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Original poster

Stranger "hits" DD - am I over-reacting?

279 replies

rosabud · 14/05/2014 23:17

My DD is 17. Today she was on the bus on the way home from school (6th form so not in uniform). It was crowded and old people were tutting at her and making it obvious she should give up her seat for them (there were free seats towards the back of the bus - not sure that is relevant). Nomally she would have given up her seat but she was tired, had been in an AS exam which had gone horribly wrong and her back was hurting. Personally, I think she should still have given up her seat.......but don't think that's an excuse for what happened next.

A seat behind her became vacant and, as an old man (in his 70s, she thinks) sat down in it, he hit/slapped her across the shoulder ('quite' hard - but not hard enough to cause injury) and told her that she should give up her seat for an old man next time. DD apologised and tried to explain about the exam and her back - but he did not answer her. Old people continued to tut at her and she sat there and cried!

She should have given up her seat, I think. But I am really angry that a man thinks he had the right to hit/slap her! Would he have done that to an older person like myself? Would he have done that to a teenage boy - I don't think so, surely he would have been too wary of being punched back?!

I am so cross! How dare he?! Am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
NormaStanleyFletcher · 15/05/2014 00:06

If she was in the priority seats then she definitely should have moved. The priority seats are usually easier to access and closer to the doors.

BUT.. that in no way excuses his behaviour.

Mrsfrumble · 15/05/2014 00:09

Priority seats are at the front so those who are unsteady on their feet don't have to walk down the aisle while the bus is moving. I appreciate that your daughter needed to sit down, but she should have moved to the back. She didn't deserve a slap though. Hope a she's not too shaken up.

Roshbegosh · 15/05/2014 00:12

If he really did slap her then of course that was wrong but the fact remains that she should have had better manners. Would she like her grandparents to stand on the bus while a teenager sat?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:12

Who said she was in priority seats?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:15

Not that it's relevant to whether he was ok to slap her or not (hint- he wasnt) but if she was tired and had a bad back then she had just as much reason to stay in that seat WHEN THERE WERE OTHERS FREE as the older people had. Possibly more reason.

cutefluffybunnes · 15/05/2014 00:18

There are plenty of circumstances where a 70-year-old is better able to stand than a teenager... not everyone young is equally able-bodied.

Regardless... he was wrong to slap your DD - I think complaining via the police is a good idea. All buses where we are have extensive CCTV.

BerylStreep · 15/05/2014 00:19

I am not clear - was she sitting in a priority seat?

If not, it would have been nice for her to give up her seat, but I am quite sure there could have been others to give up seats too - why was she singled out? (other than for being a young girl). Why couldn't the other people have sat at the back?

Your poor DD - I think she needs your support and understanding. It was wrong of the man to assault her.

crazynanna · 15/05/2014 00:23

If old people move slowly they like to sit near the door so they can get off the bus in time.

Well, from the description of what happened in this case, this "old person" had no problem with "moving slowly" here, when he swiped at at teenage girl.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/05/2014 00:27

Wherever she was sitting, this old shitbag was completely in the wrong to hit her. He could have asked, loudly, for someone to give him a seat. He could have asked your DD if she would give him her seat and even if she'd said no he would still have been wrong to hit her.

It sounds like he was making himself feel powerful by picking on a young girl. Some men really like hitting women in a situation where they consider it 'justified', and seek out such situations. Being old doesn't stop a man being a misogynist and a bully.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 15/05/2014 00:30

"Would she like her grandparents to stand on the bus while a teenager sat?"

Would she like her grandparents to stand on the bus while there were free seats and a teenager sat?

If the teenager isn't occupying a priority seat, and there are easily accessible seats on the ground floor, then I don't see that a teenager should have to get up and shift to a completely different seat rather than a senior citizen (who was well enough to hit another person with some force) have to take an extra couple of steps.

Someone who is in pain doesn't have to move seat just because another person has a greater sense of entitlement and doesn't want to sit in one of the existing free seat.

CaptChaos · 15/05/2014 00:33

I can't believe that a couple of posters are excusing the elderly man's behaviour here! He assaulted her after other people had tutted at her, but that's ok because she might have been in a seat he felt entitled to? It's almost like they are minimising his behaviour or victim blaming........

MexicanSpringtime · 15/05/2014 00:34

Sorry, I would be ashamed if my daughter didn't give a seat to an old person. My daughter is a dancer and still gives up her seat when she is coming home exhausted after a day of rehearsals. And honestly if there were seats at the back, it might have been easier for your daughter to go to the back of the bus than for someone not so sure on their feet.

MrsCakesPremonition · 15/05/2014 00:35

Mexican - would you hit her if she didn't move?

NickiFury · 15/05/2014 00:36

I agree entirely with SGB and I don't think your dd was in the wrong to keep her seat at all as there were others available.

CaptChaos · 15/05/2014 00:36

So, that makes it ok for the man to hit her? If your daughter, tired from dancing, was assaulted on the bus because she didn't give up her seat when there were others available, you'd berate her for not getting up, would you? Way to victim blame!

NickiFury · 15/05/2014 00:37

How do you know she always gives up her seat Mexican? Does she tell you every time she does it?

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 15/05/2014 00:41

The man is disgusting for hitting your daughter. Regardless of the seating arrangements.

turgiday · 15/05/2014 00:43

I think your daughter was in the wrong here. She was selfish and you should be telling her she needs to be more considerate.

CaptChaos · 15/05/2014 00:46

So turgid, the elderly man was justified in hitting a child then?

BerylStreep · 15/05/2014 00:46

But Turgiday how does being inconsiderate (which is debatable anyway given that we don't know of she was in a priority seat and knowing that there were other free seats anyway) justify being assaulted?

Brabra · 15/05/2014 00:47

Yes he shouldn't have hit her.
But if she were my daughter, I would be very ashamed of her rudeness. She could have moved if there were seats at the back, even if her back hurt and she had had a difficult exam. Why not just move instead of sitting there snivelling?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:48

"I think your daughter was in the wrong here. She was selfish and you should be telling her she needs to be more considerate."

Yes- a girl sitting on one of many seats was the one in the wrong. Certainly not the man flailing his hands about so freely Hmm

NickiFury · 15/05/2014 00:48

So let's be clear then. If dd was in the wrong she deserves to be assaulted by the person who feels wronged by her? She deserves to be hit?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/05/2014 00:51

Why the hell should she move? Age doesnt mean incapable! Bit of ageism going on here. This man's age alone apparently entitles him to whichever seat he decides he wants, regardless of whether someone is in it or whether they are in greater need of it than him.

NickiFury · 15/05/2014 00:51

Why did you use the word "snivelling" brabra? Why did you change it from the word the OP used?

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