Just a bit of a question not a judgement about the boards

[FallenThroughTheRabitHole]

I tend to go between various topics to see what others are saying. If I'm being honest the large part of my time here is spent in either Chat, AIBU or Relationships. I know those topics aren't a representation of MNet as a whole but you go where you go nonetheless.
I was just wondering if anyone had come across responses to various threads in which they thought "What on earth!?"

On the relationships board I've often found the 'Tell it like it is' clan, who often, if not always, have nothing better to offer than variations of 'LTB' are rife and are never actually helpful in way of advice or support.

Chat is normally relaxed... and AIBU is usually set up for a flaming of sorts. This is the internet after all so no-one should be losing sleep but I've always wondered how this would appear from a feminist perspective - The advice we are offering each other here.

I'm not complaining about these boards as I've often found a lot of supportive advice but one comment that hit me was someone saying that they couldn't believe the amount of ingrained misogyny on various threads.

YY ... because in RL, you are likely to hear 'oh ... it's such a shame you and he are going through a bad patch!' or 'I'm so sorry you're thinking about leaving, really?!'

And then, later, 'well, I always thought he was bad for you'.

Simply inserting the word "feminist" into repeated sentences that are simply slagging off the relationships board in general and relationships posters specifically doesn't make this thread any better than all the other "MN'ers, you are doing this wrong and here I am to tell you how to do it right" goady threads

No Fallen, you are misrepresenting overall what happens and picking on a few unnamed posters for your own agenda. Which is a bit shitty.

I absolutely agree with Basil and Jeanne too. It is much needed. Too often women are encouraged to stay in bad relationships. It is countering the misogyny.

On another Feminism Chat thread, I wrote this: Supporting one another is in itself a revolt against patriarchy.

Likewise, attacking other women, especially women who are desperate for help, really is siding with the patriarchy. It is also misogyny.

I get that, from this thread, posters think "bluntness" is a heavenly virtue. Not everyone would agree with that, although it is true that some women possess bluntness in abundance and see nothing whatsoever wrong with it, regardless of the circumstances - eg a woman in distress.

And the posters who do say LTB and pretty much leave it at that (and I can't think of any - almost all at least get the OP to question their partner and their relationship) are not actually wrong. It is a damn sight better advice than what most of them get in RL.

They are almost always blunt about their partner or the relationship, rather than the woman requiring help. There is some victim blaming but it doesn't often come from the regulars.

Women are allowed to get it wrong in their support of women. They are also allowed to be blunt and insistence. We just aren't used to it.

ahem

I worry about the LTB comments sometimes actually, if someone's in an abusive relationship they're at their most vulnerable when they leave so it's really not that simple. There are generally lots of comments directing the poster to appropriate support services though so hopefully those posters do go on to get helpful advice.
One comment that crops up repeatedly and annoys me from a feminist POV is that it's only on MN that boys play with dolls and wear princess dresses - that in RL they're all far too macho. IME most (young) boys do both given half a chance!

Ask Noone thinks that anyone who received a chorus of LTB means that they'll be gone by noon. My point is in how we come across! I'm all up for tough love etc but just saying blunt comments doesn't help. And it's not all about Relationships, you could carry the same logic to various boards which deal with the more fragile parts of life.

AF Oh god, I'm now a GF am I? Would it help you if I told you I had a cocklodger of a DP and you'd get to tell me to LTB? I'm not slagging of the Relationships board! I absolutely appreciate that board, as I've said, were it not for that board I'd probably still be in the same shit I was, but the difference is I got practical advice. No-one (or just a few people) made me feel like a twat. You do, in my honest opinion, fit in one of those categories.

I don't understand what you are actually complaining about

Well, clearly it's pointless me replying here, fallen. Or I'm invisible.

Enjoy the bunfighting.

Jeanne You are not invisible and there is no bun-fighting. I appreciate your contribution.

AF Not complaining about anything just pointing something out which is worth debate. I don't get why that bothers you so much. Is there a rule book I missed out on when I signed up...

Thanks for saying so.

I'd contribute but I just don't understand the thread.

I don't understand what you are actually complaining about.

I have to admit that I am also confused.

There are some posters on relationship threads who don't seem to know much about intimate partner violence, and that concerns me. But I find that other posters usually point out the bad advice fairly quickly.

I also think we need to be careful how we use "misogyny" so that its meaning does not get diluted. And we need to be especially careful when we use it to describe the attitudes and beliefs of other women.

I must admit I don't either Blistory. It just seems like another opportunity to have a go at women tbh.

Why would I want to have a go at women? scallop

I don't understand either. Is this a thread about the relationship boards?

scallop I am one and at that happen to be a regular on the relationships board. This thread isn't about that board!

bilstory not sure what you don't understand but I am happy to clarify anything and everything.

Well I don't know why you'd want to, Fallen. But what your OP seems to imply is "are women doing it right?"

I'm really confused.

^I am one and at that happen to be a regular on the relationships board." I never said you weren't on (whatever "one" is).

It looks like this is a thread complaining about the relationships board or at least some of the people that regularly post there

even though Op has said she has got a huge amount of support from it...

there are vague hints about how it actually damages relationships to urge women to stand up for themselves but op seems unable to articulate how that could happen

there are random insertions of the word "feminist" to "explain" why this was put on a feminist board, but no actual feminist analysis has been presented in any shape or form

and I think I have been insulted on more than one occasion, but still can't work it out for sure

I think that about sums it up

clear as ???

I'm reading it as what do feminists think about women giving each other advice and what about if the advice is wrong or unrealistic ?

If so, I think any space where women talk openly and freely is valuable as it allows women's voices to be heard. Other than that, I'm struggling to take my thoughts any further on this one.

scallop sorry for misunderstanding, 'one' means I am a woman and therefore wouldn't wage a war on women for nothing sake.