Do you think society (and actually feminist quite a lot) are conspiring to gas light women?

[WhatWitchcraftIsThis]

We constantly tell women they shouldn't be afraid of men, but actually they're dangerous. I would not leave my children with a man other than my husband, I don't tell people that but it's true. I trust my husband but even then... I'm always aware what the statistics say. I know what has happened to me, what has happened to friends. Maybe instead of laughing at women for "seeing rapist and pedophiles around every corner" we should accept that men are dangerous and that if men were a another species of animal you'd tell women to stay the fuck away from it. It's dangerous.

Just wanted to make it clear that I only mention Krav Maga wrt the roleplay which appeared to support the idea that we are socialised to keep quiet, and the idea of getting angry. Not for everyone! But it's a tool to have, if you feel you need it/want it.

Yes that makes sense Dreaming.

"I think a lot of men are very afraid of violence, there just isn't an ism for it yet."

But there is an ism. Feminism. Feminism has always asserted that men suffer under patriarchy. Take Jackson Katz for example. He's extremely vocal about the harmful effects of "hyper masculinity". But so many men can't take on feminism because it requires them to see male violence as the core problem and that makes them understandably uncomfortable.

Hell I feel uncomfortable when I hear of the crimes that whites have perpetrated against blacks. I go from guilt to "well it's not ME" to "well it's not THAT bad!" And around again.

And THAT is the problem. It's not that most men are rapists/violent/murderers (bcs of course they're not) but I would venture to say that most men (and many women) are in denial of the situation. Men who I know would NEVER dream of committing such crimes still minimise the problem and get defensive when you point it out.

When does my DS cross the line from innocent child to potential monster? Should I be building a cage?

Your son will spend his whole lifetime learning he is entitled to women and their space. By 8 he will have probably seen hardcore porn that degrades women. He will be bombarded by media that shows women as play things. When does it happen? Don't know it's a slipperry slope I think.

If you cannot I suggest you look at who you have in your life.

How many women will say they trusted their partner? They totally trusted their friend/neighbour/brother? No one thinks the person they love is a rapist. But it is solely because these men are trusted that they have access to children. Your trust means literally nothing in the real world.

Oh and also low blow to imply my sons will become rapist because I am aware there is a problem with male violence, and not a particularly logical one as at the moment ignoring male VAW and minimizing has certainly not lead to fewer men being violent

Maybe some women know the truth but still support? Look at all the convicts behind bars with women seeking to marry them. I don't get that at all.

Apparently my rapist has had supporters (i assume family) turn up to all his hearings so far. They must believe him, but he's still a rapist. That's why I take it with a large handful of salt when I hear (or read on MN) "I know my brother/husband/friend didn't do it - he's just not like that".

:( It must take such a huge amount of denial to think that way.

For the 2 posters who are so desperate to point out that NAMALT, can I refer you to a previous post from Gin

NAMALT is such a stupid response. We all know that NAMALT. Nobody is saying AMALT. We ARE saying that EMALT - enough men ARE like that for a lot of women and children's lives to be affected by it. TMMALT.

And the implication that because a woman is aware of the epidemic of male violence and bringing her son up accordingly and that despite her informed input into his upbringing he'll become a rapist? Low...

I'm not implying your sons will become rapists! My point is if not your sons, why mine? Why anyone's ? I do not believe that anyone is "born bad" and that violence is part of their DNA.

I like to believe that most people men, and women are inherently decent. This does not ignore the risk of male on female or male on male violence but the alternative is to entirely withdraw from one half of society and that does not sit right with me.

If you believe that society teaches men that women are property and starts at young age surely we as society should be saving these innocent CHILDREN because once the damage is done it will be too late.

I don't believe we can look from the outside and say this is wrong but it is not my responsibility to change it. I will teach my son to respect the human race, I will teach any future daughters the same.

I was saying I felt bad for WitchWays sons because surely they will be able to feel her mistrust?

It would kill me to think anyone would think me capable of hurting a friend / family member. To have that come from my DM .

I feel for your sons WitchWay they will be able to tell their mother is watching them for signs they are unworthy of her trust. I hope it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It certainly sounded like you were implying that. As another poster said up thread, they're ALL somebody's sons. Rapist or not. My husband and I will raise them as best we can and hope for the best but the fact that I am concerned about male violence and the society the society they will grow up in and aware that my children could become perpetrators is not self fulfilling prophecy.

If you believe that society teaches men that women are property and starts at young age surely we as society should be saving these innocent CHILDREN because once the damage is done it will be too late. I don't believe we can look from the outside and say this is wrong but it is not my responsibility to change it. I will teach my son to respect the human race, I will teach any future daughters the same

This is what I said.

Name a man who has committed domestic violence, killed a person, raped a woman or child that hasn't got a mother . Me blindly assuming mine can do no wrong is exactly waht we don't need in this world.

What I am saying is innocent until proven guilty. You can't ever know what's in someone's mind.

Incidentally the only person I would not trust my son with would be my sister. She has anger issues and has previously been violent to me in a fit of temper.

What do you suggest as a positive action? I cannot live my life waiting to be attacked, that would be a prison of my own making. Is there no way to rebuild ourselves so women and men can feel safe in society?

LITERALLY "what about teh menz?!"
So it's all a joke to you - fine. Meanwhile, some of us actually want to improve relations instead of creating an antagonising, us vs. them atmosphere.

I would trust the male friends in my life with the care of my DS. If you cannot I suggest you look at who you have in your life

Which is EXACTLY what the majority of women say when their loved, trusted husbands turn out to have been sexually abusing their children - unless you're suggesting that every single woman in that situation has been fully aware and just didn't care?

Thank you JustThe. I need to feel that I can do something for my DS. I want him to be able to have fulfilling and respectful relationships with women...or men.

My DH has been a carer for his mother (severe MS) since his very early teens. This is something I don't personally feel I would have had the strength of character to do. I don't want to come across as minimising male violence, I just get defensive that good people are viewed with suspicion as a given because of the way they look (like a man).

Gin, what's the alternative? I doubt anybody has ever left their children with someone they felt capable of harm. Anybody could be an abuser, anyone could become one. Can I even trust myself?

As I have said in previous posts the violence I have experienced in my family has come from a female family member. I trust my husband, this is why I married him and why I had his child. I don't know what is in our future, but trust is all I have I can never KNOW.

what's the alternative?

In myview, accepting that men are socialised to be violent and dangerous and then trying to do something to challenge and change that.

Indigui, if you come across people on the internet discussing motor neurone disease, do you insist they also talk about cancer?