?

Ok fine. I absolutely give up. It's like banging your head against a brick wall.

Yes yes it is

Fallen, it's not a brick wall, really. It's just that, as Blistory says, there seems to be a disconnect between what you think you're saying and what you are saying.

Ah, at least you can see that.

Then a lot of us piled in calling out the poster on her blatant unhelpfulness,

So it's okay to do it when you're in the right ?

Seriously, it's really difficult to follow the point that you're trying to make . There are posters who have tried to engage with you but the fact that no-one is making any headway should really highlight that there's a communication problem going on here.

Yes, I can Pacific because bar the few posters who were willing to engage in discussion the rest have just been on a witch hunt and I can't or rather would choose not to engage in that. Thanks all, twas fun.

I think as social media is relatively new in the grand scheme of things, everyone is still learning how to conduct themselves on it, and dealing with the consequences of when things go wrong.

I haven't got anything particular on support, although I do get where you're coming from that if you've worked with vulnerable people, you advise knowing you are imperfect in the advice you, they are imperfect in their explanation of their issues, and the world they will act in is very far from perfect. So there's no point pretending things will be easy, as Lurcio discussed. But I also think in the specific instance of LTB, that can be very liberating to hear, even if difficult to actually carry out.

I have been reading some stuff about online (and offline) conflict in activism, which I found useful. You might find it relevant as some of it talks about accelerators - where person X says something person or group Y might not like, and a whole load of people attack person X who are not in group Y - accelerators. I don't know anything about the political beliefs of the man who wrote it, but some of what he says has been useful advice for me. The accelerators post is linked to after this introductory one:

fredrikdeboer.com/2015/01/29/i-dont-know-what-to-do-you-guys/

Just read this and wtf??

ThEblackrider sums it up nicely, you've made several personal attacks on AF that are up there ^ in black and white, why deny it?

Ok, so none of us really understand the point you are trying to make (or point out the disconnect between what you may be trying to say and what is actually understood by all of us) and that constitutes a 'witch hunt'?

I think I'm going to leave it too.

Good going pacific I'm also going to leave the thread and hope we can draw the line here. Mob mentality obviously over rules anything else. I didn't mean to ruffle anyone's feathers and sorry for any offence you might have felt.
almond thanks for the contribution and I'll check out the link.

Why is it always a witch hunt? I like witches, and wouldn't hunt them.

Fallen,

To be honest you clearly don't understand a single thing I am saying. You are quoting me out of context, I never at any stage suggested you were calling me a twat. I don't begin to understand how you can keep challenging me and taking issue (incorrectly) when my posts are not at all hostile.
It's pointless really.
I posted because I didn't really get the point you were making. You keep looking for everything I post to be argumentative.

Mob?

The Confused Collective, perhaps.