Just a bit of a question not a judgement about the boards

[FallenThroughTheRabitHole]

I tend to go between various topics to see what others are saying. If I'm being honest the large part of my time here is spent in either Chat, AIBU or Relationships. I know those topics aren't a representation of MNet as a whole but you go where you go nonetheless.
I was just wondering if anyone had come across responses to various threads in which they thought "What on earth!?"

On the relationships board I've often found the 'Tell it like it is' clan, who often, if not always, have nothing better to offer than variations of 'LTB' are rife and are never actually helpful in way of advice or support.

Chat is normally relaxed... and AIBU is usually set up for a flaming of sorts. This is the internet after all so no-one should be losing sleep but I've always wondered how this would appear from a feminist perspective - The advice we are offering each other here.

I'm not complaining about these boards as I've often found a lot of supportive advice but one comment that hit me was someone saying that they couldn't believe the amount of ingrained misogyny on various threads.

Coincidentally I posted on a thread earlier this week that I felt like I'd fallen down the rabbit hole and here I am again feeling the same way.

Who's waging war on anyone ?

Sorry but I'm just not getting any of this.

AF Your analysis is wrong but please feel free to put the boot in. I haven't insulted you - just so you're sure. hth

Blistory Any space that allows women to debate women's issues is very valuable! I agree with you on that. Fallen through rabbit hole is a favourite saying of mine.
But, we, nonetheless we have a duty to each other to be supportive. Not dismissive.

Well, I think from a feminist perspective, it is very important to let women know that if they feel they cannot leave their partners, other women and feminist organisations will still be there to support them within the situation.

And from a feminist perspective, I find people saying things like tell your partner to leave, tell him to wash up, tell him to do whatever, to frequently be unrealistic.

Is that the the kind of thing you mean, OP?

Please note I pretty much never go on the relationship boards, so can't comment on them.

Well, yes and no.

As a general principle I'm all for supporting women but equally I'm not going to ignore them being dicks just because they are women.

I'm tending to agree with AF (there's a surprise!). But tbh I cba to find out whether your motives are genuine or not. Or the point of this thread. I suspect I was on the same thread as Blistory earlier in the week and there were too many disingenuous posters on there for me to go down that path again so soon.

Sorry OP hope you get the answers/debate you want.

Blistory, what do you think is a feminist position on supporting other women?

Yet you've been completely dismissive of the Relationships board

I'm out.

Eh ? I'm sorry but I feel like I've got a target painted on me suddenly so I'm going to follow scallops and say that I'm also out.

Bit too raw right now for this.

Hope you're ok, blistory.

Also feeling dismissed and belittled by this thread, and not sure why.

But I was just following up your last post! Surely it's OK on here to ask a question about feminist analysis?

almond that is in a way what I mean. Responses saying "Men don't babysit their own children" "Get him to wash up or pack up" etc etc, while may all hold water aren't exactly supportive. Please have a look at the Relationships board and let me know what you make of it?

I suppose the crux of it all is that we all take different approaches and I appreciate some posts more than I do others. But it's not about me. It's about us helping each other.

A poster here under the guise of a feminist but questioning my feminist credentials (I didn't know there was an exam!) but a regular on the Relationships board who is usually first in line to make OPs feel like twats will not like this post but hey-ho!. But I come from the school of thought that recognises that life isn't as easy as just do this this this and that.
Even if you need to do all that you were told, including the cold hard truth, the fact is we still need to be supportive and practical . Making someone feel like a lesser being is awful.

Sorry to those that didn't / don't understand my thread. I say again, I am more than happy to clarify on whichever point you don't get.

Blistory I don't advocate for just support women just because they are women. Yes, if someone is being a "dick" in your words and they happen to be a woman doesn't offer them some sort of 'get out of jail free card.' I'd assume you've been here long enough to see that that isn't often the case here but I am saying we can be useful in what we say.

If this is about the relationships board, wouldn't it make more sense to have it on the relationships board?

Something along the lines of recognising that there are huge barriers to women being able to leave relationships, and going over the advice women's aid gives, and asking people's opinions on how women can support women who have significant barriers to leaving?

I think bringing it off the relationships board and on to another board could make it seem quite conflict driven against regulars on there. It isn't like AIBU which somehow feels more 'public.'

I'm not going to engage with you when you appear so keen to disparage other posters on here, no matter how oblique your attempts to do so. I suspect others are refusing to engage for similar reasons.

FGS you've already attacked AF overtly, don't start using passive aggressive "ooh, a certain poster" formulations to attack her, it's too late for that.

Right, so what you seem to be saying is that uniquely on Mumsnet, by having threads in the relationship section which are full of differing tones and advice, that's not helpful or supportive to women who should only be presented with one tone when proffering advice?

I know I'm oversimplifying wildly. But really, unless you can explain that better, that's what it seems to boil down to - that you don't like the fact that women tell other women to LTB when in RL, they can't just up and leave. Just because something isn't currently doable doesn't mean it will always be undoable.

But really, to be very frank OP, this is beginning to look like a thread started purely and solely to take issue with AF about what she posts on the relationships boards. If you have a beef with her, take it up with her on the relevant thread. Sorry if I'm reading too much into this but people have asked you several times now to explain what you mean and you've posted several times and still no-one's the wiser. And now you've finished it off with some "certain poster" PA shite and it's nearly midnight so I'm off to bed. Good night.

basil good grief!? I've said upthread this isn't solely about the relationships board! nor is it a dig at another poster! Please calm down!

almond i wish i could have articulated it in the way you have! exactly what i should have posted!

I don't think it is fair to name Anyfucker.

I looked at her recent posts on relationships. She's being blunt because the OP is being gaslighted. I don't think there is a non blunt way to point out gaslighting.

I'm totally baffled by your logic basil . Who on earth (or on MN) would start a thread about another poster when you wouldn't know:
a) would that poster even see the thread
b) would that poster even comment on the thread
c) would that poster even give a damn

Nothing in my OP suggests I have an axe to grind so unless you're sock-puppeting you need to calm down basil

I'm talking about the where we all start. Support is a feminist issue. I'm just asking how do you view the advice we offer each other in that light. It's not about LTB when clearly you should but how we get there. We all have different personalities so maybe it comes down to that. I just wanted to know others' views.

Bloody hell, you're quite blatantly having a go at Anyfucker. Christ only knows why .

And if you are a regular on the Relationships board then you're on a namechange now. So you've done that to attack and sneer at other posters. And you've chosen a different area of the site to do it on. Cowardly.

Did you think by posting here and saying 'I'm a feminist' that other feminists would automatically agree with you? Because I'm not sure you understand how feminism works. You say women should support one another. What, in everything?

So if a woman starts a racist/disablist thread on AIBU we have to agree just because she's a fellow woman?

And for what it's worth the Relationships board was a massive help to me when my ex ended things with me. The people there (including Anyfucker) were fantastic and very supportive. And it was difficult to listen to such blunt advice at times but there was mostly hand-holding and listening while I poured out my grief and vented my anger.

You know this site isn't compulsory, don't you?

How is it a go at her? Did I start the thread with the sole intention of her being here? Did I cross my fingers and wish her to appear whisk

Have I not already said that being a woman doesn't automatically mean a green light to do whatever the fuck you choose and we'll all stand behind with placards! I've actually said that we deserve to be held accountable for our words and actions and indeed we should support vulnerable women - I just used relationships as an example, not as the centre piece!

I know the site isn't compulsory, I go between various names so I don't totally out myself. There isn't a rulebook.

I need to sleep now anyway, good grief!

you're quite blatantly having a go at Anyfucker

Kiss of death OP, you'd be better off hiding this thread & going about your MN business as if it never happened.....