Do you think society (and actually feminist quite a lot) are conspiring to gas light women?

[WhatWitchcraftIsThis]

We constantly tell women they shouldn't be afraid of men, but actually they're dangerous. I would not leave my children with a man other than my husband, I don't tell people that but it's true. I trust my husband but even then... I'm always aware what the statistics say. I know what has happened to me, what has happened to friends. Maybe instead of laughing at women for "seeing rapist and pedophiles around every corner" we should accept that men are dangerous and that if men were a another species of animal you'd tell women to stay the fuck away from it. It's dangerous.

The statistics also say that you are in more danger from your husband than from other men.

I literally said exactly that in my OP.

Sorry but I think it's mad to live your life so gripped by fear. I myself have been victimised by men but they are only a tiny fraction of the thousands of men I have ever encountered on a daily basis. I'm not going to let a fear of men impact my life.

I think there is a fine line between calling attention to male violence and demonising all men, which is not helpful.

It's not about living your life gripped in fear it's that actually if bats killed hundreds of women a year there would be a public campaign to keep women away from bats. So maybe rather than say someone is "mad to live in fear", when it's not mad at all, it's a perfectly rational response.. is gaslighting.

Every person is potentially dangerous.

I'm puzzled as to why you included feminists in your OP. Feminist theory is that while men are not intrinsically violent, their socialisation makes them so as they are not taught any other way to express their emotions. Feminism certainly does not teach that men are not dangerous. Male violence against women is one of the most important concerns of feminism.

Yes, men as a class are violent. Towards each other and towards women as a class. The problems start when women are told that it is their job to manage this by minimising their own chances of being exposed to this violence. When in reality, there is very little we can do short of locking ourselves in a cupboard our whole lives. The people who need to be taught how to manage male violence are men. But if anyone suggests that, we're told that "not all men are like that" (but certainly too many are) or that we're "demonising" men and calling them all rapists.

I have heard it said that feminism is a movement designed to think the best of men despite all evidence to the contrary.

It is analogous to the obesity epidemic, yes, eating too much will make you obese, but you can't do without food altogether.
If women avoided men completely they would be doing themselves out of some wonderful relationships with fantastic sons, brothers, fathers, partners and friends. It would limit and reduce the sphere in which women could interact with the world. Feminism has set itself the harder task of tackling the problems caused by men as a class and by those individuals who do cause actual harm- but what is wrong with being ambitious and dreaming big?

Yes. We are taught to underestimate the risk of rape and serious sexual assault for example. Most women are raped by a man at least once in her life.

No Indigu, the stats show overwhelmingly that it is men women should fear.

Sorry. I can't take anything you say seriously after the line,"I trust my husband but even then..." Either you do, or ou don't. If you don't, leVe him and protect your kids.

Honestly this is the most ridiculous thing I have read for a while. And it terrifies me that you might be passing this attitude to your children. What are you teaching your dd's (if you have them) and at what point do you plan to turf any ds' out on the street for being so clearly untrustworthy.

Please don't try to make your paranoia a feminist issue. It's not.

Your analogy with the bats falls down, though. There are constant campaigns to keep women safe from men. We're told to watch our drinks (or buy nail polish to detect drugs), to wear modest clothing, not to be alone with men, not to get drunk, not to get into taxis alone, not to open the door to strangers, not to "come on" to men when we don't intend to have sex with them etc etc etc. All the advice on keeping women safe depends on keeping women away from bats men.

Where are the campaigns teaching men not to rape? Where are the campaigns teaching men not to be violent? Where are the campaigns against hypermasculinism and teaching our sons that it's okay to cry/express emotion/be weak sometimes?

Bring out a campaign where women are taught to protect themselves from men, everyone nods sagely. "Good advice", they say. "Of course not all women will be victims but this is great to help the ones who might be."

Bring out a campaign where men are taught how not to rape women and everyone screams "that's so unfair, you're saying all men are rapists!" instead of considering for just one moment that the campaign does not targets all men - just the ones who are, in fact, rapists.

Most women are raped by a man? Really? Where are the statistics?

CertiNly I think it's fair to say lost women experience sexual assault at some point, in varying degrees of severity (eg groping in pub vs rape - neither acceptable, but nonetheless undeniably different). But rape? I have never seen such statistics.

annie I think basically I include feminist because we frequently say we see the best in men because we expect them not to do somethin horrible no matter what the situation. And I have seen women on feminist forums mocked because they are afraid to walk alone at night etc. (NAFALT obviously, and I most certainly am one too). Or what thistledew said much better than me actually

Yes femin, it feels dishonest to me

Sorry you can't take me seriously workingbling, I'm aware that statistically my husband is the biggest threat to my children. And yes I do trust him, but surely in most situations where children are abused, the abuser was "a trusted family friend" etc. So I am aware that me trusting someone means jack shit basically.

"Most women are raped by a man? Really? Where are the statistics?"

Clearly they mean that most rapes against women are by men (All if you consider the legal definition of rape)
and
the amount of women raping men is significantly lower than men raping women.

Which bit do you not understand?

Sorry Annie, I may not be clear (I'm sure I'm not actually). I feel like those campagins are kind of wool over the eyes, in that they imply most men are lovely but you can avoid the bad ones. They aren't helpful

Actually most men are probably pretty shady and have the wrong ideas about what constitutes consent. And I know at least one woman who was raped by the nice friend of a friend who walked her home to keep her safe.

Oh - excuse me WorkingBling - you didn't post the whole quote. I can see why you might be asking for stats when faced with "Most women are raped by a man at least once in her life."

I would say that most women I know have been assaulted some way by a man but obviously that's not an official statistic. Not sure what the rape stats are - how many women in ten etc. Maybe someone else will know.

and OP - I think the bigger problem is that the way we deal with rape and assault is wrong (As a society).

Society blames the victim by saying that men just can't help themselves when women behave in a particular way (Too provocatively, too drunk, too pretty, out too late, too friendly etc). By saying this they are also implying that ALL men just can't help themselves which is basically an insult to the men who can and who would never rape anyone.

Given the way that women are blamed - the fact that the over all message is 'women beware, these poor men just can't stop themselves' you'd be forgiven for thinking that society thinks that all men are the same.

I genuinely belive that most women will suffer a "serious" sexual assault or "just" a physical assault in their lives Basing it totally on anecdata of family and friends and my life to be fair. Maybe that's why I feel the way I do.

The problem is it is hard to get official statistics, because of the way we hush it up. So is it wrong to actually think of the real live women we know and who we know or strongly suspect has been abused?

I agree that men as a class are violent. But I think at the individual level, if you won't leave your children with any man other than your husband, then yes, you are being unreasonably fearful. Locking you or your children away from half the human species is an extreme solution to the problem.

It is not gaslighting to say so. I'm not saying male violence is not a problem, merely pointing out that such extreme reactions to it are not necessary or useful.

But I'm not even just talking about rape dueling, I'm talking about how many women are killed each year by men (not just DV) and also physically assaulted by men. Men are in my mind a dangerous species.

dreaming if you consider how many times you would have been left on your own with a man as a child, there probably were not many different individual men right? But then thinking how small that number is consider how many people you know who were abused as children? By even multiple unrelated people? Is it unreasonable for me to believe that people who would want to hurt children will find a way to be in a position to hurt my children?

Duelling - exactly. I would not question sexual assault. I am simply questioning the theory that most women are raped at least once.

Op, statistically, yes, IF your children were going to be sexually assaulted a trusted family member or friend is most likely. But statistically, not all (or even most) children are sexually assaulted. The truth is that you are living in fear and on some level trust no man, including your husband, which I think is incredibly sad. Yes, most violent or sexual crimes are committed by men. But I think you will also find that it's a pretty small percentage of the total male population doing these things. Higher than in the female population without a doubt, but still small.

Living in fear if men is not a rational choice. and it will stop you from contributing to fixing this problem by teaching your sons not to be a users and your daughters how to stand up for themselves from the start.

I think very many of the men who beat women up or inflict horrible torture on them have been somehow socialised into being this way to be honest.

In 2012 there were 551 recorded homocides in in England and Wales.
171 of the victims were female, 380 were male.
78 of the female victims were killed by a partner or ex-partner.

Yes, Indigui, men are as violent to each other as they are to women. But the problem is still male violence, is it not?